posted
What if a friend is in (relational)problems, and all the possible contacts seem to be reduced as in a one way street? No intiatives from her side, no mails, no sms-es,no calls, nothing. By all one-way contacts it`s only one big complainment, about what he has done this time again? Only complainments, that doesn`t lead to any action from her side ?At the time you going to call or visit her, you already know that it will be the same again? With very rare moments with suddenly arising changements that seem to dissappear as fast as they came? Should you take this as a sign of chronical depression, as a sign of totally hopeless and helpless, or as a mission impossible?
Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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posted
It could mean this person doesn't want to continue her friendship with you. How many people come out and say, "I don't want to be your friend anymore." ? Not many. Most just stop contacting you as much, if at all.
It could be depression.
It's up to you how much you want to put up with. It depends how close you are. Can you ask this person candidly what is going on? Are you close enough to expect an honest answer?
Posts: 8794 | From: 01-20-09 The End of an Error | Registered: Dec 2004
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posted
Yes, I`m close enough, but there isn`t very much I can do, as listen. But because it is so totally in contradiction with what I should do in her place (just make clear that i don`t accept and end it) that I really can`t understand why a woman accepts all this...
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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quote:Originally posted by ?????: Yes, I`m close enough, but there isn`t very much I can do, as listen. But because it is so totally in contradiction with what I should do in her place (just make clear that i don`t accept and end it) that I really can`t understand why a woman accepts all this...
she as a woman doesn't need solutions from you she needs you only to listen,that will be enough for her even if she asked for advice she will probably and finally do what she think is right even if it was wrong so just listen and be that friend you claim to be good luck
Posts: 76 | From: Hurghada | Registered: Mar 2007
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posted
And when it seems that it will be listening forever? Is there a certain group of people that are supposed to be kind of wall of complainment?
You know, like the Jews are having one?
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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posted
I have a friend who was in a simlar situation to you and she listened, supported, was in every way possible a great friend to another woman for many years. Then last year my friend had a number of problems in her own life, she had to go into hospital, her father died, one thing after another. This so call friend that she had done so much for never phoned her, and asked how she was, never offered any support. After this my friend gave up on her as she finally realised it was all one way and always would be, some people are just takers in life. I know the lady concerened in this and to this day she does not understand why the friendship was ended.
Posts: 3809 | From: Paradise | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
Something like this, of course, is in my mind. First of all I believe that whatever kind of situation people are in, almost always is an result of their personality/character. There seems to be a certain amount of people that are not able to deal with what`s happening in everybody`s lifes. Everybody gets problems, everybody gets disappointments, everybody gets hurted one time or another. And when you don`t change anything for yourself, it all will stay as it is. And yes, I also believe that some people are egocentric, and not able to show empathy when another needs it. And when this is the one who always has been helping and listening, it is double sour. In this case I should have to wait untill I am in problems, and want to get helped. But, I`m not! Of course I`ve had them, but I always have been able to handle, without bothering her...
Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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quote:Originally posted by ?????: What if a friend is in (relational)problems, and all the possible contacts seem to be reduced as in a one way street? No intiatives from her side, no mails, no sms-es,no calls, nothing. By all one-way contacts it`s only one big complainment, about what he has done this time again? Only complainments, that doesn`t lead to any action from her side ?At the time you going to call or visit her, you already know that it will be the same again? With very rare moments with suddenly arising changements that seem to dissappear as fast as they came? Should you take this as a sign of chronical depression, as a sign of totally hopeless and helpless, or as a mission impossible?
Depends on how good of a friend she is to you. Sounds like she's going through a really tough time and just needs to vent to you and needs you to listen and listen and listen. I had a friend once who kept having relationship problems and did this for almost 2 years, it finally exhausted me and I couldn't take it anymore, as she wouldn't take my advice (stayed in a bad situation) and all she ever did was complain. We drifted apart for a year or two and then hooked back up later on...once she had moved on from him. You never know.
Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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quote:Originally posted by ?????: Yes, I`m close enough, but there isn`t very much I can do, as listen. But because it is so totally in contradiction with what I should do in her place (just make clear that i don`t accept and end it) that I really can`t understand why a woman accepts all this...
she as a woman doesn't need solutions from you she needs you only to listen,that will be enough for her even if she asked for advice she will probably and finally do what she think is right even if it was wrong so just listen and be that friend you claim to be good luck
another budding John Grey!! which planet are you from?
Posts: 444 | Registered: Apr 2004
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-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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quote:Originally posted by ?????: Who is John Grey?
he's that chap who wrote this incredibly boring book about men and women being from different planets (Mars and Venus), hence my question about planets. Some of the things in the book are (may be) true, but it's just so utterly boring. The poor sod himself is boring as well. Trying to be a goody goody boy. Give me strength!!
Posts: 444 | Registered: Apr 2004
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quote:Originally posted by ?????: What if a friend is in (relational)problems, and all the possible contacts seem to be reduced as in a one way street? No intiatives from her side, no mails, no sms-es,no calls, nothing. By all one-way contacts it`s only one big complainment, about what he has done this time again? Only complainments, that doesn`t lead to any action from her side ?At the time you going to call or visit her, you already know that it will be the same again? With very rare moments with suddenly arising changements that seem to dissappear as fast as they came? Should you take this as a sign of chronical depression, as a sign of totally hopeless and helpless, or as a mission impossible?
Hi ????
I really don’t know if it’s a sign of ‘chronic depression’ or any other kind of depression for that matter. I do know that patience varies from person to person and if yours starts to wear out then seriously entertain the idea of giving up on her. If she is a true friend then she will eventually miss you and of course seek you out.
If this matter is stressing you, just back off, it is as simple as that. We don’t know what’s in peoples minds and hearts. Your resolve should above all else reflect what’s best for you. I mean what else can you possibly do? You basically exercised every form of communication trying to get across to her.
Posts: 2079 | From: 'by any means necessary' - Malcom X | Registered: Mar 2007
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posted
Maybe u should call her and be a man and tell her straight in her face , i am sure she is smart and can handle it, you are a coward not talking to her and not text, calling, or trying even to listen to her, of course she has a heart to, you are the one who is stupid,
Posts: 26 | From: usa | Registered: Apr 2007
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quote:Originally posted by whattobe: Maybe u should call her and be a man and tell her straight in her face , i am sure she is smart and can handle it, you are a coward not talking to her and not text, calling, or trying even to listen to her, of course she has a heart to, you are the one who is stupid,
You`re missing the point, Whattobe...
Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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Something like this, of course, is in my mind. First of all I believe that whatever kind of situation people are in, almost always is an result of their personality/character. There seems to be a certain amount of people that are not able to deal with what`s happening in everybody`s lifes.
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