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Author Topic: need advice
mom in america
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found wonderful man who lives in alex we have talked daily for quite some time and have seen him on web cam .he wants to marry me he bought me a ring says he paid 500 pounds for it its beautiful but i am nervous to go to him as he wants me to live there. any advice would be appreciated

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Posts: 18 | From: america | Registered: Aug 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
doodlebug
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let me know 'cause i'm almost in the same boat!lol. Except that I am not going to live there.

personally...I think if he wants you to move there, then he doesn't seem to be looking to just get citizenship, so that part is good.

the only thing is that your profile says you're a mom. would you be willing to raise your kids in egypt? that is the reason that i will not move there until my kids are grown.

good luck in whatever you decide!

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mom in america
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exactly i have four kids ages 10-17 he told me he would wait as long as i needed but i am so unsure of this .i do know i have feelings for him ijust dont know about going over there to live

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lblickem

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Charm el Feikh?
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hi mom! (lol)... welcome to ES.

er... your question is a bit open ended isnt it?...

met man, lives in alex, advice please.

what is it you want us to tell you?

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Elegantly Wasted
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500LE is only like $83...just an FYI
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mom in america
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i want to know he is true to his word and that i am not wife number 4 but i have no idea of how things work there

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lblickem

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Charm el Feikh?
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LOL.. M, i chuckled when i read that to (sorry mom) i thought.. wow, hes lied about what he paid for it and said he paid THAT much for it!!!

chances are that rings been burning a hole in his pocket for quite some time now!

BTW... are you implying that he will wait till your youngest is 18???

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Elegantly Wasted
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The only way to find out is to go and see for yourself. Make him introduce you to all of his family.

How does he feel about you having four children?

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Charm el Feikh?
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you can never be sure. we have heard a story here about someone who married an egy man and sent money, bought a flat etc, then he turned out to have egy wife who gave him permission to marry someone with money so they could have stuff! if i remember rightly the entire family played along with it.

does he live at home or on his own or with friends or in work related accommodation? this would be a good place to start.

why not book a holiday there with a few friends?

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mom in america
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he said he has a house with four rooms lives on his own says he talks to his family about me and said he was married but hasnt seen his wife or son in two years should i believe that?also says he will take care of my accomodations once i get there as long as take care of the air fare.as far as the ring he bought me i saw it on cam but he said as soon as i get there he will give it to me i amnot concerned about the price just about his honesty

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lblickem

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Elegantly Wasted
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He hasn't seen his wife or son in two years? That sounds suspect to me. Do you want to be with a man who hasn't seen his own son in two years? The man is bragging about a cheap ring for God's sake.
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mom in america
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i was under the impression that the wife could not get a divorce as easily and that the son had to stay with is father always is that right cause i am confused and he told me the ring cost 500 pounds but he didnt know how much that was in american money does anybody know the amount i may want to quiz him again when i get ahold of him

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lblickem

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Elegantly Wasted
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I told you before...500LE is about $83. What difference does that make?

It's true women can't get a divorce as easily as men. What's that have to do with the fact that he hasn't seen his son in two years? I suppose if it were true that the son has to stay with his father then he'd be with him now..right? The guy's a dead beat dad...lose him.

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mom in america
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ok thanks for the advice sorry to be such a pest

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lblickem

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Elegantly Wasted
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Hey no problemo. If you'd like to talk more in depth about this send me a PM.
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DamselInDistress
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A 500LE ring and you have to pay your own airfare to visit him ?

My felaheen giggalo bum meter is ringing !

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mom in america
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so what should i tell him damsel

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lblickem

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doodlebug
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I would never even consider dating, let alone marrying, a man who has not seen his son in so long. Just my opinion. If that is how he treats his blood how will he treat you?
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Okay, no one knows the whole story about this man. Maybe he's married to a foreign woman and she lives abroad with their son. Or he mentioned the long timespan to let mom in America know that they are not in close touch with each other and maybe his ex lives quite far away from Alex and he doesn't have the money to travel that often. Or he has immense problem with his ex-wife and she makes problems seeing his son, we know that so well in the west.

Anyway, mom in america, seriously start thinking. You assume you are in your late 30's so you old enough what's best for you and the kids. Look, if you really like the guy, save the money and go at an appropriate time. But don't go for marriage or else. Get to know him, see him in person and if he's a total failure at least see something from Egypt. I really don't think you have a clue what you could probably getting yourself and your kids into. Right now you seem to be way to worried and confused and you are right the whole thing sounds shaky.Well and you don't trust him. Why would you spend much money on an airfare to Egypt then? BTW I believe your boyfriend doesn't have much money, doesn't have a second wife and even if he says he wants you to live there could mean he's opting for a ticket to abroad. Plus what's up with that that you can't contact him at certain times?

