posted
I have only just discovered this forum and have spent ages reading the various postings and experiences. I am a bit gutted to have only just found it-especially as I have visited Egypt as a tourist loads of times, have lived there and am married to an Egyptian.
After reading so many different stories here about relationships with Egyptian men, good and bad (mostly bad), I felt compelled to share my Egyptian experience
I met my husband in Luxor (yes luxor!)when I was 22 years old (I am nearly 28 now) and on holiday. He is a couple of years older than me and had worked with tourists for quite a few years(more black marks). He is polite,gentle person and we hit if off straight away. The day before I was due to leave he invited me for a drink where he behaved like an absolute gentleman. We had a fantastic evening talking about everyone and everything before he escorted me back to my hotel. The next day I was due to return home and he met me at the hotel to say his goodbyes and we exchanged telephone numbers. On my return home we kept in contact by phone and I used every possible public holiday, annual holiday allowance to travel to Egypt to see him. I always stayed in hotels (never with him) and on my second visit was introduced to his parents and brothers and sisters who welcomed me into their home and family. This continued for 18 months in which time we were never alone together in a private place. During this 18 months, we remained faithful to one another when apart and I used the time to read book after book about Egyptian culture and Islam to help me understand the mentality of the people and the differences between us. I knew enough about the culture to know that an Egyptian man will never respect you if he has sex with you before marriage and hence our relationship never went to this level and he never suggested it. We talked about marriage and the future and I realised that he was the one that I wanted to be with. He owned an apartment in a village outside of Luxor which was small but decorated nicely, spotlessly clean with all the mod cons. During this time he never once asked me for any money. He also worked with a number of expats and every time I saw them on my return to Egypt, I never once heard any negative stories or anything that would make me question his motives. He became so important to me and I was so sure that we would marry that my parents traveled from the Uk and met him and agreed that he was wonderful. Shortly after this, we had a Orfi Marriage and I left the UK to be with him and to decide how our future would turn out. Once we were married, he supported me fully during my time in Luxor. He continued to work and never asked me for a single contribution for food, household bills etc. I lived in the village with him which as you can imagine, was quite an experience but I loved every minute of it. His family were warm to me, they looked after me when I was sick and made me part of their family. I decided after Six months that it would be in our best interests to go to England, work and hopefully save enough money to build a nice life for ourselves in Egypt. We were married in Cairo (UK recognised marriage) and got a visa for him to live in the UK. We traveled to the UK and initially lived with family whilst finding our feet.
To cut a long story short, my husband got on better than I could ever have imagined in the UK and we now have a good bit of money behind us to set up our future, whether that be in the UK or in Egypt. However, whatever we do and whatever we have, we know that we have worked together as a partnership to achieve it.
In the five years since we met, never once has he asked me for a penny. His family have always treated me with love and never expected anything from me. He has never given me reason to doubt his motives. He has treated my family with respect and is as close to my parents as he is to his own. He has accepted my culture and joins in with Christmas festivities etc in the same way that I have embraced his traditions. We have been married now for 3 years and not a day goes by that I regret it. The cultural differences have never caused any negativity in our relationship, they have simply enriched it.
I suppose that what I am trying to say is that some relationships with Egyptian men can work although I truly believe that they are a rarity. I have seen with my own eyes the 'gigolos' in actions and would advise any female out there to exercise caution and go with her instincts. I think that a lot of the advise on this forum is excellent and if in any doubt - run a mile! However, on the positive side, I think there are more successful Egyptian mixed marriages than this forum portrays,probably because the happy ones don't feel the same need to post there stories as those that have had bad ones
(I think there are more successful Egyptian mixed marriages than this forum portrays,probably because the happy ones don't feel the same need to post there stories as those that have had bad ones)
posted
Thanks for you reply Jaguar. Akshar, I couldn't agree with you more, that some women will read this and think that their relationship will be the same. I believe that only a small percentage of these relationships work out and I have been astounded at some of the horror stories on this forum. I guess what I am saying , if anything is that at no point during the initial stages of our relationship or to date have I ever needed to question my husbands motives. If at any point I had become suspicious, or felt a need for someone to 'spy' on him whilst I was in the UK, or wondered whether he was after me for the sex , or was he just after me for money then I would have walked away without question or investigating further. I am fortunate that this has never been the case but I agree, my story should indeed come with a health warning!
