It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay rise.
If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay rise.
If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a pay rise.
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Holiday Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
Compassionate Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be pleased to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Toilet Use:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be taken.
After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company Intranet under the "Chronic Offenders" category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company.
Remember we are an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
The Management
Posts: 1474 | From: in my own paradise | Registered: Sep 2006
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*claps* Very funny WOTEVER..I'm sending to friends as I type Thanks for the laughs!
Posts: 108 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2006
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Yeah it does remind me of work in Egypt! Forget about pay rise, they don't even give you your usual pay on time, I once got my pay in installments!
Posts: 116 | From: Egypt | Registered: Sep 2002
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quote:Forget about pay rise, they don't even give you your usual pay on time, I once got my pay in installments!
OMG getting installments as your pay Now thats funnyyyyy. Isn't that an insult? or is that normal for your country? WOW I'm still in shock.
Posts: 108 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2006
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quote:Forget about pay rise, they don't even give you your usual pay on time, I once got my pay in installments!
OMG getting installments as your pay Now thats funnyyyyy. Isn't that an insult? or is that normal for your country? WOW I'm still in shock.
It was this crappy nursery I worked for, only so I could keep an eye on my daughter who was still a baby at that time. Anyway they'd wait till the parents paid the fees, and give me the fees till it made up my salary. And of course the parents never paid before the 5th and never all at once, so by the time I got my whole salary it would be on the 15th! I mean why didn't the owner just pay for all the salaries out of her own pocket, it wasn't like she didn't have any money or anything.I didn't stay there for long!
Posts: 116 | From: Egypt | Registered: Sep 2002
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she probably didn't want to lose the intrest at the bank
-------------------- Learn from the past. Live in the present. Hope for the future. Posts: 1474 | From: in my own paradise | Registered: Sep 2006
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forwarded that to all my friends whom i used to work with in a company
Posts: 3128 | From: Not Your Heaven | Registered: Sep 2006
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omg this is hilarious! Thankfully I always worked with reputable law firms so no problems with that, although I LOVED the Compassionate Leave bit:
Compassionate Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends or co-workers.
Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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Leave for death - your own - This is allowed, provided you give us 2 week notice, so we may train someone in your stead.
That will be the day
-------------------- When you take something for granted as your own accomplishment. The lord takes it away to show you that all is his making and that you have done nothing to deserve his gift Posts: 67 | From: Cairo | Registered: Sep 2006
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UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
Thanks for the laughs!
![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
OMG getting installments as your pay ![[Confused]](confused.gif)
what does that mean Umslopagas? 
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