posted
Aleya is hustlin' me! She is a sweet girl with a big heart but she been havin troubles at school like drawing up a cafeteria balance by not eating her packed lunches saying i didnt send her any and getting cheeseburgers. Now she is forgetting her homework at school deliberately and she was caught doing it in class the next day and forging my signature on it since parents have to check and sign it each nite. Tonite she drove me to the limit and i sat there catching her in a lie and i didnt know wtf else to do to get thru to her...i dont know how many times i can sit and talk to her or take her video game away before she gets it so i told her to hold out her hand and i welted it with a burning smack. She cried heartily as she ran it under water and i sat on the sofa and cried too because i dont hit kids. I was beaten a lot (abused really) as a kid and i cant imagine being the one to cause pain to my own child and now i feel like a total piece of sh!t....
Am i really bad for what i did? Shes such a kind girl but i dont know what else to do.
Mommies, and thoughts?
Posts: 59 | From: killadelphia | Registered: Jun 2009
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Time to do something, Tami. Have a good talk with her teacher to tackle the problem. Work together to make sure your daughter will bring all her homework home and does it on time otherwise it will have a negative impact on her performance in school.
If you don't want her to eat the lunch meal at school close her account it's that simple.
Explain to your daughter that what she's doing right now is not acceptable and makes you very sad. She is old enough to be held accountable for her actions. Hopefully the issue will be resolved very soon.
Btw I wonder how she gets along with your new bf. Do they like each other or is she perhaps jealous of him? From your earlier postings I would strongly believe so. Look your daughter is not dumb, she got feelings too. Perhaps she's too young to explain them to you properly but by her acting that way could be a sign of rebellion.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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Just ask her "What will happen if someone forgets to take her homework once? What will happen if that happens twice, etc. She will get punished. Teacher becomes angry. She doesn't know the stuff. Then she gets bad grades. Mum gets angry. etc. Same for the food, what does she think will happen when she eats only cheeseburgers? Get fat? Health? How will she look? Should she feel fine when she looks overweighted? etc. Help her to make her answers. Then she will draw her own conclusions of her own behaviour...
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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You aren't a bad person, but don't hit your daughter in anger again. Being powerless doesn't mean she can't FEEL, and with all the other bullsh*t in her life now her Mom is coming at her like that?
Tell her she doesn't need to hustle, that you have her back and that you know the school thing sucks but hey she has to do it. Why aren't you alerted about the homework situation every night when it isn't there for you to review? Does the teacher use blackboard.com? Can you figure out a way to get the homework? The cheeseburger thing? Stop packing her lunch and let her eat in school, maybe the kids she tablesits with are all lunchtray kids and she doesn't want to stand out as a brownbagger? Kids are sort of stuck because they are capable of FEELING every emotion as deeply as we are, and they have no power. Handle your business, and put her first for a bit. Good Luck kiddo.
Posts: 1071 | Registered: Aug 2005
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Oh, I don't have anything to say to you, cause I do not have experienced yet, and I don't know what will I do if my twins behave like that Posts: 756 | From: ...be solution... | Registered: Jul 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Culture Club: Oh, I don't have anything to say to you, cause I do not have experienced yet, and I don't know what will I do if my twins behave like that
Twins, lucky you!!! giggle..
I'd handcuff the little deviants together and give them spray bottles with lemon juice, then have them work it out.
I remember a suggestion of my ultra liberal and woefully ineffective therapist I had in gradeschool (sarcasm my mother hated her because she suggested alnon).
Have the little deviant write up her own rules, punishments for those infractions. Then have the deviant write out how current rules and punishments aren't working. Lastly have the little deviant write out rules for mom and what punishments he/she would like to see mom or parent endure if that parent broke the rules.
Instead of using authority as a way of getting even with the little deviant for how you were raised, actually correcting behavior of both parent and child is preferable.
My dad and I did it. He broke his own rule and drove down the street and cried for 3 hours. Major breakthrough because he took his role seriously. Mother though still can't take responsiblity for anything she does and her kidneys are failing because she cannot accept that her behavior will kill her.
Posts: 2280 | Registered: Oct 2009
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ok, you asked for advice so i will give it as i see it.
firstly you are not a bad person for smacking her, you know its wrong and we all make mistakes, there is no perfect parent.
second, and you wont like this, but IMO (and you asked for it) you are too preoccupied with men and possibly yourself, to be giving her enough attention, and I mean proper relaxed, consistent, stable attention. Positive encouragement and listening are some of the things most busy parents forget unintentionally.
This does not make you a bad person either, everyone lets their children down from time to time, but my advice would be to stop dating, sort yourself out with some proper counselling to get rid of all your baggage and your daughter will feel more secure and less lost.
You will know when you have got to the right place when you no longer need to come on here and discuss every detail, because you do it out of lonliness and a need to offload.
You are your daughters foundations, if the foundations aren't strong, she WILL crumble and fall. (and I mean emotionally strong, not kick arse strong)
Posts: 140 | From: UK | Registered: Aug 2009
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quote:Originally posted by Vesuvius: sort yourself out with some proper counselling
Excellent advice, I would only add.....
and bring your daughter with you, she has gone through everything you have. Children pick up on EVERYTHING.
Posts: 3291 | From: I DO believe in Karma! | Registered: Apr 2002
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