posted
Ali and Sadime are my kids. I have not seen them for 284 days. I miss them so much, but what worries me more is how much they miss their Dad? How they express their natural need and desire to have their dad and to communicate with him? So I placed an ad in Al-Ahram newspaper. The response was fantastic. I could not imagine that Ali and Sadime would receive that much attention. Lots of support and lots of care. I started a blog for them in Arabic Ali and Sadime Blogwww.ali-sadim.blogspot. The experience was dramatic. Lots of phone calls, emails, and messages. They were all pinpointing the voulme of pain in the hearts of lots of people. There were lots of shame. Many parents in my case are so scared to let the public know about their true feeling regarding missing their kids. "You are so corageous", I have heard it a lot. I was wondering why? but the answer was to put your name and to let the public know how much you miss your kids. I do not feel like a courageous man. but I would sacrifice anything to find and see my kids and to let Ali and Sadime see me and feel their Dad. I will post more about the subject later.
Posts: 17 | From: Cairo - London | Registered: Aug 2007
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posted
I have stumbled upon your blog before, and I was wondering why you're mentioning the mother's full name like she's some kind of evil criminal. I don't know the full story but I think you should sort out your marital conflicts in a peaceful manner if you want to see your kids again. Good luck.
Posts: 8756 | From: Tax-Free Zone | Registered: Jul 2005
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posted
I sympathise with you but I don't know the other side of the story! Have you tried to reach some relatives or family from her part?
Hopefully, you can resolve your problem peacefully by trying to reach some of her friends, or close relatives and convince them for the sake of the children!
posted
I am not discussing my rights to see and have access to my kids. I am standing for the rights of children to see both their Dad and their mother. The parents relationship has nothing to do with the kids rights to have a free and good access to their parents. If you are an irate woman who is angry with men or an irate man who is angry with women, young children should not suffer because of your experience. It is very selfish of a mother or a father to let the kids face the hassles of missing one of their parents.
Posts: 17 | From: Cairo - London | Registered: Aug 2007
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posted
Nobody wins in a custody case. A father that cares is rarely considered. Big Hug
-------------------- Jane Akshar UK Co-owner of www.flatsinluxor.co.uk Appartments and Tours in Luxor Posts: 2791 | From: www.flatsinluxor.co.uk, Luxor, Egypt | Registered: Jan 2003
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posted
I do agree, It is the right of both parents, no one parent has ownership or the right to decide for their kids, unless they are protecting them from harm.
posted
Ahmed's case also highlightened by Daily Star Egypt:
Divorced father appeals to officials to find his children
By Ahmed Maged First Published: August 12, 2007
Ahmed Abdel Maguid El Damalawi appealed to interior and justice ministries to help him find his son Ali, 5, and daughter Sadim, 3
CAIRO: A desperate father is appealing to high-ranking officials to help him find his children, after their mother disappeared with them, despite a court ruling allowing visitations.
In the Friday issue of Al-Ahram newspaper, Ahmed Abdel Maguid El Damalawi, 48, an IT consultant, publicly pleaded both the ministers of the interior and justice to help him find his son Ali, 5, and daughter Sadim, 3, whom he has not seen for the last 284 days.
El Damalawi also used his IT expertise to launch the website www.ali-sadim.blogspot.com where he received a bevy of responses from the media as well as other fathers and children who are involved in similar situations.
“I’ve gained the sympathy of the media as well as the support of divorced men who have to grapple with the same dilemma, but no responses from officials,” El Damalawi said.
On the website supporters can register their names and e-mails. So far El Damalawi has garnered the support of 137 people and received a collection of heart-rending messages showing sympathy to El Damalawi and his problem.
His plead in Al-Ahram would be El Damalawi’s second attempt to get the attention of high-ranking officials. “I will continue to place more in daily newspapers appealing to the first lady then to the president, telling them that I badly need to see my kids.”
In his appeal El Damalawi says: “In spite of the court verdict issued by the Heliopolis Family Court in June 2007… for the last nine months I haven’t been able to see my kids Ali, 5, and Sadim, 3, by my wife Nermin Yamani Darwish. Where are my kids? In the country? Abroad? Will I be able to see them soon? ... This is why I am asking for officials’ help, urging them to implement the ruling and put an end to my deprivation and the torture the children could be experiencing every time they ask: ‘where’s Dad?’”
El Damalawi said he had to resort to such public notices because the decision to see his children can only be taken by their mother, even though the law stipulates otherwise.
“She can be in town, travel abroad and come back, yet she’s been given complete freedom of action and can’t be questioned. When I initially contacted my wife’s family I was told not to worry and that my children are taken care of. Now when I call they don’t respond and deny that they are present at home,” said El Damalawi.
