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Also, strict to some might not be to others. It really all depends on what you're used to. Egyptian women might find things normal that you find strict.
Posts: 1283 | From: Cairo | Registered: Feb 2006
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i would say that IN GENERAL, Egyptian men aren't known to be strict ... on the contrary, they are on the passive side.
Posts: 2049 | From: Canada | Registered: Nov 2005
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quote:Originally posted by _Masrawi_: i would say that IN GENERAL, Egyptian men aren't known to be strict ... on the contrary, they are on the passive side.
You have his money you have his balls kind of arrangement?
At least thats what I see when I look at my BIL & SIL, man is he whipped! Posts: 1765 | Registered: Mar 2006
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quote:Originally posted by _Masrawi_: i would say that IN GENERAL, Egyptian men aren't known to be strict ... on the contrary, they are on the passive side.
You have his money you have his balls kind of arrangement?
At least thats what I see when I look at my BIL & SIL, man is he whipped!
Has nothing to do with money actually ...
we've been through this before ... it has to do with the way they are raised by a dominant mother (among other things).
Posts: 2049 | From: Canada | Registered: Nov 2005
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My man would never stop me from doing what I want to do. We respect each other. We have a totally 50/50 relationship. Mutual respect and loads of love. That is the key. Upbringing is crucial. He was raised in good moslem, kind, nurturing, loving environment. When he say's he would die for me.........I believe him. I know I am very lucky.........but so is he!!! Posts: 1500 | Registered: Dec 2005
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it's not about being strict it's about being obayed.
if we'r talking avg egyptians the 50/50 relationshiop thingy is not in an egyptian man's dictionary.
Posts: 517 | From: snake city | Registered: Apr 2006
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Maybe on the outside the men have the power here, but from what I've seen its really the women who are in charge!
Posts: 516 | Registered: Jul 2005
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Thank God I dont have an average one then!!!! That's not to say he does not get jealous!! he does, but it's quite nice actually!! Shows he cares.......
Posts: 1500 | Registered: Dec 2005
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Jealousy is about control, not about love! Some people think that jealousy is a demonstration of love, it is not. If you TRUST me , yoy will never use this word.I just don't like this word at all! I can not see this word used in a good way.
Strict for me means narow .
Posts: 106 | From: Florida, USA | Registered: Jan 2006
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I hear you... I tend not to be jealous. I mean, do I care if my guy cheats? Darn, you are going to think bad about me when I write this…but…to a certain extent I give more freedom. OF COURSE I AM NOT GOING TO TELL MY EGYPTIAN GUY THIS. However, I would not go baserk if he met some hot girl and decided to have sex with her just for the fun of it – as long as he wear a condom and practices safe sex. What would be bad is if he fell in LOVE with her. Otherwise, I would not care if he was just relieving his tension on some tempting beauty. And by the way, can I be excused to do so at least once a year too? Ha!!! Fat chance! That is why I would never bring it up to an Egyptian man. (That is more of am American mentality – at least in NYC it is.)
I have, though, told him that if he is ever faced with the temptation that he can feel safe to come and talk to me about it. I would not go crazy and go nuts on him. I would turn off the “girlfriend or wife” status and turn on the “friend” button to try to understand what he was thinking and why. I tend to be very rational and have been giving the gift of EMPATHY.
Yet, it seems to me that in Egyptian culture my approach would be considered a LACK OF LOVE. Whereas to me it is a fully developed love because I am trying to understand the HUMAN BEING rather than own the human being. I think it is a deeper love when we can be friends and be there to help out during the other’s weaknesses or struggles.
My guy though is crazy jealous. I tell him that I love him anyhow but that maybe with time he can begin to understand that his jealous really does make me feel there is a lack of trust. I have told him I love and accept him with his flaws but if he can just try to begin to understand my point of view – he might see he is sending me mixed messages – instead of showing me “love” through jealousy.
Am I his? Absolutely. Do I feel like I “belong” to him when he tells me I do? As much as he thinks I “belong” to him. For I do not think we belong to anyone except the God that created me. I don’t argue this point though. I know what I believe and I just respect what he believes…but he knows my point of view. I just let him go on with him.
posted
It's not that they're necessarily "strict" but they do like for their wives to hear their "word" so to speak. They like obedience. On the other hand they're push overs. The ones I know personally would do anything for their wives and are very good to them.
Posts: 2735 | From: my desk | Registered: Jul 2005
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"Yet, it seems to me that in Egyptian culture my approach would be considered a LACK OF LOVE."
I have come to the conclusion after haven dealt with the *jealousy thing* with my Egyptian boyfriend that they DO consider it a sign of love and not of control. In addition I have realized that what *normal jealousy* is to them is *crazy jealousy* to us Westerners in most cases.
