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Originally posted by aidia:
hi guys i'm wondering if anyone can help me with this query.
I would like to know about Muslims and virginity. Is this a cultural thing or does it state in the kuran that girls have to be virgins?
I have asked a few of my muslim friends and most being men have given their view why their wives should be virgins and most of the girls have just said thats the way it has always been. So I've come to the conclusion that either my friends aren't really practising muslims or they dont have great knowlage of the religon. I would love to understand more about this subject and apreciate all your comments.
thanks in advance to all who reply!!
AIDIA

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Originally posted by egy_prince:
Simply in Islam, making sex must be part of marriage affair and making a family. Therefore it must be logic not to have sex except with ur husband and husband becomes husband when u marry him, so u will be virgin till u marry.

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Originally posted by aidia:
thats very interesting egy i didnt look at the sitiution from that angle i didn't know that sex was just believed to be just a way of making babys, but again i came to the conslusion that the virgin thing is more a cultural then a religous thing.
come on you muslim guys tell me why you believe that your wife should be virgins and i dont want to hear the same old exuses about you should be the only men to have been with your wive. Imagen a situation that you have fallen head over heels in love with a girl who you believe to be virgin and the only time you find out is when you've got married and getting down to buisness and she tells you at that momment. what do you do, do you drag her by her hair back to her parents house without listening to her explanation or do you listen to her and then decide whats more important, your love for her the meer fact that she isn't a virgin?
look forward to hearing your comments.

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May be can forgive her if she lost her virginity by force but never forgive her that she didn't tell me this before marriage (this is a personal opinion differes from one to one).

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Originally posted by egy_prince:
May be can forgive her if she lost her virginity by force but never forgive her that she didn't tell me this before marriage (this is a personal opinion differes from one to one).

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Originally posted by Shareen:
You would forgive HER? If she lost her virginity by force she would need your forgiveness? Surely if it was by force, she would need your support and understanding, not your forgiveness. Egy Prince, you just gave an extremely disappointing answer.

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Sorry Shareen, I said forgive but I meant support and If u read my comment again, u would conclude this.

speaking from experience, virgins should marry virgins, it is a learning process learning each other and to be on the same level in bed and not feel intimidated to try smomething new and not be asked who you did you do that with, my husband was a virgin and i was not, so it has been very hard work because he doesn't know how to be flexible and romantic it takes time and it has caused some rips between us where we have separated got back together due to immaturity about a women needs notice i didn't say girl, so if you are not one do not marry one because somewhere down the line it will be mentioned to you by the love of your life.

peace,
queen

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Originally posted by aidia:
hi guys i'm wondering if anyone can help me with this query.
I would like to know about Muslims and virginity. Is this a cultural thing or does it state in the kuran that girls have to be virgins?
I have asked a few of my muslim friends and most being men have given their view why their wives should be virgins and most of the girls have just said thats the way it has always been. So I've come to the conclusion that either my friends aren't really practising muslims or they dont have great knowlage of the religon. I would love to understand more about this subject and apreciate all your comments.
thanks in advance to all who reply!!
AIDIA

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4) a man falling in love with a non-muslim has to know that those girls/women may have had a number of sexuel experiences before and learn to live with it or stop right there[/B][/QUOTE]

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Originally posted by aidia:
I would like to know about Muslims and virginity. Is this a cultural thing or does it state in the kuran that girls have to be virgins?

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Dear Aidia,

There is nothing in the Quran that says girls have to be virgins. But in a standard marriage contract, a bride who was never married is described as an adult virgin. So technically, one can argue that such a contract could be considered null and void if the bride turns out to be a non-virgin. A bride who was never married is expected to be virgin and if not, it is considered valid grounds for divorce. However, if the husband is ok with all that, the marriage is valid both from a religious perspective as well from a legal one.

So if the girl gets away with it from a religious and religious perspective, thee remains the cultural perspective as well which is even less forgiving.

In practice, it all comes down to how the husband would feel about it. Most of us, Egyptian males, expect their wives to be virgin because this is the norm. I guess that if it were normal to have sexual relations before marriage as in western societies, then we would not expect that, would we.

This will continue until it becomes socially ok to have pre-marital sexual relationships.

There is nothing in the Quran that says girls have to be virgins.

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Originally posted by thegorilla:
Saying this in a typical ordinary American way, "EVOLVE"

Lou

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Originally posted by Sandal:

There is nothing in the Quran that says girls have to be virgins. But in a standard marriage contract, a bride who was never married is described as an adult virgin.

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So what about the following sura?

"Successful indeed are the believers, who are reverent during their Contact prayers (Salat). And they avoid vain talk. And they give their obligatory charity (Zakat). And THEY MAINTAIN THEIR CHASTITY. Only with their spouses, or those who are rightfully theirs do they have sexual relations; they are not to be blamed. Those who transgress these limits are the transgressors." (Quran, 23:1-7 )

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Originally posted by sciencesailor:
I tell my Egyptian fellows that a girl with previous sexual experiences (lost virginity) most probably compare her groom's sexual capabablity/skills (when time comes to marry) with those of her former "lovers". As she becomes older and as she faces troubles in her marital relationships; she "might" tend to get back to one of her former lovers with him she had nice time + more sexual enjoyment than she had ever had with her husband.

