posted
About 2 years ago I meet a girl from Upper Egypt, Alexandria to be exact and she is absolutely, I love this girls so bad but there's a few things that has kept me from advancing in our relationship therefore I have a few questions that hopefully will have some answers. 1) How rare is for a Coptic Egyptian to get involved with a Muslim. 2) I saw a pic of her with her natural black hair and since then I have asked her to let it grow with it's natural color and to stop using so much make up so how bad is the insecurity issue among egyptian females? ( I know this is very subjective) 3) She is not a virgin and she has never been married not that I care but should this be some kind of red flag since Egyptians are so rigorous when it comes to sex & marriage? ( she could have done it for love ) keep in mind that we are human so mistakes are expected. 4) Is it normal for Egyptians or arabs to smoke so freaking much? trough her I have meet a lot of Egyptian and seems like they all have that in common. 5) Are Coptic females any different from Muslim Egyptians?.
Thanks in advance for all the answers.
Posts: 10 | From: New Jersey | Registered: Jan 2006
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posted
I think it all depends on the individual. Have you asked *her* these questions about religion? What does her family think if she marries a Muslim? It's important to get her opinion on this as well as know her family's opinion.
I don't know how much of the heavy make-up is an insecurity issue itself, or just the current style?
I think it's admirable and honest of her to tell you up front she's not a virgin. I think the honesty issue is more important than her virginity status, personally.
Yes, Egyptians (men) seem to smoke a lot.
I wish you the best.
Posts: 8794 | From: 01-20-09 The End of an Error | Registered: Dec 2004
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posted
Thanks a million Snoozing, although I'm Christian her mom actually has a problem with the youngest son having a girlfriend from Indonesia and she has told me a few times that she can not tell her mom about us, understand that I'm not used to that. I have asked her about the make up and she just eludes my question every and each time. As to her getting involved with a Muslim...(sigh) she said that since they knew each other from back home and they met again here in the States I guess that pressure was off and she did not care. Her English is not bad though but sometimes she has problems coming across they way she would like to especially with issues that requires a much deep understanding or command of the English language. To be honest with you the reason why I posted this thread here is because she's so naive in a lot of things that is sometimes a little hard for me to believe that people like her actually exist. She was honest with the virginity issue and like I mentioned before I couldn't care less for that I have expressed to her that no matter how bad or insane her past might appear I have no authority to judge her actions and that I rather deal with the raw reality than to live a fiction but I get this gut feeling sometimes that she's not saying everything, maybe out of embarrasement who knows. I'm trying to help her with her confidence but the cultural wall can be sometimes huge and she makes it a point to tell me that Egyptians are different that I have taken the decision to read, hear and understand as much as I can to help build our relationship. She also wants me to marry her the proper way which involves no dating in part out of respect for her 2 brothers but sometimes I think didn't you have a intense relationship another man ( Egyptian) and now you are putting a set of rules?..anyway, sorry for the ranting.
Posts: 10 | From: New Jersey | Registered: Jan 2006
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posted
Coptic females or males are not really allowed to intermarry with Muslims because m the children will become Muslims. Most Copts tend to intermarry with their own group unless some rare cases a Coptic female or male converts to Islam to get out of a marriage. Coptics are not allowed to divorce one they marry with someone.
Typically Coptic families frown upon their children marrying foreigners unless its a Greek or other eastern Orhtodox but perferably you have to cnvert to Coptic Christianity.
Coptic females and Egyptian Muslim females are about the same except here in America I notice that the Coptic females are less strict than Egyptian Muslim females. Besides that Coptic females don't usually where the hijaab or niquab. You might see some in rural areas in villages wearing the tar'ha which is not a religious headcovering.
I have known some instance while living in the states of Coptic girls dating Egyptian Muslims but its not very common in Egypt.
Posts: 8675 | From: Tukuler al~Takruri as Ardo since OCT2014 | Registered: Feb 2003
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Anyway, if she actually dated someone and that's who she lost her virginity to, and it didn't work out (i.e., she assumed marriage but something happened), it makes perfect sense to me as a woman that she would want to do things the *proper* way the next time around... it sounds like she felt like her last relationship was a mistake and she doesn't want to repeat any pain she may have experienced and/or caused.
And God forbid she was raped/pressured/coerced into having sex in the first place...I don't know if that's the case. Posts: 8794 | From: 01-20-09 The End of an Error | Registered: Dec 2004
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posted
Thanks for your concern my friend, she lives in NJ, and yes she did lost her innocence with her former boyfriend that promised her everything. The last scenario is actually the one that I'm afraid she's not telling me about. She told that while attending college in Alexandria she was forced into a situation that seems to be very bad but like I said before she's not telling the whole truth. At any event I love this girls so much that I will try to give her all the support that I can give....(sigh) is just a littel though sometimes to get through.