El Damalawi will join forces with Ru’ya, a society that has been formed to support separated and divorced fathers who have been unlawfully denied access to their children.
“Thousands of us are suffering. Next week I will publish a new notice and the rest of them will publish another in support of my situation.”
posted
Each divorce is an individual case and the officials will not go into each divorce file, and try to help one of the spouses because he reached the media or has a blog.
He needs to calm down and be patient, she may come around by herself without all the media hoopla.
Posts: 215 | Registered: May 2007
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posted
.We are not divorced. Nermine and myself are still married. Actually I am committed to have her back and to let Ali and Sadime to live with the father and mother. The rights of the children to see both parents have nothing to do with the parents being in agreement or not
Posts: 17 | From: Cairo - London | Registered: Aug 2007
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posted
Now I know why she disappeared. Ahmed with all due respect to your grief, you can't force anyone to live with someone 'bil ekraah'. Sorry brother, you will have to be reasonable if you want to see your children.
I will sound harsh, but anyone that knows the psyche of a woman will tell you the same: she will not come back, and will not release the children to you, if you are forcing the issue this way.
You have to change your strategy brother! BiL MA3ROOF ..mish bil ekraah..
Posts: 215 | Registered: May 2007
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posted
I don't think either he can force his wife to come back to live with him but it's his right as a father to see his children on a regular base and be a part of their lives.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
Being committed to have my wife back,is my stand and it has nothing to do with her position. I can not force a cat to live with me, how can I force an adult woman to stay as my wife. My commitment is a symbol of my dedication to my family and not a symbol of control and forcing anything on anybody. I am a man. I am a human being. I do mistakes and I love my family. I am so interested in the rights of my kids to have a healthy upbringing. I am also so dedicated to provide them with an empowering and safe environment. I am sure that we all have lots of reasons to hurt others and break the law. So having these reasons would justify such actions. I do not see that. We all have reasons and justifications but there are rules to be followed and rights to be respected.
Posts: 17 | From: Cairo - London | Registered: Aug 2007
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posted
Did you think that MAYBE (whether it's right or not)the reason she is not responsing to you is because of the way you make your decisions?
You may think you are 'protecting' the family by committing to get them back under the same roof, but this will not change the fact that 'your ways' are probably not what will bring your wife back.
You may have the best intentions but the way you are expressing them could be seen as 'dictatorship' by your wife.
Nobody can force anyone to change the way they feel. At the moment she may be scared to even talk to you.
Not discussing your 'issues' with your wife on a board is your right, but when your 'case' becomes public as it is now, it is bound to make people 'speculate' about the reason a wife and mother would run away.
Regardless of sympathy towards you and your children, any intelligent human being will wonder why did she escape?
You made your case public. And you're going on TV too with this!
By wanting the wife under the same roof again - maybe just to have the children with both parents as good intentions - and 'forcing' the issue by surrounding yourself with a network of people, is probably generating the 'reverse' emotional reaction from her part.
The idea of mutual agreement in general is unappealing at a time where a human being feels 'emotionally jailed'.
At the moment it is obvious that she doesn't want to deal with you.
In my opinion, the more you make your 'issue' public, the less chance you have to get your family back right now.
I'm not saying she is right, I am saying she obviously is not emotionally capable of dealing with you, your rights, as well as the rights of the children to see you - at the moment, for her own reasons.
posted
It is not always the best for the children to live with both parents if the parents don't get along. The children can sence if the atmosphere is not good in a family. In many cases it is better for the children when tha parents get divorced.
Posts: 523 | From: Finland | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Life is good: Yes,the mother must have had cause to disappear!
not always sometimes they just wanna hurt the man by taking his kids depends on the womans state of mind also!!!
Posts: 9776 | From: You like If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood. | Registered: Jul 2007
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posted
For sure Nermine has her reasons to disappear. But without discussing these reasons with her, how we can know them? I cannot speak for her. I would like to draw your attention to the pain the kids are having for missing their dad. They may not show it because they do not know how to express it and show it. But they will grow up with twisted personalities. For a mother or a father to provide such a quality of life to the kids, I believe it is a crime against the children. It is very easy to stereotype what women are doing or what men are doing? but it is very obvious and important what the kids want? To stand for the mother or the father is a very weak position. It is the kids who need your stand. www.ali-sadim.blogspot.comPosts: 17 | From: Cairo - London | Registered: Aug 2007
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posted
"But they will grow up with twisted personalities."
Oh dear you have opened up a can of worms!
So children who are brought up by one parent are this? I think not and also have seen and believe that troublesome marriages can affect children deeply.
