posted
Despite the fact that I have not contributed to this forum before I have been viewing for well over a year and like many before me (and no doubt many more after me!) the initial purpose was to get views and opinions on the relationships between Egyptian men and non Muslim women because of a situation I found myself in.
I know I am leaving myself wide open to lots of lectures and negative opinions from some of you and I expect the usual “here we go again” comments while boring you all to death with my tale of ‘met Egyptian charmer, fell for sweet talk, spent the last 18 months going to and from Sharm to be with him, only to discover he is a liar and a cheat’, I would like your opinion on what you would have done in this situation (ok, ok you wouldn’t have GOT in this situation...!)
During my visits to Sharm I became aware that he had many secrets and although he had quite openly told me an older English women sent him gifts etc, he had not had a relationship with her. I suppose alarm bells started ringing when I noticed just how much British clothing he had (how many Egyptian men have Marks and Spencer pyjamas!) and when I questioned him he would say some of the regular tourists (he works in one of the large hotels) would bring them for him.....pyjamas!!?? He was also very protective of his mobile phone (would sleep with it under his pillow) and always go outside to talk on it, saying it was his brother etc and was worried I might say something and his brother may hear. But to also go outside when he received a text...?
He would “visit” his family in Cairo a few times a year and would ask that I not text or call him while he was there, as his family would not understand our relationship and that he needed to break it to them gradually if they were ever to accept me. I could NEVER understand this (the religion thing yes, the mobile thing no) and my argument of “turn the ring tone off”, “change my name on the phone” “text me when you go to bed” etc etc never worked, he maintained his little sister would get hold of mobile and find out about me and there would be too many questions etc
I was with him last month for a week and almost every night he would disappear, sometimes just for 10 minutes or so…..once for 6 hours! Enough was enough, and finally one evening while he was asleep I interrogated his mobile Et Viola! I am not alone! He has another English woman, who appears to have had a similar relationship to us and during all those “Cairo visits”; she was actually visiting him in Sharm! (dates corresponded). Of course I did have my doubts or I would never have looked at the phone, and it was almost like I needed confirmation in order to move on (it had been a very turbulent 18 months). Finding out about the other “long-term” woman was bad enough but it was not just the two of us, sure we were the regulars but he also has one night stands too...in fact during the 6 hour disappearance he was with another English woman! (texts didn’t leave a lot to the imagination).
My opinion on what I should have done next have varied from killing him in his sleep, to texting the other women there and then and waiting for the s*** to hit the fan. But I was alone, at this point not thinking rationally and I only had a couple of days left before I came home. We were renting (sorry I was renting) an apartment in a residential area of Sharm (no not Delta Sharm) and now feeling very alone and afraid. I didn’t tell him what I had discovered until I came home when I let him have it with both barrels. Suffice to say we are now finished and whilst he was quite happy for us to carry on being “friends” (hello??!!) he threatened to kill himself, and that in turn would kill his family too, IF I told the other English woman. He obviously really loves her, or was he just keeping his options open because he knew he’d lost me? Nice thought but doubt it. Should I have let her know what a rat he is? How would I have felt had it been the other way around? My thoughts are for myself at the moment and I think had I told her I would not be able to close this as I’m sure we would have spoken and the thought of us “comparing notes” makes me feel sick. I told him she would find out what a s*** he was and he said, “well let her find out for herself” She isn’t my responsibility and whilst I know his threatening to kill himself was rubbish, my stupid emotions will not let the possibility of that be on my conscience.
I’ve found it hard talking to my friends and family about this because of feeling stupid, upset and having my confidence smacked about but know there are enough of you on here whose opinions I would value
Thanks for listening!
Posts: 4 | From: London | Registered: Feb 2005
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posted
I agree that you did the right thing to walk away but I also believe we have a responsibility as women to do something when we can, to put a stop to these situations. She may not want to listen but you should at least try. How can you move on without clearing your concience on this matter and to leave someonelse in the same sh**t you were in knowing how it feels to be there.
