posted
My sister went to Luxor in May this year. She is 33 and met an egyptian man whos 22. My sisters friend who is in her late 50's travels to egypt regularly and has done for years. She *married* an egyptian man a year or so ago, although you could hardly say they are married. He lives in egypt with his egyptian wife and kids, and she is in UK... and sees him when she's on holiday. (she was obviously taken in by the charm! if you can say that...) Anyway, this lady took my sister to meet her husband while they were on holiday there and my sis has met an egyptian, who she's really fallen for. She says he loves her! he really cares about her! he's bought her things! etc etc etc... u know the thing.. He said he would like to come to UK just to see they way she lives! not to live there himself you understand! ~ Well, she went over again to see him two weeks ago, he says he wants a future with her. She's been dealt some shyt in the past by blokes and has fallen hook line and sinker for this fella. She's mentioned selling her house over here, moving over there etc. I just cant make her see sense with it all. To make things worse he phoned her the other day to say thatif he went in the army he would have to finish it with her, but there was an option of buying him out. The figure he stated to her was £6,500 ENGLISH POUNDS, so that is a hell of a lot of money in Egypt. He said it was his problem, that he'd have to try and find the money, otherwise he'd go in the army and she couldnt see him again...!! what kinds of emmotional blackmail is that? and can an egyptian buy himself out of the army anyway?? can anyone shed any light on this for me, and any advice to me would be greatly appreciated. i'm at the end of my tether, i dont want to see my sis make the biggest mistake of her life.. at one point my sis said to me "how on earth can i get that sort of money"? ... well.....what more can i say, i'm sure you'll know how i reacted... but its going over her head right now... OR IS IT ME, AM I BEING UNREASONABLE? am i being too cautious... i very much doubt it.. i can see a huge con artist in the making here.... Thanks to anyone who replies... i await in anticipation.... :0) xxxx
[This message has been edited by Millie (edited 13 October 2004).]
Posts: 7 | From: uk | Registered: Oct 2004
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posted
Sorry, i've just been reading some archive postings and it appears people dont like to hear about relationship problems on here. But if someone would just take a little time out and answer a couple of my questions at the end, about the army etc, i would be most grateful...kind regards xx millie xx
Posts: 7 | From: uk | Registered: Oct 2004
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If you do some searches in the archives about the Army, I seem to remember that someone asked about buying yourself out before and was told it couldn’t be done, but you will need to do a search to get confirmation.
posted
Carol will give you some good advice. Listen to her. There are a lot of people on the board who would also give you advice but it always seems to turn into a slanging match.
You do no need to let people know who you are - just set up a special address for this one purpose if that makes you feel more secure.
Can you get your sister to spend some time reading some of the stories on here...that may get her thinking.
Without any doubt this request for £6,500 is a con through and through. Ask your sister what does she really think of a man who tries to buy himself out of his National Service. What about his duty to his country. Does she really want to be with a shirker and spinless man like this. He is a disgrace to himself and his country.
Oh and don't worry about some of those that thrive on the slanging matches here. Some of us still care about others. And yes Carol will give you very good advice.
posted
We had a post like this ages ago and I think the main problem is that it is almost impossible to get someone who is 'in love' to listen.
It is almost like they are brain washed or in a cult. Now that can help because a lot of techniques used to help relatives of cult members you can use. Here is a one such help document http://www.weird.co.uk/martin/cultout.txt
One of the things it talks about is Being supportive not confrontational. This is so important. Asking questions that reawaken critical faculties not shouting 'Can't you see he is after your money'.
But at the end of the day she is a grown up and if she choses to live her life like this you can not stop her.
There is also a possibility he is a good guy but I must admit the story of needing money to get out of the army negates that. As far as I know there is no way to buy yoursef out of the army.
