I AM GOING TO TELL THE STORY FROM MY SIDE .AND I HOPE U WILL HELP ME
I AM JUST GRADUTED LAST YEAR AND I FALL IN LOVE THROUGH INTERNET WITH MY WIFE…AND I DECIEDED THAT I WILL GO ON WITH THIS BEAUTIFUL LOVE STORY WHATEVER IT WILL COST….. I WANT TO INTODUCE MYSELF…I AM ENGINEER 24 YEARS OLD MY FATHER DIED WHEN I WAS 5 YEARS OLD…AND MY MUM MADE ME...SHE DIDN’T MARRY SHE MADE ANYTHING TO MAKE ME THE BEST ALL THE TIME SHE SACRFIED WITH HER LIFE TO BRING ME AS ENGINEER AND TO MAKE ME HAPPY AND TO BE PROUD OF ME AND ALL MY HOPES IS TO MAKE HER DREAMS COME TRUE AND HER DREAM IS TO SEE ME HAPPY ANY HOW LETS COMPLETE THE MAIN STORY…I GRADUATED AND I FOUND THAT I AM IN LOVE WITH MY WIFE SO MUCH AND SHE IS THE BEST ONE FOR ME AND I DECIEDED TO TAKE HER TO MY ROAD COZ SHE IS EUROEPIAN GIRL AND THERE IS A LOT OF DIFFERENT THINGS AND THOUGHTS BETWENN HER AND THEIR SO I HAD 2 OPTIONS TO PUT HER IN MY ROAD AND KEEP PUSHING AND SUPPORTING HER TO BE ABBLE TO LIVE WITH ME HER OR TO LEAVE EGYPT AND MY MUM AND GO WITH HER….BUT TO GO WITH HER ISNT EXIST COZ MY WIFE IS A GREAT WIFE AS ALL PPL THINK SHE WANT TO BE SOMETHING AND SHE WILL NEVER CHANGE ONE OF HER DREAMS SHE WAS STUDYING ARABIC FOR 5 YEARS AND SHE WANTED TO HAVE PRACTICE HER IN EGYPT SHE DREAM BEFORE TO COME TO EGYPT AND SHE DID,SHE DREAM BEFORE TO MARRY EGYPTION AND SHE DID,SHE IS DREAMING TO WORK IN TOURISM AND TO HAVE A GOOD POSTION IN A GOOD COMPANY AND HAVE A GOOD SALARY AND I KNOW THAT SHE WILL DO EVEN HER HUSBAND (ME) IS AGAINST TO WORK IN TOURISM NOT BECAUSE ITS BAD BUT U CANT BE WITH A COMPANY OF PPL WHO DRINK AND THE TOURISTS TRAVELS TO REST AND HAVE FUN AND GO TO DISCO'S AND CLUBS AND ANYTHING THEY WANT ,I AM NOT AGAINST, ITS THEIR LIFE BUT SHE IS MY WIFE U THINK THAT I WILL LET MY WIFE TO BE A GUIDE THAT OFFCOURSE SOME TOURISTS WILL ASK HER WHERE WE CAN GO AND DRINK AND AND AND …MAY BE THEY ARENT WRONG OR THEY DIDN’T KNEW THAT DRINKING IS A BAD THING BUT I THINK ITS WRONG AND THE DEVIL WILL COME TO UR MIND AND TELL U WHY U DON’T TRY WHAT IS THIS TOURISTS MAKING FOR 1 TIME AND THEN….U KNOW….DONT FOLOOW THE DEVIL STEPS AND IF MY WIFE TELL THEM JUST THE WAY THEN WHATEVER THEY WILL MAKE SHE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS UPON GOD…. U KNOW WHEN SOME1 DRINK HE IS LOSING HIS MIND…AND THEN WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR HER