posted
A few weeks ago I found out my husband was reading my emails, we have been married for three years. When we first got married I found out he was reading them and he promised to never do it again, and I believed him. Well a few weeks ago I noticed my email in-box had been touched and remembered how he was standing behind me when I log on a home so I figured he had gotten my password and was doing it again.
I found this board doing research on Egypt for school and I decided to post a topic about having feelings for another man (untrue of course) I did this to catch my husband I knew that if I asked him about this he would never tell me the truth. So I posted the topic on this board "married but in love with another man". Well my husband confronted me with this and I tried to hold onto it for long because I didnt want him to know I made it up as punishment for going in my things and promissing me he would never do it again. So when he confronted me I told him that it was a friend or something, anyway he got angry and he moved out, and refuses to come home. The post never mentioned anything about sex or even kissing! I didnt take it that far because I didnt want to hurt him and i'm not crazy I just wanted to make him angry enough to admit what he had been doing. Well now its been 2 wks and I have told him none of it is true and that I want him to come home and told him I was sorry and also how much I love him, this has been going on for 2 wks. I am starting to wonder if we are going to get back together its been 2 wks we have never been seperated this long, I miss him he is my best friend I dont know what to do anymore I have told him I made it up and everything and it hurts that he would ever think I would flirt with someone at work especially since we work in the same place and everyone knows we are married. I dont know what to do anymore, I miss him and I want him to come home Posts: 25 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2006
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i know that your husband has no right going through your email but you also should not do something to lose his trust. things like that they back fire badly because if he is that type who does not trust you and need to read your email to feel secure he will find it difficult to believe you now because he will think is she saying this to defend herself or she really does not have relationship with anyone. a friend of mine was so jealous that her husband has very close friendship with female friend but the friend use to send him expensive gifts and many text my friend got fed up and tried to make up stories that someone at work in love with her and she accepted a lift from him but they are just friends her husband went mad and wanted to divorce her. i know it does not make sense but doubting someone it is dangerous game. good luck
Posts: 816 | From: london | Registered: Jul 2006
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posted
I hear what all of you are saying, I admit I was wrong and did what I did out of anger more than anything, islamswedan what are you talking about?
Posts: 25 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2006
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quote:Originally posted by greatone: I hear what all of you are saying, I admit I was wrong and did what I did out of anger more than anything, islamswedan what are you talking about?
Just wanted to refrsh you thread! Dont worry. i Good Luck.. Here you have lots of nice answers
Posts: 1007 | From: http://www.sultan.org | Registered: Mar 2006
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posted
You obviously have lots of issues to sort out. The first and biggest is why did he feel the need to read your emails and why did you feel the need to keep them private.
As my husband is Egyptian and I live in Egypt he knows everything that happens to me almost before I do. I come home and start to tell him of some event in my day and find one of his friends has already told him. But this isn't a probelm because I don't do any thing I am not happy for him to know about. Anyone who uses my computer can read my email, I don't have any passwords set up except on the forums and those are all stored on the computer. Why should I, what have I got to keep secret. My husband is someone I trust completely, I don't feel the need to lie and trick him to check up on him. If he wants to read what I post he is totally welcome.
It seems like both of you don't trust each other and all this has done is bring it to a head. Tell him you realise that there is fault on both sides and you want to resolve it. Get some counselling
Posts: 2791 | From: www.flatsinluxor.co.uk, Luxor, Egypt | Registered: Jan 2003
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One, you are an idiot to play games with your husband that involve "pretend infidenlity" especially claiming "love" with another man. Then to continue the games just to "punish" him for something you hadn't told him he was being "punished" for is even more stupid. Then to make all of this HIS fault by saying, "Well he shouldn't have read my email". When you LAID A TRAP FOR HIM WITH THE "STORY" Fully hoping he would do exactly as you led him to... well DAMN WOMAN.
It is my opinion that you aren't mature enough for a marriage, and the best thing you can do for yourself is live in a mud hut on the Savannah with a few cats for company. You were MEAN to someone who loved you, and were ridiculously justifying your behavior by saying it was all his fault. You are in charge of your own actions, and the consequenses of those actions are YOURS to bear. You didn't come clean with him until it looked like you weren't going to get the result you wanted. WHAT A LOVELY MARRIAGE.
Counseling, anti-depressants, and an investment in that mud hut where you can do whatever you please without ever having to think of how it makes others feel. Good Luck!
Posts: 1071 | Registered: Aug 2005
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you have been too harsh, people do make mistakes it is nature of human but it is important to admit your fault which she has done. we should help her to find a solution but not to be harsh on her especially when she is missing her husband. i have seen people who done worse things and they got a second chance lets hope her husband read this and give her a second chance
Posts: 816 | From: london | Registered: Jul 2006
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posted
Trust that my marriage has had to bear and forgive PLENTY. All marriages do. But it is never OK to intentionally set someone up to feel betrayed.
