quote:Originally posted by 7aya: i'm egyptian barkota, and i really find this very offensive.
7aya, you shouldn't be because we all know there are ones who are honest and good and those who do/say anything for money.
i have heard unbelievable stories for what money is needed... young husband said to his wife -his home's roof fell down (-6000LE) -they didn't have money to pay electricity (-500LE) -his horse died (-5000LE) -he had to pay bribes to police when he got arrested for no reason (-1500LE) -mother is sick (-2000LE) -he needs operation to his knee (-4000LE) -he has to pay someone to keep him out from army (-6000LE... -5000LE... still going on)
i mean these things can happen but all to same person and involving lots of money. what suprises me is that in normal life women who pays all this aren't dumb at all. dear ladies, don't forget to take your brains with you when you come to egypt!!! no offence
posted
How about my favourite... "If i just had money to marry you and support you with an internet cafe/coffee shop/bazaar, you would never have to work again,we could buy a big villa and you could live like a queen!!" Posts: 4238 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Samia: How about my favourite... "If i just had money to marry you and support you with an internet cafe/coffee shop/bazaar, you would never have to work again,we could buy a big villa and you could live like a queen!!"
Wowwwwwwwwwwwww..that's different!!! Hmm..no offense meant to non egyptians here. Ive never never paid one malim when i went out with an egyptian guy! They do their best to impress, I was pampered..Walahi even here in Dubai, the Egyptian men I met are great. I can never complain! But still, Id say Im cautious. USE COMMON SENSE. You dont go out with a jobless man and wonder why his eyes grow wider when he sees the dollars in yr wallet...come on! Guys, Egyptian men r like the rest of universal mankind..if they find a weak woman they 'd take advantage. If they feel u r willing to be used, they wouldnt let u go without ripping u off!!!
What I'm trying to say here is: YOU SET THE RULES! For the love of God, Use common sense!!!
[This message has been edited by ngeg (edited 26 August 2005).]
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As for general scam-not the old Egy male vs foreign female issue.. I'd say Ive witnesses scams in America, Dubai, Rome and most of the developing ctys, india, sri lanka....etc!
It's a worldwide thing and dont we all get the silly emails from african men saying they inherited the zillion dollar note and want.....etc!
quote:Originally posted by ngeg: Wowwwwwwwwwwwww..that's different!!! Hmm..no offense meant to non egyptians here. Ive never never paid one malim when i went out with an egyptian guy! They do their best to impress, I was pampered..Walahi even here in Dubai, the Egyptian men I met are great. I can never complain! But still, Id say Im cautious. USE COMMON SENSE. You dont go out with a jobless man and wonder why his eyes grow wider when he sees the dollars in yr wallet...come on! Guys, Egyptian men r like the rest of universal mankind..if they find a weak woman they 'd take advantage. If they feel u r willing to be used, they wouldnt let u go without ripping u off!!!
What I'm trying to say here is: YOU SET THE RULES! For the love of God, Use common sense!!!
[This message has been edited by ngeg (edited 26 August 2005).]
you're right ngeg, and this is exactly why i was offended. this happens in every place in the world. and for the people who told me not to be upset, well i wonder how tolerant you would be if the thread was called American Scam 101 or European Scam 101 etc. many people here tell us egyptians not to be offended when our countries are criticized yet these same ladies are usually very upset when the situation is reversed and its their countries that are under attack. i'm all for criticizing the negative aspects of egypt. and ive posted in many threads that talked about these problems, many times agreeing. but saying egyptian scam 101 is just way too much.
[This message has been edited by 7aya (edited 26 August 2005).]
Posts: 4446 | From: Egyptian in Sydney | Registered: Mar 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Samia: How about my favourite... "If i just had money to marry you and support you with an internet cafe/coffee shop/bazaar, you would never have to work again,we could buy a big villa and you could live like a queen!!"
Samia, my love, I can even add a scooter and then we live forever and ever in blisssssssssssss.
posted
Well u could ve mentioned scams happening to egyptians too! I personally know a 24 yrs old guy who replied to an email from a south african and went to south africa to find the man who will give him the 500 000 $ and almost got himself killed!!!!!!!!!!!