Posts: 10 | From: New Jersey | Registered: Jan 2006
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posted
I am very sorry if that is the case. If it is, I wouldn't put too much pressure on her to reveal those details. I have not been in the same type of situation, but I do know there are events in my life that were horrible, and I don't want to discuss them even with my husband. This is not a comment on my husband, who is wonderful. It is just an issue of my personal need for privacy. So please don't take it personally if she doesn't reveal everything.
Continue to give her the loving, supportive environment you have been providing. That is the best thing for her, and may eventually enable her to talk about things more.
You sound very nice and caring, and from what you've said, she sounds very honest. While there seems to be more and more premarital sex in Egypt, I get the impression it's not talked about when marriage proposals come up, and a woman's virginity is still highly prized. You will find threads on here about women asking about hymen repair surgery, etc. And the general feeling on those threads seems to be that honesty is more important between two spouses than whether someone is a virgin or not. I'll see if I can find that thread for you...
I hope everything works out for the best.
Posts: 8794 | From: 01-20-09 The End of an Error | Registered: Dec 2004
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Typically Coptic families frown upon their children marrying foreigners unless its a Greek or other eastern Orhtodox but perferably you have to cnvert to Coptic Christianity.
Although Coptic families disapprove of their children marrying someone out of their religion, would they disapprove of their children dating a foreigner? Hmm...if this is so, then I can probably throw my hopes of dating my Coptic Christian crush out the window... Because I'm definitely not a Coptic Christian! :/
Anyway, I was just thinking it was interesting how you mention this typical Coptic Christian view on marrying foreigners. I was just asking my Coptic Christian gal pal a few days ago if she was open to interracial dating / relationships / marriage, and she said yes---it did not matter to her if he was Egyptian or not...However, she also added that although he did not have to be Egyptian, he still had to have the same religion as her...so basically, she said pretty much the same thing you did. Haha... I guess she's not thatopen to dating outside of her group as she sounded.
Posts: 35 | Registered: Oct 2005
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posted
I was asked to marry an egyptian coptic guy twice( same guy)-he was really hung up on me "converting" to his religion( even though I am technically a christian anyway I suppose by default-I am western( aussie) and my mum went to methodist boarding school...) He was really upset I would not do it.Plus I did decline him both times( in a three year period).So he is marrying his 22 year old COUSIN now.Shes definitely coptic.Plus added advantage of being traditional egyptian cairo girl, very loved and protected by family-she is kind of the "poor" side of the family for him,so I guess its like a "good" deal for everyone involved there. I think that they have some thing about the church marriage being totally final-he was probably thinking about how easy to divorce him for me if not in the church.I am divorced from my first husband, and have a seven year old son, and maybe he wanted to make sure I wouldnt divorce him too LOL. He really believed the union must be in his coptic church or it was not a true marriage. Strange .He is a really really wonderful man, and I do hold him very dear in my heart, we just couldnt see eye to eye on this religion stuff and I really didnt want to "convert" to something I dont believe in-even for forms sake.I already had made so many cultural adjustments in my first marriage ( chinese indonesian man)and I guess when it came down to it I didnt want to "undo" them, or get on that rollercoaster again.Plus I dont want any more children, and egy guy did -he has none. He told me I was obstinate and just to do it for him.Yes I am obstinate and I wont do it for anyone, unless I actually believe the religion.Plus I dont like he was a bit over emotional about the relationship-like I like eccentric, but unhinged can be a bit too draining-I was the mean cold one and he was the gushing warm one. But I really wish him the best. But bottom line is he wouldnt have stayed with me if I didnt get coptic.
Posts: 872 | From: Sydney | Registered: Nov 2005
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quote:Although Coptic families disapprove of their children marrying someone out of their religion, would they disapprove of their children dating a foreigner? Hmm...if this is so, then I can probably throw my hopes of dating my Coptic Christian crush out the window... Because I'm definitely not a Coptic Christian! :/
Anyway, I was just thinking it was interesting how you mention this typical Coptic Christian view on marrying foreigners. I was just asking my Coptic Christian gal pal a few days ago if she was open to interracial dating / relationships / marriage, and she said yes---it did not matter to her if he was Egyptian or not...However, she also added that although he did not have to be Egyptian, he still had to have the same religion as her...so basically, she said pretty much the same thing you did. Haha... I guess she's not thatopen to dating outside of her group as she sounded
The girl might approve but her parents might reject any person simply because they are non-Egyptian. Are you in Egypt or in America? Coptic families tend to be more open in western countries. I know many Coptic girls that date outside of their ethnic group. Many times still the parents disaprove of these relationships. Many will date outside their ethnic group anyway out of defiance.
Posts: 8675 | From: Tukuler al~Takruri as Ardo since OCT2014 | Registered: Feb 2003
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