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[QUOTE]Originally posted by AncientGebts: [QB] A Message from Jesus: "I'm not coming back." https://youtu.be/HZL1tliW5pg Hi there. It's me, Jesus. So, I understand you've been told I'm coming back. Yeah, about that... I'm not coming back. So you read that in the Bible, right? Well, sorry. That's not what it really says. Someone from 2000 years ago is fooling you. Look, that section of the world, the Yafo/Dead Sea region of the Middle East was part of Egypt. Yep. We were Egyptians too! Pretty cool, huh? Bet you wish you were Egyptians. Well, those are actually farming and granary sales records that somebody 2000 years ago intentionally translated into religion. Nope, it's not religion and it's not about me. I'm not coming. Look, it was great being an Egyptian. We had food, plenty of work farming and we made lots of money selling grain and stuff to the Nile Valley and Nile Delta Egyptians... We were the Tisha Egyptians. That means "countryside." It was great being Egyptians, especially as Egyptians we had the service of the Egyptian military and our own fortress from which they could protect us. Can you believe that? We had a fortress, right there in Yafo port, today's Tel Aviv. We had lots of thieves trying to raid our farms, that's why the Egyptian military came... Oh, it's all in these books, Qal Genesis. It’s all there. The farms, the soldiers, the merchants coming in their boats. Yeah, those merchants, they are the only ones coming. Not me. Oh, and the New Testament... Yeah, sorry, that's farming and granary sales also. You see, whoever mistranslated the farming records into the Old Testament, did the same with other farming records to invent the New Testament. I guess it was easier to take what was 1400 year old reports and edit them into the Bible, rather than writing the whole thing from scratch. Yeah, that would be a lot of writing, wouldn't it? Those mistranslators must have been pretty lazy. Oh yeah the New Testament. That story about Eve stealing an apple? I knew her and she wouldn't steal anything. That story was made up from what's actually written in the real text, about a guy thief the military was searching for to capture, and where do you think he was? Yep, that's right, in the farm's apple tree orchard. What a jerk. That was what they made up for the farming report mistranslated as 1st Timothy 2:9 through 13. Look, I love women and that rubbish they made up for 1st Timothy 2:9 through 13 is trash. Women can't dress beautifully or wear braids and pearls? Come on... I love to see rich women in nice clothes, braids and pearls. And they have to be silent? What??? Who's going to tell me what to do? Really, women need to be able to express themselves. And I don't mind listening to them. I love women and I'm Jesus! Oh, this music, yeah, that's Egyptian music from the Ethiopian rulers. Look, Ethiopians are cool with me. They came and ruled in a way everyone gets to eat and not starve, like we were before they came. They brought irrigation and this cool music. That ancient Greek historian guy Diodorus wrote about that. That Ethiopian food is good, too. We ate a lot of that. With beer. Yep. Life was good. But everything has changed, and I don't want to get mixed up in it. Africans were enslaved in my name, our powerful women have been made powerless today, and kids are being stolen from parents in America... Jesus Christ what a mess. I ain't coming back to that. I may be able to turn water into wine, and fish into a feast, but I can't fix the mess you guys have on Earth. After they made you believe ancient Egyptian farming and grain sales reports are religion. Geesh. Well, good luck with that. But I gotta go. There's a game on between the West Heaven Saints and the East Heaven Angeles. I can't miss it! It's the playoffs. So remember, I'm not coming back. If you need help with anything, just pray to God. He always has time for you. Bye [/QB][/QUOTE]
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