posted
well lets say you meet your husband or wife but mainly from a womans point of view here .. he wants to marry you he loves you and they in the end accept you .but then he's careful in not telling many friends ..im not talking of cairo its far different to a little city in the dessert ..cause he may have been the only one to have married a forigenr but you then find out many years later that still no one knows hes married a westerner and even you find from chats he still denies hes married the answer is he say they dont understand they assume your marrying for visa ..but you say if me visit mum what they do then u say i dont give a damn then u say then why deny me im your wife im brought yo uhere im fed u clothed you given myslef to you loved you and honured you and you insult me by DENYING ME please there is no room in a mrriage for this kind of crap ..so tell me ES USERS WHY YOU THINK THIS IT MAY BE INNOCENT OR MAY BE CUS UR SLIGHTLY OLDER OR U WAS MARRIED BEFORE AND HAVE KIDS U DO FIND OUT HE DONT TELL OF THE OLDEST CHILD WHO IS OF 21 AND OVER SO IF THIS CREATES A PROBLEM AND THEY SEE THIS WRONG THEN WHY MARRY THE WOMAN IN THE FIRST PLACE EVEN IF ITS NOT FOR A VISA ... NO BACKLASH HERE JUST A REASONABLE EXSPLANATION AFTER 3YEARS U FIND OUT UR BEING DENIED ....
its not that no one knows your not married how the hell you keep a think secret like that beats me and how can them have the ordasity to say to some friend oh whereu hear that from no no its not true .im wrking and be home soon inshallah .. theres something missing here .....
Posts: 4597 | Registered: Jun 2006
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posted
i wouldn't like it, i dont think its right, when you are with someone you should stand by them 100% regardless of what others think, that shouldnt come into it and would make the one being denied feel awful.
Posts: 1017 | From: uk | Registered: Mar 2006
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posted
WOULD YOU FEEL VEY INSULTED ,EVEN THOUGH YOU WASH THERE FRIGGEN DIRTY LAUNDRY AND YOU ATTEND TO THEM WHEN THERE SICK .AND YOU EVEN SUPPORT THEM IN SHITE .OR EVEN IF YOU COULD SEND MONEY HOME ,AND YOUR STILL BEING DENIED IM SO WOULD BE SO INSULTED IF U HAD YOUR WAY HOW THEN WOULD YOU DEAL WITH IT ..THANX
Posts: 4597 | Registered: Jun 2006
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posted
id be very insulted, well i'd probably start by not doing the washing, not attending to them, and not supporting...because if i dont exist then i cant do it can i?
then my conscience would get the better of me and i'd feel like i should still be a 'good wife' even if he was a 'shity husband', depending on how religious he was I would treat him accordingly, however, if he was doing this then he is pretty insensitive and so where is his religious conscience?
so it depends on alot of things...im not one for revenge (anymore!) but i like the way the romans used to do things.
If a man was caught stealing, he would have to go to the gladiator ring to pick up the dead bits of bodies while they were fighting, this was his punishment...while he was there, say 9-5, typical working day they would take the door off his house and leave evryone to help themselves to his stuff...
seems fair?
truthfully i dont know him so its really hard to advise what i would do, what do you think you would do?
Posts: 1017 | From: uk | Registered: Mar 2006
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posted
5TIMES A DAY MAN ......(PRAYER ).... WHAT WOULD I DO well personaly id pack his bags and send him home with a permanent mark on his face ... but all men have the attendacies to lie of the situaiton ....
Posts: 4597 | Registered: Jun 2006
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I think it's also a classic example of why no woman should consider marrying a man without full approval and knowledge from his family.
The heartache that can come later from this kind of thing, will eat away and erode the love that once existed.
Posts: 3291 | From: I DO believe in Karma! | Registered: Apr 2002
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So this man only denies his marriage and wifes children to his friends?
Posts: 3291 | From: I DO believe in Karma! | Registered: Apr 2002
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posted
hmmm interesting... so his family know, so who exactly is he denying it to, friends in egypt? friends in UK? or wherever he is...if he prays 5 times a day, do people at the mosque know about his wife? what happens when they go out?
also what EXACTLY are his reasons, is he lying or just not going into detail?, could it be that the people that are asking he doesnt want to socialise with so is telling them as little as possible about himself?
Posts: 1017 | From: uk | Registered: Mar 2006
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posted
It is totally unacceptable. Life is too short, you NEED to be with someone who is proud of you. And, you need to be proud of yourself. Have courage and confidence. You deserve it.
