posted
My 18 year old daughter is leaving soon to Cairo to visit an Egyptian man (age27) she met in Thailand 16 months ago. She says that he was very nice to her, but we know that she was romantically involved with him at the time. They have been on the phone and computer to each other for many hours each day for the past year as she has not seen him since she left Thailand in February 2005.
This young man doesn't work, but claims to have a degree. I am so afraid that she is getting involved in a very bad situation. She will be living at his parent's house, with him for a 2 week vacation. She plans to return to London and college, but they are hoping he will get a visa to accompany her here.
Any thoughts would be appreciated.
Can anyone direct me on where to find information that will either calm my nerves or give me reliable information to give her to read about this type of situation.
Posts: 3 | From: minnesota | Registered: Jul 2006
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you are right to be concerned about your daughter.. but at the same time, she is 18 and has obviously travelled already and therefor has some experience of the big wide world.
also, the fact that you have found this site and joined for advise tells me that you have probably raised your daughter in a way that has given her the tools she needs to make the right choices.
if she is staying at the parents house i would imagine she will be treated with nothing but respect and hospitality.... EGYPTIAN hospitality... its what i fell in love with, the people, so genuine and kind.
if i can do anything to allay your fears it would be to say its only 2 weeks, and she will be experiencing a beautiful country in a real egyptian home in cairo... what a lucky girl.
as for the man in question, well you can never be sure of anything... it is common for egyptian men to have degrees and possibly not a job... but the fact they met in thailand shows he has the ability (passport) and the funds to get there... something a lot of egyptian men i know can only dream of.
as long as your daughter knows you are there for her no matter what happens, im sure she will be fine... and this can only enrich her life.
good luck to her!
PS... there is plenty of info for you and your daughter available here, and several other egyptian websites. perhaps you could have a read up on things and post again with any specific questions you or your daughter may have. Posts: 5642 | From: hellonearth.myfastforum.org Forum Index | Registered: Feb 2006
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posted
Why don't you ask to speak to his parents and tell them you are worried about the situation. Egyptians are very family orientated and will understand your worries in fact they will wonder why one earth you are allowing an 18 year old girl to travel alone in this way but that is another issue.
If either the man or your daughter stop you from speaking to the parents then you have every reason to be worried.
Make sure your daughter understands it will not be acceptable behaviour to sleep with this man when she stays with him and also make it clear to the family you expect them to keep her honour.
With regard to the Visa to London unless he qualifies in his own right it is extemely unlikely he would be granted one through association with your daughter.
Posts: 3809 | From: Paradise | Registered: Mar 2003
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I feel so sorry for mums, they have the hardest and most worrisome jobs in the world.
It does sound a little strange to me that she is staying in the family home with him as this is normally not acceptable unless they are married.
You definitely need to find out all you can about him and the family plus the EXACT location of where she will be staying. It would be a great idea to talk to the parents, but do they speak English ?
Posts: 70 | From: Cairo Egypt | Registered: Mar 2005
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posted
The parents of this young man can be worried too. When there are different countries, languages, religions and cultures involved, dictatorships and democracies, different levels of social welfare, it is a challenge. All I can say is that it is of the utmost importance to trust you're daughter and let her make the decisions in her life. Let her know that you will be there for her. Being worried is the privilige of parents. Try genuine interest in her story of her relationship. Do you know what religion her bf does have? And where he lives? Where did he get his degree at what faculty in what university in Egypt? What does his father do for a living, does he have brothers and sisters. What are his plans in life? Parents are entitled too over the top interest, as children are entitled to consider their parents as annoyingly nosy. You could google some over bicultural relations or bilingual children, marriedtoanarab, to find some stories that may give you a feeling that you are getting more involved.:-) But I am sure you should only hand these over to you're daughter if she is interested at all in this stage. She is interested in this particular young men first and maybe then in what comes with it I guess.
posted
This relation seems to be very progressive, but you can tell you're daughter that it is perfectly allright to ask for an 'engagement'. His visa to London if obtained that easily, what I would doubt, can be seen as his exploration of his future life with her in a foreign country and they can discuss their future life together. It is less shamefull to break an engagement then to break a marriage if life proves to be something else than love. It can prevent dissapointment on both sides. It can be very heavy to be responsible for someone else in you're country, especially in the situation where a man is depending on a woman for his permit, how many love there is, you should consider the condition you're in. He will have to adjust to working and living conditions that are not always as he expects them. Try to find out what the rules are for inviting him over to stay with her so you can be at you're best informed and do not have to rely on rumours or interests. I am not sure what site this would be in England, but I am sure they can be found on the internet.
Don't know what happened to this site, it is in archive now, but still here.
