posted
Three Cajuns, Thibodeaux, Guidry and Boodro all died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The first man, Thibodeaux, fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter.
He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.
The second man, Guidry, reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.
He shook them and said, 'De're bells.'
Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.
The third man, Boodor, started searching desperately through his pockets, began sweating and panting when suddenly he finally pulled out a pair of woman's panties ... and showed them to St. Peter.
St. Peter looked at Boodro with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'
Boodro smiled, didn't skip a beat and replied, 'Mais, dese are Carols!!!'
Sub-zero Member # 9691
posted
Dan was a single man living at home with his widowed father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed to find a wife with whom to share his fortune. One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but soon, my father will die and I will inherit $200 million." Impressed, the woman asked for his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother. Women are so much better at financial planning than men.
Sub-zero Member # 9691
posted
A man boarded a plane with 6 kids.
After they got settled in their seats, a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over to him and asked, 'Are all of those kids yours?' He replied, 'No. I work for a Condom company. These are customer complaints.'
Chef Mick Member # 11209
posted
just got this in an email...too funny
Jack sh1t: For some time many of us have wondered who is Jack sh1t? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, You dont know Jack sh1t? Well, thanks to my efforts you can now respond in an intellectual way.
Jack sh1t is the only son of Awe sh1t who married O ****, the owners of Knee Deep N **** Inc. In turn Jack **** married Noe ****.
The couple had 6 children: Holie ****, Giva ****, Fulla ****, Bull ****, and the twins Deep **** and Dip ****. Deep **** married Dumb ****, a high school dropout. After 15 years, Jack and Noe **** got divorced and she married Ted Sherlock and became Noe **** Sherlock. Meanwhile, dip **** married Lota **** and had a rather nervous disposition named Chicken ****.
Fulla **** n Giva **** married the Happens brothers n had a double wedding. The newspaper invited everyone to the ****-Happens wedding. Bull **** traveled the world and returned home with an italian bride Pisa ****.
So from now on, no one can tell you that you dont know Jack ****!
young at heart Member # 10365
posted
Warning of Christmas shopping scam.
Please please please - make yourself aware of where this is happening AND tell your friends!
Over the last month I became a victim of a clever 'Eastern European' scam while out shopping. Simply dropping into Morrisons in Harwood for a bit of shopping has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.
Here's how the scam works:
Two seriously good-looking young men with foreign accents come over to your car and help pack your shopping into the boot. They then both start cleaning your windscreen. Their firm young bodies bulging out of their skimpy vest tops. It's impossible not to look.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they'll say 'No' and instead ask you for a lift to another store, in my case, Tesco's in Horwich. You agree and they both get in the backseat. On the way, they start undressing, and both get completely naked. Then, when you pull over to remonstrate, one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts kissing you, touching you intimately, and thrusting himself against you, while the other one steals your purse!
I had my purse stolen May 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, and 29th. Also June 1st, 4th, twice on the 6th, three times last Saturday and very likely again this coming weekend.
So Be Warned!
P.S. Lidl have purses on sale for £1.99 each, Aldi are £1.75 and look nicer.
posted ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)