Instead of setting a tender trap, she should have just said something to him directly. She was tryign to create a situation where she had the "upper hand" which makes me think that she has a few minor crimes of her own to cover up.
How about they find their way to each other and let go of old hostages like his email checking from 3 years ago? She says he is her best friend and yet this is the context of the relationship? Mistrust and trickery?
Good luck to the both of them.
Howabout she give him some sympathy for how badly she hurt him, so bad that he left.
Posts: 1071 | Registered: Aug 2005
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posted
my thought and maybe your husbands too, is what does Egyptsearch forum guarantee that he would have found your specific post anyway. He would have had to really digg to figure it out and check your email, find out your name here, and then go looking for post from you, and then how would you know that he would have dug and dug that far to find a post from you? So therefore, he thinks it really happened, and now your posting to cover your tracks he will think
Posts: 96 | From: usa | Registered: Jan 2006
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Greatone, why didn't you change your password right then and there when you felt someone was in your account?
I do remember your topic and I responded to it. And I really thought you felt for guy no. 2. Anyway it's kind of bizarre to realize what the background is for some of the stories here on this forum.
I really think you and your husband have to figure things out. You have to communicate with each other about one big issue: TRUST. If you can't trust each other, there will be no healthy relationship. And if you have to tell him anything else - may it good or be bad for him - do it. Clean up the mess. Get counceling. Good luck!
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote:Originally posted by greatone: A few weeks ago I found out my husband was reading my emails, we have been married for three years. When we first got married I found out he was reading them and he promised to never do it again, and I believed him. Well a few weeks ago I noticed my email in-box had been touched and remembered how he was standing behind me when I log on a home so I figured he had gotten my password and was doing it again.
I found this board doing research on Egypt for school and I decided to post a topic about having feelings for another man (untrue of course) I did this to catch my husband I knew that if I asked him about this he would never tell me the truth. So I posted the topic on this board "married but in love with another man". Well my husband confronted me with this and I tried to hold onto it for long because I didnt want him to know I made it up as punishment for going in my things and promissing me he would never do it again. So when he confronted me I told him that it was a friend or something, anyway he got angry and he moved out, and refuses to come home. The post never mentioned anything about sex or even kissing! I didnt take it that far because I didnt want to hurt him and i'm not crazy I just wanted to make him angry enough to admit what he had been doing. Well now its been 2 wks and I have told him none of it is true and that I want him to come home and told him I was sorry and also how much I love him, this has been going on for 2 wks. I am starting to wonder if we are going to get back together its been 2 wks we have never been seperated this long, I miss him he is my best friend I dont know what to do anymore I have told him I made it up and everything and it hurts that he would ever think I would flirt with someone at work especially since we work in the same place and everyone knows we are married. I dont know what to do anymore, I miss him and I want him to come home
just own up to what you did and be honest. the sooner you are frank and open the sooner you two can begin to repair your wounded marriage. How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot?
Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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posted
greatone - Are you saying you made up the story "married but in love with another man" and let all of us here to spend our time trying genuinly to help you, when in fact you apparantly posted a fake love story to catch your husband having your password?
Or it was just a coincidence that he figured out your password and found out that you are in love with another man?
How is he supposed to know that your hidden love story on some message board is in fact - story that is fake and had a purpose behind it ? - when we all thought the story is true that's why we replied to you - to help you.
What about all members here who invested time in helping you?
Hey, I don't mean to be harsh to you - but get real - it seems to me that you play games. and manipulate people around you. You manipulated all of us here, you manipulated your ex. Why are you doing this? You hurt his feelings terribly. I completely understand your ex husband.
Posts: 989 | Registered: Aug 2004
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quote:Originally posted by akshar: You obviously have lots of issues to sort out. The first and biggest is why did he feel the need to read your emails and why did you feel the need to keep them private.
As my husband is Egyptian and I live in Egypt he knows everything that happens to me almost before I do. I come home and start to tell him of some event in my day and find one of his friends has already told him. But this isn't a probelm because I don't do any thing I am not happy for him to know about. Anyone who uses my computer can read my email, I don't have any passwords set up except on the forums and those are all stored on the computer. Why should I, what have I got to keep secret. My husband is someone I trust completely, I don't feel the need to lie and trick him to check up on him. If he wants to read what I post he is totally welcome.
It seems like both of you don't trust each other and all this has done is bring it to a head. Tell him you realise that there is fault on both sides and you want to resolve it. Get some counselling
I have no need to keep anythign private or from him I am honest and open with him about everything! he on the other hand is not, if I had posted something normal he would never admit that he was checking my emails, just like before. He has trust issues and I knew this, but I didn't know how bad his issues with trust where if I did know I would not have posted to the extent I did, but I knew it had to be something bad or he would never mention it or admit it when I confronted him. He says that he has serious trust issues that he is working on and that he needs some time to do so before he can be a husband to me. I wish I would have known all this 3 years ago because I dont feel this is fair, but I am going to give him his space and move on with my life, thanks for your input...