Posts: 1419 | From: Amsterdam, Netherlands | Registered: Aug 2003
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posted
Thank you all for your replies. As a mom I know we worry about the worst. As American citizens we continue to feel panic when dealing with Muslim people even though WE KNOW intellectually that the atrocities were committed by the extremists. And, though I've traveled a bit, I've never been closely associated with Muslim people. Our concerns are only that this incredible daughter of ours is not headed for danger.
Have you ever heard of an Egyptian man having graduated from the U S Air Force Academy and flying for the US Air Force? This guy claims to have done just that. Also, is there a way to find out anything about his father who is suppose to be a diplomat of some sort who has lived all over the world?
Does it seem odd that a 27 y/o man doesn't work?
I'm really confused. His father claims that his son doesn't need to work, but does it seem appropriate for this culture that young men with degrees should not be working?
Thanks again for all the good advice. I'm certainly more relaxed about the situation.
Posts: 3 | From: minnesota | Registered: Jul 2006
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posted
PS. I am unable to travel with my daughter due to my husbands ill health. I know that the boy friends family has heard about how sick my husband has been, so they accept that my daughter must travel alone if she is to travel. They have promised to keep her safe, but I don't know who they are really, I've never spoken very long with them. It's so hard over the internet or the phone. The mother doesn't speak English, but the father does.
That's a little more insite for anyone who might like the info.
Posts: 3 | From: minnesota | Registered: Jul 2006
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posted
Well the story sounds strange but it could be true. You see it is odd that he was able to travel to Thailand. You have no idea how hard it is for Egyptians to travle so the fact that he can means he is very unusual.
Ask his father, they would expect you to quizz them as a concerned parent it will increase their respect for you
-------------------- Jane Akshar UK Co-owner of www.flatsinluxor.co.uk Appartments and Tours in Luxor Posts: 2791 | From: www.flatsinluxor.co.uk, Luxor, Egypt | Registered: Jan 2003
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quote:Originally posted by Lois: PS. I am unable to travel with my daughter due to my husbands ill health. I know that the boy friends family has heard about how sick my husband has been, so they accept that my daughter must travel alone if she is to travel. They have promised to keep her safe, but I don't know who they are really, I've never spoken very long with them. It's so hard over the internet or the phone. The mother doesn't speak English, but the father does.
That's a little more insite for anyone who might like the info.
Lois no matter how hard it is you have got to put all your questions to his family. In this matter the cultural difference works in your favour because it is so normal in Egypt for a girl's family to check everything out about a prospective groom's family. You will gain their respect for doing it so don't be embarrassed. If the father is a diplomat he must speak good English, your daughter's safety is well worth the cost of phone calls. Write a list of everything you want to know even the bit about working with the US airforce and make it clear you can't understand why a well qualified man is not working and that you have very big reservations about this for your daughter's future. Do make sure you get a full address of where she will be staying and the full name of the family. You could then ask on here to check out if anyone knows the family and location she will be staying.
Lois please please get the information you need to put your mind at rest it is just not worth the risk for your daughters future happiness and safety.
Posts: 3809 | From: Paradise | Registered: Mar 2003
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quote:Originally posted by Lois: Have you ever heard of an Egyptian man having graduated from the U S Air Force Academy and flying for the US Air Force? This guy claims to have done just that. Also, is there a way to find out anything about his father who is suppose to be a diplomat of some sort who has lived all over the world?
Does it seem odd that a 27 y/o man doesn't work?
I'm really confused. His father claims that his son doesn't need to work, but does it seem appropriate for this culture that young men with degrees should not be working?
If his father is a high-ranking diplomat it would be easy for him to get a job, so it seems a bit strange that he doesn't work.
I agree with others, speaking to his parents would be the appropriate thing to do. I'd also speak to the guy himself and ask him what kind of future he has in mind for himself and your daughter ...
Posts: 3587 | Registered: Mar 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Lois: My 18 year old daughter is leaving soon to Cairo to visit an Egyptian man (age27)...
Lois...C'mon you let go your daughter...who has just 18 years old...to travel alone for to meet a man??? I cannot believe. Posts: 1414 | From: far away | Registered: Sep 2004
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posted
From what I understand, as part of the US aid to Egypt there is an agreement that the US will train some of the Egyptian airforce in the States. I have met airforce personnel who have done the training, but unless this young man is in the airforce or his father pulled diplomatic strings for him to do that instead of his army service here in Egypt, it seems a bit strange that he has that training and he is sitting at home unemployed now. However, it could be that his family is rich enough to support him, so he doesn't have to work.
