posted
My husband did something truly devastating yesterday, and it wasn't the first time. I am thinking it is a dealbreaker, I don't know though, this behaviour is akin to a disease, could be possibly fixed but it is too much drama and heartache if he keeps doing it.
So what are the dealbreakers for you? What would make you leave your spouse?
Shooky Member # 14776
posted
DO GF'S count? well cheating ofcourse...but she wouldnt do that. Flirting with other men, acting like a total b*tch every day. Lying, dishonesty, too much jealousy. or doesnt respect my culture and background
Qmar Member # 12602
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Anything that made me feel that things will never be the same again. The usual come to mind (affairs, beatings) but its hard to say what you would do at the actual time. You will know yourself if you have tried your best to hold it together and its unrepairable. If the love is all dried up and now all you feel is resentment... Yous say it can be fixed. If this is true seek help if you think he is worth it, Good luck x
Laura Member # 879
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Physical or mental abuse.
An addiction (alcohol, drugs, gambling, etc) he refused to seek help for.
Having another affair (if you had both sought counseling after one and thought your marriage was back on track)
Wish you all the best gyne.
Penny Member # 1925
posted
Best thing I remember being said to me was ....ask yourself where you will be in 5 years time if you stay.....if you are sure in your mind that is not a place you want to be then its time to move on. It's not about what the other persons is or is not doing or what their behaviour is because you can never control that. Its about you and whether you can stand living like that. Marriage is not easy and takes alot of hard work but if like me the thought of hanging in for another 5 years was so daunting, then you know its time to go.
Lady Ferret Member # 15263
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I agree with Penny, in every situation you have to take yourself out of the moment and look further down the line. 1 month, 1 year 5 years.
Sometimes somethings can be forgiven but never forgotten.
Tigerlily Member # 3567
posted
quote:Originally posted by gyne: My husband did something truly devastating yesterday, and it wasn't the first time. I am thinking it is a dealbreaker, I don't know though, this behaviour is akin to a disease, could be possibly fixed but it is too much drama and heartache if he keeps doing it.
So what are the dealbreakers for you? What would make you leave your spouse?
Hm what could have he possible done?
He didn't lift up the toilet seat before he peed? He didn't close the toothpaste after brushing his teeth? He threw the milk container into the recycled metal? He didn't take off his shoes before he stepped into the appartment? He didn't clean up the table after dinner?
What so truly devastating did he commit yesterday? Give us a clue!!
IMHO don't look for excuses to leave your husband. Just do it! Obviously there is nothing left what you like about him. So stop nagging and complaining about the situation. Leave him and make it easier for you and for him.
~ TL
Momma Dukes Member # 14252
posted
When every single day is a situation and gets to the point where you have to seek advice just to know how to deal with it.
Just leave him...and don't accept his gifts and boo hoo's if he begs you to come back. My ex went so far as buying my stepmother a diamond necklace so she would convince me to treturn and once he had me back, he acted only worse because NOW, he was pissed.
It hurts for a good minute after you leave and people wanna avoid that feeling so they stay but let me tell you, take a month off...totally cut all ties with him when you do and resist the urge to call him and stuff like that.
You will over that initial shitty ass breakup feeling and then you will see everything in a whole new light. You will enjoy waking up everyday not having to deal with stress and drama.
Then you will be glad you did.
If I knew back then what I know now, I would have meft my ex a looooong time ago before I wasted the best years of my life on him.
Problems in a relationsip stink...and when they are happening when the relationship is still young, believe you me sweety, it only is going to get owrse. usually problems l ike this happen LATER, then you can work thru them discovering what wetn wrong, but this early on? NAH.....it's just you are seeing his true colors and you can't teach on old dog new tricks.
Egyptian men are far too proud to change, especially for a woman. Not saying they are not looking at women like they less but because they think that they are absolutely perfect in every way.
I suggest you start stashing cash to the side and do what you need to do to get out, cause he obviously doesn't care about your happiness and sounds like a very selfish man.
Nip it in the butt before it gets too much and things fly out of control in which they most likely will if you don't handle it now.
Even if you don't want to divorce him, since that IS a really big thing, take some time off. I grabbed my daughter and hopped the next flight to South Florida to take a break...something him and I BOTH agreed on in roder for me to calm down, forget what he did to me and try to work it out fresh and new when I came back and 2 m onths later, after we both were out of sight and out of mind, we both realized that we were much happier without each other.
Of course he began to drink himself into an oblivion cause splitting up from a person in whom you did love to death at one point is hard...nobody takes a change in life that well...but time is the only way to clear your mind and see the truth.
Get a separation, and see how well you both are apart. If you are both happier then you have your answer. If not then maybe it will teach his ass that he needs to wise the hell up.
Hibbah Member # 12156
posted
quote:Originally posted by Tigerlily:
quote:Originally posted by gyne: My husband did something truly devastating yesterday, and it wasn't the first time. I am thinking it is a dealbreaker, I don't know though, this behaviour is akin to a disease, could be possibly fixed but it is too much drama and heartache if he keeps doing it.