Posts: 178 | From: USA | Registered: Jan 2007
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posted
not the problem here just denies from the city in egypt even may be new friends he makes on chat who knows..what gets me it was never a secret but some are still unaware when even going to the house not spoken of even though shes accepted ..she asked the other day would you still deny to the friends and he said yes cause they wont get it they are stupid cause all they tihink is the worst so if you was to visit family and ur wife too what then ..then he say NO PROBLEM ..so what is she some type of sckivvy a bank book or what to be denied exctistance to say you love someone and deny them nah something terrible wrong there someone hides something in the end //dont boil the kettle black until you find the milk .... thats my motto
Posts: 4597 | Registered: Jun 2006
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posted
Actually I think this is more important than the bit of paper especially as Islam says for a marriage to be valid it must be publicly declared. If something is a secret you have to ask why
-------------------- Jane Akshar UK Co-owner of www.flatsinluxor.co.uk Appartments and Tours in Luxor Posts: 2791 | From: www.flatsinluxor.co.uk, Luxor, Egypt | Registered: Jan 2003
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posted
definately, agree with akshar, and particularly if hes not announcing it for people he meets on chat...is he talking to men on 'chat'? or women? why doesnt he talk to his wife instead?
Posts: 1017 | From: uk | Registered: Mar 2006
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posted
"and he said yes cause they wont get it they are stupid cause all they think is the worst"
He could be just embarrased becaus of marrying you and does not want his friends gossip about it or make him less in their eyes by marrying someone disputable. He can be very childish and insensitive and concerned about his image or have strong feelings of shame, since he may well be of the same opinion, that it is not a very positive thing to do to not marry your regular virgin but a woman defected in the eyes of his society and himself.
He could also be ashamed that he needed you to provide for a visa instead if him having one on his own account. It is a weak spot to some man to need a woman. He may anyway feeling vulnerable for you to have to take care of him financially or otherwise to get adjusted to your society. It may hurt his sense of manly self to be that depended where he sees himself as the man that should provide for things in the family.
Our type relationship can be very confronting.
I remember my hubby insisting to anyone that he got his workingpermit and passport after having had his studyingvisa to not openly admit that he got this becaus he married me.
Hubby also hates the gossip going on. When we were married some 11 years ago and went to see his parents they were told all sorts of stories about us, me being 20 years older, having children already. None of it true, but it is not only heavily debated and frowned upon in ES.
Don't throw in your own sensitivities also that can be a fatal mix. If anything take pride in your men's abilities for what he is capable of and try to smile upon life. We are all spoonfed with fairytales about 'the marriage' but married life is in eating the pudding and growing stronger.
Posts: 1419 | From: Amsterdam, Netherlands | Registered: Aug 2003
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posted
OH HELL NO WAY IM GOT MY PRIDE DONT CARE BEEN MARRIED BEFORE AND IM CERTAINLY NOT GOING TO BELITTTLE MYSELF NOT TO A PRIDED MAN EGYPTIAN OR NO EGYPTIAN ..HOW WOULD HE FEEL IF IT WAS THE OTHER WAY ROUND WHO TAKES THE **** WEN SUMMAT GOES WRONG YOU MAY WANT TO BE A UNDERDOG I DONT THANKYOU FOR TAKING TIME TO ANSWER IM TOOK MY PINNI OFF OK ......
Posts: 4597 | Registered: Jun 2006
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posted
Allright Chimps, Have it out on me instead!:-) the guy is just a bastard and you want put up with it?
Posts: 1419 | From: Amsterdam, Netherlands | Registered: Aug 2003
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posted
I'm sorry but that is unacceptable. As someone said here before announcing your marriage to the public is part of an Islamic marriage and denying it just spits in the face of that. No way no how would I put up with not telling people and furthermore outright denying it by saying he's just working and will be back?????
Throw the bum OUT. NOW. If not for you then do it for the kids so that they can look to you and be proud that their mother respects herself more than that.
Posts: 1808 | From: USA | Registered: Aug 2006
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quote:Originally posted by chimpsandherbanana: why dont you ask him he's about somewhere the coward ....
He is a member here?
he may read this mighten he any way exsplains his crappy mood swings ..didnt say he was a member would i and if he was who would you think he was in here id like a laugh here for once to day .... Posts: 4597 | Registered: Jun 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Laura: Josette????????????
hehehehe now me is laughing do you know laura if he was on here i would not have a clue who he was but you made me laugh ,ta very much Posts: 4597 | Registered: Jun 2006
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posted
ive been told off and ive been told im no nothing but hey escuse me who am i what was my purpose for you ..you wash your own pants but not in my washer machine or my sink the bog is best for you .....
Posts: 4597 | Registered: Jun 2006
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quote:Originally posted by akshar: Actually I think this is more important than the bit of paper especially as Islam says for a marriage to be valid it must be publicly declared. If something is a secret you have to ask why
ahhh good point, that's right, you can't hide the marriage...
Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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they would take the door off his house and leave evryone to help themselves to his stuff...
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