Yes,no parent should be denied access to their child (if there is no harmful risk to that child).
Why go public?,this is private family matter. I keep being told Egyptians don't hang out their dirty washing. Maybe going this way is not the right way. Put yourself in your wives shoes.
Posts: 316 | From: UK | Registered: Oct 2006
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posted
I did not discuss children who were brought up with a single parent. I am talking about kids who are intentionally seperated from their parents. It is quite different.
when I do not know anything about my kids for such a long time, if I do not go public, where should I go? If I keep hiding my feelings, I would be labeled as a careless father. please advise.
If I were in Nermine's shoe I would not separate the kids from their Dad, regardless if I love him or not, or if he deserve it or not. It has nothing to do with me about her, it has to do with the rights of Ali and Sadime which are wildly violated. For Ali and Sadime to be separated from their Dad is worring enough. Being with their mother is Ok. But sepearting them from their Dad is really worrying.
Posts: 17 | From: Cairo - London | Registered: Aug 2007
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posted
Perhapes the kids are just fine with their mother and mothers relatives. Calm down and try to create a new contact and realationship with your ex-wife so that you both could agree on how and when you could meet the children. Remember it is the childrens wellfare and right not your right that is the most important. If you continue behaving as you do you will scare away everybody that are around you. Even the children could sence your hot headed you are and it could scare them also. Take it easy and try to come up with an other startegy, one that does not scare everybody away from you.
Posts: 523 | From: Finland | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
Can you explain how I am scaring people around me. It is not my goal to scare anybody. I am a very peaceful man. For my wife to take the kids and disappear like that, that is the scary behavior. I am only interested in the welfare of my kids and in the stereotyping that the kids are safe as long as they are with their mother, even if she is separating them from their Dad. I believe it it is too cruel with the kids to think of them this way. Mothers or fathers are human beings. So mothers and fathers can do mistakes. Being a male or female does not make any difference here
-------------------- Ahmed Eldemellawy Posts: 17 | From: Cairo - London | Registered: Aug 2007
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posted
Ahmed, it's not our right to judge you, your wife, your marriage.
Reason(s) why your wife left without a trace is/are debatable and not clear to see here.
She left nine months ago without any action, not even filed for divorce, that's what it makes so strange.
Is she perhaps in love with another man? Different kind of scenarios are possible here.
You see we have to assume anything as only you both know what was going on in your marriage.
I do hope your wife lets you know that she and the children are okay. If she wants to be out of the relationship she NEEDS to tell you, it's your right as her husband. And she also needs to make sure that you are able to see the children on a regular base - just like the family court ordered her to do. I sincerely wish you will be able to hold your two little children in your arms again very soon.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Mimmi: If you continue behaving as you do you will scare away everybody that are around you. Even the children could sence your hot headed you are and it could scare them also.
Oh please, he hasn't since his kids for nine months, his wife took very suddenly and unexpected off with the children and he doesn't know the whereabouts of all three of them.
She didn't live up to the family court order and basically kidnapped them. You have many cases like that everywhere in this world.
Besides that we don't know what she's already telling the children about their father. You know what happens when people going through a break-up, most of the times it's very ugly.
Unfortunately there's only so much he can do in Egypt and that's why I believe he's making it very public. It's a very loud cry for help. And you see it's not always the father who runs off with the offspring and leaves a grieving mother behind - it works the other way too.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
If anybody is interested to support Ali and Sadime chance for a fair life, please send me a message. I can pass to you the contacts that I have for Nermine's family. You may be able to communicate with them and moderate an end to the problem. I am so open for a peaceful solution that would support my children. Nermine, my wife is not bad at all. I do not know why she is behaving like that. There must be something that is hurting her. I am so open to listen to her and to provide anything I can to put an end to what is going on. www.ali-sadim.blogspot.com
-------------------- Ahmed Eldemellawy Posts: 17 | From: Cairo - London | Registered: Aug 2007
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posted
It's unlikely that a total stranger will be able to influence your in-laws.
The only solution I see now, is for you to retract from the public eye, close that website/blog and do not appear on talk shows radio and Tv, or give interviews to the newspapers.
I will give you a woman perspective:
If my husband is totally confused, and really doesn't know why I left with the kids that way, but instead of trying to figure it out on his own as a husband that knows his wife, is plastering the case all over the web making a show of himself - fedee7a - and the kids and my name, I would not want to even hear his voice for a long while.
On the other hand if my husband would be considerate and understanding to what I'm going through, admitting he must have hurt me badly, and patiently wait until I'm ready to forgive, and start the communication process, I might consider opening a window, and discuss our issues and the best for the children's future.