Posts: 9 | From: Luxor | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
Aw, it was so nice to read a happy story. I'm so glad everything worked out for you. And yes, people like myself will read this and think that it will work out for them too, but we understand every relationship is different. It's just nice to hear a happy story and to know that if you both love eachother, trust eachother, and respect eachothers culture, the relationship can work out. Thanks.
Posts: 11 | Registered: Nov 2003
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posted
You are so right. When I came across this forum first it created a lot of doubts for me that I never had before. Then I thought to myself who knows my husband them or me. I was told to check him out on the Russian womens site and I have never done so. If I ever got to the point I felt I needed to do that then I agree with you the relaionship should stop because trust has broken down.
I also think it is terrible important that you are a part of the family and they know and accept you. I would say that is 90% of having a sucessful relationship out here.
quote:Originally posted by samirasunshine: Thanks for you reply Jaguar. Akshar, I couldn't agree with you more, that some women will read this and think that their relationship will be the same. I believe that only a small percentage of these relationships work out and I have been astounded at some of the horror stories on this forum. I guess what I am saying , if anything is that at no point during the initial stages of our relationship or to date have I ever needed to question my husbands motives. If at any point I had become suspicious, or felt a need for someone to 'spy' on him whilst I was in the UK, or wondered whether he was after me for the sex , or was he just after me for money then I would have walked away without question or investigating further. I am fortunate that this has never been the case but I agree, my story should indeed come with a health warning!
------------------ UK Co-owner of www.toursinluxor.co.uk Accommodation and Tours in Luxor
Your story is fantastic. Thankyou for telling it, but mostly for telling it in such detail that those falling for the wrong guys can and hopefully will see the differences between their relationship and the one you had with your husband at first. You were frank and to the point about sex and living arrangements up until you were married, and I think that was important. The western culture of sexual freedom does not have ANYTHING to do with true romances in Egypt.
quote:Originally posted by akshar: I think your story is wonderful but unfortunately people read it and think their own will be the same.
Lots of caution ladies PLEASE
hi folks sorry for my interference, but why are u all assuming that only u ladies have to be cautious, i will tell u something ,speaking for myself, i don't prefer to marry a non egyptian lady , for myself, the egyptian lady is the perfect wife in the whole world, she knows how to make a home, bare the hard conditon of life, knows how to raise her chldren in a perfect faamily values , knows the rights of her husband as her relegion tells her, never prefer her dog's company , caring , tender even under tones of responsibility . so why i leave all that and go to marry someone , i am sure she may not share this advantages, and i subject my litte dreams and my little family to fall down, beside to ur information ladies, a son's marriage is a happiness to the whole family , so when any of them is broken , it is a sadness to a whole family members, so it is a risk for us (men ) too, because he will be responsible for his wife, and for his adaptation in the egyptian society, beside he will bare a lot of situation because his wife still not aware of the egyptian traditions, so never think that marry an egyptian is your risk , belive me , it s more for men more.
posted
BoBBoSS, you actually have a very valid point. I can also add, that the situation where an Egyptian man marries an Egyptian woman, that lived outside of Egypt for a long time, could also be problematic.
It's a matter of adapting and accepting, that the journey will be full of cultural challenges, and remembering that even when the basic culture is the same, there is a lot of work to do, from both sides, for the relationship to survive.
But most importantly are the 'intentions' of both. If they both have the same good, clean and clear intentions, then there are more chances for success, no matter what!