UPON GOD…ME RIGHT…..AND MY DREAM IN LIFE IS TO HAVE A FAMILY THAT WIL BE A GOOD EXAMPLE FOR ALL THE PPL WHATEVER WHERE ARE THEY FROM AND WE WILL BE ALL IN HEAVEN (INSHA2 ALLAH).NEXT DREAM FOR HER IS TO TRAVEL ALL AROUND THE WORLD WHATEVER WILL HAPPEN SHE WILL TRY TO MAKE THIS…… AND I AM NOT AGAINST ANY DREAM IF IT’S A GOOD BUT LETS STOP FOR A SECOND HER...WHAT U WILL FEEL IF UR WIFE [THAT U DECIEDED THAT SHE IS THE ONE U WANT TO BE FOREVER WITH HER} TOLD U THAT U ARE A DREAM IN MY LIFE AND WORKING IN TOURISM IS ALSO A DREAM AND TRAVELLING ALL AROUND THE WORLD IS ALSO DREAM AND I WILL NEVER LOSSE A DREAM I MUST MAKE ALL MY DREAMS COMES TRUE ELSE I WILL BE SO SAD ALL MY LIFE…WHAT U WILL FEEL THAT U ARE SOMETHING GOOD IN HER LIFE BUT THERE IS ANOTHER THINGS THAT SHARING HER LIFE WITH U?...U KNOW I ASKED HER ONE TIME WHAT SHE WILL DO IF I ASKED HER TO STOP WORKING ONE TIME AND STAY AT HOUSE TO TAKE CARE OF KIDS AND HOUSE STUF? AND SHE REPLIES THAT I WILL NEVER STOP WORKING OR ELSE I WILL BE SO BORED AND NOT HAPPY …… I AM NOT AGAINST WORK AT ALL BUT U KNOW THE FEELING OF NOT SAFE THAT IF U LOVE SOMEONE U MUST DO ANYTHING HE WANT OR WILL MAKE HIM FEEL SAFE AND PEACE AND I DON’T FEEL THIS .COZ HER DREAMS IS SOMETHING IMPORTANT CANT SACRFICE WITH A DREAM TO MAKE U HAPPY OR TO MAKE U FEEL PEACE….
FOR ALL THE TIME WE WERE TOGETHER I WAS KEEP TELLING SHE WILL CHANGE AND WILL UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING SHE WILL UNDERSTAND THAT I AM EASTERN EGYPTION MAN WITH HOT BLOOD THAT HIS BLOOD BOILED WHEN HE SEE SOMEONE IS LOOKING AT HIS WIFE BODY COZ SIMPLY SHE DON’T LIKE TO PUT WIDE CLOTHES COZ SHE DON’T LOOK BEAUTIFUL …I TRY MUCH TO TELL HER BEUTY ISNT IN TIGHT CLOTHES…BUT….NO RESPOND.. U KNOW WHEN U LOVE SOMEONE AND U WANT ALL THE GOOD THINGS TO HIM AND HE ALWAYS SAY NO NO NO ….I KNOW MUCH ABOUT EGYPT AND HOW PPL THINK HER AND WHAT THEY WILL SAY AND U GIVE ADVISES AND THE REPLY IS NO…BUT ALL THE TIME I HAVE THE HOPE OF CHANGE.
AFTER A LONG TIME THAT PASSED I STOPED AND I TOLD TO MYSELF WHAT PROGRESS U MADE AFTER UR GRADUATION……..?NOTHING U MARRIED AND UR WIFE IS HAPPY AND SHE DON’T THINK IN UR HAPPNIES …I FOUND MYSELF SO FAR FROM MY WORLD AND ONLY CARE ABOUT HER AND HOW TO MAKE HER HAPPY ITS OK …BUT WHAT ABOUT ME…SHE ISNT THINK TO MAKE ME HAPPY SHE KNOW HOW TO MAKE ME HAPPY BUT SHE ONLY THINK IN HERSELF….