Also, if his father has lived all over the world as a diplomat, his wife would most likely have accompanied him, so it would be unusual if she didn't speak some English, even if a little shyly at first. And if your daughter can talk to the son for hours on the computer and phone, it shouldn't be too difficult for you to do the same with his parents.
Posts: 4576 | From: Cairo | Registered: Jun 2002
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quote:Originally posted by Penny: ask on here to check out if anyone knows the family and location she will be staying.
excellent idea!
lois.. im sure you do anyway, but as a safety precaution keep a colour photocopy of her passport, a recent photo of her, and a list of items she has with her. also a photocopy of the tickets.
please dont be alarmed at this, its just good practise no matter where she travels.
insist she contacts you every few days.
Posts: 5642 | From: hellonearth.myfastforum.org Forum Index | Registered: Feb 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Lois: Have you ever heard of an Egyptian man having graduated from the U S Air Force Academy and flying for the US Air Force? This guy claims to have done just that. Also, is there a way to find out anything about his father who is suppose to be a diplomat of some sort who has lived all over the world?
This story stinks immense..... If he's an US citizen - and only a US citizen - he will be able to fly in the US Air Force.
Also you mention his father is some kind of diplomat? I believe he's working for the Egyptian government? Well, it's totally impossible then, it's forbidden, it would be a conflict of interests, he would never get through the security clearance to fly for the US.
It's true that Egyptian air force personnel gets trained back in the US (I met a couple myself), but he has to be an officer, ask him which rank he has, from which academy he graduated - and WTH he's not working right now????
You do right to worry about your daughter but no matter how much you try to talk to her, she will pursue her way, he's obviously her first boyfriend (regarding the age of your daughter), she has to find things out for herself.
Cairo is safe no doubt about it like someone already pointed out here. Netherless please advise your daughter to register with the US Embassy straight after arrival.
And it would be great if you would let us know how her trip went.
PS: I'd call her daily.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
can i just point out that there may be just a tad of spin to what hes told her and also what shes told you... just a bit of embellishment to impress her and likewise with her to impress/appease you.
a certain amount is excusable. sometimes we have no intention of pursuing a relationship with someone and therefor dont think of the consequences... or maybe he just tried too hard to impress her.
i bet theres a bit of fairy tale laced on top of underlying truth.
just a hunch!
Posts: 5642 | From: hellonearth.myfastforum.org Forum Index | Registered: Feb 2006
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posted
I don't believe one should be judgemental upfront when you just don't know the details or can't picture them. For a lot of things there can be easy explanations. No reason to get hostile. It is a good thing that you did have contact over the phone already. If he indeed is a muslim (10% of Egyptian's is Christian mind you) there is no need to believe upfront that you're daughter would have to become on too, or that children have to be raised as muslims, whatever that might be. So much prejudice where there are just two people involved that both count and can work things out. A good friend of mine married an Arab and they are both agnostic and live in Thailand. Some other friends of mine became sufi's and some remained Christian.
Posts: 1419 | From: Amsterdam, Netherlands | Registered: Aug 2003
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quote:Originally posted by Lois: My 18 year old daughter is leaving soon to Cairo to visit an Egyptian man (age27) she met in Thailand 16 months ago. She says that he was very nice to her, but we know that she was romantically involved with him at the time. They have been on the phone and computer to each other for many hours each day for the past year as she has not seen him since she left Thailand in February 2005.
This young man doesn't work, but claims to have a degree. I am so afraid that she is getting involved in a very bad situation. She will be living at his parent's house, with him for a 2 week vacation. She plans to return to London and college, but they are hoping he will get a visa to accompany her here.
Any thoughts would be appreciated.
Can anyone direct me on where to find information that will either calm my nerves or give me reliable information to give her to read about this type of situation.
I want a mum like you! Let your daugther learn from her own experiences and will be there to help if or when she falls. Why cant my mother be like that. I haven't even told my mum about my new boyfriend yet - too scarred of her reaction..... Posts: 1215 | From: Nowhere | Registered: Feb 2006
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posted
Tibe you have to bite the bullet and just tell her although it might cause more drama. My family have been like they are in mourning since I told them last week. I was terrified aswel because I knew they were going to freak out! Which they did of course. When I told one of my sisters she burst into tears and the first thing out of her mouth was 'What are you trying to do to me KILL ME?' I thought 'OK this is going well............!
I feel a weight has come off of my shoulders now even though Im still getting crazy remarks thrown at me but it can only get better I hope!
Posts: 87 | From: UK | Registered: May 2006
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-------------------- HandsUpHandsDown is that american woman who used to be known as "ana huna" in ES! Strange but true. Posts: 1123 | Registered: Oct 2005
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