Look, you got four kids/teenagers to look after, it's a huge responsibility and I think the money will be better invested in nuturing them and education. Don't rip them out off their normal environment. Try to find a nice guy in your area who will sweep you off your feet, will like you for the way you are and accepts your children as his own.

That's my opinion but the decision is yours. Good luck!

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Mimmi
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quote:
Originally posted by mom in america:
found wonderful man who lives in alex we have talked daily for quite some time and have seen him on web cam .he wants to marry me he bought me a ring says he paid 500 pounds for it its beautiful but i am nervous to go to him as he wants me to live there. any advice would be appreciated

Get real and meet him first.
Don't even think of marriage at your first trip.
What will you do with your kids??
Really get real and meet the person first.

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imagine
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[QUOTE]Originally posted by mom in america:
[QB] i was under the impression that the wife could not get a divorce as easily and that the son had to stay with is father always is that right

This is true, however u can add thigs to the marriage contact that will insure u and the any children u might have with this man in the future..

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newcomer
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Let's put it this way, if he offered an Egyptian woman a 500 LE ring and expect her to marry him for that, she would laugh in his face. The minimum they would expect would be 3-5,000 LE just for the gold and that would be before all the other expenses of setting her up in a flat, etc. Even if he doesn't know the value of the ring in dollars, he knows how it would be valued here.
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mom in america
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thanks for all the advice i really aapreciate it you guys are great i hope to chat with you all more on just normal stuff but hope i can still ask your advice from time to time.you all have a great day talk to you soon.

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lblickem

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doodlebug
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not that it matters but she did say 500 pounds, not 500 LE. Isn't 1 pound worth like 2 dollars now? a $1,000 wedding ring is ok in my book, though I still say the business with his son needs to be further looked into.
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Soghantouta
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Mom in America...is in America, so she wouldn't talk in british pounds!! She meant LE!
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Elegantly Wasted
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$1 US is approximately 5.75LE...LE=Egyptian pounds not British...two completely different things.

500LE is $87

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Tibe
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Is marriage about how expensive the wedding ring is????
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newcomer
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Many Egyptian man are now turning to foreign women instead of Egyptian because it is too expensive for them to marry a local woman. This is a multifaceted problem and has many reasons behind it. If the man is a good man and genuinely can't afford to pay all that some Egyptian women are asking, it is not a problem. But if he is doing it because he is a cheapskate and is expecting a rich foreign woman to support him for the rest of his life for a cheap ring, then it is. [Smile]

The difficulty comes for a woman in determining the difference, especially when they only know the man through the internet or for a short time while on holiday, and he is from a country that they don't understand the local culture or values of.

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Tibe
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quote:
Originally posted by newcomer:
Many Egyptian man are now turning to foreign women instead of Egyptian because it is too expensive for them to marry a local woman. This is a multifaceted problem and has many reasons behind it. If the man is a good man and genuinely can't afford to pay all that some Egyptian women are asking, it is not a problem. But if he is doing it because he is a cheapskate and is expecting a rich foreign woman to support him for the rest of his life for a cheap ring, then it is. [Smile]

Agree - I just felt that : its not the price of the gifts that he gives but the thoughts behind it. And if 500 LE is what he can afford and his really inlove with her. Then I think its beautifull.
Newcomer - how much does a egyptian man have to give an egyptian bride normally????? Isn't it actually a bit silly since they are suppose to share everything in the future.... [Confused]

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Elegantly Wasted
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I agree with newcomer. My husband isn't a rich man by any stretch of the imagination. I was married with a simple gold wedding band which is fine by me. A few months later for my birthday I got gold earrings and another gold ring. He will continue to buy me my gold over time because he simply can't afford it all at once. I could have waited for him to save more money to buy me all my gold at once but it was more important to me to get married than to wait for gold.

I just thought it was silly that this guy was bragging about buying a 500LE ring. Instead he should be apologizing that he can't afford more. Better yet..don't talk about the price of the damn ring!

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newcomer
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quote:
Originally posted by Tibe:
Newcomer - how much does a egyptian man have to give an egyptian bride normally????? Isn't it actually a bit silly since they are suppose to share everything in the future.... [Confused]

An Egyptian man usually has to give a woman at the minimum 3-5,000 LE's worth of gold (i.e. ring, earrings, necklace, and bracelet), then he should buy an apartment and furnish it for her. If he is not able to furnish all the apartment, the woman's family and man's family will come to an agreement on how they can share the costs. He should then support her financially for the rest of her life.