U KNOW WHEN ALL THE PPL IS AGAINST U TO GO ON IN THIS MARIAGE AND U ARE FACING ALL THE WORLD ALONE AND ANY QUESTION SOMEONE ASKED U TO TRY TO MAKE U HESITATE U SHOOT HIM WITH A GOOD ANSWER WITH THE AID OF QUR2AN THAT SHOCKED HIM AND CLOSE HIS MOUTH AND HIS MIND AND HE HAVE TO TELL OK U ARE RIGHT….BUT IN THE MEAN WHILE U DIDN’T FIND SUPPORT FROM THE ONE U ARE FIGHTING FOR MOST OF THE PROMISES SHE GAVE TO U SHE ISNT MAKING …AND SHE CANT BE UNHAPPY 1 TIME TO MAKE U REST, FOR EXAMPLE IF I DON’T GO OUT EVERYDAY WITH HER U FOUND A TURN UPSIDE DOWN FACE AND THAT U DON’T LOVE U DON’T CARE U U U ………….IS MARRIAGE TO A FORIGNER MEANS U HAVE TO FORGET ALL UR LIFE AND UR FAMILY …..SHE DIDN’T LIKE TO VIST MY FAMILY I HAVE TO FORGET THEM? MY FRIENDS ALREADY FORGOT ME ….I KNOW ITS LOVE AND I ALSO LOVE HER BUT I AGREE TO DO ANYTHING BUT SHOULDN’T SHE HAVE TO MAKE SOME THINGS FOR ME……. WHAT IF SHE TOLD ME IN THE BEGINING I WANT TO BE MUSLIM AND AFTER A WHILE SHE TOLD ACTUALLY I STILL DON’T KNOW AND U KEEP FINDING FOR HER A GOOD EGYPTION &FORIGNERS MUSLIM GIRLS TO BE WITH THEM AND TO KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT HER HUSBAND WAY OF LIVING AND SHE ALWAYS REFUSING………..WHAT U WILL DO IF U TOLD HER ONE TIME I AM NOT SURE OF OUR FUTUR LETS HAVE SOMETIME COZ I NEED TO MAKE A LOT OF THINGS BEFORE MARIAGE LIKE CAR AND FIXING OUR FLAT AS WE DREAMING I TOLD WHY WE ARE IN A HURRY WE CAN MAKE ALL THE DREAMS COMES TRUE….. AND SHE UNDERSTOOD THAT WE HAVE TO SEPRATE…I DIDN’T MEAN TO SEPRATE.I DIDN’T REPLY ABOUT SEPARTION BUT ACTUALLY I SAID LET ME MAKE A BIG TEST THAT WILL SHOW U A LOT OF THINGS I DIDN’T REPLY ABOUT SEPRATION AND SHE UNDERSTOOD THAT I AGREE AND I TOLD MYSELF THAT IF SHE REALLY LOVES ME SHE WILL RETURN BACK TO HER MUM AND HER COUNTRY BECAUSE SHE TOLD THAT SHE CAME FOR U AND IF SHE LOST U THEN WHY SHE IS HERE……..AND I FOUND HER SAYING THAT SHE WIL NOT TRAVEL TO HER COUNTRY AND TELL HER PARENTS I FAILED SHE TOLD ME I WILL MAKE MY DREAMS AND I WILL SUCCED IN EGYPT BUT IF U MAKE THE 5 YEARS RESIDENCE VISA WITH OUR CONTRACT IT WIL BE GREAT…..U KNOW WHAT I FELT? THAT I AM A STEP IN HER LIFE SHE LOVES ME YES AND I LOVE HER SO MUCH BUT SHE DIDN’T LOVE ME ALONE SHE LOVES HERSELF MORE AND MORE…..SHE ISNT THE POOR GIRL THAT DNT KNOW WHAT TO DO…SHE IS SMART ENOUGH AND SHE KNOW WHAT SHE IS DOING AND I GAVE HER A LOT OF EXPERIENCE TO LIVE IN EGYPT…..THIS INNOCENT LADY LEFT ALL HER RELATIVES AND HER MUM WHILE HER MUM IS JUST DIVORCED AND LEAVE ALONE AND CAME HER FOR DREAMS…..SO MAY BE THE NEXT DREAM I WILL NOT BE IN CONSIDERATION.
WHAT U WILL DO IF U ARE IN MY CASE? U WILL TELL NO TO ALL THE WORLD AND UR MIND AND GO ON WITH UR HEART AND UR LOVE? WHAT U WILL DO IF U FOUND THAT U CANT TRUST IN HER COZ MAY BE ONE TIME HER DREAMS IS AGAINST BEING WITH U?
posted
I don't really know what to tell you except in any relationship if 2 people really, really love each other both will be willing to make sacrifices to make the marriage work. You cannot continue to give and give and give while she takes and takes and takes. If you do this then one day you may very well come to resent her behaviour and thus her. You have a right to have your dreams too. And if she loves you she will support you in your wants as you are supporting her. I am sorry to say this but from what you have written it seems as if she is being very selfish. Most times it is the woman that makes the most sacrifices for her man but here it is obviously the oppisite. You can continue to try to talk with her and let her know how you really feel but it seems you are already doing this and she refuses to budge in her decisions. If she is not willing to give a little I personally think you should go on with your life without her. I am sure there are many women that would love to have someone as unselfish as you. Ultimately, it is your decision and you have to do what you feel is right for you. Just don't lose yourself and your dreams in the process. Good luck and with much thought I am sure you will make the right choices.....