Posts: 1813 | From: Cairo | Registered: Aug 2002
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Samia the same thing that happens for you happens for me. Now I am sad to read these news. I met my boyfriend, now he is my fiance, and he doesnot make much in salary. He wants me to give him the money to make a net cafe. He said he has good ideas, just need the money. I feel so bad for him to work all these hours for no money. he is so smart and his degree is to be engineer buut no job to hire him. So he must be a receptionist at the hotel.
Do you think he is using me. I keep sending him $300 a month to save up for the business for 7 months, but when I go to egypt for a visit, I still have to pay for the flat, and give him money to buy food. But I realise that he has not bought any computers with the money i sent him. He promised me he would have 5 computers before I get there, and once he gets 10 then he will get a net cafe. I asked him what did he do with the money i sent, he said he needed to use it to keep his mother from getting her leg removed of being diabetic. He promised that he will pay every last amount back with interest, because he wants me to move there and live like a queen. But i don't want to believe him anymore. He keeps making excuses all the time, and now i think he even quit his job, because when I visit, I never see him going to work. He said they gave him this vacation to be with me.
He got very angry with me, and told me how much it hurts him when I don't trust him. He is so handsome, but I don't want to be a fool for his looks. I have already spent over $5000 on this man and I dont see anything to show for it, no computers, not even a mouse. He even still uses the net cafe to talk to me. I bought him a cell phone and a color tv. Do you think he is just using me, can a man still love a lady and just need some extra money to help pull himself up. I really want to help him, but I dont want him to leave me after he took everything he needed.
Yes, I do think he's using you. Let's make it clear, this money was supposed to be for the internet cafe, so he can have a better job and life style, and offer you a more decent life, right? Where did this money go? To his mom's. You don't have to support his mom's health, it's his job. He should have told you from the beginning about her supposed sickness (I don't trust a word of this story though). I mean, you had a deal together, you had a common aim, he didn't have to change his mind and put all your money in something else. Look, you sent him 5000 dollars, which means a lot, for you it's a huge sacrifice (imagine what you could have done with all this money, which is wasted now), for him, it meant nothing, because he didn't make any effort to work on his future. You can't go on like this. He's using you. Make it clear now: ask him to give you the 5000 dollars back. Say you need it now, lie if needed, just like what he did to you (say you will help some relative). See his reaction. If he's using you, you won't be interesting to him anymore, and he will look for an other girl.
Like many people say here, a normal Egyptian man would never ask any money from you, he would pay for all your expenses while visiting him. If he couldn't afford it, he would find a way to make you stay at some relative's, whatever, to make you feel confortable and enjoy your stay without expensing a penny. Egyptian men are wonderful, so caring, so protective, and any guy behaving in an other way is a bad one, a snake, who will use you until you can't anymore.
I hope you take the right decision soon, Wish you the best
Rania
Posts: 213 | From: Paris/ Le Caire | Registered: May 2005
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quote:Originally posted by forgetmenot: Samia the same thing that happens for you happens for me. Now I am sad to read these news. I met my boyfriend, now he is my fiance, and he doesnot make much in salary. He wants me to give him the money to make a net cafe. He said he has good ideas, just need the money. I feel so bad for him to work all these hours for no money. he is so smart and his degree is to be engineer buut no job to hire him. So he must be a receptionist at the hotel.
Do you think he is using me. I keep sending him $300 a month to save up for the business for 7 months, but when I go to egypt for a visit, I still have to pay for the flat, and give him money to buy food. But I realise that he has not bought any computers with the money i sent him. He promised me he would have 5 computers before I get there, and once he gets 10 then he will get a net cafe. I asked him what did he do with the money i sent, he said he needed to use it to keep his mother from getting her leg removed of being diabetic. He promised that he will pay every last amount back with interest, because he wants me to move there and live like a queen. But i don't want to believe him anymore. He keeps making excuses all the time, and now i think he even quit his job, because when I visit, I never see him going to work. He said they gave him this vacation to be with me.
