posted
Hi everyone, I am just wondering from the women Egypitan and Non-Egyptian what do you expect from a man when you are in a realtionship? If your man made a mistake or lied to you in anyway and finally told you the truth from hurting you anymore but you felt really hurt. Would you give him a second chance or a chance to expalin himself?
posted
Hi Brian, interesting subject. Personally, i expect to be treated in a respectful way of course....But i understand, we are only human and regarding mistakes, we all make them. Talking them over and listening to each other in a caring and considerate manner. Well it can often pave the way to a deeper understanding and a stronger relationship, in my oppinion. As can giving someone(male or female) a second chance, i believe.... So mutual communication must be kept going, even if it is painful.... not always easy. Just taking time out to talk things through is essential. We can overcome hurt with time, but as a woman i think one needs a lot of reasurrance, so that trust destroyed can be re built. And this takes time and tolerance, on both sides.
Posts: 461 | From: Kelantan, Malaysia | Registered: Jan 2004
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posted
If my husband were Egyptian, I would never forgive him for his lies. Cos they are most probably a second nature. I am just amazed how much lies Egyptian men can tell. In case of my husband, who's German, I would forgive him almost everything. What do I want from men? Exactly what my husband gives me: Unconditional respect, patience & support, especially during my hormonal manic attacks.
Posts: 8756 | From: Tax-Free Zone | Registered: Jul 2005
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posted
brian04 - To me, the most important aspect of a relationship is honesty. I can handle many faults in a guy, but if he lies to me I'm unforgiving. And of course the worst lie of all would be if he cheated on me. There's no question that I would NEVER forgive him for that. If he doesn't want me anymore, then he should have enough respect for me to let me know that and not sneak around behind my back.
Posts: 332 | Registered: Mar 2005
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1)What do you expect from a man when you are in a realtionship?[/b]
Loyalty in all means.
2)If your man made a mistake or lied to you in anyway and finally told you the truth from hurting you anymore but you felt really hurt. Would you give him a second chance or a chance to expalin himself?
It depends what the story was, why he lied, how much I trusted him, was it pure manipulation or it was unintentionally, who benefited mostly because of that lie, who else was effected by it, what the consequences were in general, had he had a choice not to lie to me, I mean this is something you have to see from all aspects and it depends on many factors, I can't say in advance...But the "trust" would be heavily shaken - that I know.
posted
In aswer to the question about the lie...I suppose it would depend on what the lie was about. But in my opinion, no one is entirely honest all the time. Everyone lies at some point or another. So definetly I would give my man a chance to at least explain himself, Im sure he would deserve at least that much. Then Id make my decision on the 2nd chance after hearing what he has to say.
[This message has been edited by Shara (edited 24 July 2005).]
posted
actually, it depends on the mistake you are talking about.... anything could be forgiven , expect cheating and disloyalty.
Posts: 62 | From: Cairo, Egypt | Registered: Jul 2004
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well brian,they expect everything,and i ensure u they won't get any,at least fom me:P,just kidding,just kidding,i just kidding,plz no bad respondse, Posts: 165 | From: alexandria | Registered: Mar 2004
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quote:Originally posted by mody: well brian,they expect everything,and i ensure u they won't get any,at least fom me:P,just kidding,just kidding,i just kidding,plz no bad respondse,
You didn't need to explain yourself. You are very transparent.
Posts: 5744 | From: Minneapolis, Mn USA | Registered: Mar 2004
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What do you think Gail, Expect or Except??? How intelligent you are, smart guy Posts: 62 | From: Cairo, Egypt | Registered: Jul 2004
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Romantic, Firm, and Totally loyal If he gives me all of z above I think he deserves from me to give him many chances not only second one Posts: 12 | From: egypt | Registered: Jul 2005
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my kingdom, i toally disagree with you. lying is lying it has no natioinality. you shouldn't accept it from someone just because they are german this is called "3odet el khawaga." my fiance is australian and i wouldnt accept lying from him just like i wouldn't have accepted it had i married an egyptian. and lying is not second nature to egyptian men. i know egyptian men who have more integrity and honor than any foreign man. back to your question brian. well i would expect my man to be kind, warm, easy going, romantic, sensitive and understanding to my career, encouraging to be better. i hate stubborness and i hate it when a man undermines a woman's capabalities!
best
Posts: 4446 | From: Egyptian in Sydney | Registered: Mar 2005
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posted
I once heard a Christian minister talk about divorce in a sermon. He said we should all try to work on our marriages as hard as possible unless one of the three *As* is present.
