posted
Two years back I went to Egypt for a holiday with my husband and two children.It was supposed to be my last year together with my husband because there was nothing left between him and me.I only stay with him because of our two children,but it was an relation without love,there was nothing that could make me happy.My daughters,now 12 and 14 years old,where telling me that it was beter to divorce then stay in this relation. So we went to Egypt,this time in a different hotel then before,because the old one was closed. This very new hotel,in Giza was beautiful and next to the old one,we've been before in Giza and made many friends there.They were always telling us that we are not toerist but family.Our hotel was just a place to sleep and sometimes we stayed with our friends. In this hotel I found the man of my life,he was in same situation as me and also not happy.They always telling that one time in your life you will find a soulmate who understand you without words.You can do nothing about it,but why 5000 km far from each other.In december after many calling and speaking I visit Giza again,I was sure that I try everything to get this man to Holland,maybe the first and the last time of his life.In Egypt he has two jobs,hard working to give his two children a good life,no vacation only working.We asked the embassy for a visa,he was coming to my house(I was still together with my husband,but I need him at that moment because we invited "our" friend together).After 6 months the embassy gave him a visa for 3 months. He is now one month back in Egypt and is very unhappy,just like me and me two girls,they are crazy about him,he gave me and my girls there normal life back. My husband is not living with me anymore and I ask for the divorce,in my house everyone is smiling and happy again,but my heart is crying. The man I love the most is not beside me and it feels the same for him. He is Christian and cannot divorse his wife,we are married by salip (the last time I was in Egypt we went to the church to put an salip on my arm,he made new one for me. We really want to be together,and he want to married me,he let me believe again in happines and teach me to love again. We both know that what God brings together you cannot break,but beeing unhappy is not good for any relationships. I know this is an very long and difficult story but maybe someone can help us. Shukran from the bottom of my heart.
Posts: 2 | From: Scheveningen | Registered: Nov 2005
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Hi, you have a real tough situation going on. I can't give you much advise I just know that Coptic Christians usually don't divorce in meaning if they marry they stay married until death. There are some exceptions to it f. e. if adultery was committed or if one of them wants to change the religion.
I think the best way is you all sit together with his wife, try to figure things out. If she feels also she does not want to be married any longer and would agree on divorcing him (since he infact committed adultery by having you as a girlfriend and even considering marriage), he would pay support for her and the children I think this would be the best solution for everyone.
I am not sure how his church will react.
How you will get him to Holland? By marrying him in Egypt and then apply for the visa. I think its great that you were already able to invite him to Holland and show him around some.
Please keep in mind that no matter what for both sides it will be hard. I mean this man has two own children back in Egypt which will miss their father deeply. If his wife does divorce him she will be having not an easy life in the Egyptian society.
I know you want to be happy with the man of your dreams but bare in mind that it will cost many sacrifices.
Btw, a relative of my ex-fiance (also Coptic Christians) was able to divorce her husband because he was heavy into drugs. So there are certain criterias this kind of marriage can be determined.
Good luck for the future and please keep us posted. I am always interested in how things work out. Thanks.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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I am so happy that finally someone listen to my story even if we both know it will be difficult. We really not want to hurt other people please not understand me wrong,but we are both unhappy in our relation.He know he has two children and that he will be there for them and his family always. Thanks again for listen to me,it means a lot to me to speak about this it makes me stronger for the future.
-------------------- Wahashtiny my Romeo Posts: 2 | From: Scheveningen | Registered: Nov 2005
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I dont really know much about this but from my knowledge from talking to someone there coptics can divorce but they cannot remarry there. It is very hard to get the divorce as the church really is against it but it is possible. The problem comes in that they cannot remarry after divorce at least not in egypt. The only way i know of for you to be able to marry him is for him to divorce and after that process him come to holland as long as the rules are not the same in holland on marriage after divorce.
quote:Originally posted by _Masrawi_: Has he asked u for a loan yet?
NOOO, listen to this part, " I think the best way is you all sit together with his wife, try to figure things out. If she feels also she does not want to be married any longer and would agree on divorcing him ." they know nothing about Egyptain women Posts: 968 | From: www | Registered: Aug 2005
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haha yes surely this is a way to get yourself killed or at least beaten, the egyptian women i know are very protective of their husbands and another woman would have hell to pay
quote:Originally posted by mysticheart: haha yes surely this is a way to get yourself killed or at least beaten, the egyptian women i know are very protective of their husbands and another woman would have hell to pay
Most of the Egyptians are Jealousy… during my high school, (grade 11) I have a nice classmate (male) used to treat him like a friend not more or less and he did the same, one day he found my cell phone # with a guy in grade 12, who was my sister best friend, he just asked him nervously why did you have her #? WHAT THE HELL FOR? Although, this is none of his business but, you know Egyptian manners… Posts: 968 | From: www | Registered: Aug 2005
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i know that my words may heart you..but are you really sure that his wife want to be devorced..try to look to it in other way..sure you are happy with him..your childs too..but,,what about his family? do you think they will be happy same time you are..do you think he doesen't love his wife anymore? and since when he don't,,before you or when he met you..be honst before you write here..and..his wife..what can she do after he go away..and wat if he got childs? yours will be happy..and his childs?i come from Same place Giza..pyramids i met many Egyptian they work as me in tourism..they only want to marry a forigner to get out of Egypt,,they start ther life so normal work marry the one they love,,not anymore mama and papa chose wife for him,, and after this meet forigner woman..then..you know.. take care and think one time in the way in his wife..
