posted
hey guys im really down my parents are moving to spain and b4 they left they told me i got to make my mind up whether i am to go aswell but if i do ive got to finish with my egyptian boyfriend im really confused my boyfriend means the world to me but so does my family what should i do i havent slept im really confused please help
Posts: 197 | From: hertford england | Registered: Jul 2007
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Why will you have to finish with your boyfriend, are your parents against your relationship?
Posts: 5593 | From: Egypt | Registered: Dec 2005
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my father is my mum is fine about it but they dont think its going to last so they are trying to do whatever they can to finish it quicker they dont want me to fly the nest so to speak even though im 26 got 2 children and live on my own
Posts: 197 | From: hertford england | Registered: Jul 2007
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And what do you think they will really do if you choose him? Do you think they will want to lose contact with their grandchildren and if your mum is ok about it, it will be ok. No man is ever good enough for a father's daughter. There are flights from Madrid to Cairo (and probably to Hurghada for the holiday charters if that's where you're headed) - its only a few hours away - reassure them of that. Only you can know whether you seriously risk losing your family and whether you really want to be with your boyfriend or not.
Posts: 5593 | From: Egypt | Registered: Dec 2005
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posted
they are moving to alicante and i cant find flights anywhere to hurghada from there my boyfriend is my whole world ive never felt so strong about someone in my life i dont want to lose him but i also dont want to lose my family my father is very stubborn man and he would never talk to me again if i chose my boyfriend this is really upsetting me as im getting pulled in two different directions from the people that mean the world to me thanks for ur advice
Posts: 197 | From: hertford england | Registered: Jul 2007
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I can't believe that your parents literally put you the pistol on your chest like that at age 26 - and you seem to comply with it. It is YOUR life, you are a grown-up, you are independent and have own children.
How about you start telling them what you want?
Seriously if I was in your shoes, I would stay where I am right now!
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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just had a look it will take me 17 hours to get there there is no direct flights at all they are all 2 stops i cant do that with 2 small children thats impossible thanks anyway oldbag this has made my decision even harder thanks anyway i know u are trying to help xxx
Posts: 197 | From: hertford england | Registered: Jul 2007
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what stay in england tigerlily???? i hate my country my parents are trying to get me a better life and i want to go to my boyfriend but its really hard and expensive as my children are english i think my parents are worried they wont see my children anymore they are really close i dont want to upset my parents or lose my boyfriend im so confused
Posts: 197 | From: hertford england | Registered: Jul 2007
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Flying from Madrid to Cairo It's cheaper and more comfortable then flying from Alicante with all the stops in Spain and Italy.
Posts: 1419 | From: Amsterdam, Netherlands | Registered: Aug 2003
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im flying to hurghada not cairo i have to be the difficult one dont i thanks for ur advice
Posts: 197 | From: hertford england | Registered: Jul 2007
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Oh sorry I didn't know that you hate your own country that much. And yes maybe you are right, you should go and live with your parents. Hopefully you'll have a better life there.
Just as a sidenote: How about your parents watch their grandchildren while you visit your boyfriend in Egypt? This option would make everyone happy - unless your parents really detest your relationship to that Egyptian man.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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they told me they wont look after the grandchildren its either them or him why have i got to make this choice
Posts: 197 | From: hertford england | Registered: Jul 2007
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when you say 'they' if your mother is ok about your relationship, do you mean your father? If you really feel this relationship is right for you, and if you decide to go to Hurghada, will you marry your boyfriend, will he have somewhere for you to live, does he definately accept your kids, etc, think through all the practical things. Is your father's racism the 'only' problem he has with the relationship or are there other issues that you haven't told us (Note, I'm not recommending you put them on the board for all the world to see, just think about them!)
Has your boyfriend met your kids? If not, maybe a week's holiday in Hurghada with them all will help you (and him) in your decision?
When are your parents moving to Spain?
Posts: 5593 | From: Egypt | Registered: Dec 2005
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my parents are there at the mo buying a house my boyfriend loves my kids and my daughter calls him daddy the racism is the only issue he has his own business with a big house and is building another big house for me him and the children. i have thought of nothing more than practicalitites its just really hard choosing between people that are everything to me
Posts: 197 | From: hertford england | Registered: Jul 2007
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posted
Will your mother talk to you about it separately from your father? What does she really think? Does she think he is right? Does she think he might come round eventually? Has your father met your boyfriend? Would he be willing to consider it?
Posts: 5593 | From: Egypt | Registered: Dec 2005
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my mother is fine well i think so she is interested in his religion my mother is very religious i really dont think my father would come round to the idea hes a very stubborn man and what my dad says goes with no comprimises i told my mum i was getting married to him in january and she just laughed and said my dad would dis own me i cant help it if the man i am in love with is different to the english why is people so cruel
Posts: 197 | From: hertford england | Registered: Jul 2007
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posted
So can you ask your father to say exactly what his problems are with your boyfriend? Maybe he has a lot of unspoken fears which you could talk about if he came out with it? You can see from the Life in Egypt thread
that a lot of people on the forum have had their friends and relations worrying about their Egyptian adventures unnecessarily - with a whole pile of wrong assumptions.