Adultery Abuse (physical or emotional) Addiction (drug, alcohol, gambling)
I thought that was a really good *guide.* I think most problems in marriage can be overcome, including those three listed. But I think those are extremely tough things to conquer and often people are better off going their separate ways.
Posts: 8794 | From: 01-20-09 The End of an Error | Registered: Dec 2004
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quote:Originally posted by sonomod: You didn't need to explain yourself. You are very transparent.
well sonomod,i know u like the people who kick ur ass,and as what i said u won't get wot u expect from me,so i will not give it to u....watch ur language next time,
quote:Originally posted by brian04: Hi everyone, If your man made a mistake or lied to you in anyway and finally told you the truth from hurting you anymore but you felt really hurt. Would you give him a second chance or a chance to expalin himself?
All opinions welcomed.
Salam, Brian
Well now, it would depend what the lie is. My brother went ahead and married his first wife even though he had fallen out of love with her before the marriage but didn't want to hurt her. It would have been better alround to tell the truth up front and never marry instead of enduring 13 years of a marriage which he didn't want to be in and which she never knew until the day he left was the case.
From what I have seen of male friends and men at work it seems to me that men will hide their heads in the sand or lie about things being alright when they're not (about all kinds of things like money, job worries etc, not just love) because they don't want to hurt their woman or don't want her to worry. Women on the whole seem to prefer to know the full facts and make judgements based on knowing them and deal with the situations that come up.
In relationships I prefer honesty but understand that men will hide things that worry them, but in the misguided notion that they are protecting their woman rather than because of intention to hurt.
However, if a man makes one stupid mistake that he bitterly regrets - a one night stand say, if he is on a business trip or something, then I would say there is nothing to be gained from telling your woman (if you have no intention of ever doing it again - if you do want to do it again, do the decent thing and break up with your woman) - she will find it hard to forgive you and will be bitterly hurt inside no matter how much you say 'it didn't mean anything' or 'i was drunk' or whatever.
posted
Soum, I don't know. It could go either way. My cynical side says it would be EXPECT because I truly believe that there are very few faithful people out there. That, of course, is coming from a woman who was cheated on in the past. Ouch!
I believe that we can and should be able to forgive a lot of transgressions. Life's too short to worry about the little stuff. But cheating is way too big. So I think we should try to forgive everything EXCEPT cheating and disloyalty.
I just think that if you've shared such an intimate part of yourself with someone and there is an understanding that you are not going to be physically involved with anyone else, then that's the way it should be. Each person should have respect enough for the other to say it's over (if that's the case).
posted
Yes, i agree with you that generally, women like intimacy to be kept to a 1 to 1 basis. BUT... and this is something i think about a lot. Biologically speaking, are men not programmed to seek out and impregnate as many women as possible? Is this is so, then maybe this basic instinct is at the root of their pshyche. Perhaps it is responsible for their many misdemeanors and can sometimes interfere with their good intentions and attempts to be faithful? It just a thought thats all...
Posts: 461 | From: Kelantan, Malaysia | Registered: Jan 2004
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quote:Originally posted by poppy: Yes, i agree with you that generally, women like intimacy to be kept to a 1 to 1 basis. BUT... and this is something i think about a lot. Biologically speaking, are men not programmed to seek out and impregnate as many women as possible? Is this is so, then maybe this basic instinct is at the root of their pshyche. Perhaps it is responsible for their many misdemeanors and can sometimes interfere with their good intentions and attempts to be faithful? It just a thought thats all...
Good point Poppy. Also, from the biological point of view a woman chooses not ONE partner but the BEST from many to become pregnant and produce a healthy offspring. It has been shown that if a woman's egg is impregnated by sperm A and immediately after exposed to sperm B which is stronger and healthier, the pregnancy A will be 'annulled' and the pregnancy B will take over and will be brought to term. It means that we are not biologically wired to be monogamous to ensure the survival of the species and the decision of remaining in the monogamous unions depends on our intellectual/emotional decision . WOW. How romantic.
quote:Originally posted by mody: well sonomod,i know u like the people who kick ur ass,and as what i said u won't get wot u expect from me,so i will not give it to u....watch ur language next time,
Mody,
There isn't a slight possibility you could make a woman happy, so why try?
