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Excellent, LOL Troubles, pls see my Arabic Speakers thread again, need another translation. Thanks.
Posts: 606 | From: London, UK | Registered: Mar 2004
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I found a very nice book of Egyptian jokes in Khan El Khalili...it is a very old one, so please those interested in it, let me know.
Posts: 5 | Registered: Feb 2005
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quote:Originally posted by mcnamara: I found a very nice book of Egyptian jokes in Khan El Khalili...it is a very old one, so please those interested in it, let me know.
Post them damnit, don't be a tease. Really post a few. Love to hear them.
Posts: 5744 | From: Minneapolis, Mn USA | Registered: Mar 2004
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After a lengthy quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied: "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."
Posts: 23 | From: Sweden | Registered: Dec 2004
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John said to Mary, "I'll bet you ten cents I can kiss you on the lips without touching them." "You're crazy," said Mary. "That's impossible. Here's a dime that says you can't." The two dimes were placed on the mantelpiece and John then enfolded Mary and for ten minutes kissed her passionately, intimately, and moistly. She broke away at last, panting and dishevelled, and said, "You did nothing BUT touch my lips." John pushed the dimes toward her and said, "So I lose."
Posts: 23 | From: Sweden | Registered: Dec 2004
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A man comes into a pub, sits down at the bar and orders a beer. The bar keeper brings him his beer. After he has drunk it, he grabs in his bag and puts a small piano on the bar, grabs in his bag and puts a small chair on the bar and grabs a third time in his bag and sits down a small man on that chair. And the small man plays piano very well, a the most beatyful music they've ever heared. After he's finished, everyone applauds. And the bar keeper asks the man: "Where do you have it from? It's so wonderful." And the man said: "I own an dgini-lamp. And so I got this by a wish of mine. Hey," he said to the bar keeper, "do you have a wish? You can wish you everything!" "Me?", the bar keeper asks. "I have a wish for free? Coo-ool." Ok, no sooner said than done, the man grabs in his bag and gets out from it the meant lamp. He rubs at the side of the lamp and the dgini appeares: "Ok, budy. You have one wish for free." And the bar keeper says: "I wanna have one million dollars!" The dgini snap one's fingers and disapperes, and all over the bottom are dugs. Small, yellow cackling dugs. And the bar keeper said to the man: "But I wanna have dollars, not dugs." And the man: "Do you really think, I've asked for a 12 inches pianist?"
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A pirate walks into a bar. He has a peg leg, hook for a hand, and a patch over his eye. The bartender asks "So, what happened to your leg?" The pirate says "Aaar, I was fighting the British Navy and they blew up me ship, I fell over board, and a shark bit me leg off." "Oh," said the bartender,"what happened to your hand?" The pirate replies, "Aaar, I was fighting the British Navy again, and won came up and chopped me hand of with his sword." The bartender then asked,"Well what happened to your eye?" The pirate answered, "Aaar, I was walking down the beach and I looked up and there were some seagulls and one doodooed in me eye." "And that caused your eye to be put out?," asked the bartender. To this the pirate said,"No, first day with me hook!"
Posts: 1414 | From: far away | Registered: Sep 2004
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A mother had 3 daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because mom was a bit worried about how their sex lives would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt. The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but "Nescafe." Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good till the last drop." Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter. The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Benson & Hedges." Mom now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the Benson & Hedges pack: "Extra Long. King Size." She was again slightly embarrased but still happy for her daughter. The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by, and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words: "British Airways." Mom took out her latest Harper's Bazaar magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for the airline. The ad said: "Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways." Mom fainted. Posts: 23 | From: Sweden | Registered: Dec 2004
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An attractive woman in a lift licking an ice cream cone. Man gets in.. looks at her and says "Errmmm.... excuse me.. I want to ask you something, but I'm really scared you'll take it the wrong way" She says... "ok.. try me!!" He says.."No. I'm really scared you'll take it the wrong way, and I'll be really embarassed!" She says "no... honestly... I won't take it the wrong way!" He says"but.... I'm sure you'll take it the wrong way!" She says.. I promise I won't take it the wrong way.... go on!" he says..."ok.... here goes.... Can I have a lick?" She says "Of course, no problem!" and hands the ice cream to him. He gets all flustered, and says "oh shi.t.... I knew you'd take it the wrong way!!!" Posts: 4238 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2004
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Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news. Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first. Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live. Patient: 24 HOURS! Thats terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What's the very bad news? Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.
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A man goes to his doctor for a complete check up. He hasn't been feeling well and wants to find out if he's ill. After the check up the doctor comes out with the results of the examination.
"I'm afraid I have some bad news. You're dying and you don't have much time," the doctor says.
"Oh no, that's terrible. How long have I got?" the man asks.
"10..." says the doctor.
"10? 10 what? Months? Weeks? What?!" he asks desperately.
"10...9...8...7..."
Posts: 23 | From: Sweden | Registered: Dec 2004
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There were 11 people hanging on to a single rope that suspended them from a helicopter trying to bring them to safety. Ten were men; one was a woman. They all decided that one person would have to let go because if they didn't, the rope would break and all of them would die.
No one could decide who it should be. Finally the woman gave a really touching speech, saying how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving things up for their husbands and children and giving in to men.
All of the men started clapping.
Posts: 23 | From: Sweden | Registered: Dec 2004
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One day, while Sue was cleaning under the bed, she found a small box. Curious, she opened it and found 3 eggs and 10,000 dollars. A little bit suspicious, she confronted her husband of twenty years about it.
"Oh, that," Frank said. "Every time I cheated on you, I put an egg in this box." Sue was a bit unhappy about this, but figured that 3 affairs over twenty years wasn't so bad.
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A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when an absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she'll see him later, and walks away. His wife glares at him and says, "Who was that??!!"
"Oh" replies the husband, "that was my mistress." "That's it," says the wife, "I want a divorce."
"Ok," replies her husband, "but remember, if you get a divorce there will be no more shopping trips to Paris, no wintering in the Caribbean, no Lexus in the garage, and no more country club. But, the decision is yours."
Just then the wife notices a mutual friend entering the restaurant with a gorgeous woman. "Who is that woman with Jim?" she asks.
"That's his mistress," replies her husband. "Ours is much better looking." says the wife.
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A man was asked by his pals: How old are you? He answered: 40 years old. Ten years later he was asked again by the same pals: How old are you now? "I said I am 40," he answered. Astonished to hear the answer, they quickly commented. "How come you remain 40 during ten years." "A real man never changes his word," he simply said.
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*If a woman asked about your opinion on her look, you must know the last thing she wants to hear is the truth! When women become so clear like an open book, you would have reached an age that your eyes can barely see.
*It is difficult to argue with a woman when she is tired, but it is impossible to argue with her when she is sober and conscious.
*How a man be considered cooperative in cleaning the house? - By lifting his leg when his wife sweeps the floor below them.
*What is the common between man and woman in their 40s? - A woman tries to give birth to a child to prove she is still young. - A man tries to marry a young girl for the same reason.
*A drunk man asked his wife: - I have a question: Does the light turn on automatically when I step into the bathroom? - No! - Oops! I did it in the refrigerator.
*Man took his wife to the zoo, captured a picture of her standing at the monkey cage. He then put the picture in their photo album with the following comment beneath: "My wife standing with 3 monkeys. P.S. My wife is third from left."
*Patient to an eye doctor: - It’s strange every time I drink a cup of tea … my eye irritates me.
Doctor: - Make sure you remove the spoon from the cup before you drink it.
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