Sorry I have to go to bed now, I'm so tired.
Posts: 5593 | From: Egypt | Registered: Dec 2005
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my father doesnt like anyone black religious and different from him and thinks that its disgusting to see a white girl with a black man thats what he is like i cnat talk to him about any of this he doesnt listen
Posts: 197 | From: hertford england | Registered: Jul 2007
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posted
Boy, I know many people like your father .... and they are called Germans!
Seriously I am sorry for the situation your are currently in and I also doubt he would even try to listen to you. He's just very stubborn as you said in a previous post.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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Why is he building another house for you if he already has a house? Or is that because he is already married? Sorry, I don't want to sound cynical, but that does happen here.
Posts: 264 | From: Egypt | Registered: Aug 2007
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Family is very important...I cant believe you are saying this man is your whole world..and you are making a desion him or your family..also you have 2 children ..stay with your family ..you have everything now..one day you might have nothing..no man is worth losing your family too.. Posts: 212 | From: uk | Registered: Apr 2007
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From Alicante it`s a short way to Cadiz, take the ferry to Maroc, and fly to Egypt.Who wants to find a way, will find a way, let`s be clear about this. I don`t think this is the major point. The major point here is a grown up woman, 26 yrs old, mother of 2 children, that doesn`t seem to be mature enough to make her own life. We don`t know her personal background, we don`t know where these two children came from (from this Egyptian man, or out of another relationship that has failed?) and she doesn`t know what to do: follow her father who has the power of money, or follow her boyfriend where she also seems to be to sure about. I can`t advice you in this, but I know what I should do in your case....: Start to making your own life! Making your own life, by working for it yourself! Not by a father that is trying to controll you, and not by a man who is making you promises. Start to build up your own life, and become independant. As long as you stay dependant on others, you will make mistakes...There is only one person in the world that can make your life, and that`s yourself... Grow up...
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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ultimatums, hate them and almost always decide against the person that presents them to me. Im sorry for what you are facing, its a decision one should never have to make.
posted
although ????? words are harsh I have to agree, I think there is alot more to this than meets the eye. You are 26, you have 2 children, you say that one of your children calls him 'daddy' this is a huge thing in itself and suggest that he isn't the biological father (although obviously I dont know this).
If you have encouraged your children to call your egyptian man Daddy, why would you be considering leaving England to live with your parents? do you live alone now? when you encouraged your child to call him Daddy were you living together, planning to live together? why has this not happened?
Are your parents trying to protect you? have they seen you hang on to a man for however long that nothing has really materialised with?
Its your life, make the decision, stay in England, move to Egypt, move to Spain, you have lots of options but you should consider them regarding you and your children. It is quite possible for a woman to live in England and raise two children alone with parents overseas (makes a nice holiday)
You might not want to stay in England but it is your responsibility to yourself and your kids to find an alternative. You need to be a strong independant woman Posts: 644 | Registered: Jul 2007
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First priority in regards with your decision should be the 'well being' of your children.
If you can focus on your children 's education and future and plan it well, you will know what do to.
Then, you can plan YOUR life.
In my opinion, once a parent: your children come first! And it is so important for the children to be surrounded by the love of their family!
Posts: 215 | Registered: May 2007
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What about the children's father. Does he have a say in where his children are living. How is he going to maintain contact and see them either in Spain or Egypt?
????? Gave you good advice. Make your own life first and then make your decisions based on what is best for both you and the children. Show your father you can stand on your own two feet and earn his respect. Then he will respect your right to choose how you live your life. Really think about your children's future and their education either in the UK, Spain, or Egypt. What sort of life do you want for them. Until you answer those questions you can't even begin to make any plans.
Are you the lady that said she can't see her B/F for 8 months?, think about using those 8 months to make a life in the UK with your children.
Your parents have made their own lifestyle choice to live in Spain, but they don't have the right to demand you go with them. Grandparents would rarely turn thier back on grandchildren, they will come round in the end no matter what you choose. Your father is just trying to do what he thinks is right for you now. This shows how much he cares and no matter what you decide he will still be there even if he is not showing it just now. That is the role of a parent and one you have yet to learn in respect of your own children because you are still playing a role as their little girl and not being a woman in your own right.
Posts: 3809 | From: Paradise | Registered: Mar 2003
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thanks guys for all ur advice my parents my father in particular is very over protective of me and my 2 children he has seen me be abused by the childrens father and wants me and my children to start a fresh . with them in spain i have spoke to my b/f about this and he said it doesnt matter where i am he will stay with me which i thought was sweet we will probably wait a year to see what this relationship will turn into i love my boyfriend and my parents so much my b/f said hes not prepared to lose me just because of them i still havent made up my mind yet but i will see what happens in next few weeks thanks again guys
Posts: 197 | From: hertford england | Registered: Jul 2007
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