He got very angry with me, and told me how much it hurts him when I don't trust him. He is so handsome, but I don't want to be a fool for his looks. I have already spent over $5000 on this man and I dont see anything to show for it, no computers, not even a mouse. He even still uses the net cafe to talk to me. I bought him a cell phone and a color tv. Do you think he is just using me, can a man still love a lady and just need some extra money to help pull himself up. I really want to help him, but I dont want him to leave me after he took everything he needed.
Whats your opinion?
I agree with Rania. Ask for the money back.
I would advise a woman to *never* give money to *any* man, of *any* nationality, while dating/courtship/whatever you want to call it. You can share expenses, or pay for things outright, once you are married.
But soooooo many guys (and girls, I'm not sexist) use internet dating as a scam to get money, visas, whatever else.
You deserve a man who will pamper and cherish *you.* I wish you all the best,
Snoozin
Posts: 8794 | From: 01-20-09 The End of an Error | Registered: Dec 2004
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Thank you to snoozing and raniemae, for your opinions. I think deep in my heart i always believed he was possibly using me, but I didnt want to face the realness of it until I went to visit and didn't see any computers. He did not even tell me on the phone about his mother, maybe he was thinking of this lie until I got there. Then he gets so angry when I doubt his lies and accuse me of trying to keep in down by not having any faith in his dreams and saying that I am not supportive enough. He doesn't even sound grateful about the sacrifices I made so far. I have been to Egypt 3 times, and have huge debt on my credit cards, and everytime he kept making excuses for why we can't get married until he feel that he can support me. But he doesnot want me to quit my job until he can support both of us. Well now it has been 1 and half years, and I am putting in a lot of overtime, overworking myself like a dog, anything to make this relationship work, because I really believed in him. I feel like a fool now because of all the sacrifices I made for what I believed was true love. He even bought me an engagement ring, and when i took it to the jewelry store in my country they said its nothing but a piece of glass, the silver is real but not even cubic zircunium. He lied and told me it cost him over $5000, so he claims he invested as much in me as I did in him, to prove he loves me.
Raniemae I know he will not give me any money back, because everytime I look around he keeps asking me for money for other things and I have my own bills to pay here. He keeps saying, do more overtime, though I have been working 20 hours overtime a week for a year, just to save for our future which looks like doom now. I just feel like crying, I am so foolish to think I could get a man like this . he said I should be lucky because I am not that pretty that he loves me for who I am and not my looks. Well I took alot of pictures with him and my coworkers wonder how I got a man that looks like this, a celebrity, and even teased me if he had some brothers to bring back for them. But i just want to cry right now, thank you.
quote:Originally posted by forgetmenot: Thank you to snoozing and raniemae, for your opinions. I think deep in my heart i always believed he was possibly using me, but I didnt want to face the realness of it until I went to visit and didn't see any computers. He did not even tell me on the phone about his mother, maybe he was thinking of this lie until I got there. Then he gets so angry when I doubt his lies and accuse me of trying to keep in down by not having any faith in his dreams and saying that I am not supportive enough. He doesn't even sound grateful about the sacrifices I made so far. I have been to Egypt 3 times, and have huge debt on my credit cards, and everytime he kept making excuses for why we can't get married until he feel that he can support me. But he doesnot want me to quit my job until he can support both of us. Well now it has been 1 and half years, and I am putting in a lot of overtime, overworking myself like a dog, anything to make this relationship work, because I really believed in him. I feel like a fool now because of all the sacrifices I made for what I believed was true love. He even bought me an engagement ring, and when i took it to the jewelry store in my country they said its nothing but a piece of glass, the silver is real but not even cubic zircunium. He lied and told me it cost him over $5000, so he claims he invested as much in me as I did in him, to prove he loves me.