My boyfriend has even *tested* me just to get me to reveal my jealous side and this has made him extremeley happy! Something that I don't understand! To me jealousy is a sign of weakness but it seems, based on my relationship and other's here, that it is welcomed in Egypt.
What I wonder about is what does *crazy jealousy* mean in Egypt? Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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What is crazy jealousy? Wil they get violent or scream?
While I was there - a male friend physicaly threatned three different men - on three different occasions - just for LOOKING at me like they wanted me... I was terrified. I ended up wearing a head covering for the rest of my visit with that friend.
My boyfriend is a bit more casual though. As long as I stay close by him and obey...I suppose.
Obey? Interesting concept... what kind of obedience to they like?
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When I was in Egypt with my boyfriend he was pretty casual most of the time when we were walking in the street and he would never get annoyed if somebody talked to me or i talked to them etc.
But what surprised me was when his sister came with us one day and he turned into a watch dog! Nobody could even look at her! I didn't know what to think....
I think that this reveals different views toward Western and Egyptian women.
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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I don't necessarily think so. I think it reveals that he's more protective of his sister because she's his family and hence she is more of his responsibility. You're simply his girlfriend who may leave him at any time. If and when you become his wife he may seem more protective.
My husband is more protective of me than his sisters..I'm Western, they're Egyptian.
Posts: 2735 | From: my desk | Registered: Jul 2005
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But I am rather happy that he treats me differently. I wouldn't want to be his responsibility - I would feel like his child and not his girlfriend.
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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He let you talk to other men? My boyfriend, and my guy friend there, did not!
My boyfriend kept telling me to never leave his side and he did not like me talking to any men.
One day I woke up early and decided to go to the beach wiht his seven year old newphew with me. When he found out he raced over and told me I was crazy for wandering off without protection. Something about..."A princess never leaves without her bodyguards..." (Oh boy! :/) I know he means well...
I asked him if, once he was here, what his point of view would be if I decided to go out with a girlfriend to the movies. He said he would first have to know which place to see if it was safe for me to go alone with her... I know he means well...but I am going to have to learn to get used to this... lol
Dear magnoon man! My habla Egyptian. I love him!!! but boy can he drive me nuts.
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Well maybe he didn't exactly let me talk to other men - of course I talked to his friends and waiters and service people and no prob. He was not very keen on letting me go somewhere alone and if I insisted on it, he got upset - telling me that I should listen to him and that he knew everything in Cairo. But I insisted nonetheless and had my way.
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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I think your boyfriends'reactions are excessive because you don't know the country well, they feel they need to protect you for that reason. If my fiancé dared to tell me whom I am allowed to talk to, what time to come back at, prevent me from walking alone...well, I wouldn't be with him anymore. You're all big grown up girls, you don't need someone to tell you what to do and when. And it may be cute at the beginning, but how can you imagine your life with someone that possessive and jealous? Will he be behind you when you go buy your molokheya? Come on! No, let's hope he's like that because he's worried for you, because you're in a country you don't know.
Posts: 531 | Registered: Jan 2006
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When you first go to the country it is not wise to do 'I am a big girl I know what I am doing' line. You do in your own country but in a different country you need guidance. You will find a lot of guys who tell you what to do are trying to protect you and once they know you understand the rules they will loosen up.
Also you have to understand in Egypt your actions reflect on an entire family not just on you so a simple mistake which would just embarras you in the West could prevent your sisters in law getting married.
I found the first year my husband was forever controlling and tell me what to do but now after 3 years he doesn't do either because he knows I understand.
-------------------- Jane Akshar UK Co-owner of www.flatsinluxor.co.uk Appartments and Tours in Luxor Posts: 2791 | From: www.flatsinluxor.co.uk, Luxor, Egypt | Registered: Jan 2003
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"I found the first year my husband was forever controlling and tell me what to do but now after 3 years he doesn't do either because he knows I understand."
In other words he has broken you in....
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Barbapapa: If my fiancé dared to tell me whom I am allowed to talk to, what time to come back at, prevent me from walking alone...
My ex-fiance was the same way, it disturbed me but then again I accepted it as how Egyptian men are behaving and I wanted nothing but to please him and not create problems in his own culture surrounding.
But when we lived in England he totally changed. He let me wear what I wanted to and he was fine with who I would talk to or go out with (mind you only girls nightouts of course).
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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You are so right Akshar in everything you've said.
quote:Originally posted by akshar: When you first go to the country it is not wise to do 'I am a big girl I know what I am doing' line. You do in your own country but in a different country you need guidance. You will find a lot of guys who tell you what to do are trying to protect you and once they know you understand the rules they will loosen up.