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Dear sciencesailor,

For your information, for many women sex is not the most important part of a relationship, especially of a marriage. It is entirely possbile for a woman to choose to remain with a husband who offers a loving family and a true mutually spiritual relationship and to forget a sexy hunk who had little else to offer.

Perhaps you have socialized with the wrong type of woman wherever you were.

Besides there is no guarantee that in a failing marriage a man will remain with his wife ONLY because she was a virgin at marriage.

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Originally posted by Nadia1:
Young lady, whether you're christian,jewish or muslim, in all three religions sex outide marriage is called "ADULTRY". Unfortunately nowadays you come across jewish people, muslims, and christians who might not know the first thing about their religion which is really a shame. To my mind your question is to be answered from a purely religious perspective which will bring you back to the above mentioned answer, that sex outside marriage is a sin.As for religious queries I would kindly suggest you look for these in the right places, not online and definitely not this freind of yours. If however you want to tackle the problem from a social perspective, good luck then, there is nothing more perplexing than social codes even within the same country, i suggest you read "the scarlet letter", better still, watch the movie, see beautiful Demi Moore humiliated (not unjustly) , have a good cry and forget about the whole thing

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From reading the first post I understood the question was about non married people considering marriage and evaluating their past intimate lives. A single person could have been married before, or widowed, in which case you can't expect virginity. I did not understand the question meant cheating on existing partners. This, of course, is adultery and grounds for divorce even without religious considerations, however I don't think that's what she asked.

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Original[QUOTE]Originally posted by aidia:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Sandal:
[B] Dear Aidia,

There is nothing in the Quran that says girls have to be virgins.

thank you Sandal for answering you actually answered my question.
just in case anybobys wondering why i'm so intrested, i'll explain I'm turkish and as some people may already know that turkish girls are supposed to be virgins aswell so i always knew the cultural reasons but not being very religous I never found out if it said anything in the quran about this matter.
thank you to everyone else who has answered.

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Originally posted by egypt_cairo1:

in islam sex why its bad? cuz look now in most of europe and usa and most places that sex is so easy , u will find alot of divorces alot of disesses alot of proplems bettwen men and wife , cuz he or she had sex before so he or she cant fell good with her wife so he will go out side to have that. so what is better 1 person for love and long realtion or alot and maybe no coplete relation, thats and alot of thats why sex with alot of pepole is not good, and in the end in quran women must be virgin,,,, iam soory that i talk to much
take good care to your self ,,,,,

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Originally posted by Nadia1:
Lori I checked the copy of the bible i have, it's rather confusing. I'm a Muslim, in Islam sex outside marriage is a sin, it is not a cultural thing, it's a religious issue.

I checked Adultry in the bible. Honestly Lori i was stumped, i checked the ten commandments, they said "Adultry" i checked all three dictionaries I have at home they defined adultry as "when a married person has sex with someone who is not a spouse". Something is definitly wrong, is not sex outside marriage a sin in the Christian religion?
i'm not well versed in the bible so naturally i won't be able to quote as I would in Quoran, I'll have to check with the church nearby.

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Dear Nadia1,

Thank you for going to such great lengths to look in the Bible. I am a Christian Orthodox (close to Coptic religion) and of course sex outside the marriage is a sin for us too. A girl has to marry a virgin and to remain faithful to her husband. If she is widowed, she can marry again. Divorce is allowed only in very special cases.

Probably there are no rules in the Bible concerning sex BEFORE a girl is married because for hundreds of years women were married early, and their husband took them from their parents' house. In her parents' house, a girl was very protected and sheltered by her family. They simply had no time to be women and feel a need or an opportunity for sex. Many were actually still children when they married. This was valid in Christian religion, because Christian women also had the role to stay at home and take care of the house and children. No woman was leaving the parents house by herself to live on her own. Also, women who were not married at an advanced age were usually ugly, handicapped or God knows what, and were usually virgins because no man had a sexual interest in them.

The situation we have nowadays, at least in Europe and the States, is that arrtactive young and young-ish women leaving home at the age of 18 to go to college and move away from their families. They are not sheltered anymore. They earn their own living, sometimes working very hard and long hours, and have to face all kinds of pressures from society concerning sex. Many women start a sex life not because they want it, but because they are made to feel stupid or inadequate by other women because they have not had sex yet.

Sadly, religion - definitely Christian religion - has not adapted to the times, and even if a young woman would go to a priest asking for guidance on how to keep herself pure under these circumstances, the priest simply has nothing to offer for her spiritual strength and resistance to temptation. The Church has chosen to ignore this fact of life, and the result is that many young people rely on their instincts and go away from the Church because they do not feel that the Church has good answers for them any more - and they are right.

So there you are Nadia - many young foreign women who come to Egypt are not virgins because this is how life is in the West. If a girl is over 20 and still a virgin, she would be regarded as "something wrong with her" in the West.

Many girls when they come to Egypt wish they had turned back time and preserved themselves for their Egyptian love - but it's too late. I know many men judge them harshly. Poor girls, they can't win - damned in the West if they don't have sex, and damned in Egypt if they do

Try not to judge them too harshly. Only God can judge.

Lori