So I came up with an idea, hopefully some of you with come participate, please let's try to stay positive, I realize all of us,(myself included) tend to run high off estrogen or testorone from time to time, let's try to balance our hormones and find true ways to deal with this issue that has affected so many of us.

My idea is that veterans (expatriates that is) LIVING here, like newcomer, ExptinCAI and others will offer advice on how to help 'rookies' like myself and others cope with adapting to a new culture. I am tired and frustrated with dealing with expats that do nothing but complain, complain, complain and put down the culture so much that all they do is cause you to spiral into a deeper depression than you already were.

Like you veterans, I made the choice to live here, and plan on making it my semi-permanent home, but some days, I honestly feel too depressed to even go outside. In my own I escape from my reality on the internet talking to old friends, watching American channels or DVDs, listening to American music, etc, and feel like I'm out of touch with my new culture at least temporarily.

Tourist stage

Everything is exciting and new. Everything is quite positive, the people in the new culture are nice. This stage can last for months, or maybe a couple of days, it’s called the tourist stage, because most tourist don’t stay in a place long enough to experience a culture shock.

Shock

In this stage all little problems and frustrations appear much bigger. You may be ver preoccupied with cleanliness (you think everything is dirty and unhealthy). You may be worried that other people want to rob you or cheat you, you feel confused and lonely. You my find other expatriates and complain together about the new culture, making stereotypes about the people of the new culture. You miss your own country and culture a lot, if possible you may try to go home.

The Adjustment Stage

If the culture shock was very hard, you may never get to this stage. If you do decide to stay you eventually learn to deal with the differences. You began to learn the language and make new friends from that culture. You still have the occasional crisis, but you develop a positive attitude towards it. Maybe you can even learn to laugh about your difficulties. This stage is slow, and it is always possible to go back into shock again.

Acceptance or Aculturation

You can now live within the new culture. Although it is difficult to be completely assimilated, you go thru personal changes and growth as you become integrated into the new culture. You develop a bicultural identity.

Re-entry Shock

This is the shock of returning home to your own culture. Everyone is happy to see you again, the only difference is that you have changed in a lot of ways, while they haven’t. And they don’t understand that you have change, you almost feel like a stranger in your own country.

quote:

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Originally posted by Stacia:
3 years and counting and I'm still not over it

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Hey girl I'm not talking about you.

But like myself, you are planning to make this home, and both of us have to get over this shock, yaani.

quote:

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Originally posted by Habiba1:
So please, if you are over your culture shock stage, tell us what you did to get there. Thanks.

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Secondly you have to keep an open mind. Don't spend too much effort trying to change things you have no control over. Accept things the way they are, and change your attitude towards them. You have more control over yourself than you do over 80 million people. As often when I hear expats complaining, it's always about traditions and habits they have no way of changing in the new culture.

It's perfectly ok to hold on to aspects of your own culture. You are attempting to become bi-cultural, an American-Egyptian, you will never become totally Egyptian, so don't worry about that part. Think of all the China towns, Hispanic communities, etc. that have assimilated their own culture into the American culture. They still lsiten to their own music, watch their own hispanic channels, and so on.

As Dalia said, once you learn the language, get out and meet as many Egyptians as possible, you can start with meeting those that speak English, and there are many. These are the ones that will help you the most, the bi-lingual ones. And by all means avoid the negative energy for those Expats that really don't want to be here, as they do complain the most. There are many that are only here because of their jobs, or spouses jobs, and they have a tendency to exclude themselves from the rest of society, by forming their own social clubs. Choosing not to mingle with the locals, remember these are the ones here only temporarily, and you are trying to make this your permanent home, avoid them.

And last but not least, I believe in becoming desensitized. Meaning you should get as many shocks as possible, until they no longer effect you in a negative way. After a while the trash in the corner that irritates you in the beginning, will soon become part of the landscape, I promise overtime, you'll barely notice it.