Also you have to understand in Egypt your actions reflect on an entire family not just on you so a simple mistake which would just embarras you in the West could prevent your sisters in law getting married.
I found the first year my husband was forever controlling and tell me what to do but now after 3 years he doesn't do either because he knows I understand.
posted
My husband must be the atypical egyptian man in everything. He is totally not controlling, more suggestive, and truly doesn't get mad if I don't take his advice. We have a lot of respect for each other, and I think that goes a long way. Sometimes I'll ask for his advice, and he likes that. Other times if he suggests things to me, I might say 'well, I see your point, but I still think I'll do this'. I think it's an ego thing, perhaps my husband is just comfortable in his skin and doesn't feel the need to control control control. The only thing he won't let me do I must say, is walk the streets alone at night. But I think that's sweet and not strict. Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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my guy does not even want me to go out after dark with friends or alone - he said he can pick me up... and of course, no males friends ... though my best friend of 15 years is a gay man.... he is ok... but never alone together...
i hope he softens a bit when he gets here to the u.s.
posted
Learn to respect the culture , religions and laws of egypt and you wil have no problem with your partner being "strict". Egyptian men are taught to love honour and protect the woman in their lives no matter what the consequences. A wife is everything to her husband and there is nothing that he will not do to protect her . All she has to do is trust in him and be honest. A 50/50 relationship is so easy to adopt if you just take the time to listen to reason. This is not the west.
Posts: 85 | From: bottom_of_the_barrel | Registered: May 2006
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Nourhan, you can learn to respect the culture, but if an Egyptian man is telling you what to do all the time, then that can be annoying.
Posts: 935 | Registered: Mar 2006
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Nourhan, you can learn to respect the culture, but if an Egyptian man is telling you what to do all the time, then that can be annoying.
Posts: 935 | Registered: Mar 2006
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Don't get me wrong, my egyptian husband does not tell me what to do all he time. On the contrary I am allowed to do almost everthing I desire eccept show cleavage, lots of leg and wear skimpy western clothing. That is as strict as he gets. I am afforded all that I was used to before I met and married him. I will say the only thing he is really strict about is my happiness. It seems that his only aim in life is to please me and keep me smiling, he hates it when I am sad. So that is the STRICT life I lead!
Posts: 85 | From: bottom_of_the_barrel | Registered: May 2006
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Nourhan, This is just my opinion, but I don't even think your husband should be telling you what to wear. It's your life, but I would not want that. I would not wear real skimpy clothing if my husband did not want me to, I'm not talking about your husband, but a man I would marry, but as far as the cleavage and lots of leg, I think that's okay as long as you keep some covered. This is just what I think, not what I feel about anyonelse's life.
Posts: 935 | Registered: Mar 2006
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Member Rated: posted 21 April, 2006 09:47 AM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I don't necessarily think so. I think it reveals that he's more protective of his sister because she's his family and hence she is more of his responsibility. You're simply his girlfriend who may leave him at any time. If and when you become his wife he may seem more protective.
My husband is more protective of me than his sisters..I'm Western, they're Egyptian. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i agreed there with MADAMN M my huband became more protective after we were married ..and even its worse when your thousands a miles aprt ..but thats for me cud be different with others ..and going for the hijab covering wasnt aproblem until married ,he thought he was protecting me if i wore it im form a islamic back ground want a problem for me but he not to push me cus i rebel so we met half way 50 /50 ....and we got on great got a good communication and relationship..
Posts: 1602 | From: the banana island shake me tweeeeeeee | Registered: Jan 2006
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Funny you say this…today I went shopping and could find nothing cute and suitable to cover everything. I cannot wear knee length skirts, short sleeves, or even show my neck… it is a big change for me. I grew up in Miami Beach.
But I love him and I know he means well.
And, yes, it can get a little annoying when he tells me what to do all the time … even if he does not impose it… it can still take its toll. :/
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His being a good man and your being able to live with what he wishes/demands are two different things. There are many good men in the world, that doesn't mean they're right for every woman. Posts: 1283 | From: Cairo | Registered: Feb 2006
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It's not just about how you dress. And I don't personally find dressing more modestly will hurt you at all. But dressing more modestly is probably just the tip of the iceberg. Maybe you should take the time to get to know each other's cultures more and what you each expect from one another? It certainly couldn't hurt and could save you much grief and trouble further down the road. Just my opinion. Posts: 1283 | From: Cairo | Registered: Feb 2006
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Something that I don't understand! To me jealousy is a sign of weakness but it seems, based on my relationship and other's here, that it is welcomed in Egypt.![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
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