Think about this seriously.
Posts: 215 | Registered: May 2007
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posted
I don't believe pointing at flaws or perseived personalityproblems of Ahmed Eldemellawy or fantasize about his wife's motives is going to take away the fact that it is so very understandable that a father does miss his kids and will reach out for them the best way he can imagine with his background and resources. I am sure I would be very proud of my dad and appreciate his efforts when I came to find out getting older. I do hope all will be well with you and your family Ahmed.
Posts: 1419 | From: Amsterdam, Netherlands | Registered: Aug 2003
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posted
I always see the face of my little Sadime in front of me all the time. I cannot stop the tears when I remember her look at me wanting me to stop feeding her as she wants to play with food and not really eat. I miss Ali, my little boy. I am a man and a father and I have very strong bond with my kids. www.ali-sadim.blogspot.comPosts: 17 | From: Cairo - London | Registered: Aug 2007
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posted
Almaz, I do believe you criticize him too harshly. This man and father is desperate, desperate to see his children again.
There are people who going to newspapers to get attention to their child kidnapping case, others founding websites, many of them get private detectives involved, etc.
I also do not believe that she would come up by herself to talk to her husband again. She left NINE months ago with their offspring and never tried to contact him.
And I believe the full name of the wife is given so people pay attention and someone might know her and can give the final lead to locate her and the children.
Please Ahmed keep up the good work. You do everything what you can do to make contact with your wife. If she would not hide and let you see the kids you wouldn't have to go the way you are going right now.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
An English speaking grandmother wrote to me about her grandchild whose mother is Egyptian and going through a similar experience that Ali and Sadime are going through. You can read her message in English at www.ali-sadim.blogspot.com
-------------------- Ahmed Eldemellawy Posts: 17 | From: Cairo - London | Registered: Aug 2007
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posted
I wanna trough in another point of view. Is it always in the childs best interest to have contact to both parents- even if 1 or both of them are bad parents????
Ahmed I have no idea what has been going on with you and your wife and i dont doubt that you are a loving caring father. Otherwise you would not go to all the troubles to get them back.
Talking from my experience with my own ex husband and kids I have now changed my about opinion about every child/parent has the right to see each other. Is it better to have a bad selfish father or mother in your life who you are forced to see when he has the time and desire to do so or is it better to "just" live with a mother or father who care for you like a normal parent. In Denmark most people (i use to also) believe strongly in: Every child has the right to both a mother and a father in their life. - I say that is a bunch of BULSHIIT. I truely deeply think that my exhusband is not worthy of seing his kids every 2. weekend like he do now. I have just applied to the authorities that his visitationright gets taken and i get full custedy insted of sharing it like we do now. He very often cant have them the weekends that his scheduled to have them, when they finally get on weekends with him they watch disneychannel all day while he is out working. So very often they are allowed to eat chokolate budding, popcorn and candy all day, he promise them stuff that he hardly never keep. Like 6 weeks ago they was suppose to go to Legoland (an amusementpark in Denmark) with him. They was so excited about going and jumped early out of bed. I packed a small bag with cold juice and biscuits to eat on long drive (1½ hour). They was sitting outside the house and waiting on him to come - they waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and finally 1 hour late he came. They cheered and ran to the car only to find out that he had changed the plans because something important in his work came up (he is self employed and could have planed his way out of it) both kids started to cry from the disapointment and also because (i think) they knew they was headed for another "work weekend" with their father. So i said to him: you are not taking the kids home this weekend. When you get your priorities straight you can see them again. He starting to defend him self and trying to argue "some sense" with me but i told him to shut up and that the kids should get into our car because now we was going to Legoland. I went in the house and woke up my egyptian husband and then we went to legoland with the kids insted. My exhusband has not seen our kids since. He just called today to ask if he could have them this weekend but I said no. He can wait till after the meeting with the danish authorities and on their "verdict". That will probaly take 6-8 month and there has to be a radical change in his priorities and behavior if he will see them during that time.
My point is so many children are forced to spent time with a parent they dont trust, violent parent, parents in jail even have visitationrights - why?????? Where is the childs right to have a stabile life with loving caring trustworthy adults around them??????
Posts: 528 | From: Denmark | Registered: Dec 2006
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posted
For those people that are criticising this man for making this public:
How much attention is given to a man who takes his kids and leaves the mother guessing, would you still advise her to sit back and let it happen without making it public?
effectively, this man's children are missing, to him.
How would you feel if you could not contact your children? kiss them at bed time? be there when they cry?
People can be so judgemental, but clearly this man has the best interests of his children and no parent, man or woman has the right to take that away, they are not her kids, but THEIR kids.
