By Farah El Alfy First Published: September 2, 2006
Summer sets the mood for a short lived relationship, but not a long-term commitment, psychologists say
CAIRO: In the summer it is very easy to fall in love. The setting is exotic and you are in a relaxed mood, enjoying yourself on stress-free days away from work. But can this summer fling make the transition from fantasy to reality?
Not only are you more vulnerable to love on holidays because you are relaxed, but the so-called summer flings skip a lot of layers that a “real” relationship goes through. A fling goes straight to that euphoric feeling of love because you feel you have a limited time so you don’t want to waste it. But as they say, easy come easy go.
Building a lasting relationship is not an easy task. There are many different layers involved. According to psychologist Robert J. Sternberg's "triangular theory of love," love has three components: intimacy, passion and commitment. Different combinations of these three components yield different kinds of love. For example, intimacy and passion together produce romantic love; intimacy and commitment together produce companionate love; and passion and commitment together produce fatuous love, and so forth. All three components together produce consummate love.
“There is no commitment and little intimacy in a summer fling, but [there is an abundance] of passion,” explains Heba Kotb, sexologist and psychology professor at the American University in Cairo.
Passion is only active temporarily; it is perhaps the strongest of the three and the fastest to erupt, but does not last on its own. It is better to refer to it as lust, not love, although the two can be easily but falsely substituted.
“Summer flings are summer flings ... Take it for what it is … simple happy love that ends with the summer,” says Nahla Sadek, a single 22-year-old.
Once the summer is over and each person falls back into their daily routine, it is hard to find room for the other in real life, especially since you had met under different circumstances. “They don’t really know each other ... not based on similarities,” says Kotb. “It's magical and unreal and then [when the summer is over] reality strikes.”
Yet of course there are some cases were couples beat the odds and turn a summer fling into a meaningful relationship. “If you like the person and think there is more beneath the surface then keep on going,” says Karim Oweiss, a banker.
There are numerous real-life stories in which couples met on holiday and turned their fling into a full-fledged romance, living happily ever after.
But flings that end in romantic harmony are still relatively small in number; in general "happily ever after" is not part of the equation. If on holiday go ahead and enjoy yourself, but don’t expect it to be ever lasting because statistically the odds are against you. Keep it short and sweet like a good vacation; enjoy the memories and the pictures and kiss it goodbye.
posted
Ok so what kind of love comes from only commitment, no passion, no intimacy depending on what you call intimacy... when there is only commitment and enjoying being around each other.. what is it?????
UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!
Printer-friendly view of this topic