Posts: 25 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2006
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quote:Originally posted by tenngirl9: my thought and maybe your husbands too, is what does Egyptsearch forum guarantee that he would have found your specific post anyway. He would have had to really digg to figure it out and check your email, find out your name here, and then go looking for post from you, and then how would you know that he would have dug and dug that far to find a post from you? So therefore, he thinks it really happened, and now your posting to cover your tracks he will think
exactly my point! I had never mentioned this site to him and had just joined right at the time I noticed him hoovering around me when I was at the computer, so I figured he would see that I joined and log on to see what I was talking about because I post quite often on another board where he logs on to see what I am posting, I knew he would come on here looking and he did! also the user name I had was a combo of my name and our daughters name I wanted it to be easy for him to find my post!
Posts: 25 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2006
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quote:Originally posted by ' Sharon Stone ': greatone - Are you saying you made up the story "married but in love with another man" and let all of us here to spend our time trying genuinly to help you, when in fact you apparantly posted a fake love story to catch your husband having your password?
Or it was just a coincidence that he figured out your password and found out that you are in love with another man?
How is he supposed to know that your hidden love story on some message board is in fact - story that is fake and had a purpose behind it ? - when we all thought the story is true that's why we replied to you - to help you.
What about all members here who invested time in helping you?
Hey, I don't mean to be harsh to you - but get real - it seems to me that you play games. and manipulate people around you. You manipulated all of us here, you manipulated your ex. Why are you doing this? You hurt his feelings terribly. I completely understand your ex husband.
please try again only about 5 people if that responded to my thread and it doesnt take most a lot of brain power to respond to a thread, if it took that much out of you than that says a lot about you! no need to manipulate anyone not my style...
Posts: 25 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Cosmogirl: Au contraire, it's exactly your style.
You sure have alot to say without knowing the whole story, how about you back off and go find someone else to harass, I admitted I was wrong and don't need you coming and calling names and being childish, if you have nothing positive to add than why not keep it moving Posts: 25 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2006
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quote:Originally posted by greatone: please try again only about 5 people if that responded to my thread and it doesnt take most a lot of brain power to respond to a thread, if it took that much out of you than that says a lot about you! no need to manipulate anyone not my style...
Hey - you are funny! I am glad I personally replied to you or anyone else thinking you genuinly need help - that does say a lot about who I am as a person.
Ups, do you think it's ok to post fake stories and pretend the events really happened, and wait until people reply to you, even 1 person - while you wait for replies all along Not to mention to set up the whole scenario "about another man" so that you figure out if your loving husband is hacking your password?
Are you for real???????? Posts: 989 | Registered: Aug 2004
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posted
well if he was having trust issues from the get-go, then it wouldnt have worked out anyway...plus, the fox smells his own den, meaning - people who are so quickl to accuse and are so insecure like that usually are this way because they are the one who is cheating. and might i add when egyptian men move out, almost always, they are secretly shackin' up with a new broad. go kick his azz then leave him. there are so many more men out there. youll get over him, trust me you will.
Posts: 229 | From: philadelphia, pa, usa | Registered: Oct 2005
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posted
never set up a lie to test or trap someone, it always backfires, just as my ex fiance. He has done it several times and each time it pushed me farther and farther away... in his case he was trying to test me. A lie is a lie.... you should have just went to him and told him you knew he was in your email and you wanted it to stop although i dont see why you would have a problem with your husband reading your emails if you didnt have something to hide.
posted
My ex used to open my mail, read my text messages and listen in on calls from my family. I never had anything to hide, and i was always open and would explain afterwards. Bottom line is you should have been open and honest with him and i don't understand why you didn't confront him about going through your emails, if you have nothing to hide????? seems to me that you both need to sit down and talk about what the real issue is and how you can resolve. I don't blame him for moving out, how would you feel if the shoe were on the other foot? yanni, it's about time you both grew up and started to work together and trust each other. Deal with the real issuses surrounding this : lack of trust, move on, and turn the page. If you can't agree to do this then you should call it a day. You can't have a marriage, or any kinda realtionship without trust
Posts: 377 | From: أنا نسيت | Registered: Aug 2006
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UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!
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I dont know what to do anymore I have told him I made it up and everything and it hurts that he would ever think I would flirt with someone at work especially since we work in the same place and everyone knows we are married.
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You hurt his feelings terribly. I completely understand your ex husband.
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you are funny! I am glad I personally replied to you or anyone else thinking you genuinly need help - that does say a lot about who I am as a person. 
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