I wish you luck
------------------ Jane Akshar UK Co-owner of www.flatsinluxor.co.uk Appartments and Tours in Luxor
posted
So sorry to hear about your sister, the guy is a plain theif....no question about it...to prove it to her...ask her to tell him no sorry i don't have this kind of money for now ....and i bet his story will change to something else for less money......make it a game ...tell her to try....nothing to lose ...the guy will always be in egypt....he has no way out unless she takes him back to England....lol...and by the way...top money to pay the army in egypt is 10000 egyptian pounds...that is not even one thousand english pounds.....I don't even think that he has an army obligation...all sort of papers and stamps could be faked for few pounds to prove to her that he is inlisted....good luck
[This message has been edited by JOSHUA (edited 14 October 2004).]
posted
I'll tell you a true but funny story of the tales you hear about army service.
After I was divorced from Egyptian partner he begged me daily to remarry him as he thought that was the only way to either get to the UK or get to my money.
Soon after the start of the war in Iraq, he turned up at my home in tears saying the he had been re-called into the army and that he was probably going to die. He lay on my settee looking as though his world had ended. It is was picture of complete trgedy. "If I die it will be your fault because if you marry me I will not have to go". I told him that I was sorry for him but that it was his duty to fight. He was horrified and left.
Of course he had not been called up and, as the rules had been changed, having a European wife would not have stopped him doing his army service anyway.
At one time you could buy a man out of the army (a friend of mine did it for her husband) but I think that has also been stopped. Also it cost nothing like the sum mentioned above. That is as big a con as the one I was expected to fall for.
Joshua and Penny are right. It is a game. She should play the game - if you could persuade her to. The next move is usually to say that someone in the family is desperately ill and needs an expensive operation or that the taxes on the house have not been paid for years and everyone will be evicted if they are not paid.
PS; I did fall for the operation thing. But only once - even though he pulled the same trick twice.
Give her all the support you can. Fighting her over it will have the opposite effect to the one you want.
posted
I would point out all the above to her. I would also suggest to her that she prove it to herself that he is not after her money. I would plant the doubt in her mind. Then she will think about it whether she admits she is or not. I would suggest that she not give him any money at all and point out that he lived perfectly well before she came along. Yes people are poor in Egypt but generally people help one another out. For example if someone needed food there is usually someone they can turn to. You need to get her doubting him herself. I would keep on and on until she agrees to set herself certain guide lines ie. not giving him money, taking expensive presents (a £50 pair of trainers may not be a fortune in UK but in Egypt it is a considerable amount!!). And the relationship WILL run its course. Suggest she rent out her house in UK rather than sell it. This will provide her with an independent income without dipping into savings and also she will have some where to fall back on. All she can see is her friend with a young stud on her arm and wants that as well. I asked for your e-mail because as the others pointed out these topices often turn into slanging matches.
[This message has been edited by Carol_2004 (edited 14 October 2004).]
posted
i wonder what he would say if she said...doesn't matter if we have to be apart while you're in the army. i love you and i'm getting old (33 is oldish in egypt for a single woman who wants a family)... so why don't i move to egypt right now, we get married and start a family right away...and i move into your current family house while you're in the army (since you won't be able to provide for me financially as is your duty as my husband while you're serving in the army). and once your service is over...1, 2, 3 years... you can find us our own flat and we can have more children together.
because surely if he's marrying her for love and not money, he'll want to start his life with her asap before he goes to the army. right? yeah, right.
posted
there is a lot of con men out there ... it doesnt matter that he's Egyptian. there is something lacking in her life and she's very vulnerable or she has very low self esteem to get conned. I mean we all have men and women, and you learn from it, hopefully she'll come to her senses. That's alot of money but don't be surprised if she doesn't .. I'm older so seen all sort of stuff ... i'd say go to the army.
Posts: 816 | From: On top of a dog house | Registered: Sep 2004
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posted
Thank you so much for all of your replies, i'm taking onboard all of your comments. I will reply at length when i have had a good read and think about them all. Carol, my email address is Millie1963@fsmail.net ~thank you so much for your kind words and response.