I dont blame him at all for making it as public as possible, why shouldn't he? I would shout from the rooftops if it were me also, and so would the rest of you if someone took your kids away.
Posts: 644 | Registered: Jul 2007
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posted
Tibe, in the mean time can you make some more 'realistic' arrangements for kids with dad? Say he can have them for some hours, arrangements made on short notice, whenever he is not working? Once a month. Or have them for a nightover and come home in the morning? And let the fallout be? After this kids do know dad can dissapoint them but he still is there dad and they do love him. And proceed with the sole custody anyway.
quote:Originally posted by Mrs Tibe: I wanna trough in another point of view. Is it always in the childs best interest to have contact to both parents- even if 1 or both of them are bad parents????
Ahmed I have no idea what has been going on with you and your wife and i dont doubt that you are a loving caring father. Otherwise you would not go to all the troubles to get them back.
Talking from my experience with my own ex husband and kids I have now changed my about opinion about every child/parent has the right to see each other. Is it better to have a bad selfish father or mother in your life who you are forced to see when he has the time and desire to do so or is it better to "just" live with a mother or father who care for you like a normal parent. In Denmark most people (i use to also) believe strongly in: Every child has the right to both a mother and a father in their life. - I say that is a bunch of BULSHIIT. I truely deeply think that my exhusband is not worthy of seing his kids every 2. weekend like he do now. I have just applied to the authorities that his visitationright gets taken and i get full custedy insted of sharing it like we do now. He very often cant have them the weekends that his scheduled to have them, when they finally get on weekends with him they watch disneychannel all day while he is out working. So very often they are allowed to eat chokolate budding, popcorn and candy all day, he promise them stuff that he hardly never keep. Like 6 weeks ago they was suppose to go to Legoland (an amusementpark in Denmark) with him. They was so excited about going and jumped early out of bed. I packed a small bag with cold juice and biscuits to eat on long drive (1½ hour). They was sitting outside the house and waiting on him to come - they waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and finally 1 hour late he came. They cheered and ran to the car only to find out that he had changed the plans because something important in his work came up (he is self employed and could have planed his way out of it) both kids started to cry from the disapointment and also because (i think) they knew they was headed for another "work weekend" with their father. So i said to him: you are not taking the kids home this weekend. When you get your priorities straight you can see them again. He starting to defend him self and trying to argue "some sense" with me but i told him to shut up and that the kids should get into our car because now we was going to Legoland. I went in the house and woke up my egyptian husband and then we went to legoland with the kids insted. My exhusband has not seen our kids since. He just called today to ask if he could have them this weekend but I said no. He can wait till after the meeting with the danish authorities and on their "verdict". That will probaly take 6-8 month and there has to be a radical change in his priorities and behavior if he will see them during that time.
My point is so many children are forced to spent time with a parent they dont trust, violent parent, parents in jail even have visitationrights - why?????? Where is the childs right to have a stabile life with loving caring trustworthy adults around them??????
posted
The Children's best interest is to have access to their Dad and their Mom. I agree on some of what you said but I am against you taking the judge position. You are the Mom. You have the rights to protect your children's interests which include their free access to their dad. Please read again what you wrote, you write as if you are the RIGHT authority, which is not true. You are wonderful Mom and stay there because this is who you are and this is where you excel. Support your children's dad to be a good dad and enough confrontation. It is not for the kid's interest at all.
Posts: 17 | From: Cairo - London | Registered: Aug 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Ahmed Eldemellawy: The Children's best interest is to have access to their Dad and their Mom.
True. But we still do not know why the mom is hiding the children, from the dad.
The public may sympathise with you because they read your website, and see the children's pics, and feel you are suffering. Even if they have no idea what was your marriage like as it is usually behind closed doors. But she may be also suffering and has her reasons to be silent.
She may be scared of something.
I still think you should stop all this, as it will not bring her back. Ask any psychologist.
Posts: 919 | Registered: Aug 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Ahmed Eldemellawy: The Children's best interest is to have access to their Dad and their Mom.
True. But we still do not know why the mom is hiding the children, from the dad.
The public may sympathise with you because they read your website, and see the children's pics, and feel you are suffering. Even if they have no idea what was your marriage like as it is usually behind closed doors. But she may be also suffering and has her reasons to be silent.
She may be scared of something.
I still think you should stop all this, as it will not bring her back. Ask any psychologist.
I agree with Almaz. I don,t know why but I get a creepy feeling from your posts I don't know you but I feel you scare the mother of your children further away with all this. I would feel scared of you.
Posts: 523 | From: Finland | Registered: Feb 2004
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