Anyway most recent book (very good):

Author:Hoodfar, Homa.
Title:Between Marriage and the Market: Intimate Politics and Survival in Cairo
http://ark.cdlib.org/ark:/13030/ft0f59n74g/

Author:MIDHAT GAZALÉ
Title: Pyramids Road - An Egyptian Journey http://www.aucpress.com/cgi-aucpress/auc02/pager.cgi?catno=832_5

The "Whatever happenened to the Egyptians" Series (two books)

Books about Nasser (still trying to locate good book on Sadat).

quote:

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Originally posted by Dalia:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Habiba1:
[b]So please, if you are over your culture shock stage, tell us what you did to get there. Thanks.

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I think escaping the sometimes overwhelming hectic life on Cairo's streets by watching TV from your country, read, write e-mails etc. is necessary once in a while, particularly in the beginning. But in order to overcome your "culture shock" and feel more at home I would advise you to try and meet as many people as possible. Stay away from the expats who do nothing but complain but try to meet up with some people who enjoy living here - and with Egyptians of course! Once you've made a few friends you will be surprised how fast your social circle can grow in this place.[/B][/QUOTE]

Hi Dalia, thanks for responding.

I have met quite a few people here, Egyptians and Expats, this seems to overcome homesickness and loneliness, but does nothing to help me overcome culture shock.

But I guess the more people you meet, if they are positive, can give you a comfort zone, if that's what you mean.

quote:

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Originally posted by melissa360:
The first thing you have to do is break down the communications barriers between you and your new culture. Spend a considerable amount of time trying to learn as much of the language as you can, as most frustration stems from the inability to communicate your needs and wants effectively.

Secondly you have to keep an open mind. Don't spend too much effort trying to change things you have no control over. Accept things the way they are, and change your attitude towards them. You have more control over yourself than you do over 80 million people. As often when I hear expats complaining, it's always about traditions and habits they have no way of changing in the new culture.

It's perfectly ok to hold on to aspects of your own culture. You are attempting to become bi-cultural, an American-Egyptian, you will never become totally Egyptian, so don't worry about that part. Think of all the China towns, Hispanic communities, etc. that have assimilated their own culture into the American culture. They still lsiten to their own music, watch their own hispanic channels, and so on.

As Dalia said, once you learn the language, get out and meet as many Egyptians as possible, you can start with meeting those that speak English, and there are many. These are the ones that will help you the most, the bi-lingual ones. And by all means avoid the negative energy for those Expats that really don't want to be here, as they do complain the most. There are many that are only here because of their jobs, or spouses jobs, and they have a tendency to exclude themselves from the rest of society, by forming their own social clubs. Choosing not to mingle with the locals, remember these are the ones here only temporarily, and you are trying to make this your permanent home, avoid them.

And last but not least, I believe in becoming desensitized. Meaning you should get as many shocks as possible, until they no longer effect you in a negative way. After a while the trash in the corner that irritates you in the beginning, will soon become part of the landscape, I promise overtime, you'll barely notice it.

For the one that has been here 3 years, that's much too long to not be adjusted yet. Maybe you should reconsider if this is really what you want to make home. Culture shocks shouldnt last a life time.

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Thank you Melissa,
good advice, I'm in the process of learning Egyptian coloquial arabic now. I only speak touristic survival arabic at the moment. I find myself doing a lot of sign language to express my needs.

quote:

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Originally posted by SleeplessInCairo:
I haven't yet overcome the culture shock (been here for 2 and half years now), but what i have been trying to do is to read books about the Egyptian culture past and present(approx 1920's till now). I find this helps my understanding of "why", "since when" etc because trying to speculate about why people make certain actions, or trying to get Egyptians to explain is very hard and does not always achieves anything. I guess it is not always easy (in any culture) to explain why things are done.. it just is!

Anyway most recent book (very good):

Author:Hoodfar, Homa.
Title:Between Marriage and the Market: Intimate Politics and Survival in Cairo
http://ark.cdlib.org/ark:/13030/ft0f59n74g/

Author:MIDHAT GAZALÉ
Title: Pyramids Road - An Egyptian Journey http://www.aucpress.com/cgi-aucpress/auc02/pager.cgi?catno=832_5

The "Whatever happenened to the Egyptians" Series (two books)

Books about Nasser (still trying to locate good book on Sadat).

