posted
I wonder how for 19 yrs of marriage I have not spelled to my dear wife that abusely used sentence in Holywood movies: "I love you"! I remember that many years ago, she asked me for the reason for not saying it or even writing it in a letter when I/She were out of the country in training in Europe/USA? My reply was I respect the verb "to love" and I do not exhaust its meaning by just saying it frequently. I would rather express its meaning in acts not words. I think the most meaningful commitment to my dear wife is ordering her to stop all her attempts to give me a child and assuring her that I will never think of any other woman as a wife (Shariea permits 2,3,4 wives). I felt that the gynochologists (most of them wealthy contractors/farming ranches owners etc) could poison her body with medicines to have a child but pay the cost of losing her own life 2 or 3 years at most after the child birth. That decision was taken 10 years ago. I think this kind of expressing love is common among the Egyptian families. Is it a kind of respect of the spouse or the relationship itself? Is it a cultural heritage? Anyway saying or not saying "I love you" to aspouse is not a matter of concern in marital relations. Our divorce rate is much lower than the western societies that express "love" in words and outdoors kissing. When I was a Teaching Fellow at Boston University, a new graduate student arrived from Ethiopea. He told me wondering how those American couples kiss publiclly in an exaggerated way of expressing their love. He was clever enough to observe: " I find it hard to believe they feel the kiss as a man and a woman can feel it, the kiss has passion and also trigger the sexual appetite". I confirmed his observation and greeted his cleverness while he was just a week or two in an entirely different culture. This explains why we in arabic use the verb "to love" in place of "to like" and the vice versa. We rarely use "to love" in our real/responsible life relationships. It doesnot have its privacy. So we do not give any concern if the westerners get confused of the timing of using each of these two verbs. Getting deep into understanding the Egyptian culture can resolve this confusion. PS. To my Egyptian fellows: I heard An Egyptian technician asking an Italian expert "which country you love the most? He had a smart reply: USA is the country I Like to live in the rest of my life but Italy is the country I love wherever I go". Be careful when you use these two verbs in the vicinity of foreigners.
Posts: 182 | From: Alexandria, Egypt | Registered: Jan 2004
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I feel so interesting on your message about love. I know some man like to say but also some man like to put it in heart and only working it in their daily life (to love).
But ...what is love?
Fox
Posts: 47 | From: Hong Kong | Registered: Nov 2003
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posted
To: Lady_Fox I think "love" is a spiritual bond between a man and a woman. A chemistry takes place between the two persons in love. I think in the real life, a married man like myself, have met women in several places/situations with whom I felt chemical reactions (attraction) taking place in my soul but, as a faithful husband, I withdrew at the right timing to prevent the spiritual bond from getting stronger. I am 56 yrs old and through out my adult life I attended seminars/conferences and travelled for training abroad meeting women in varying styles, even during a shopping in a mall here in Alexandria, it happens that I and a woman find ourselves face to face and in seconds as if electrical charges go through our bodies, both soul and bodily attractions take place, I, in seconds, recover from those feelings and escape from this unintended spontaneous situation. May be others would use it to throw an openning speech and initiate a relationship. I hope I came very close to answer your difficult question. salam.
Posts: 182 | From: Alexandria, Egypt | Registered: Jan 2004
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posted
It is a girl thing to want to hear those words. My darling Egyptian husband understands my need to hear it and although he doesn't say it very often like a Western man does, he does say it and when he says it we are generally alone and it is said with real meaning. I appreciate him crossing the cultural/female divied and doing this for me so very very much.
I know another lady who is Egyptian who would be over the moon is her husband said it to her even once. It hurts her so much that he can't be bothered to do this.
So try it with your wife just once and see what reaction you get. You might find that it is worth it.
------------------ UK Co-owner of www.toursinluxor.co.uk Accommodation and Tours in Luxor
posted
Doc, I'm starting to seriously wonder! All your posts describe either a dream with another woman, or a fantasy or an electrical reaction to all these other women...but you repeatedly get out of temptation in an impeccable way! That's cool!