Posts: 7 | From: uk | Registered: Oct 2004
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posted
Millie.... believe me.... I've been there.... almost word for word!! it started with..... 'dont get too attached to me, because I'll die soon!' When I asked what disease he had.. it was... I have to go back into the army, and I know there's some people in the army who want to kill me!!.... the he went into details about money, and.... the figure dropped lower and lower for buy- out when I was telling him I couldn't afford to give him this kind of money!! This came before his fathers urgent heart operation!! All I can say now with hindsight is.... please, if anybody still wants to kill this guy... FEEL FREE!!!!! Posts: 4238 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
I can not add more than what was said above .
Just let het talk to you , be supportive to let her say whatever she wants to say and maybee just maybee when she hears herself what she's saying , her mind will fall on the wright place.
When she's talking ,show interest and go deeper into the story and i m shure you will ask questions she has no answer on and later when she's alone , she will start asking her thesame questions.
THis is only a guess...I dont know if they want to answer you... If she's really brainwashed and she doesnt want to listen take her to the egyption embassy and ask there.They will answer her with the truth black on white.
posted
Hi Everyone, I want to thank you all so much for your replies and your words of advice.
I've had a long long chat with my sis, mentioning a few of the things that have been said on here.. although she still says that she believes he is genuine and does love her, i believe i've given her something to "think about". Hopefully she will come to her senses and get the wake-up call.
She does however believe that the amount of money that he stated for avoiding joining the army was a great deal of money.
He is still in regular contact with her, although he hasnt asked for money directly, he just happens to mention it a lot... Also, surprise surprise, his mobile phone isnt working too well!!!!!!!!!..... he dropped it and sometimes it doesnt work...!! well well....!!
I can only say so much, as obviously i want to be there for her, i want to support her through this and be there when she finally realises whats happening here. We've already argued about it all, and i know its her life, but i just cant help worrying. As an outsider looking in, i can see that eventually he is going to bleed her dry of money. My sis mentioned that she's met all of his family, something that he's supposed to have never done with any other woman! So she thinks this is a great honour..
I said to her, whatever you do, please dont sell your home... but she just doesnt want to hear any of it... She said, if i sell it, i sell it, its none of your business...
I know i mustnt get too involved, she is after all 33 yrs old... and i know its her life, but hell, i cant stand around watching her through everything away..
As for him going in the army, well, i still dont believe it, i dont believe he has to go in... and i still certainly dont believe, he has to pay £6,500 to remain out of the army.
Once again, thanks to everyone for their support.
if anyone else has any views on this, i'd love to hear from them.
regards, Millie xx
Posts: 7 | From: uk | Registered: Oct 2004
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posted
A good egyptian muslim man does not ask a woman for money.
It is not 6500 pounds to buy yourself out of the army it is 1000 pounds at the most.
Tell your sister you love her and you are concerned and you are not trying to spoil her life.Try asking her to wait and see how the relationship developes and ask her to do this for you if not for herself.
It is so difficult not to tar every egyptian man with the same brush, but you would be very wary of any man that asked you for money,would'nt you.Why does she feel the need to rush into this. Has she been hurt before? All you can do is be there for her.
Posts: 343 | From: Wiltshire, England | Registered: Mar 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Samia: Millie.... believe me.... I've been there.... almost word for word!! it started with..... 'dont get too attached to me, because I'll die soon!' When I asked what disease he had.. it was... I have to go back into the army, and I know there's some people in the army who want to kill me!!.... the he went into details about money, and.... the figure dropped lower and lower for buy- out when I was telling him I couldn't afford to give him this kind of money!! This came before his fathers urgent heart operation!! All I can say now with hindsight is.... please, if anybody still wants to kill this guy... FEEL FREE!!!!!
[This message has been edited by asiaq (edited 19 October 2004).]
I hope this all gets nipped in the bud before it comes to this, but is there any chance you might be willing to come with her to Egypt the next time she comes? Come meet the guy. Especially if there is a man (A BIG MAN) you could bring with you, to make a point, that if he does anything to hurt your sister, there will be hell to pay. This would be common language an Egyptian boy of his stature would understand...as it is common for families to protect their own in Egypt.
P.S. I'm another one that ONE TIME fell for the sick parent ploy for money. Don't let it happen to you!
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