There are many more books but i can't remember them all. This method of trying to overcome Culture shock may not suit all, but i find it helps me, because i can never accept the "it just is" and i love reading and research. Maybe it will help you too

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Thanks Sleeplessincairo, wow, hearing you and Stacia, 2.5-3 years is pretty scary. I hope I overcome it faster than that.

I have read a few books as well, and wil check out the links you posted thanks. So far nothing I have read has prepared me for the real life experiences here.

It's one thing visiting here as a tourist, and even in the beginning you're still in that exciting tourist mindset, then all the glitter seems to fade.

I've been warned that I'm in for an even bigger shock when I began teaching an American curriculum in a few weeks. Warned that many parents are more concerned with the marks their children receive than if they've actually learned anything or not. I'm trying to brace myself.

quote:

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Originally posted by 7aya:
hey habiba, and stacia. i'm really sorry you guys are finding it difficult to adjust. inshallah i'm moving to australia for a few months, and i'm worried about adjusting to my new environment as well.
i think that what melissa and dalia, said ofcourse is right, and you should listen to their advice. try as much as possible to mingle with egyptians, they are everywhere also i'm not sure if you are working or not, but if you arent you should find a job. by working you will fill your time, plus its a great way to meet other people.
i can totally undersand your culture shock in egypt. if you had moved from the US to another european country it wouldn't have been so bad, becase they are similar in many ways. egypt, however is so different, its arab, eastern muslim. its like living in a parallel world. but again i think if you make egyptian friends it will help u understand this culture. although many expats have great knoweledge of egypt, they will explain it to you through their eyes, from a foreign perspective. but an egyptian would explain it to you from an egyptian perspective. also by having egpytian friends, you will understand the egyptian mentality and way of thinking, which will explain many of the traditions and social aspects you see. good luck and hope inshallah it gets better

best

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Thanks 7aya,

At least you have the language skills necessary for survival, more steps ahead of us. You should hear me and Stacia's arabic, LOL.

I have met quite a few Egyptian women and exchanged phone numbers with them. A couple speak fluent English, and a few speak about as much English as I speak arabic, so imagine our phone conversations sound like: enty amla eih..tamam a7umdillilah, wenti?, it's very short. LOL.

And I will began working next week, and all the Egyptian teachers speak fluent English, so it should help a lot, thanks.

In an effort to get over culture shock, I think there is value in knowing something about the nature of culture and its relationship to the individual. In addition to living in a physical environment, an individual lives in a cultural environment consisting of manmade physical objects, social institutions, and ideas and beliefs.

An individual is not born with culture but only with the capacity to learn it and use it. There is nothing in a new born child which dictates that it should eventually speak Portuguese, English, or French, nor that he eat with a fork in his left hand rather than in the right, or use chop sticks. All these things the child has to learn. Nor are the parents responsible for the culture which they transmit to their young. The culture of any people is the product of history and is built up over time largely through processes which are, as far as the individual is concerned, beyond his awareness. It is by means of culture that the young learn to adapt themselves to the physical environment and to the people with whom they associate.

As we know, children and adolescents often experience difficulties in this process of learning and adjustment. But once learned, culture becomes a way of life, the sure, familiar, largely automatic way of getting what you want from your environment and as such it also becomes a value.

People have a way of accepting their culture as both the best and the only way of doing things. This is perfectly normal and understandable. To this attitude we give the name ethnocentrism, a belief that not only the culture but the race and nation form the center of the world.

Individuals identify themselves with their own group and its ways to the extent that any critical comment is taken as an affront to the individual as well as to the group. If you criticize my country, you are criticizing me. If you criticize me, you are criticizing my country.

Along with this attitude goes the tendency to attribute all individual peculiarities as national characteristics. For instance, if an American does something odd or antisocial in a foreign country which back home would be considered a purely individual act, it is now considered a national trait.

Instead of being censured as an individual, his country is censured. It is best to recognize that ethnocentrism is a characteristic of national groups. If a national criticizes some aspect of his own culture, the foreigner should listen but not enter into the criticism.