Posts: 895 | From: Atlanta, GA. | Registered: Nov 2004
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You need to focus on what you want. Don't lose focus in the process.
If you want to be with a foreigner and live a love story and sacrifice everything else. Then that's an option.
If you want to make your Mom happy, fix your apartment and have a traditional Egyptian wife. Then that's an option too.
Go back before you got married to her and think what was it that you wanted to do. Then go from there. Bare in mind that neither one of those two options is going to be that easy to accomplish.
posted
please,dear all! read the story from her side, before telling anything & it will be fair! it is the post: "another sad story". but what i want to tell you, fracture, in all this u didnt tell anything about good sides of your wife! & really, if she doesnt have anything good in her, go on & leave her! take care anyhow
forever doesn`t exist!
[This message has been edited by ironic (edited 20 February 2005).]
posted
Sounds for me like common problems in a mixed-cultural relationship.
You should have figured out how you want your wife to be and should have discussed it with her before marriage.
If you can't handle her the way she is now and there is no way that she will change the way you like - you need to let her go. If you can't find suitable agreements don't make your life together so difficult.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
In my previous post I said that this was not a cross cultural situation but from you post it would appear that it is.
You have many wants and desires for your life and the life of your family (including your wife). To me they appear honourable and in accordance with all that is best in a Muslim Egyptian society. Not wanting your wife to be in the company of tourists who drink alcohol. For her body to be private for your eyes only. I can understand all this. This is loving behaviour for a Muslim man.
As a Western woman married to an Egyptian I made certain promises to my husband the biggest one was “when I am in your county I do it your way”. This has meant a lot of sacrifice on my part from the life I have led before. Things that to me seemed normal and natural were forbidden to me. Not as much as you want for your wife but still a lot more than I was used to. But I did what I promised and so far after 2 years of marriage it is working for us.
I have actually found the rewards have been huge not only for our relationship to each other but my relationship with family and the community. Because they have seen my desire to be what my husband wanted and because they know this is very different from the Western life they have taken me to their hearts so very very much. I really feel that I am special to them. The love and respect my father in law shows me is very special to me. He is a very difficult man to get on with and that I do get on with him means, to me that I have succeeded.
Also the things that I gave up seem so pointless and hollow; they are not what life is all about. Having a great job is not a bad thing but having a great family is better and at the end of the day having food on the table is all one really needs.
The only thing I can say to your wife is to try it your way, and not just for a week or two but for a year or to. If after that time she still finds herself unhappy then sadly your relationship will be at an impasse. Then you may have to think what you do next and whether another country/culture might bring mutual happiness. But I believe she could be happy, much happier than she believes is possible.
posted
Dear sweet confused persons, allow me say a few words to you based on the experience of my own life where I have probably made many mistakes, but have also learned, and since it only ever seems to go better for me now, i trust give you this advice here:
First of all a relationship is really worthy only when you are real partners. This means you stand side-by-side and NOT face-to-face. Try it! Sit side-by-side when you need to talk, not face-to-face which signals opposition. It is small insignificant thing but try it and you’ll feel you’ll feel more close and you’ll be looking in the same direction, together, not in different directions past each other. You will get this side-to-side feeling, one-plus-one, instead of “opposite” feeling, one-to-one, like enemies, like fighting.
Secondly and very importantly, a partnership, LOVE, should help you both be MORE not less. If you want to take your beloved and stuff her into your box of thinking, for you it will be just same (not MORE) and for her it will be less, because she’ll lose everything that she is used to, or then it may be the same, changing one kind of life for the other, but also it will not be MORE for her. The way of MORE for both of you is her accepting your ways and beliefs (and religion) for YOU, and you accepting her ways and beliefs (and religion, if needed) for HER. She will accept that you never drink. You will accept that in her culture she may sometimes drink or be with people who drink, and it is not necessarily bad.
