posted
I am an American woman married to an Egyptian man. I need advice badly. I didn't know my husband all that well before we were married and had my daughter right away. My husband has turned out to be a jealous controlling person who is very difficult to get along with. He calls me nasty names and even spit in my face with our 5 month old daughter watching. Is this typical for Egyptian men, or is his problem something else? He is 35 years old, is change possible? Or should I run immediately?
Posts: 2 | From: California | Registered: Jul 2006
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posted
Geez, this is not at all good behaviour. I hope you have some resources and help to get a break somewhere, time-out and discuss this from a safe distance with him. It really is not acceptable and threathening. Take care dear.
Posts: 1419 | From: Amsterdam, Netherlands | Registered: Aug 2003
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posted
I'd run. I don't know if it's *normal,* but even if it were, you shouldn't tolerate it and you don't have to.
Get you and your daughter out of the house, find somewhere safe to live, and then call him to see if he'd be willing to go to counseling. I doubt it, but you could try.
Posts: 8794 | From: 01-20-09 The End of an Error | Registered: Dec 2004
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quote:Originally posted by married2egypt: He calls me nasty names and even spit in my face with our 5 month old daughter watching. Is this typical for Egyptian men, or is his problem something else?
This is very typical of ALL Egyptian men. The good news is that this habit will only occur when your daughter is 5 months, 17 months, and 11 years old. Furthermore, this will not occur with any male offspring. The only exception to the rule, however, is if he catches u in bed with someone ... at which case, he will spit on your face regardless of the age of the child.
Question: Where exactly on your face did the spit land?
Posts: 2049 | From: Canada | Registered: Nov 2005
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posted
I never saw my Egyptian family in law spit on someone. But some people terrorize their family in private. I guess that is the same whereever you go.
Posts: 1419 | From: Amsterdam, Netherlands | Registered: Aug 2003
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posted
Masrawi,why do you think so?That means that egyptians are sick people!!!Why he wouldn't do that in the front of his son but daugher?
But when two people are fighting about something they call themselves a nasty names so I don't think that is really so bad,if you two have a "good" reason.If you have reason yell at him/her as you like,why not.But not in the front of kids(sometimes is probably hard)But if there is no good reason to call somebody a nasty names,it means he's a sick person.
Posts: 979 | From: Another world | Registered: May 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Marcella: Masrawi,why do you think so?That means that egyptians are sick people!!!Why he wouldn't do that in the front of his son but daugher?
Marcella ... are u familiar with the concept of sarcasm?
Posts: 2049 | From: Canada | Registered: Nov 2005
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posted
It was a serious question!!Really if they are like that and you say they are,so they are a sick people!Probably some kind of complex?Like that they're showing their virility!? Explain this,please.
Posts: 979 | From: Another world | Registered: May 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Marcella: It was a serious question!!Really if they are like that and you say they are,so they are a sick people!Probably some kind of complex?Like that they're showing their virility!? Explain this,please.
When you generalize, you don't deserve anything but sarcasm.
The poster's issue should be addressed on a board addressing couple counseling (since it is a problem that can happen between any couple regardless of their nationality) and doesn't belong on here.
Posts: 2049 | From: Canada | Registered: Nov 2005
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Well,but you can still answer to me,can't you? And it was you who said:"This is a very typical of ALL egyptian men."
Posts: 979 | From: Another world | Registered: May 2006
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married2egypt Junior Member Member # 11379 Icon 1 posted 11 July, 2006 02:42 PM Profile for married2egypt I wish my story was fake. I am sorry I stepped on your toes by posting my message in the wrong forum. Your poor attitude tells me that your mother should have raised you better...Typical Egyptians.
A PM from married2egypt ...
Just in case anyone didn't think she deserved what she got.
