posted
Has it ever happened where the wife of a man has asked for him to marry a second wife in order for the first wife to have a close day to day companion (like a sister to share tea, chats and childraising, go out together with the kids etc.) Ever heard of this scenario?
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im sorry I didnt get what ur trying to say at all? Im asking for myself, as I have wanted my husband to bring a second wife for a while (for myself to create a larger family because we both have no relatives) as well as to share the day to day life and upbringing with. Also I do not like to partake in sex anymore and although he never complains I would feel better if he was fulfilled in all his needs as he is a very generous kind man. He does not particularly want another wife and responsibility but I am just pondering the idea as it would bring more joy to my life and perhaps a second chance for a lady who may already have children and be divorced or something and (due to culture) having hard time to remarry. I would just liek to know if I am alone in that view or if other women have wondered if it would possibly be suitable arrangment for them also? I love my husband dearly, he loves me the same and it is not some kind of twisted sexual fantasy or anything of that nature. Im not 40 something btw if that is what the above comment implied, Im in my mid 20's and the same age as my husband and married for 5 years.
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Books, I've never shared this view. I guess for some women it would be nice to have a sister wife to share time with, but I would not like it. If you want to do it, then go for it. To me, you make a marriage commitment, and then you don't break it.
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I would think polygamy would be more of a hazard than a help. There is a good side to it and a bad side. The bad side, jealousy amoungst the sister wives at times. The benefit, you could have a friend. I think the whole love triangle between a man and his plural wives could create problems. But, if you and him are not worried about someone else coming between you, then it might work.
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just dont get any arousal, not on his part as I was not a virgin when we married, it has always been this way...can't explain it...as some people don't like onions I don't fancy sex. I don't feel another wife would come between us I think it would take the pressure off me that I cause myself in feeling inadequate in that department.
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Why do you want your husband bring in another wife < for a while>????
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no, I never mentioned anything about it being temporary at all. Im simply pondering the idea as a beneficial arrangement for our family...possibly. Im not even certain that I want this, Im just thinking about it and gathering information, opinons regarding the idea. There are many benefits to all involved and of course some negative points as well. Im weighing them. It is a lifelong committment which is why it is not something to take lightly. The main question I am looking to answer is if someone else had done this before. I have 2 friends who are second wives and very happy with their marriages as well as being best friends with their co-wives.
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Quote: Im asking for myself, as I have wanted my husband to bring a second wife for a while (for myself to create a larger family because we both have no relatives) as well as to share the day to day life and upbringing with------------------
I misunderstood, sorry. I think this is between your husband and you. You say he doesn't want this, and it seems to me, that's the most important part of the idea. It's a rather unusual situation, but the most important is that you BOTH agree...and even then it is something difficult to predict how it will work out in real. You can have your expectations, but they can work out in another way as you expect, and what you're gonna do then?
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quote:Originally posted by Books: just dont get any arousal, not on his part as I was not a virgin when we married, it has always been this way...can't explain it...as some people don't like onions I don't fancy sex. I don't feel another wife would come between us I think it would take the pressure off me that I cause myself in feeling inadequate in that department.
You state that you have a wonderful husband so I assume that you love him. Have you seen a doctor?
I would like to ask you a personal question but I don't want to offend you and you may not feel like sharing publicly.
Posts: 3891 | From: No good deed goes unpunished. | Registered: May 2007
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wow u seem like u really love yr husband to do such a thing i myself i really dont know if i could do that but if u feel that u really want this i say go for it!!! does yr husband agree to this have u spoken to him and told him how u feel?? god yr a good woman to go thru this!!and u care how he feels!!
-------------------- your ass is so tight when you fart only a dog can hear it.when you queef only a cat can hear that one. Posts: 9776 | From: You like If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood. | Registered: Jul 2007
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Oh I dont know if I really want it, it is just something I was thiking about (sort of thinking aloud). Both of us don't really seem to care about sex honestly, we had lot's of it when we were younger and before we had a few children. Now it just seems like an excercise more than anything, both too tired to be bothered making the effort and both happy just with eachothers company. It is more about the extended family rather than the sex part anyways...I just throw that in there for my husband to maybe like the idea...he didnt bite the bait tho:) Just wondering has anyone known anyone who did this?
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Books, you say you both had lots of it (sex) when you were younger and before you had children, children can put a huge strain on any marriage, but that doesnt seem to be the case with you as your marriage isnt 'strained'. If you both feel this way I can't see why you would think about another wife. Your husband seems to be happy with the way things are anyway and is not 'forcing' his attentions on you.
I have a couple of friends who are second wives but both totally different. One is Christian and lives in her own house away from her husband and his Egyptian family, house provided by her and not him, but the families DO get on ok. The other is living in the same house and has helped raise her husbands kids along with the other wife, they all get on like a family but there is an age difference between the husband and his first wife and also the husband and his second wife, subsequently there is a large age difference between the 2 wives and I think this helps the situation. In the latter, it was actually the first wife who asked her husband to take the second wife on.
