posted
As someone on the autism spectrum, I've never been great at social skills, and I've always felt more comfortable socializing online than in "meatspace". It's easier for me to find people who share my interests and values on the Internet because of all the message boards, social media groups, etc. that are dedicated to certain topics and hobbies, and the town I have to live in now is very small and almost rural anyway (I don't have enough of an income to move into my own apartment in a busier city like I want to). The problem is that these online spaces are nonetheless choked with toxicity to an unwelcoming degree.
I'm not only talking about fandoms built around fictional media like books, movies, TV shows, video games, etc. I'm also talking about communities built around academic interests like paleontology, history, or anthropology. I often feel like an outsider even in these spaces because so many people in them are prone to the most idiotic group-think and will give you shit if you don't jump onto the same bandwagon as them. The Eurocentric tendencies in "mainstream" history and anthropology forums are an example of that, and then there are all the racist and nationalist dickheads those places tend to attract. However, they are not the only online spaces where that's a problem. In fact, there's probably not a single place on the Internet where everyone isn't crazy or delusional in some way.
I often wish I wasn't so dependent on the Internet for socialization. It has a way of bringing out the worst in people. On the other hand, I don't know for sure that people in the real world can't be just as toxic even if I had more opportunities to meet them. Many of them may present themselves as sane and normal in public but then go totally apeshit once they get their hands on a keyboard or a smartphone.
Is there anyone out there I can trust? It's truly a weird position to be in to feel as lonely as I do and yet as wary of everyone else. Anyone have recommendations for coping with such feelings?
posted
Indeed internet can be a toxic place. Also the real world, but at the same time I think that especially in academic circles people are not as confrontational there. When I studied at the university, and also in my job I had many interesting discussions with colleagues (archaeologists) and also people from other disciplines (like biologists, paleontologists, geologists, historians and others). Those discussions could be lively but they never got toxic in the way many internet discussions can be (especially when people are anonymous).
When socializing in other contexts I can just advice to avoid clubs and bars. Many people get rather difficult when they are drunk.
When it comes to romantic socializing it can sometimes be easier on the net, especially if one is not the type who hangs on bars and similar. One often can learn to know people (women in my case) one never would have met otherwise, it can be women of other ethnicities and from other countries, or women who also do not like bar hopping and similar. But there are of course traps regarding internet dating, everyone is not who they claim they are. But if one is careful, and if one video chats people instead of just writing mail, and if one tries to avoid obvious red flags it can indeed lead to both good friendships or even relationships.
One must also remember that there is always hope of getting in contact with people who appreciate you and who you can appreciate. It is never too late.
-------------------- Once an archaeologist, always an archaeologist Posts: 2771 | From: Sweden | Registered: Mar 2020
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quote:Also the real world, but at the same time I think that especially in academic circles people are not as confrontational there. When I studied at the university, and also in my job I had many interesting discussions with colleagues (archaeologists) and also people from other disciplines (like biologists, paleontologists, geologists, historians and others). Those discussions could be lively but they never got toxic in the way many internet discussions can be (especially when people are anonymous).
I do perceive that there can be an disconnect in attitudes between academics who study a topic on the one hand and that topic's online "fandom". Most credentialed anthropologists nowadays for example don't appear to be as reactionary or nationalistic as a lot of the posters on anthro forums, for instance.
That said, not all academics are so open-minded, and they too can be prone to conformity of thought just like anyone else. The knee-jerk reaction many classicists had to Martin Bernal's arguments about African and West Asian influences on early Greek culture, even if not all of his arguments were sound, is one example that comes to mind.
posted
It seems that certain discussions may raise more feelings than others. Some academics can have "claimed" a certain field of knowledge and see it as their territory. When others encroach on this territory, so to speak, especially if the encroacher belongs to another field of knowledge, there can of course be some negative reactions.
Here in Sweden, we once had a rather fierce debate about in which geographical area the country's earliest state formation had taken place. On one side stood historians and archaeologists connected to the universities of Stockholm (the capital) and Uppsala. On the other side were amateur historians from West Sweden. Over time, a kind of compromise has arisen where it is seen that the first kings operated both in western and eastern Sweden and that the formation of the kingdom was not only based on one geographical location.
I saw some videos about the debate about Black Athena, and one can see that there were some rather harsh words and unnecessary bickering from both sides of the debate. In this video, for example" the moderator seems to have taken a stand more for Martin Bernal's side than the other side. She doesn't seem completely neutral.
quote:"I only debate with equals. All others I teach" -- John Henrik Clarke.
Legendary discussion between Dr. John Henrik Clarke, Dr. Martin Gardiner Bernal (Black Athena), Professor Mary Lefkowitz (Not Out Of Africa) and Guy MacLean Rogers (Black Athena Revisited), moderated by Utrice Leid, They debate the Origins and Foundations of Western Civilization. Does Africa, Asia or Ancient Greece supply the foundation of the world we live in today?