Posts: 2049 | From: Canada | Registered: Nov 2005
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quote:Originally posted by married2egypt: I am an American woman married to an Egyptian man. I need advice badly. I didn't know my husband all that well before we were married and had my daughter right away. My husband has turned out to be a jealous controlling person who is very difficult to get along with. He calls me nasty names and even spit in my face with our 5 month old daughter watching. Is this typical for Egyptian men, or is his problem something else? He is 35 years old, is change possible? Or should I run immediately?
YIKES not normal! My egyptian husband is so kind and gentle, if ANY man does this to you, time to get serious. BTW, where are you living? IF you want to talk further, pm me . good luck.
Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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quote:Originally posted by _Masrawi_: married2egypt Junior Member Member # 11379 Icon 1 posted 11 July, 2006 02:42 PM Profile for married2egypt I wish my story was fake. I am sorry I stepped on your toes by posting my message in the wrong forum. Your poor attitude tells me that your mother should have raised you better...Typical Egyptians.
A PM from married2egypt ...
Just in case anyone didn't think she deserved what she got.
So you did send her some slant and you are telling me that I'm being sarcastic?
Posts: 979 | From: Another world | Registered: May 2006
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posted
If you have the resources get the hell out of there. No human being deserves to be treated like that.
Posts: 63 | From: UK | Registered: May 2006
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quote:Originally posted by married2egypt: I am an American woman married to an Egyptian man. I need advice badly. I didn't know my husband all that well before we were married and had my daughter right away. My husband has turned out to be a jealous controlling person who is very difficult to get along with. He calls me nasty names and even spit in my face with our 5 month old daughter watching. Is this typical for Egyptian men, or is his problem something else? He is 35 years old, is change possible? Or should I run immediately?
He probably grew up seeing his dad do this to his mom.
Stay with him if you think you deserve it!
Posts: 8756 | From: Tax-Free Zone | Registered: Jul 2005
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Like what others said, you don't have to put up with that crap. In my personal experience, once they are abusive always abusive. But everyone is different. Also, him being egyptian has nothing to do with the way he is treating you. Would you like someone to generalize you by your nationality??????
Posts: 177 | From: Alexandria,Egypt / Missouri,USA | Registered: May 2006
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No nationality should be sterotyped like this. What difference does it make that he is Egyptian. Controlling abusive men are all over the world and no they don't change. any women who thinks they will is a fool to herself. Get out now
-------------------- Jane Akshar UK Co-owner of www.flatsinluxor.co.uk Appartments and Tours in Luxor Posts: 2791 | From: www.flatsinluxor.co.uk, Luxor, Egypt | Registered: Jan 2003
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quote:Originally posted by akshar: No nationality should be sterotyped like this. What difference does it make that he is Egyptian. Controlling abusive men are all over the world and no they don't change ...
quote:Originally posted by AshkiA: ... Also, him being egyptian has nothing to do with the way he is treating you. Would you like someone to generalize you by your nationality??????
Thanks for reiterating my point in a less sarcastic manner ... i, sometimes, find it difficult to maintain civility when faced with absurdity.
Posts: 2049 | From: Canada | Registered: Nov 2005
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posted
You rushed into the marriage with a man you did not know well, or should I say, not well at all. Beacuse if you knew him, you would notice earlier that he likes to spit.
Now what you got is the consequence of your choice.
You should talk to your husband to resolve the conflicts 2 of you have. If someone spits on people, you can usually see that early on, because they spit on the street first, maybe someone spit on them so they learned how to insult and humiliate. He obviously doesn't respect you any longer.
Show him how to respect you. Or, if you can't resolve conflicts, separate. Good luck!
Posts: 989 | Registered: Aug 2004
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Why are women so brain dead when it comes to men ? Why would you get married to someone you didn't know that well, let alone have a child with so quickly ? Unfortunately people who appear to be angels to the outside world can be devils behind closed doors.
He abuses you in front of your child and you are still there and asking for advice on a forum ? If your brain isn't telling you what you should do, your instincts sure should be - RUN and do it NOW.