(It isn’t either, because western people are more used to alcohol, a small quantity does not turn them into beasts like it may happen with arab people who are totally unused to it. Tyou are an engineer, then you must be capable of logical thinking. Think of these things...)
As a result you shoudl not have one world (either yours or hers) but you should have two worlds that get kind of joined through you two, without either of you pressing your world on the other, but just offering a glimpse and being yourself the very best example of your world and beliefs but never demanding it of her.
AND, dear person, Western women ARE responsible of themselves. I know in islam a woman’s signature means nothing and she needs to be represented by anybody male, but this unjust to women rule disappeared in the western world long ago, here we stand equal to men legally and by responsibility and be it good or bad but at least you should not be so afraid for her and you are probably seeing it all in too dark colours anyway. When western men drink ( I mean, REALLY drink), they do not do it in female company simply because alcohol and women both deserve FULL attention of a man :o) and the two together would be simply too much. So when men set to drink, they simply drink and I do not really think they would require your wife’s presence then :o). So, you are exaggerating a bit. Please (simply) ACCEPT her the way she is. Do not try change her, stuff her into your kind of world,
After all, she allows you be exactly the way you are, with your ways and habits... for yourself.
Another thing what I have noticed is sometimes, that when we just simply drop out of love, we start finding any kind of little excuses to prove how the other way is somehow wrong for us, and it makse no sense even try to explain these, because the real reason is you simply do not love any more, you do not believe in her any more, because you do not want to (on some reason only you can know when talk to yourself alone and very honestly) and then it cannot be repaired either, because a will is every person’s strongest weapon, you cannot fight a will.
Now sit down side-to-side and tell your dreams to each other, and then help them come true for each other, and stop standing on each other’s way just because you want her be LIKE you. Why? Be different both and be double rich because of that, because you have each other. Let go of smaller, less important things and beliefs in life, to be able to stick to really important things and beliefs in your life. So.. do you believe in love, and in making each other happy? Then be forever MORE together than either of you alone is; and never LESS. Push the borders, do not shrink them. Stay in your own world if wish, but let her also stay in hers and simply appreciate there are different ways in life, and in world, the way it realistically is.
I do not know how clear I was here but hope you try your best to understand this, and if you get it right between you then please keep thumbs for me, too, because I am maybe going to face all the same :o). Love!!!
posted
Dear sweet nevermind how did you get to be so wise everything you say is so true. I hope this young man will listen and give himself and his wife a chance to be themselves.
Love the bit about sitting side by side to talk is so true, also walking side by side to discuss a problem in a nice place is good also.
Truly unless you can see yourself as equal partners no relationship with a westen woman will work in the long run.
posted
nevermind, wise words. In marrige love always should go with respect. If u know what I mean...by loving u can also "kill" the one u love and end ur marrige...
I have been married over ten years and my husband never asked me to be homewife or muslim like him. Basicly we are very similar: same values, same way of thinking and same kind of humor.
But we don´t live in Egypt, maybe that´s the point. It´s easier for me to respect egyptian thinking and habits from abroad. And he sees western lifestyle ofcourse to be normal to me. And I believe that his family and I have good relations.
And what´s then western lifestyle??! It´s rasist way of thinking to say all western people to be spoiled ones. Fracture, sounds u don´t respect and trust to ur wife at all? Why?
With all respect, om Gabriel
Posts: 37 | From: Finland | Registered: Feb 2005
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posted
I agree with what akhar said here however I think there is something you :the wife" should address and think about. From reading the other message it seems like you make a big deal about what your family will think of you if you choose to leave here, Is this the most important reason for why you continue trying to stay here regardless of whether yur marriage will work or not? I don't think it's a good idea to try to make something work which you don't feel good about just for the sake of avoiding feeling ashamed of your family. You wont make a happy life this way and it's better you face the family and get over it than getting yourself ina situation you can't handle. Also I believe your husband seems to be confused about the real motivation behind your staying here whether it's proving yourself or being with him.