But overall, based on my personal experience most academics I discussed with (in real life) at my University and at my job hold a rather good-natured tone in their debates and discussions. Of course there will always be some person who can be grumpy and sometimes a bit acidic, but they are mostly exceptions.
I have not heard academics at my school or job call each other "idiots" as people now and then do on different internet fora.
-------------------- Once an archaeologist, always an archaeologist Posts: 2771 | From: Sweden | Registered: Mar 2020
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posted
Sorry to hear about this. Maybe take a break from the internet. Or find social groups that do meetups in real life that fit your tastes. Thats a good start.
Posts: 1900 | From: NY | Registered: Sep 2014
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posted
Yea... I think I'm with you with the internet being filled with toxic loony people.
Posts: 1900 | From: NY | Registered: Sep 2014
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quote:Originally posted by Askia_The_Great: Yea... I think I'm with you with the internet being filled with toxic loony people.
I often wonder how Black people deal with all the melanophobia online, both overt and subtle. Do you guys really just learn to shrug it off like I’ve been told? That stuff has got to build up over time until it becomes too much to bear for anyone.
quote:Originally posted by Askia_The_Great: Yea... I think I'm with you with the internet being filled with toxic loony people.
I often wonder how Black people deal with all the melanophobia online, both overt and subtle. Do you guys really just learn to shrug it off like I’ve been told? That stuff has got to build up over time until it becomes too much to bear for anyone.
Its worse when you're Black AMERICAN... Look at Twitter.
Posts: 1900 | From: NY | Registered: Sep 2014
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quote:Originally posted by Askia_The_Great: Yea... I think I'm with you with the internet being filled with toxic loony people.
I often wonder how Black people deal with all the melanophobia online, both overt and subtle. Do you guys really just learn to shrug it off like I’ve been told? That stuff has got to build up over time until it becomes too much to bear for anyone.
Its worse when you're Black AMERICAN... Look at Twitter.
You're talking about those Diaspora wars, aren't you?
quote:Originally posted by Askia_The_Great: Yea... I think I'm with you with the internet being filled with toxic loony people.
I often wonder how Black people deal with all the melanophobia online, both overt and subtle. Do you guys really just learn to shrug it off like I’ve been told? That stuff has got to build up over time until it becomes too much to bear for anyone.
Its worse when you're Black AMERICAN... Look at Twitter.
You're talking about those Diaspora wars, aren't you?
A significant amount which aren't even started by us and unprovoked... And before anyone mentions Tariq Nasheed/FBA. I already agree that he is a huge idiot but Tariq Nasheed is a reaction to all the disrespect but he took it too far. Remember he was a Pan-Africanist in the beginning. But anyways lets not get off-track.
Posts: 1900 | From: NY | Registered: Sep 2014
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posted
Truthfully, the Diaspora wars aren't something for me to eavesdrop on anyway. But, like I asked earlier, how do Black people deal with all the bullshit that gets thrown their way online (or offline)? Do you guys really just learn to shrug all that stuff off?
quote:Originally posted by BrandonP: Truthfully, the Diaspora wars aren't something for me to eavesdrop on anyway. But, like I asked earlier, how do Black people deal with all the bullshit that gets thrown their way online (or offline)? Do you guys really just learn to shrug all that stuff off?
Just shrug it off. Because if not we will never enjoy the internet. But we have our private "safe havens" online.
Posts: 1900 | From: NY | Registered: Sep 2014
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quote:Originally posted by BrandonP: As someone on the autism spectrum, I've never been great at social skills, and I've always felt more comfortable socializing online than in "meatspace". It's easier for me to find people who share my interests and values on the Internet because of all the message boards, social media groups, etc. that are dedicated to certain topics and hobbies, and the town I have to live in now is very small and almost rural anyway (I don't have enough of an income to move into my own apartment in a busier city like I want to). The problem is that these online spaces are nonetheless choked with toxicity to an unwelcoming degree.
I'm not only talking about fandoms built around fictional media like books, movies, TV shows, video games, etc. I'm also talking about communities built around academic interests like paleontology, history, or anthropology. I often feel like an outsider even in these spaces because so many people in them are prone to the most idiotic group-think and will give you shit if you don't jump onto the same bandwagon as them. The Eurocentric tendencies in "mainstream" history and anthropology forums are an example of that, and then there are all the racist and nationalist dickheads those places tend to attract. However, they are not the only online spaces where that's a problem. In fact, there's probably not a single place on the Internet where everyone isn't crazy or delusional in some way.
I often wish I wasn't so dependent on the Internet for socialization. It has a way of bringing out the worst in people. On the other hand, I don't know for sure that people in the real world can't be just as toxic even if I had more opportunities to meet them. Many of them may present themselves as sane and normal in public but then go totally apeshit once they get their hands on a keyboard or a smartphone.