[This message has been edited by Monica (edited 06 February 2004).]
posted
BoBBoSS, I think that in a foreign woman/ Egyptian man relationship, the foreign woman has definitely more to loose that the Egyptian man... The woman will not cheat and lie as much as the man will do. I never heard about the case of a foreign woman who lies to the Egyptian man by telling him she loves him to death and is sincere about their true romance. While it is common that the Egyptian man is thinking from the outset about sex/money/passport. One or all of these 3 may apply. For sure, as everywhere not all Egyptian men are the same but most of the one we, foreign women, met have this in mind. If the foreign woman only want sex, she'll make it obvious in most of the cases.
Samira, your story is wonderful. I hope I will leave a true one someday. As you say, never sleep with a man before marriage if you want a serious relationship. Hope I will meet more women who had a wonderful Egyptian romance like you.
Posts: 35 | From: London | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote:Originally posted by BoBBoSS: hi folks sorry for my interference, but why are u all assuming that only u ladies have to be cautious, i will tell u something ,speaking for myself, i don't prefer to marry a non egyptian lady , for myself, the egyptian lady is the perfect wife in the whole world, she knows how to make a home, bare the hard conditon of life, knows how to raise her chldren in a perfect faamily values , knows the rights of her husband as her relegion tells her, never prefer her dog's company , caring , tender even under tones of responsibility . so why i leave all that and go to marry someone , i am sure she may not share this advantages, and i subject my litte dreams and my little family to fall down, beside to ur information ladies, a son's marriage is a happiness to the whole family , so when any of them is broken , it is a sadness to a whole family members, so it is a risk for us (men ) too, because he will be responsible for his wife, and for his adaptation in the egyptian society, beside he will bare a lot of situation because his wife still not aware of the egyptian traditions, so never think that marry an egyptian is your risk , belive me , it s more for men more.
You are right of course and I totally take on board that you don't marry the man you marry the family. I know this from my own marriage. His family are terrible important to me and me to them.
The man does take a terrible risk marrying outside his culture and I am v aware of that. It is why we agreed that while I am in his country we do it his way. I am aware that a wrong action of mine rebounds on the whole family and I can bring them into disrepute. Before I can here in the UK I did what I liked and Mahmoud totally trusted me but here it is a very different story and I only do what he has approved of in advance. This is to protect us all because everyone is looking.
------------------ UK Co-owner of www.toursinluxor.co.uk Accommodation and Tours in Luxor
posted
((i will tell u something ,speaking for myself, i don't prefer to marry a non egyptian lady , for myself, the egyptian lady is the perfect wife))
BoBBoss.... totally agree with. Talking from and after a personal dilemma- being Egyptian myself- (not from Luxor) I vote: Egyptian woman RULES OK. I would have liked to agree with Ms.Monica about this (intentions of both).. alas, that isn't enough.
posted
[QUOTE]Originally posted by egyptlover: [B]BoBBoSS, I think that in a foreign woman/ Egyptian man relationship, the foreign woman has definitely more to loose that the Egyptian man... The woman will not cheat and lie as much as the man will do. I never heard about the case of a foreign woman who lies to the Egyptian man by telling him she loves him to death and is sincere about their true romance. While it is common that the Egyptian man is thinking from the outset about sex/money/passport. One or all of these 3 may apply. For sure, as everywhere not all Egyptian men are the same but most of the one we, foreign women, met have this in mind. If the foreign woman only want sex, she'll make it obvious in most of the cases.
i agree with monica , saying that the most important is their intentions, but why are u assuming that the man is always the one who need? i will give u a living example also in hurghada, some persons coming to egypt and they need to extend their residency here, so they marry an egyptian guy, so not always a man is the devil here, it may be a mutual benifit situation , and my dear, and god created us with minds, and ladies are not childs nor naieve, so i guess a grown up lady can choose, and decide her own way . guys, if u really to know the good egyptian quality , then u have to take the right way . for myself, i don't mind marrying non egyptian lady although i prefer to be an egyptian , but just like mahmoud made, keeping his egyptian heart and mind , .
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