I will start this off:

ARABS:

Why do Arabs carry sandpaper? Everyone needs a map.

MEXICANS:

What do you call a Mexican baptism? A bean dip

ASIANS:

What do you call a Vietnamese with one dog? A vegetarian.

JEWS:

Why does it cost so much to divorce a Jewish woman? Because it's worth it.

AMERICANS:

How many Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, or four, or...No, wait, we"ll have to count them again.

MICHAEL JACKSON:

Q: How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
A: From a catalogue.

a pizza doesnt scream when you throw it in the oven

--------
how do you fit 1000 jews in a van?

put them in the ash tray
----------
what do you call a jew in the ocean?

pollution

what do you call a million jews in the ocean?

solution
-------
whats hitler's least favorite planet?

jewpiter
--------
What does the Jewish Santa Claus say?

here's another so nobody thinks im not pickin' on myself:

What do you call someone who ruins, rapes, pillages and systematically destroys another culture?

quote:

---

Originally posted by egyptianbeast:
whats the difference between a jew and a pizza?

a pizza doesnt scream when you throw it in the oven

--------
how do you fit 1000 jews in a van?

put them in the ash tray
----------
what do you call a jew in the ocean?

pollution

what do you call a million jews in the ocean?

solution
-------
whats hitler's least favorite planet?

jewpiter
--------
What does the Jewish Santa Claus say?

Ho! Ho! Ho! Anybody wanna buy some toys?

---

And here's one our favourite neighbours (hearty greetings!!!):

Calm, cool, and collected: the qualities that make Estonians such good racecar drivers are the same qualities that sometimes make them the butt of jokes.
Gariachy Estonsky Parny, or "hot-blooded Estonian guys," as it translates from the Russian, are the subject of much ribbing throughout the Baltic region. There could be entire books written of "hot-blooded Estonian" jokes, and many work only in Russian, but we thought we'd share one that translates well.

quote:

---

Originally posted by 7aya:
A man walked into a supermarket and demanded half a head of lettuce. A boy working there told him that he has to buy the whole lettuce, but the man insists on half a lettuce. The boy went to the manager at the back of the shop and said
- A stupid man out there wants half a lettuce.. then realizing that the man is right behind him, added :..
"and this gentleman here wants to buy the other half!.

---

IRELAND
Are you magically delicious or just angry and drunk?

FRANCE
Can I get a side of Freedom Fries with that?
Aren't the French just Germans who can make sauces?

ITALY
Is the Pope Polish? Does he have super powers like Jesus?
I could sure go for a can of Spaghetti-O's

POLAND
Do you hire foreigners to screw in your lightbulbs?

GERMANY
Is this bratwurst kosher?

TURKEY
Where's the hash at?

KOREA
Can you watch my puppy for a minute, or must you people deep fry him?

CHINA
This wall isn't so great.

ENGLAND
Do you people NOT believe in dentists?

SWEDEN
Do you have any normal meatballs?

YEMEN
Yemen? That's a stupid name for a country. What's it mean -- ˜Land Of Fanatics And
Dust'?

INDIA
You don't live in teepees?
Where can I get a good juicy steak around here?

ETHIOPIA
After a long day of travel, I'm exhausted. Hey all those flies sure love your pregnant son!

CANADA
Aren't you just like Americans without money.�

SPAIN
So, this is the country that's not Portugal? Wow.
Your women can shave if they want to, right?
Where can I get some Cheez Whiz nachos?

SOUTH AFRICA
I liked it better the other way.

MEXICO
What's that smell?�

RUSSIA
Is it always this cold and economically devastated?

UZBEKISTAN
Can you spell Uzbekistan?

GREECE
I hear this place is a less expensive version of Italy."

AFGHANISTAN
Seriously, where is the real country? where is everything?

JAPAN
What's Hiroshima? Is that a kind of sushi?

AUSTRALIA
How can we stop Mel Gibson? Is there a cure?

AMERICA
Was John Wayne gay?

Arafat's Potato Chips

If you live in Egypt you can now purchase cheese flavored Yasser Arafat potato chips. They're selling like pipe bombs in Jenin. (Warning: may cause anal explosions.)

Top Ten Rejected Slogans for Arafat's Potato Chips

10. Mister Potato Head has martyred himself for your snacking pleasure.
9. Death to Pringles, Death to Jews.
8. Tostitos may have the fiesta bowl but see the New Abu Ammar Chips Bowl next New Year's Day featuring Cal Berkeley v. SFSU.
7. We couldn't make them with real potatoes because the Jews have taken all our potatoes away.
6. Israeli supermarkets can't keep them on the shelves because we keep blowing up the supermarkets.
5. Goes great with Hamas Hummus!
4. Explodes in your mouth not in your hand.
3. Now served on all Air-France flights.
2. Free Martyr-Boy action figure in every box.

And the number one rejected slogan for Arafat's potato chips:

Mary had a little pig,

She kept it fat and plastered;

And when the price of pork went up,

She shot the little bastard.

MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB

Her father shot it dead.

Now it goes to school with her,

Between two hunks of bread.

HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall,

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the kings' horses,

And all the kings' men.

Had scrambled eggs,

For breakfast again.

GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie,

Kissed the girls and made them cry.

And when the boys came out to play,

He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.

There was a little girl who had a little curl

Right in the middle of her forehead.

When she was good, she was very, very good.

But when she was bad........

She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a

Cop says, "License and registration, please."

Guy says, "What for?"

Cop says, “You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

Guy says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

Cop says, “You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration, please."

Guy says, "What's the difference?"

Cop says, "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop. License and registration, PLEASE!"

Guy says, "If you can show me the difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration."

Cop says, "Exit your vehicle, sir."

40 things never said by southerners

1. Groan loudly, and make straining sounds.

2.Say to a friend, "catch any fish yet?" Have them reply, "I think this is a fish"

3.Replace the urinal cakes with hostess snack cakes.

4. Stand so your pants are visble at the stall bottom and scream, WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! as you pee.

5. Sing loudly.

6. Laugh rudely when people are pooping.

7.When you hear the intercom, yell, "Im on the crapper!"

8. Say " Is that corn", as loud as possible.

9. When people walk in the door say " Ahhhhhh!"

daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator.

Shocked, she asked, "What in the world are you doing?"

The daughter replied, "Mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this
thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go
away
and leave me alone."

The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz coming from the other
side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed
his
daughter making passionate love to her vibrator.

To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said, "Dad, I'm

thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll
ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone."

A couple days later, the wife and daughter came home from a shopping trip,
placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise
coming from, of all places, the family room. They

entered that area and observed the husband/father sitting on the couch,

staring at the TV. The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing

like crazy.

The wife asked, "What the hell are you doing?"