So what are the dealbreakers for you? What would make you leave your spouse?
Hm what could have he possible done?
He didn't lift up the toilet seat before he peed? He didn't close the toothpaste after brushing his teeth? He threw the milk container into the recycled metal? He didn't take off his shoes before he stepped into the appartment? He didn't clean up the table after dinner?
What so truly devastating did he commit yesterday? Give us a clue!!
IMHO don't look for excuses to leave your husband. Just do it! Obviously there is nothing left what you like about him. So stop nagging and complaining about the situation. Leave him and make it easier for you and for him.
~ TL
Gyne, there are plenty of deal breakers. Including physical abuse, infedility, engaging in criminal behavior, etc. Couldn't you see the things you see in your husband now before you were married?
Momma Dukes Member # 14252
posted
I think that's the problem...many people don't show their true colors until later after they got what the wanted. Kinda like a golddigging woman who acts all sweet and kind and caring for the older man that she wants to marry for the money...then after they are hitched she becomes cold and cheats on him while rolling in the lavish things he gave her as her and her lover plot his murder so they can escape with his millions loool...(just an example)
Plus that can also be the result of marrying somebody you barely know. That's what happened to me.
Knew my ex for 3 months before we married and after that ring was on my finger, he turned out to be the meanest sneakiest freakjaw ever.
Tahira Member # 14729
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cheating. no excuse & no apologie.
????? Member # 12336
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No clue, actually, really depends on the situation itsselve. Think when there should be no trust anymore...
Kalila Member # 14517
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'Marry in haste repent at leisure'people really should remember this saying momma
gyne Member # 9410
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It is true that I didn't know my husband VERY well before I married him - to do that I should have stayed with his family and him in his area in Cairo, learn to speak Arabic, etc. I took a chance and in many ways it is biting me in the ass now.
Many of the things he has done which I have found to be offensive is behaviour that is recently developed, at least there were no indications of it before. And this latest devastating thing is directly connected to the West, because it doesn't exist in Egypt, and that is really hard to deal with. He felt tempted by it and he lost control. But it is so hard to make him understand that it is his responsibility despite all that. He can never admit he is wrong.
Laura Member # 879
posted
quote:Originally posted by gyne:
And this latest devastating thing is directly connected to the West, because it doesn't exist in Egypt, and that is really hard to deal with. He felt tempted by it and he lost control. But it is so hard to make him understand that it is his responsibility despite all that. He can never admit he is wrong. [/QB]
Gyne,there is nothing that doesn't exist in Egypt, except maybe Martians
Kalila Member # 14517
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Gyne, why are you putting yourself through this angst? imo , from what you have said your marriage is all but over sweetie,for your own sanity if just for the present, get the hell out before he destroys you or you destroy him. i wish you all the best for whichever course you take, take care.
Tigerlily Member # 3567
posted
quote:Originally posted by gyne: It is true that I didn't know my husband VERY well before I married him - to do that I should have stayed with his family and him in his area in Cairo, learn to speak Arabic, etc. I took a chance and in many ways it is biting me in the ass now.
Many of the things he has done which I have found to be offensive is behaviour that is recently developed, at least there were no indications of it before. And this latest devastating thing is directly connected to the West, because it doesn't exist in Egypt, and that is really hard to deal with. He felt tempted by it and he lost control. But it is so hard to make him understand that it is his responsibility despite all that. He can never admit he is wrong.
I don't know but it looks like you obviously don't remember that in the beginning of the year you claimed on this forum that he pushed you while holding your newborn in your hands.
What else you want to happen?
Why dragging this bad movie out??
~ TL
gyne Member # 9410
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Tigerlily have I offended you in some way?
Tigerlily Member # 3567
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quote:Originally posted by gyne: Tigerlily have I offended you in some way?
Please tell me what makes you think that??
I believe you should come to terms with the fact that your situation will not improve. Complaining won't do anything and you are doing exactly that since I can remember the first troubles with your husband.
What you experience has nothing to do with the differences in cultures. You just didn't know each other well in advance before you got married.
You can blame him and blame him but it won't improve your relations. If you can't get over the fact that he's doing everything wrong what the heck??
Let him go as I said previously. Perhaps you can be better off as friends - try to have civil relations with him because of the daughter you have together.
~ TL
????? Member # 12336
posted
People who always are blaming somebody else for the mistakes they have made, not admitting that they were wrong,are not taking responsebility for their own deeds. It is a characteristic, and has nothing to do with nationality. In my opinion it is a weak personality. It is too easy to find somebody else to put the blame on, it is much more difficult to look in the mirror and admit your own contribution to what has happened. And there ALWAYS is... They never learn from their mistakes, and will act the same by the next coming problem. And why???? Because of FEAR. Being guilty, afraid to be guilty, being scared of the consequences. Making mistakes isn't bad. It is an opportunity to grow, to make the personality grow. The way we handle our mistakes makes us a strong or a weak character. I think when there is enough trust, in ourselves and in the other, we are not afraid to admit we were wrong.
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