Is there anyone out there I can trust? It's truly a weird position to be in to feel as lonely as I do and yet as wary of everyone else. Anyone have recommendations for coping with such feelings? [/QB]
I thought you must have been making a good living from Redbubble sales
Anyway, internet socialization gives people the illusion of socialization but what appears like chemistry online often is not in person and it wastes a lot of time, years sometimes . There is no satisfactory alternative to being in a location where people are on opportunities to meet people physically. So you will have to move to a large town or city, into a roommate situation probably, cut back on the internet socialization drastically unless some it is related to meeting people locally. Look on meetup.com in your area and on prospective new locations
Posts: 43023 | From: , | Registered: Jan 2010
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quote:Originally posted by the lioness,: I thought you must have been making a good living from Redbubble sales
Truthfully, no. Sales are infrequent for both my visual artworks and my books. They're a bit more frequent for my books, but even then, not nearly enough to afford rent in any city. I am crap at marketing.
quote:Originally posted by the lioness,: I thought you must have been making a good living from Redbubble sales
Truthfully, no. Sales are infrequent for both my visual artworks and my books. They're a bit more frequent for my books, but even then, not nearly enough to afford rent in any city. I am crap at marketing.
I'm surprised by this. I have been looking into print on demand lately for myself . You have a lot of work on there and each piece of art has multiple formats and I see positive reviews there and most look like satisfied customer who bought an item. I thought this guy must be making a few thousand at least a month on passive income ?? Is it that Redbubble is taking a lot of the profit ? I guess if you sold it in your own website the problem is getting the traffic. All guessing here, maybe I can't assume that if I see reviews on an item it is selling at a a good rate continuously. Would buying ads make the difference? Then there is also selling on multiple platforms instead of just one. I barely know about this stuff
Posts: 43023 | From: , | Registered: Jan 2010
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quote:Originally posted by the lioness,: I thought you must have been making a good living from Redbubble sales
Truthfully, no. Sales are infrequent for both my visual artworks and my books. They're a bit more frequent for my books, but even then, not nearly enough to afford rent in any city. I am crap at marketing.
I'm surprised by this. I have been looking into print on demand lately for myself . You have a lot of work on there and each piece of art has multiple formats and I see positive reviews there and most look like satisfied customer who bought an item. I thought this guy must be making a few thousand at least a month on passive income ?? Is it that Redbubble is taking a lot of the profit ? I guess if you sold it in your own website the problem is getting the traffic. All guessing here, maybe I can't assume that if I see reviews on an item it is selling at a a good rate continuously. Would buying ads make the difference? Then there is also selling on multiple platforms instead of just one. I barely know about this stuff
I believe those reviews are not for the artwork itself but for the merch Redbubble sells with it (e.g. the quality of the shirts and other clothing). And yes, Redbubble does take a sizable proportion of the income per sale, leaving me with only a few dollars at most. They do have to make a profit after all.
posted
Sorry to hear your experiencing that. If its any help, I think the world in general has become more atomised and alienating due to the pandemic. I know this ended a while ago, but we're dealing with the residual impact of that. Plus, perhaps because of the rise of social media, people were already starting to become hyper-individualised, and social media can also exacerbate those already polarizing beliefs people have, and is a breeding ground for certain folks to take advantage of discontent. If youre on the spectrum, you might be feeling these things more sharply.
Can I ask if what you call autistic spectrum, is what was previously called aspergers ? I notice people who attract the latter diagnosis, mainly seem to have difficulty with the social, whereas other autistic people, who sometimes get called low functioning, have high support needs and might require carers. This can negatively impact other asd (autistic spectrum disorder) people because they go unnoticed as everyone assumes being 'high functioning' means all is well.
Posts: 64 | From: UK | Registered: Aug 2016
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posted
"Yes, mine is the so-called Asperger's or "higher-functioning" autism."
Noted.
"Is there anyone out there I can trust? It's truly a weird position to be in to feel as lonely as I do and yet as wary of everyone else. Anyone have recommendations for coping with such feelings?"
One possible thing to try, if you haven't already, is being offline a bit more, or at least away from online spaces that bring mood down, and gradually replacing it with going outside. Perhaps even utilising the internet in a positive way, like looking for local social opportunities. If you have access to it and feel comfortable to do so, it might be worth discussing more with a mental health professional.
Posts: 64 | From: UK | Registered: Aug 2016
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posted
One thing I would like to do this year or the next is set up a stand at the annual Afrofuturism Lounge down in San Diego. I went to one of their conventions a couple of years ago, and I saw some people hawking cool stuff like artwork and comic books. I could sell both hard copies of my books and prints of my visual artwork there, and I could make connections with local creatives too.
I just hope that the next event doesn’t attract any Black separatist types who would give a White vendor trouble. Though thankfully nobody gave me a hard time at all back when I attended the con.
posted
Brandon, do you know of any websites or group meet apps for Autistic individuals like yourself?? I don't know any autistic peers personally but I have friends and especially know younger people who meet and befriend autistic folks through things like video gaming and other gaming apps.
Posts: 26387 | From: Atlanta, Georgia, USA | Registered: Feb 2005
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