Raniemae I know he will not give me any money back, because everytime I look around he keeps asking me for money for other things and I have my own bills to pay here. He keeps saying, do more overtime, though I have been working 20 hours overtime a week for a year, just to save for our future which looks like doom now. I just feel like crying, I am so foolish to think I could get a man like this . he said I should be lucky because I am not that pretty that he loves me for who I am and not my looks. Well I took alot of pictures with him and my coworkers wonder how I got a man that looks like this, a celebrity, and even teased me if he had some brothers to bring back for them. But i just want to cry right now, thank you.
forgetmenot, you're story is just heartbreaking. i can't believe he used you like that! and what's making me angry is he told you you're not pretty! well he's a looser and probably wouldn't have dreamed of having a woman like you give him the time of day! look just call him and be very direct. tell him everying you've just told us here straight to his fice. ask him where the money is? and if he lies ask him again and again. be like a broken record until you get what you want. then tell him that if he doesnt return the money you will call the police, and that you know an egyptian friend who has a lot of contacts in the government. seriously you have to do this! not just to get your money back, but to take all that anger off your chest. its normal to feel like crying now, but inshallah it will pass and you will find a person who deserves you!
Posts: 4446 | From: Egyptian in Sydney | Registered: Mar 2005
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quote:Originally posted by forgetmenot: he said I should be lucky because I am not that pretty that he loves me for who I am and not my looks.
Oh yeah? You must have low self-steem to not have run off straight away after this comment.
And why should you even work more overtime? To finance his lazy a**?
Look as others mentioned this guy - the man you are in love with - is completely a jerk towards you, he is lying and using you to the fullest. You bought him many things because you care and love him. You even said you want to help him.
I started couple of days a thread on this forum, about foreign women who give everything to their men without realizing to get betrayed and hurt in the same time. You need to draw a line at one point, I don't know what has to happen that you realize by yourself and say "stop, no more!"
Good luck with the next relationship and maybe you should date and find a decent man in the area you live in.
Take care.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
You will make me cry too, really! He's the one who doesn't deserve you! You know, when I told you, ask him for the money back, I knew he wouldn't be able to give it back. But I just want you to warn him. His reaction will help you break up with him. He's a loser. A bad man. I know it's not an easy thing to do, but do call him and tell you that you will not accept his lies anymore. According to what you say, I think he's someone quite violent. So tell him everything on the phone. My God, how can he ask you for more and more money...It reminds me of these stupid men on their donkeys, hitting them more and more to make them go faster, although the poor animals can hardly walk... I wish you the best, and if you want to talk more, we're all here to listen to you.
Posts: 213 | From: Paris/ Le Caire | Registered: May 2005
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quote:Originally posted by forgetmenot: Thank you to snoozing and raniemae, for your opinions. I think deep in my heart i always believed he was possibly using me, but I didnt want to face the realness of it until I went to visit and didn't see any computers. He did not even tell me on the phone about his mother, maybe he was thinking of this lie until I got there. Then he gets so angry when I doubt his lies and accuse me of trying to keep in down by not having any faith in his dreams and saying that I am not supportive enough. He doesn't even sound grateful about the sacrifices I made so far. I have been to Egypt 3 times, and have huge debt on my credit cards, and everytime he kept making excuses for why we can't get married until he feel that he can support me. But he doesnot want me to quit my job until he can support both of us. Well now it has been 1 and half years, and I am putting in a lot of overtime, overworking myself like a dog, anything to make this relationship work, because I really believed in him. I feel like a fool now because of all the sacrifices I made for what I believed was true love. He even bought me an engagement ring, and when i took it to the jewelry store in my country they said its nothing but a piece of glass, the silver is real but not even cubic zircunium. He lied and told me it cost him over $5000, so he claims he invested as much in me as I did in him, to prove he loves me.
Raniemae I know he will not give me any money back, because everytime I look around he keeps asking me for money for other things and I have my own bills to pay here. He keeps saying, do more overtime, though I have been working 20 hours overtime a week for a year, just to save for our future which looks like doom now. I just feel like crying, I am so foolish to think I could get a man like this . he said I should be lucky because I am not that pretty that he loves me for who I am and not my looks. Well I took alot of pictures with him and my coworkers wonder how I got a man that looks like this, a celebrity, and even teased me if he had some brothers to bring back for them. But i just want to cry right now, thank you.
Sweetie, it's OK to cry. I feel very bad that you are hurting so much. I hope that you can step away from this relationship. I think you got infatuated with his sweettalk and perhaps his looks. It's easy to fall for, believe me, I've been there.