If I was you though, I would seek other 'help' or something first before you carry on with this idea, especially because your husband is ok as things are and doesnt want a second wife. Sex is not everything in a marriage, there are other things such as closeness and companionship, which could be ruined with insisting on a second wife and certainly if that wife was to live in the same house.
There could be medical reasons for your inability to feel arousal though. Hormone changes after having children can take a long time to resettle and some dont without medication.
You say you are in your mid 20's and he is the same age, I think I also picked up you have more than one child?? If you had them fairly close together you could be suffering post natal depression, which can take on all kinds of strange forms and feelings.
You also mention extended family and help from another woman. Have you both considered a 'nanny' or au pair to help you out and be a 'companion'?
From your posts I dont feel you really want this or are perhaps looking for something to fill a hole thats not there? (no pun intended) with yourself AND your husband. He has said he doesnt want or need the responsibility of another wife so I would listen to that, although it is commendable that you feel you should instigate this, not something I could do
When my kids were young I felt pretty much the same, no interest, too tired, leave me alone to sleep! But it does pass as the kids get older, unfortunately my ex and I had drifted apart by then but it (sex) was never 'great' to start with.
You need to talk to your husband, in greater detail, and I think possibly both see a family doctor to test if your hormone levels are in balance and that you are not suffering post natal depression. Its NOT the same as 'depression' and can take forms that would nto normally be associated with 'normal depression', so you may not even be aware of it. It can also take a while after a baby to actually 'come out', anywhere up to about 2 years. I think its worth checking.
-------------------- If you don't learn from your mistakes, there's no sense making them. Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Books: Oh I dont know if I really want it, it is just something I was thiking about (sort of thinking aloud). Both of us don't really seem to care about sex honestly, we had lot's of it when we were younger and before we had a few children. Now it just seems like an excercise more than anything, both too tired to be bothered making the effort and both happy just with eachothers company. It is more about the extended family rather than the sex part anyways...I just throw that in there for my husband to maybe like the idea...he didnt bite the bait tho:) Just wondering has anyone known anyone who did this?
Of course there are people who did this. If you are an Egyptian woman, you must know this isn't the right place to talk about this subject. There aren't much Egyptian women here, and the problem is so culture-related that Western women barely could give an advice, it is to far away from our customs. You obviously know must know women in an identical situation in Egypt,think it's better to ask them to their expierences....
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My late Father once told me that having one wife is like having a hammeroide which is quite painfull!! ,So why get more wives??(Read Pain) Posts: 998 | From: UK,Egypt,east and central africa..... | Registered: Oct 2006
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Thanks for all your replies, Ayesha, maybe you are right about the postpartum depression, as I don't feel really tired, sad or hopeless, but, more lonely isolated and frustrated. I have a hard time getting the all the kids outside by myself because they are too little to go without strollers and such and I live on the 3rd floor in my building. I envisioned having someone to come and go with and to share things like cooking, activities, taking the little ones swimming and so on. I think after reading the posts that a better solution would be to a) check my hormones...hadn't thought of that. and b) Find another method of having a close companion....such as a nanny or some type of arrangement. Maybe I could start some playgroups in my area or think of some creative way to work out something. My husband is working all the time, so it has been difficult to go anywhere or do anything with the kids on my own. Thanks again for your reply!
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Things do get easier books, when the children are alittle older you will have some independence back. Children are a fantastic joy but boy are they are hard work!
I know your hubby works long hours but maybe on his day off he could take care of the kids and give you a couple of hours off for yourself. I am sure your sex drive will return as your little get older!
I agree, bringing in a second wife may not be the right decesion - a nanny would be great!
quote:Originally posted by Books: Thanks for all your replies, Ayesha, maybe you are right about the postpartum depression, as I don't feel really tired, sad or hopeless, but, more lonely isolated and frustrated. I have a hard time getting the all the kids outside by myself because they are too little to go without strollers and such and I live on the 3rd floor in my building. I envisioned having someone to come and go with and to share things like cooking, activities, taking the little ones swimming and so on. I think after reading the posts that a better solution would be to a) check my hormones...hadn't thought of that. and b) Find another method of having a close companion....such as a nanny or some type of arrangement. Maybe I could start some playgroups in my area or think of some creative way to work out something. My husband is working all the time, so it has been difficult to go anywhere or do anything with the kids on my own. Thanks again for your reply!
Learn Arabic.
I highly doubt your husband would want another western wife. So you'd end up lonely and isolated again when she doesn't speak english or won't speak english.
These western women who are cowives, unless they themselves speak fluent Arabic really don't have a way of becoming friends with their cowives so I would take any feedback from them with that consideration.
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