You also have the option to post a name and workplace here for the benefit of others that may be reading rather like you have for some time now and may be involved with this man in the same way as yourself.
There is no way this man is going to kill himself over this, he just wants to ensure he doesn't loose his other mealticket.
Sadly yours is a very typical story but basically it comes down to:- ladies please don't form long term relationships with the lowly paid workers in these resorts. They don't work, and you will not be able to find a balance that makes the relationship not dependant on your finances, and it can be a very painful experience learning this.
Posts: 3809 | From: Paradise | Registered: Mar 2003
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I am so sorry to hear of your experience, and hope you can move on and find love in a decent man. I agree, that you should name and shame him. Post his name and details here to warn any other potential victims. Who knows someone might recognise themself??? This rat should be 'outed'. He's a complete and utter bastard!! Posts: 1500 | Registered: Dec 2005
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SophieLu.... hurghada is full of identical stories.... the good thing is that you got away.... some women marry, buy business, etc with these assholes!!! I'm glad you had a lucky escape... you sound like you're not stupid.... I hope you find a decent man who deserves you!!!Naming him is a GOOD IDEA.... for potential 'other victims'
Posts: 4238 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Penny: I agree that you did the right thing to walk away but I also believe we have a responsibility as women to do something when we can, to put a stop to these situations. She may not want to listen but you should at least try. How can you move on without clearing your concience on this matter and to leave someonelse in the same sh**t you were in knowing how it feels to be there.
You also have the option to post a name and workplace here for the benefit of others that may be reading rather like you have for some time now and may be involved with this man in the same way as yourself.
There is no way this man is going to kill himself over this, he just wants to ensure he doesn't loose his other mealticket.
Sadly yours is a very typical story but basically it comes down to:- ladies please don't form long term relationships with the lowly paid workers in these resorts. They don't work, and you will not be able to find a balance that makes the relationship not dependant on your finances, and it can be a very painful experience learning this.
Alas, Penny. It's all so clear when you know what you're looking for but if you're there for the first time, you don't realize the wrong kind of attentiveness of these sharm sharks. Sadly I saw a few times one of the hotel personnel coming by to say a friendly "hello" to the british mother who was sunning herself by the pool with her 20+ yr old daughter and thankfully the mom had enough sense to remain friendly and aloof while the daughter didn't raise her head and acknowledge the line of gigallos who passed by. Sadly, after 2 hrs of this, I had to get up and get the manager bcs none of these romeos bothered to do their job and actually take orders from any of the 10+ guests in the surrounding area. I'm sure to the mother/daughter, however, they just seemed like really friendly egyptian locals.
Posts: 2182 | Registered: Oct 2002
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quote:Originally posted by Penny: I agree that you did the right thing to walk away but I also believe we have a responsibility as women to do something when we can, to put a stop to these situations. She may not want to listen but you should at least try. How can you move on without clearing your concience on this matter and to leave someonelse in the same sh**t you were in knowing how it feels to be there.
You also have the option to post a name and workplace here for the benefit of others that may be reading rather like you have for some time now and may be involved with this man in the same way as yourself.
There is no way this man is going to kill himself over this, he just wants to ensure he doesn't loose his other mealticket.
Sadly yours is a very typical story but basically it comes down to:- ladies please don't form long term relationships with the lowly paid workers in these resorts. They don't work, and you will not be able to find a balance that makes the relationship not dependant on your finances, and it can be a very painful experience learning this.
Alas, Penny. It's all so clear when you know what you're looking for but if you're there for the first time, you don't realize the wrong kind of attentiveness of these sharm sharks. Sadly I saw a few times one of the hotel personnel coming by to say a friendly "hello" to the british mother who was sunning herself by the pool with her 20+ yr old daughter and thankfully the mom had enough sense to remain friendly and aloof while the daughter didn't raise her head and acknowledge the line of gigallos who passed by. Sadly, after 2 hrs of this, I had to get up and get the manager bcs none of these romeos bothered to do their job and actually take orders from any of the 10+ guests in the surrounding area. I'm sure to the mother/daughter, however, they just seemed like really friendly egyptian locals.