But he has no right to get mad at you for anything, or to demand or even ask that you work overtime for your future together.
And I know you feel like you have invested a lot of time, money, and your heart in this, and that may *feel* like a reason to continue working on the relationship to get the problems fixed. But it's not. Please trust me on this. It's better to walk away right now so that you and your heart can be free to love a man who is *worthy* of your love, who truly gives that love back to you.
One of my first Muslim friends told me, after I had told him of some bad things that had happened in my life, how I ended up the victim, seemingly over and over -- he told me that it is better (in God's eyes) to be the victim than the victimizer. You are the honorable one, the one with a heart, the one who *can* give love. Your boyfriend might be feeling really good now, with all his new money, but his day of judgment is coming. And even if you don't believe in God, I believe in what goes around, definitely comes around.
So while it hurts like no one can imagine to be the victim in something like this, you are the better person, you actually are stronger and have more integrity than this man, because you were so generous and trusting. You have a good heart. This man is *not* the one to give it to, and don't let him keep it. You deserve so much better.
Also, if you *do* have problems with self-esteem, staying in a very one-sided relationship like this will keep beating you down, never allowing you to show your true strength and dignity. Best to walk away, change your number, rip the internet line out of the wall.
I have been there. I know it hurts like hell. Life is definitely better after you've walked away and healed. Keep telling yourself you are strong, and you will eventually (truly) believe it. Because you are.
Snoozin
Posts: 8794 | From: 01-20-09 The End of an Error | Registered: Dec 2004
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I'm so happy all of you ladies are so supportive on here. I am too ashamed to tell my co-workers about it, because I know they will keep talking about me behind my back and making jokes about it. I'm an LPN at a nursing home and these ladies like to gossip about rumors. They even made up a rumor one time that hurt me so much that I was using cocaine because of how fast I lost weight, even some knew for a fact about the gastric bypass operation I had. Because I work so much these are the only friends I have.
Tigerlily my self esteem just went back down, because it used to be very low because I was overweight all my life, and I even lied to myself one time and pretended to look like some model on match.com, and i used to use this model pictures and it gave me a false hope that I had all this attention but it was a fantasy world. So I finally used my own picture and a new user Id, and no one ever replied to me except with some jokes making fun of me to lose weight. And then when he replied saying hello beautiful, i felt so happy, and he is the one who gave mme high self esteem again. He even supported me with this operation because at first I was nervous. So I thought he really love me for me. And even after I lost weight i felt too embarassed because I had all this extra hanging skin and the insurance wont pay for it. So he kept saying looks don't matter I love you for who you are. My bestfriend who is a gay man that i confide in him sometimes. He said that its my falt for keep telling him all the nasty things other men said about me and that he is using this to play on my weakness about my weight. But I am now only 150 pounds, from 280 pounds in one year. So I feel proud about this, but my heart is still broken because i gave him credit for encouraging me to have this operation and loving me even when I was fat. But maybe he never loved me, i really want to believe he did because it hurts so much when you realise how dumb you were.
But then you feel so lonely all the time, when all your friends keep talking about their husbands and their boyfriends, and you keep wondering if anyone will ever love you for you, even if you lost weight. I feel sad when I see the couples walking down the street holding hands looking so happy, becuse he made me feel like this smiling all the time and holding my hands, and telling me I am his queen and he will protect me forever. Its all I ever wanted is for someone to love me for me. because I'm so tired of being the lonely one without a boyfriend. And I would have travelled anywhere in the world for love because it means more to me than money, but i guess he had another agenda.
Thank you all for being so sensitive and caring. Thank you snoozin for your email address, i will write you soon, but i dont want to depress you with all my problems, you sound so undertanding, you are making me cry more while I type.
quote:Originally posted by forgetmenot: Thank you all for being so sensitive and caring. Thank you snoozin for your email address, i will write you soon, but i dont want to depress you with all my problems, you sound so undertanding, you are making me cry more while I type.