An Egyptian man is expected to support his family, that's his role in the family, he is the provider. Nowadays many women go out to work and may help their husbands out, but most men are too proud to accept any money from their wives, unless they really had to and couldn't borrow it from a male member of his family. A man would be not be thought of as a real man if he had to take money from his wife.

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Tibe
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quote:
Originally posted by newcomer:
quote:
Originally posted by Tibe:
Newcomer - how much does a egyptian man have to give an egyptian bride normally????? Isn't it actually a bit silly since they are suppose to share everything in the future.... [Confused]

An Egyptian man usually has to give a woman at the minimum 3-5,000 LE's worth of gold (i.e. ring, earrings, necklace, and bracelet), then he should buy an apartment and furnish it for her. If he is not able to furnish all the apartment, the woman's family and man's family will come to an agreement on how they can share the costs. He should then support her financially for the rest of her life.

An Egyptian man is expected to support his family, that's his role in the family, he is the provider. Nowadays many women go out to work and may help their husbands out, but most men are too proud to accept any money from their wives, unless they really had to and couldn't borrow it from a male member of his family. A man would be not be thought of as a real man if he had to take money from his wife.

But what do all these young (and old) women do all day at home???? I can see the desire and need to be home when there are kids but before and after the kids are gone - I would be borred to death and feel useless - i think...never tried it.
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doodlebug
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quote:
Originally posted by newcomer:


An Egyptian man is expected to support his family, that's his role in the family, he is the provider. Nowadays many women go out to work and may help their husbands out, but most men are too proud to accept any money from their wives, unless they really had to and couldn't borrow it from a male member of his family. A man would be not be thought of as a real man if he had to take money from his wife.

Yeah, that was something that was hard to get across to him...that I need to work in order to keep up the standard of living that my daughters (and I [Big Grin] ) have grown accustomed to. He will demand that I quit my job once he is able to handle all of our expenses but has agreed that i have to work until that time.

And I don't think the price of the ring matters at all. Heck i'd take a bubblegum machine ring if he loved me truly [Smile] I just thought we were confusing pounds with LE's.

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Mer
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Unless he is rich, and he have a background on the american life standard, you will have a hard time in Egypt.. Please make sure before you act, I think a lot of American men are still there!!!
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Soghantouta
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Problem about this gold/money thing isn't what foreigners think about it but what it means to Egyptians. I mean, for foreign women who are used to live alone and support themselves, getting a golden ring or not isn't important, love is more important than anything, and so on. But an Egyptian man perfectly knows what it means, it's really part of his pride, and he also knows what would be her egyptian girlfiend's reaction if he couldn't offer her the flat and all the money. He would be considered a loser, and he would stay single for all his life!
So as Newcomer says, it's ok if it really bothers the Egyptian, if he apologises not being able to pay such and such (as it seems to be the case for Madame M.), and if he brings the dowry step by step. But a man who wouldn't even evoke the problem (because he DOES know that it doesn't matter to his foreign GF), that's not ok at all!

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newcomer
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LOL! I was wondering what else I had written in this thread and then realised it wasn't me after all! This could get confusing, two people with the same avatar!
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gaffy
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I think the fact that you are asking a forum for advise means that you are really feeling insecure about this man on your own. You hope that we can help you feel better, cos frankly telling your friends in the states will make all of them laugh and tell you to run the other way.

If you want us to tell you what you already feel in your heart and the "sinking" feeling is getting to you, then follow that feeling.

On the other hand, if you are older than him and you have 4 children, this is suspiscious. If you are the same age and both of you have children and you just want to go for a vacation and have fun, then great.

But warning, lots of foreign men are finding wives from any other countries to get out. For various reasons, and claim love from the net. If you have never met him in person....well, would you do that in the USA? Would you trust any american man from the net only? Men are men. All the world the same. They are not different just because they are in another country.

I live in USA. I have been to Egypt 5 times. I know some of the culture, I know the families and the men. I have an idea from various people of what is accepted and not. But still, you are the only one who knows your self. You have 4 children.

Are you saying you would trust someone from another country more than an American? But still think again, you met him from the net?

Okay, enough, I'm stepping down from the soap box.