Posts: 70 | From: Cairo Egypt | Registered: Mar 2005
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Married2Egypt, what's done is done and you can't turn back the clocks, but you can change your future.
You say he's difficult to get along with, he calls you nasty names and he's spat at you. Does he have any redeeming qualities that you want to stick around for? Are you in love with him? If not, then take people's advice and leave, you need to think of your daughter as well as yourself. Living with a man like that isn't good for either of you.
Excuse Masrawi and his sarcasm, he's Egyptian and naturally insulted by your assumption that this behavour is 'typical' of Egyptian men. Of course it's not, as I'm sure you know. You chose a bad one. Time to cut your losses.
Posts: 1039 | From: Cairo | Registered: Sep 2002
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An abusive man will never change his ways and you are going to suffer your whole life. The most important thing to think about is your child. Your child is seeing all of this abuse and it is impacting her.If you do not try to walk away, the next time your family will see you might be in the morgue. I am not trying to be morbid here....but try to get away before the situation escalates. Also, since your daughter is seeing all of this, if you don't leave, she will grow thinking that abuse in a relationship is normal. Just food for thought.
Posts: 820 | Registered: Mar 2006
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I'd suggest you stay married, and both of you seek a marriage counceler...to help you work thru these problems...
don't just bury your head in the sand and think it will go away, talk about this daily with your husband and make sure he understands that spitting on women does not make him more of a man..
-------------------- The ground at Calvary's Cross is level Posts: 1172 | Registered: Apr 2006
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I am also an Americam married to an Egyptian, and yes he is very jealous. But if he ever spit on me he would be gone, even if the police had to remove him. I think you need to look at his father, does he respect women? This is a learned behavior. My husband was very different than american men. he checked my phone and asked where i was going all the time. we worked through this, he was used to a stay at home mother, but I work alot. this was a big adjustment for him, but he accepted his life was different here. I wish you luck, but don't let your daughter grow up with an abusive father.
Posts: 14 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2005
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lepards ..lepers . ya know its leopards the cat ... and no abusive people don't change ...and counseling doesnt work in fact its another manipulative weapon used by an abusor ... duh ...
and bailing out on marriage the first sign of trouble ... more people should RUN instead of breeding and bringing more kids into the world to screw up ...
and thanks mike rozier for contributing to domestic violence and advocating it ...
Posts: 816 | From: On top of a dog house | Registered: Sep 2004
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yeah but people make mistakes ... why live in hell with the chance of being murdered? BECAUSE THATS THE RESULT and now her daughter will see that it is ok for a man to treat women like dirt ... thats just so cool and neato ...
as the cycle of domestic violence continues ... groovy man
Posts: 816 | From: On top of a dog house | Registered: Sep 2004
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counseling DOES NOT work with abusors ...and trying to get him into counseling won't work either .. and Jesus will not save HIM ... or the easter bunny
he's an abusive jerk who thinks its great to belittle his wife and abuse her ... and the sad part is there a child who will grow up and will continue to act out on the abuse and will find an abusor. The one thing that terrorized her and make her afraid she will find someone just like him.
There are idiots who think he can change ... and just needs some counseling ... its just pathetic
Posts: 816 | From: On top of a dog house | Registered: Sep 2004
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I have to agree. Counseling rarely works in situations like the one Married2Egypt has. Her situation is precarious and like many abused women, she would rather stay with him out of low self-esteem and guilt. Women like her make bad choices and become even worser parents. It is too bad she won't heed the signs and try to extricate herself. And counseling should be a priority for her at least. If she doesn't go and help herself and her child now, her daughter will be in therapy 10 years from now. Besides, abuse is not an Egyptian thing or an American thing...it is a universal problem that confronts all people. (I know from first-hand experience).
Posts: 820 | Registered: Mar 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Sapna: And counseling should be a priority for her at least. If she doesn't go and help herself and her child now, her daughter will be in therapy 10 years from now. Besides, abuse is not an Egyptian thing or an American thing...it is a universal problem that confronts all people. (I know from first-hand experience).