Posts: 29 | From: Egypt | Registered: Nov 2005
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once more..don't forget he is christian,so they never get marriedbefor they are really sure the got the real to marry..so can't belive that there were no love between this two..and if it brakes,,there will be not destroied..they just need to speack together,,try to think more and thimk about other family..not only your love.i am not old mode,,but i thonk more of kids..and family could be broken
Posts: 29 | From: Egypt | Registered: Nov 2005
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but havent u married in the church too with ur husband??? and than u say what is infront of god cant break??? so why u broke it too and dont work it out...im christian 2 and i think if u ll leave this guy alone and havent shown him ur live in hollland he would stay with his wife not for satisfied or something like this, but just coz hes religious and for jesus he will stay with his kids and his wife if he hasnt another choice. believe me a religious person dont think bad in stuff like familythings!
im happy for u that u liked another person but i dont know thats more trouble for u both than a good end, and his kids? his wife, i know how hard it is for that wife in egypt after a divorce as a christian, she ll never marry again and its not goodlookin for her children...try to understand the mentality and that religious part coz i cant explain it to u, its something from inside.
i hope u ll find a way...with god bless!
Posts: 147 | From: Mainz,Germany/ Cairo, Egypt | Registered: Jan 2005
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I can understand everything except that Egyptian ( if I got it right ) wanted to be with you KNOWING that you are still "married" which is very unusual for a man who is serious about you.
He has to express some dissatisfaction, or at least ask you several times "when are you divorcing?". Especially men. They don't like to share a woman with any man.
So..... now imagine you are crazy in love with "someone" ( and you are having a male hormons - testesteron, libido, agression etc )plus love, passion, attraction...emotions. Even for a women but especially for a man, he would want you for himslef only and he would be jealous asking you questions about divorce trying to speed up everything so that he is at least sure that you are "his". He may know you are "his" but he will always strive to remove any male whom he perceives as a "threat" and your husband is #1 on the list. Then sexy neighbour from the 1st floor LOL.
When it comes to his "divorce" that's not something that he would think at this time. If he is crazy about you, he would have hard time to be in the same room with his competition "your husband". I know your husband doesn't mean anything to you but to him, he is your "husband".
So this is one aspect that you got to think about, first determine if his feelings are genuine or not.
Once you determine that, you analyze his marriage. - he cheated on his wife - he is not very much into her otherwise you would not be in the picture "seriously" - he travelled to your country to see you - he told you he is not happy with his "situation". - not everyone married out of love. Marriages are happening for many different reasons.
All this shows, he is not very much involved with her, however he: - loves his children - he is responsible as the father in all means to them, wife and society that will reject him severely if he doesn't act appropariately, not to mention family on his side and her side. - etc.
It seems to me that: Two of you can only be "lovers" or "platonic friends" because he will highly unlikely be ready "just like that" to change his life for something new, even if he is crazy in love with you, first it will take time, months, years to remain together under those conditions. Second, your and his beliefs will be under question marks often because how will you convince yourself that it's ok to be with him and he is "still with her". His marriage would have to be "sexless" emotionless, basically - just on the paper - to make yourself feel good and not questioning his faithfulness to you.... etc many challeneges but!
I honestly believe, that true love, real LOVE.... always have obstacles. I have faith in love. I believe it's powerful when "genuine". It can make world go around but there are many many factors that can interfere, and only real conviction and real desire to be together can make it go. It is God's will to fell for someone and if you are so sooooo sure, if time passed and years proved to you and him that "your" love is true love, and real love - God bless you both and be kind and nice to those who lost him.
If you have no evidence, and you just want to try it out, or he wants to "try it out", for the sake of the children yours and his, don't ruin anyone's home, don't put your kids and his kids through emotional rollercoaster.
Posts: 989 | Registered: Aug 2004
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Hi; This is a tough one, but, it is not unusual. As years go by in marriage, having children, and getting busy with day to day life difficulties, things can become very difficult, and old love may fade away. I have been married for 25 years, with 4 children. I had similar issues with my wife, I was traveling a lot, too busy, and my old passionate love cooled off. My wife was getting very depressed, lonely, and cried during the night while I was enjoying my sleep. One day, we had a long discussion, and I decided to listen this time. I started working on paying attention, and I made many changes on my part. It was either this, or loses my wife. I am also a Coptic Orthodox, I don't believe in divorce, but, what's more important, I did not want to destroy my family. What I am trying to tell you is this; I don't know the details of your life, and you did not mention anything about your husband, and why his behavior has changed. You need to ask yourself, why things changed. Was I in love with the same man before? If so, then why I used to love him before, and I don't today?. You might want to think about a cool off period, or a separation period, and start thinking about things, and why they are what they are today instead of rushing into a divorce. Based on the words in your letter, it sounds like you were going through this period of cold love, and you may be bored and looking for a new exciting love. Ask yourself, if I get married again to this new love, what is going to happen in few years? Am going to be in the same situation again? Also, did you think about this man's family, his children and wife whom he is going to leave behind without support and love? Does he really loves you, or does he just want to leave the country to a new start? There are many questions you need to ask, and above all, even if your husband was what you think he is, I would not go after a married man if I was you because you will be destroying a whole family. Life is not always perfect, but, sometimes you may be able to manage your problems instead of rushing into costly decisions. I think you are missing the passionate love, being young again, getting the flowers, and falling in love again, and that is not unusual among women. Please forgive me for my strong words if I offended you, or hurt your feelings, am only trying to be honest, and I responded based on what I know. Good luck
Posts: 132 | Registered: Dec 2005
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Also romeoangel.... you have got here a lot of replays..but we didn't hear back from you..try to write back and say your feeling now,,may be you have something newto say..anyway i guess that you have to think again but more positive,,i don't mean only positiv to your situation..but look to the wife of your guy and think about wat you gonna do if you get him..sure you brake a happy family even in one side..and it would be more worse if he got children..
Posts: 29 | From: Egypt | Registered: Nov 2005
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