You will *not* depress me with your troubles. I really mean it, please write if you want. I can relate to exactly everything you say. And my life now is soooo much better, I'm truly happy. I know you can be the same way. So please write. A lot of times it's easier to dump your troubles on a *perfect stranger.* Please take care,
Susan
Posts: 8794 | From: 01-20-09 The End of an Error | Registered: Dec 2004
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posted
Oh, and just in case you don't think I can relate, I'll tell you (by e-mail) about when I was 21 and (I thought) very plain looking, I ended up dating a gorgeous male stripper.
Talk about the epitome of handsomeness *and* dysfunction.
Posts: 8794 | From: 01-20-09 The End of an Error | Registered: Dec 2004
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Snoozin is right .. walk away ... having someone use your vulnerability and insecurities is cruel. He's trying to put guilt on you? He is using money to have you buy love, and he doesn't sound that he's that much into you, except to get cash. And proves he doesn't know how to run a business. Do you really want to be partners with someone like that? Much less be married.
so you have so much more going on, you have lost weight, I & Lobo commend you on that, You work hard, dump HIM ...
Be careful of handsome men, a majority of them turn out be jerks.
No more contact, tell him the ATM is closed.
Posts: 816 | From: On top of a dog house | Registered: Sep 2004
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Forgetmenot, Im so sorry for what u have been through! I can deeply feel yr pain like most of the ladies here. This person is a pathetic excuse for a human being! My god!You should know better, ppl have different tastes... You r a beautiful person who deserves much better than a jobless dummy.
I have been in yr shoes too...the ugly duckling, that developed slowly like the story goes into a swan. I was hurt and dicthed, I was used..not financially, but wasted so much time. Not anymore. I lost a lot of wieght as well, I got myself a personal trainer and got over my broken ego!!! and now Im a new person. It was difficlut, but the little loneliness u might feel is such a cheap price for the freedom to come. I worked on healing the hurt inside! and it worked like magic. You need to make the beauty of your heart come out...just kick yr fears and insecurities and bring out the beauty of yr heart.
And then YOU WILL SET THE RULES!!!
Forget abt the money, oh dear...think of it as , heh..as if u paid for a "male escort" just to keep yr company when u were starting the life of the new you. What a cheap escort!
Don't rely on external factors to give u happiness, just focus on what-not who- makes u happy and do it every day! for a lifetime... I can see u a year from now, yet another swan!!! And trust me on that one, you ll be running and the world will just want to follow
[This message has been edited by ngeg (edited 26 August 2005).]
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Hi, I read your post Forgetmenot, and my case is almost the same, I send "my fiance" $2.000 and really, I know long time ago he was not telling the true, but I think I do something stupid, but my desire was good, to help him, Allah knows the true, and one day is he lie to me, he will be sorry. My english is not so good, sorry for that Posts: 7 | From: North Hollywood, Ca. USA | Registered: Jul 2004
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Forgetmenot - I was so saddened by what you said. This is not a man, no self respecting man would ever put anyone through what he has put you through. And don't you believe him when he puts you down and says you are not pretty - this is just a way to control you and keep you tied to him. Just because someone is considered 'good looking' doesn't mean that they are better than you.. judge a person by their words, actions and deeds and you will see you are so much more of a better person than he could ever be. It is he who doesn’t deserve you. Looks are only skin deep it is what’s in your heart that truly makes you beautiful.
Forgetmenot the worst thing to do is rely on someone else to make you happy, to make you feel loved and beautiful.. you can give yourself that! Start by loving yourself for who you are, by realizing all the great things about you and how much you have to offer the world. Start by making yourself happy, doing things you enjoy, surrounding yourself with people that truly care about you and thinking of yourself in a positive way. Compliment yourself on all of your good points - I don’t know you but I can really sense your sensitivity, kindness and good heart through your words.
Love and believe in yourself.
[This message has been edited by Leila (edited 26 August 2005).]
Posts: 201 | From: Australia | Registered: Aug 2005
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. he said I should be lucky because I am not that pretty that he loves me for who I am and not my looks. Well I took alot of pictures with him and my coworkers wonder how I got a man that looks like this, a celebrity, and even teased me if he had some brothers to bring back for them. But i just want to cry right now, thank you.
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