Fracture, It seems to me you guys spent all time before marriage just telling the endless love words and never spoke about religious or cultural stuff ? Are you kidding? Anyway it doesn't seem like your wife promissed you anything before marriage so don't expect too much and start making your compromising list ready and see how far you both can go.
posted
Salam Aleikum, I understand your problem very well, I am german and my husband is egyptian! Where is your wife coming from? I am muslim, 3 years now Alhamdulelah! If you want, I can contact your wife and explain her in a good way, how to treat husband, and about religion! Because you cant force her to do anything, and I can understand your way of thinking, and everything is right, but believe, I can explain for her very well! If you want, contact me! Inna_Ghaleb@msn.com
Posts: 14 | Registered: Dec 2004
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posted
Dear All, Dear Nevermind & Dear Fracture! In the end Love wins! God always helps people, that are on the right road, because he is great & merciful! They are back together, starting a new page of their story, all members of ES helped them much by their advices. And now they are stending side-by-side, nto face to face ! Thank you nevermind! You are a great person, that tries not to judge, but to advice!It worked out. They stoped for a while & understood that by fights & misunderstanding they are braking something valuable, thhat they`v built already! You can have money, work, even trust & understanding, but it will not work if you don`t have love! Let`s pray for all them & all the people, that are not afraid to love & that are ready to change the worl for their love! Fracture, please, forgive me , that your story appeared here, but I just thought that a good advice will help both of you! Thank you all! Peace be upon you! Posts: 11 | Registered: Feb 2005
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posted
God bless their love and everything to be on their side always,and yes God will help us always when he see our need! Congratulations for their successful decigion to understand each other! Hugs and LOVE to all mixed couples in this site!!!!!! Posts: 1134 | From: NoNe oF uR BuSiNeS | Registered: Jul 2004
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THANK U FOR URSELELFS U HELPED ME MUCH..........THANX FOR EVERYONE THAT GAVE ME EVEN 1 SECOND ...I LOVE U ALL....I HOPE ME AND MY WIFE WILL BE THIER WHEN ANYONE NEEDS HELP COZ U HELPED US TO BE BACK TO THE RIGHT ROAD AGAIN
FRIENDS ARE ALWAYS FOR HELP.....TANK U TANK U TANK U
posted
God with you both! Stories like yours and end like yours also make us happy! Posts: 1134 | From: NoNe oF uR BuSiNeS | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
hello fracture ..i will tell u some story and i hope u will learn and know some thing from this story coz its truth and in reall live not from books.... there is some one he was 18 years old and he wasnt care about girls he was so happy in his life as all in this age ..and one time after he met with with some new group and he did friendship with them and they become friends ..they was care about girls so much but he wasnt ..at one day by chance only he saw his dream his beautifull angel fron his eyes ..he was dream to know her and speake with her...at all he spent three months love her and she dont know ." from words its 3 months but from his feeling it was aroud few years coz he was feel so sad coz he want her so much and he cant even talk with her ...he wasnt shy but he was worry to lose her if he told her that he love her ..for him it was better if he live by hope may be one day she will be with him ...at all after this while at one night he going to sleep and he couldent sleep he was so sad and lonly and it was so late and he was crieng from sadness in this moment he asked god for give him this girl .. and i swear god it wasnt any chance for him to have this girl but who know what god can make ..in next day some thing happend make him lose the rest from this hope he really wasnt have any chance ,...but at the next day she was with him ..dont ask how just u should to know its what god want ..at all they was in love so much i swear god may be more than what u know aboutt romio and joliet ....and they fight with her parentes around two years for married each other she was have baby and they killed it and after she become bregnent again and at last she run from her home and they married ..and this married was around one year only after this all love and this war for married ...u know why coz she was have dreams and she cant accept any thing change that even her hussbend or her doughter ..he was think she is an angel but now he sure she was in his eyes only like that coz he was in love ..but really he took so good lessone from this all what happend to him and now he is so happy coz before he fallow his heart he must think alot ..really sorry i know u will not feel this story and no one can feel ur story same as u feel but really its so sad story ...i dont want u be upset or some thing but i hope u will think good before u take any new step in this subject ..good luck for u and dont forget ur mother coz she was and she will be allways for u even after death
Posts: 17 | From: cairo | Registered: Feb 2005
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UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!
everything you say is so true.
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