Posts: 5744 | From: Minneapolis, Mn USA | Registered: Mar 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Karah_Mia: Good point Poppy. Also, from the biological point of view a woman chooses not ONE partner but the BEST from many to become pregnant and produce a healthy offspring. It has been shown that if a woman's egg is impregnated by sperm A and immediately after exposed to sperm B which is stronger and healthier, the pregnancy A will be 'annulled' and the pregnancy B will take over and will be brought to term. It means that we are not biologically wired to be monogamous to ensure the survival of the species and the decision of remaining in the monogamous unions depends on our intellectual/emotional decision . WOW. How romantic.
True and simple ! I wonder why we tend to complicate everything? I just hope they wont find out that the reason why some women cut their husbands with knives and get rid of them in trash plastic bags which occured here by some women is not another natural phenomena similar to that of female a spider !
quote:Originally posted by Troubles101: True and simple ! I wonder why we tend to complicate everything? I just hope they wont find out that the reason why some women cut their husbands with knives and get rid of them in trash plastic bags which occured here by some women is not another natural phenomena similar to that of female a spider !
Hey, a slight deviation from the general rule won't change the essence of my dissertation!
posted
Ah yes! but on ES we only tend to cut them up verbally. So you should be grateful that you are still physically intact LOL
Posts: 461 | From: Kelantan, Malaysia | Registered: Jan 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Samia: What do I expect from men??? Nowadays..... NOTHING!!
I think every creaure is useful in away or another. I can't give some examples of how useful we can be at the moment but I trust od created us for a purpose - other than being ridiculed by women-
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Gail, i mean except, i was cheated before, but you know when i think of it, i found that is was my mistake because there was a very clear hints that show if the partner was honest or ......, and as usual when i am involved in a relation , i think only with my heart
Posts: 62 | From: Cairo, Egypt | Registered: Jul 2004
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Bintmasria, please leave me your email, I would rather ocntact you instead. Is it something important? Posts: 989 | Registered: Aug 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Paint Me As I Am: [QUOTE]Originally posted by brian04: [b]Hi everyone, I am just wondering from the women Egypitan and Non-Egyptian what do you expect from a man when you are in a realtionship? If your man made a mistake or lied to you in anyway and finally told you the truth from hurting you anymore but you felt really hurt. Would you give him a second chance or a chance to expalin himself?
All opinions welcomed.
Salam, Brian
............................................. Hi Brian,
Every woman of this world will be different in all things, some open minded- and others not so open minded.
I am a Western American with different expectaion as well as standards than most western ladies- I can only speak 4MYSELF..-My cultural being mainly Latin- but i am also german/french/japanese, so i had to fit somewhere in that mix..
For me a relationship has to be built upon the foundation of God- he should be a God fearing man not from me but from God.. My partner should be my best friend as well someone who i can come to share all things with. Comunication is a "must"-looking for his character/personality as well..
And i am sure most women will agree that he should be -> sincere,faithfuil, honest/ trustworthy-unselfish, have respect for one another, be loving-dedicated with patience, be supportive when making decessions, compassionate with a tender heart...
As for making a - mistake / lied...well, again many women will have different beliefs for what ever the reason may be- and i can only speak 4 MY SELF...
If he makes a mistake or even lied I can and will forgive him,
Doesn't mean i have to accept and receive him back- cuz, in order to go on with life we must forgive and not be so bitter in life and take it out on the next person who may come our way..
( you also asked if I would take him back ?)
I was married for 21 years and my ex-husband was a "Back Sliden" -- Baptist Preacher at that time--I accepted him back after he Cheated on me a few times..I had just re-verted to Islam at that time and he wanted a divorce since he wanted nothing with Islam.. "I tryed"....... And u know- I forgave him even after all that, cuz time had to deal with me- to not be a bitter person and go on with life... .....Sorry, if this is to long...
Best wishes- just be open to all and let ur convictions help u decided what is right 4u..
posted
Paint Me... Mine cheated for 2 years behind my back with my best friend after 24 years of marriage....29 years together.. our divorce came through on our silver wedding anniversary.... I embraced Islam soon after... Islam is much more fulfulling than any cheating dog of a man!!! I'm much happier now... I thank God every day!!!
