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[QUOTE]Originally posted by MICKY A: [QB] [QUOTE]Originally posted by Bubblesperson: [qb] Hi, dear Mystic!! Here's hoping that today will be a little better for you... But, vain hope, sadly, it is apparent that you have not taken one step forward in your recovery yet... Why do I say that?? Because as yet you have not commented with one word on WHAT you are going to do, on what you plan for now, what your ideas are to cope with this disaster, on how to put it behind you... The ONLY thing you tell us is HIS excuse - irrelevant, anyhow - fact still is, he LET YOU DOWN SUDDENLY!!!!! and so HURT YOU BADLY!!!! BUT - you are DISCUSSING this with HIM - WHYYYYYYY do you still talk / chat / view webcam with him???? What for??? Since he is not coming, and asks for the marriage to be over, WHY should you PROLONG all heartache through having contact still??? How will you possibly be able to put this behind you, if lovey-dovey assurances (more from your side, HE is not coming, right..) are still flying back and forth?? Look, whatever the reasons he gives now, and whatever one makes of them (and here a little aside to Of-Gold, aside from the fact that HE has apparently not asked for Mystic to move over - thank God!!! - or he did (knowing she can't, so that's playing), she can't, only in 10 years' time, when the youngest is 18...) - the fact remains that IT IS OVER. Sorry to put it down like this, but this is how it is - and that is the FIRST THING you must come to accept in order to heal. (Which is why I say 'irrelevant' to reason. Never mind that. END RESULT is important, it's over...). There is NO POINT, and it will be sooooooo bad for you, if you keep on hoping, if you think that may be this will change, something may happen - hard as it is for you right now, STOP LOVING!!!! (Loving WHAT, anyhow??? A man you do not know terribly well, who strung you along for a year and who now CRUSHED YOU??? Get the hell MAD at him!!!!). And then STOP all contact with him!!! You MUST, you cannot possibly feel better and learn to think of life without him again, if he is still constantly there, intruding in your REAL life... Dear Mystic, the only way forward is for you to make a conscious, real effort to NOT think about him, talk about him (definitely not TO HIM!!), dream of 'what could have been' - just decide every day that you set times aside to FORGET. To suddenly never think of him is impossible, but try some small amounts of time for starters. Do something completely different, force yourself to preoccupy your head with anything else - do the crosswords (anything that requires concentration is excellent for switching off temporarily), do go for a walk with the kids, help with their homework, let them talk to you if you can't think of something other to talk about... Remember that there is faaaar more to life than this man - always has been, but now he does NOT feature anymore, HE decided that... The sooner you will ACCEPT this decision, the sooner you will be able to think of what is really the ONLY IMPORTANT THING HERE - YOOOUUUU AND YOUR KIDS!!!! So, acceptance, grief, and then down to the nitty-gritty - how can you ensure that the future will indeed be better??? Sweet Mystic, I am getting the impression that you feel I am trying to tell you something is wrong with you, you are crazy or so - NOT SO!!!!! You are not crazy or have bad faults, you have just had a hell of a lot to deal with FOR TOO LONG, is all. And you did this on your own... Which is the hard, slow, and sometimes impossible way to go. Now, KNOWING how very beneficial and positively life-changing therapy can be, how much it can help, and how it can pull one out of a rut and a PATTERN ONE REPEATS INVOLUNTARILY, I have to tell you again that I consider therapy NOW as a truly life-changing opportunity for you. It would be very brave and courageous of you to start this (cause it is scary at first), but you will FEEL the good of it real soon... AND it would set a wonderful example for your kids, on how to NOT simply let things happen to one, to NOT be at the mercy of someone else / events, but how to TAKE CONTROL AND RESPONSIBILITY!! Please write and tell us what you are doing today to get your mind of him for a bit - one small thing will do, just do it!! And let us know, I am ready to cheer for you... You CAN do it!!! Now go and cut some flowers, hug the kids, and feel better today... Much love to you, Bubble [/qb][/QUOTE]very nice bubbles ;) i wish you well also MH :) [/QB][/QUOTE]
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