But tell me, all of you readers please, what about always feeling tempted? Does it mean everything is ok anyway, and men are men etc... or is there a problem there?????
posted
To Ms. Monica I did wait for answering your question by others. Since no one answered, allow me to elaborate, if you do not mind: I did read that every "normal" man has a sexual signal transmitted from the brain through his nervous network to his sexual organs, timing differs from a person to another, every 5 seconds in the highly sexed men, every 10 seconds -- and so on. In the right mood a man catch the signal and initiates sexual arousal. This leads to the "temptation" you are asking about. I think the desire of a man to watch the beauty of women never ends as long as he can see and is not blind. I think those sexual signals run in man's nervous system to the last moments of his life whether was he in his sixties/seventies/eighties. The difference is being able or disabled to respond physically to the desire. Yes Monica the temptation is always there. Either or Both Ethics and Religion make us men behave and confine/control our endless desire for women, restricting our sexual output to our dear wives. I surely be a lier if I do not admit "fancying" other women when the "controls" are not working properly. The difference between a faithful husband and a cheater is in keeping the limit to only imaginations. Also, a faithful husband never let his fancies affect the way he treat/respect his spouse. As an example: Two young American experts coworked with me to solve some technical problems, before leaving to their company headquarters I invited them to a dinner at Bahary (Ras El Tein). They were staying at 5 stars hotel but I intended to let them feel the real Egyptian district with my own money. Anyway, they told me with admiration how the driver of the company car assigned to them during their stay in Alexandria is so religous, he prays frequently during the day. My spontaneous reply was: Judge him by this test: get him in a room with Marlin Monroe look alike, lock the door, count the minutes/seconds before hearing her screaming for help! That driver, Haj xxx was in his fifties at that time. In Islam: A man and a woman alone will have the devil as a third companion. Monica, you seem a lot younger than me, my advice: do not think a man may not desire you because he looks as a respectful/wise senior citizen in his sixties/seventies/eighties. remeber what Clinton was doing with the American Monica in a private room at the White House and he was in his fifties at that time.
Posts: 182 | From: Alexandria, Egypt | Registered: Jan 2004
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posted
There is a good book called The Five Love Languages that applies here. Some people speak the language of 'words of affirmation', and to those persons, hearing about your love is very important. Some people speak 'acts of service' and those persons would respond best to that kind of expression of your love. Of course, rarely do two people who are married speak the same language or comination of languages, so it is important to learn the language of the one you love, so that you can speak it to them, and so that you can 'hear' it when they are loving you. Posts: 322 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2002
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posted
Dear SS, This is me again. Am really interested in your posts.
Hadith - Bukhari 9:168, Narrated Abu Salama I used to see a dream which would make me sick till I heard Abu Qatada saying, "I too, used to see a dream which would make me sick till I heard the Prophet (SAWS) saying, "A good dream is from Allah, so if anyone of you saw a dream which he liked, he should not tell it to anybody except to the one whom he loves, and if he saw a dream which he disliked, then he should seek refuge with Allah from its evil and from the evil of Satan, and spit three times (on his left) and should not tell it to anybody, for it will not harm him."
I think this is an enough reply to your temptation and dreams.
Re this Haj XXX story with Marlin Monroe look alike woman:
Abu Sa'id al Khudri said: "The Messenger of allah was more shy than the virgin hiding away in her own room. If he saw something that he disliked, we would know it only from his facial expression.
The prophet (SAWS) said: "Shyness brings nothing but good"
A true Muslim is shy, polite, and gentle. The attitude of shyness protects him from many errors, not only because he feels shy in front of people, but because he also feels shy before Allah (SWT).
I think, God doesn't want robots. He is seeking individuals who have the heart to do what is right, even when faced with the very real temptation of that which is wrong.
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