Posts: 4238 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Samia: Paint Me... Mine cheated for 2 years behind my back with my best friend after 24 years of marriage....29 years together.. our divorce came through on our silver wedding anniversary.... I embraced Islam soon after... Islam is much more fulfulling than any cheating dog of a man!!! I'm much happier now... I thank God every day!!!
what's up with men and best friends? i always hear this story, its very strange!
Posts: 4446 | From: Egyptian in Sydney | Registered: Mar 2005
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Its a really long story-, Bottom line is: I was given a choice..
Stay with a Adulter- Fornicator Or Islam..
I chose Islam..........
for this decession it costed me. My marriage, children, family, 2 homes, cars, money, Etc, Etc,- had it all as they call it "The American Dream" I left the home with only my clothing- .......
.....********************>>>>>>>>>...........
I just wanted to say : That if i am given the choice again, I would still choose Islam- Even if it has costed me alot-but, really it is God who gave us life, -gave us what we have in life now, The ability to work in good health, and its not the material stuff that matters in this life.
What matters to me is what i will be accountable for before my God- Praying that all my fam. come to know Islam as i have,..
Salam...
Hi There again, I know it'must have been really difficult to have experienced what you have experienced in your last realtionship and for the man that you loved to call you a terrorist because of our religion... then to me he is not a man of god.
But I am happy to know that Allah have given you strength to carry on and perserve (sp?).
posted
paint me as i am, thats a very sad story. i really admire your will and love for islam that made you give up all this. but you are right this is all materalistic stuff that doesn't matter. i'm glad that that elhamdullelah you are still in touch with your children. how old are they? brian i didn't know you are muslim!
Posts: 4446 | From: Egyptian in Sydney | Registered: Mar 2005
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PAINT ME.... believe me... you made the right decision.... as I did!! How can you be with a man.. the father of your children.. who cannot accept you for what you are?? I never look back, never have any regrets, and I'm sure you will be the same! if you want you can mail me on... samiainegypt@yahoo.com
Posts: 4238 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2004
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Jannah my heart goes out to u...God has given u strenth and a beautiful personality too.. Thankyou for sharing this with us...
Posts: 461 | From: Kelantan, Malaysia | Registered: Jan 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Samia: PAINT ME.... if you want you can mail me on... samiainegypt@yahoo.com
Hi Samia, quite busy with work, travel and daily routine...but would u mind if i emailed u too from time to time??? as i could use some sound and friendly advice! from a down to earth person like urself... Got important decisions to make...I can email u too, if u like Jannah...
Posts: 461 | From: Kelantan, Malaysia | Registered: Jan 2004
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quote:Originally posted by poppy: Hi Samia, quite busy with work, travel and daily routine...but would u mind if i emailed u too from time to time??? as i could use some sound and friendly advice! from a down to earth person like urself... Got important decisions to make...I can email u too, if u like Jannah...
Poppy.... please feel free to mail me anytime you want...or add me on yahoo messenger. Same address.
posted
cheers! Samia, i will add u and get jannah's from u too...if its ok with her...
Posts: 461 | From: Kelantan, Malaysia | Registered: Jan 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Paint Me As I Am: elhamdullelah you are still in touch with your children. how old are they? brian i didn't know you are muslim!
............................................. The 2-oldest are 19, 17 and both in college.
the others are 15 and 10.... and 1 BEAUTIFUL- grandaughter age 4 months,,
yesterday was my Birthday- just turned 42.. and u know only My Children from my family remember..Not that is a big deal but it does hurt when ur own parents not accept u for what u believe in - OR even say Happy Birthday-May God bless you with many more.
Still praying for them to come to know Islam.. Inshallah....
[/B][/QUOTE]
well HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!! oh my you're only 42 and you have a 19 year old, you must have married REALLY young. well mashallah. children are god's gift to us. hope everything is cool with you!
best
Posts: 4446 | From: Egyptian in Sydney | Registered: Mar 2005
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quote:Originally posted by 7aya: paint me as i am, thats a very sad story. i really admire your will and love for islam that made you give up all this. but you are right this is all materalistic stuff that doesn't matter. i'm glad that that elhamdullelah you are still in touch with your children. how old are they? brian i didn't know you are muslim!
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