Missed ya missed ya missed ya SExyptinCAI
hahahahahaha
Posts: 3903 | From: The Moon | Registered: Feb 2005
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posted
Originally posted by marakby: It's your mistake SophieLu. You're a mistake, Marakby
Posts: 68 | From: Easton Pa | Registered: Nov 2005
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Alas, Penny. It's all so clear when you know what you're looking for but if you're there for the first time, you don't realize the wrong kind of attentiveness of these sharm sharks. [/QB][/QUOTE]
Exactly and that is why we should never stop trying advise women what is going on. Many women are like the ladies you talk about and will brush off the attentions but so often the basic politeness of European women will give these men a way in. Like you I often just go staight to the management in these situations its the best way to put a stop to it. I just wish more guests would complain but it is often not in their nature to want to get the staff into trouble. I swear one day I will write a handout for what tourists should and should not expect to put up with.
Posts: 3809 | From: Paradise | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
It is so sad to read of a story like this and to guess the conclusion before you got there. I think I would have texted those women on his phone and told them of your existance. Then at least they have the information to make the decision rather than being in the dark.
It is easy to be wise after the event but at the time you did not have the information that enable you to make an informed decision. When you did you left (wisely). I hope these forums enable other women to make informed choices. If the contributors disagee with the decision so what.
-------------------- Jane Akshar UK Co-owner of www.flatsinluxor.co.uk Appartments and Tours in Luxor Posts: 2791 | From: www.flatsinluxor.co.uk, Luxor, Egypt | Registered: Jan 2003
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posted
If I were u I would let those women know what's going on. However, I don't believe that they will believe u at once. U can expect more questions or being suspected of ur jealousy etc. Well, it all depends how wise they are. Try. That kind of man must be stopped. Otherwise he will continue it forever and create own theory of the world and women. The most important for me is that he hurts all of u. I don't believe that both u and those women have been with him for fun.
Posts: 810 | Registered: Aug 2005
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posted
Thank you for sharing your opinions with me and yes Marakby it is my mistake, but as ExptinCAI said if you don’t know or haven’t been warned about these men you don’t actually see it coming. Had I not come on this forum I would still be none the wiser as to the antics of the men in certain tourist areas of Egypt, I was certainly totally oblivious to it on my previous visit before I met him.
It is unfortunate but women like me only come onto forums such as this when it is too late, you already have your doubts or questions. The brochures and tour companies don't warn you, but why should they? The majority of Egyptians are wonderful people and their tourist industry should not suffer because of these s****!
Maybe I should have informed the other women when my anger was at its strongest, but my emotions have been all over the place during the last month and now I can actually function a whole day without biting someone’s head off or constantly bursting into tears, so to tell them now would open up the wounds and I’m done with it.
I’m not going to “out” him on here for despite everything I once loved him and those feelings do not easily fade and whilst he deserves to suffer I do not want to be the cause of him losing his job etc, and as Madame Mohamed (unfortunate name in this case!) said, what goes around comes around and he WILL get his comeuppance in the end.
Thanks again x
Posts: 4 | From: London | Registered: Feb 2005
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quote:Originally posted by mooneal: If I were u I would let those women know what's going on. However, I don't believe that they will believe u at once. U can expect more questions or being suspected of ur jealousy etc. Well, it all depends how wise they are
My dear, he is a big lair and jerk so he wont get tired of creating fake stories… for example, “she is crazy about me and I have told her I’m not single but she want to destroy my life” bla bla just leave him alone and ignore ignore
Posts: 968 | From: www | Registered: Aug 2005
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quote:Originally posted by EgyptianMau: Is "Sharm" a particular area? Does anyone know the general reputation of men from Alexandria?
My husband spent his first 14 years in Alex.
Lets just put it this way, he learned his worst habits and attitudes from Alex, not Shebin.
Posts: 5744 | From: Minneapolis, Mn USA | Registered: Mar 2004
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