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mom in america
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thanks guys i have decided to go over there for a vacation only and meet his family and friends but i have decided i could never live there

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lblickem

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Go and meet him and have a fun time. Just be cautious about trusting him and make sure you listen to instinct and not just with your heart. Make it a fun time and enjoy Egypt. It is a beautiful country. As for a 500le ring, if that is all he can afford and he is sincere, then that is great. But, for a man on the internet whom you barely know, it seems kind of fishy. Although, I know of people who have met online and married and were happy. And make the most of your vacation..don't make it all about him.
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bettyboeing
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my advice, run and find a western guy.
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Charm el Feikh?
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a welsh one perhaps?!
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foreignluvr
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quote:
Originally posted by mom in america:
thanks guys i have decided to go over there for a vacation only and meet his family and friends but i have decided i could never live there

Before you go read all you can about Egypt and its culture and even religion as u said you didn't know much at all about the country. And no matter what happens there, enjoy your vacation!!! But always, always put your children first. I know sometimes it may not seem fair but our happiness should come second. You still have your life and can do anything you want to do AFTER your children are adults and are on their own....
Posts: 895 | From: Atlanta, GA. | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
foreignluvr
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quote:
Originally posted by doodlebut:
let me know 'cause i'm almost in the same boat!lol. Except that I am not going to live there.

personally...I think if he wants you to move there, then he doesn't seem to be looking to just get citizenship, so that part is good.

the only thing is that your profile says you're a mom. would you be willing to raise your kids in egypt? that is the reason that i will not move there until my kids are grown.

good luck in whatever you decide!

Doodlebut, You seem like a great Mom!!! You are willing to put your children's happiness before your own and that says sooo much. Personally, unless they are very young, I think it would be so unfair to move any kids to Egypt especially if they are use to living in a western society. I don't think MOST of them would adapt very well. But that's just my opinion. 2 thumbs up to you that you are willing to wait until your kids are grown before you even think of moving there!!!! [Smile]
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mom in america
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well just wanted to let everyone know i caught him in a huge lie and therefor i am not speaking ot him anymore.i decided to play a a little game that some may think is childish but i had to know and its not like i can go over to his house today and ask him .so i changed my profile and gave myself a different name and started talking to him as i was a poor lonely girl in america .and he fell for it hook line and sinker and said he was in search of an american to call his own.never said he had a gf he just wanted to propose to .he never mentioned me at all.so to make a long story short i had him where i wanted him then i turned on my cam so he could see me.the look on his face was priceless!!! even though i was heartbroken i am glad i found out now.so to everyone thanks for all the advice you guys are great

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lblickem

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daria1975
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quote:
Originally posted by mom in america:
well just wanted to let everyone know i caught him in a huge lie and therefor i am not speaking ot him anymore.i decided to play a a little game that some may think is childish but i had to know and its not like i can go over to his house today and ask him .so i changed my profile and gave myself a different name and started talking to him as i was a poor lonely girl in america .and he fell for it hook line and sinker and said he was in search of an american to call his own.never said he had a gf he just wanted to propose to .he never mentioned me at all.so to make a long story short i had him where i wanted him then i turned on my cam so he could see me.the look on his face was priceless!!! even though i was heartbroken i am glad i found out now.so to everyone thanks for all the advice you guys are great

Oh, that sucks. [Frown] But I'm glad you found out before you invested any more emotion/money/or time.

Did you take a pic of his surprised face? Post it. [Big Grin] [Big Grin] [Big Grin]

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sunburnt
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And yet everyday we get silly women falling for these toerags. Please tell me how someone can fall in love with someone they only chat to, they have never been with them in their day to day lives so only see the "show" person, lol the telephone voice
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Mom, I am happy for what you did and you saw his true nature. Well done job! And I hope true love is just around the corner for you. All the best for you and the children in the future. [Smile]
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bettyboeing
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it is funny when i went to Egypt all the men want a western wife, girls beware, it is a trap, some young guys in their 20's were with women so old there skin was like an old leather boot, come to think of it, less wrinkles on a Sharpei pup!! The only thing they saw in them was sex and a meal ticket
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Elegantly Wasted
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Ugh...I can see the meal ticket part but the sex part baffles me. What 20-something man wants an old, saggy broad with a dryed up cous?

I certainly wouldn't want an old dude with a saggin' ass...ewwwwwww!

Old lonely women are a mystery to me. They'll believe anything.

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bettyboeing
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The only thing i know is that Muslim women cant or nto supposed to have sex before marraige, so they go with a saggy old tart instead who probably has a good pension fund with not many years left in life, just like Anna Nicole Smith and Howard Marshall. Western men look at boobs and bum first, the others only see pound signs, lucky the women on here are wise to this factor. This guy on the beach was soo good looking and around 22 years old, he was with this really old woman who we assumed was his mother, then the cheeky sod asked us to to get her free drinks on our all inclusive, what i told him to do ended with an f and started with an f, cheek or what! Maybe her pension was tied up for another year or two.
Posts: 55 | From: Mars | Registered: Aug 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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