Nicely said.
Abused women are victims - that's for sure - but it's intersting to point that abuser often seeks weaker person to express his anger ( and marry her for that reason ), and weaker person knows how to push buttons to provoke and dwells in "victim mode" without changing the destiny for herself.
That's why, I think, they don't seek help because they believe deep inside they contributed in some way, or they are afraid for life. I mean, what else could be? These type of relationships are "symbitoic". One feeds another, one needs another until one makes up the mind and say - no more.
Posts: 989 | Registered: Aug 2004
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spitting in someone's face is the ultimate form of disrespect, I truely dont know what i'd do if anyone did that to me, and for a husband to do that to his wife, YIKES!
Posts: 25 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2006
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quote:Originally posted by married2egypt: I am an American woman married to an Egyptian man. I need advice badly. I didn't know my husband all that well before we were married and had my daughter right away. My husband has turned out to be a jealous controlling person who is very difficult to get along with. He calls me nasty names and even spit in my face with our 5 month old daughter watching. Is this typical for Egyptian men, or is his problem something else? He is 35 years old, is change possible? Or should I run immediately?
If his not willing to reconigze the problem and get some help : Run and never look back - this will only escalade. Trust me, - my mother worked as a voluntor at womanshelter fore battered and abused women and has seen this pattern all the time. Posts: 1215 | From: Nowhere | Registered: Feb 2006
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Some people on her know of my history concerning spousal abuse and its a scary thing to deal with and the sad truth is this will escalate. That is a given.
You have to remember that your daughter relys on you 100% for her safety. The situation your husband has unfortunately put you in is not very safe because like Tibe said this will only escalate from spitting to hitting. Sad fact is the mind set that you don't deserve to be shown respect is already there with your husband. The next step is back handing you and knocking you to the ground. Now you need to ask yourself what happens when he does that one day while you are holding your daughter and god forbid she gets seriously hurt?
Posts: 87 | From: UK | Registered: May 2006
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RUN AS FAST AS U CAN b4 the spits turn into punches or worse. If he is controlling it will only get worse. You only have to look at threads from Sim Sim and Plunkett posted on these forums.
Posts: 175 | From: London, UK | Registered: May 2004
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quote:Originally posted by _Masrawi_: married2egypt Junior Member Member # 11379 Icon 1 posted 11 July, 2006 02:42 PM Profile for married2egypt I wish my story was fake. I am sorry I stepped on your toes by posting my message in the wrong forum. Your poor attitude tells me that your mother should have raised you better...Typical Egyptians.
A PM from married2egypt ...
Just in case anyone didn't think she deserved what she got.
u an idiot ...i don't find her pm wrong
Posts: 428 | Registered: Nov 2004
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Married2Egypt,You have to do what you feel is right. I think that he might hit you one day, so maybe you should leave. Talk to your husband first and see if he will listen and change.
Posts: 935 | Registered: Mar 2006
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honey...GET OUT NOOOOW!!!!! i have been there and im going to tell you something that i wish someone had told me...it wont get any better. it is very hard to leave but once you do, you will become very happy you did. please believe me when i say this.
Posts: 229 | From: philadelphia, pa, usa | Registered: Oct 2005
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I used to ask myself these question, WILL HE CHANGE/MAYBE IT'S MY FAULT/I DID SOMETHING WRONG/ I DIDN'T DO SOMETHING. You can sit hoping,praying and waiting for him to change. I think you know the answer deep down but you are too scared to take the first step. And i won't lie it is a big step to take, but you have to think about your daughters future as well as your own. Is it fair that she sees her mother suffering like this? And wot happens god forbid if he starts to get physically violent? Gonna wait then? The sign are there babe, and you need to take the first step and concentrate on that little girl and you? Good luck and i'll be thinking of you, wotever decision you make, let us know how it goes. Don't be a victim be a Survivor.
Posts: 377 | From: أنا نسيت | Registered: Aug 2006
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