posted
Went to the lebanese guy (who broke up with me a few weeks ago) house yesterday to drop off some orders and there proudly standing on the cupboard, three photos of the girl he wants to marry.
Petite, black hair, huge eyes. I have no confidence issues, but somehow in that situation you feel like you seriously lacked something that she clearly has. I sommer feel yuckie
Posts: 458 | From: Egypt | Registered: May 2005
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Why are you giving a man this much power in your life gigli?? You could be the most beautiful women in the world, or the hottest guy, and still be romantically rejected. Not everyone is for everyone,it doesnt mean that you are lacking special qualities. Many times things just dont work out with one person cause it isnt meant to, there is something bigger and brighter in life waiting for you......Take care, be proud of who you are and keep believing in yourself.Wish him luck in life to his face, dont let him see it bothers you , and exit from his life with your dignity intact. Posts: 1121 | From: Too crazy to look at a freakin map to find out.. | Registered: Sep 2006
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quote:Originally posted by gigli: Went to the lebanese guy (who broke up with me a few weeks ago) house yesterday to drop off some orders and there proudly standing on the cupboard, three photos of the girl he wants to marry.
Petite, black hair, huge eyes. I have no confidence issues, but somehow in that situation you feel like you seriously lacked something that she clearly has. I sommer feel yuckie
You need a rebound guy
Jokes aside I agree with Rumi and just move on. There will always be someone more prettier/sexier/smarter//happier than you and this applies to everyone.
Posts: 2079 | From: 'by any means necessary' - Malcom X | Registered: Mar 2007
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posted
You know you are beautiful anyway, and you can see it again and again everyday in your mirror right?
Best way to take control of your life after a break up, and yes it worked for millions and millions before you, is to CUT ALL LINKS WITH THE EX, at least until you are indifferent.
You should never see him, never hear him, never read anything he wrote, no pictures of him, nothing.
Cheer up and think of how lucky you are: FREE beautiful, and smart too! Posts: 919 | Registered: Aug 2007
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quote:Originally posted by gigli: Went to the lebanese guy (who broke up with me a few weeks ago) house yesterday to drop off some orders and there proudly standing on the cupboard, three photos of the girl he wants to marry.
Petite, black hair, huge eyes. I have no confidence issues, but somehow in that situation you feel like you seriously lacked something that she clearly has. I sommer feel yuckie
old or young, we all grow old and not so beautiful as our young age but inner beauty stays and last, make sure you have that and keep it
Posts: 76 | From: Hurghada | Registered: Mar 2007
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Easier said than done but...move on. If I were you I would give up on these types of men who are unmarriable to you. Men whose families will interfere and dictate who they want their sons to marry. That probably cuts out 95% of Arab men (which you seem to go for). I'm not gonna knock you for going after Arab men since I've shown a pattern of doing that myself. However, I can spot the players from the regular "Joes" who just want to get married and have a family. It really sounds like you're going for players. Try a regular "Joe" whether Arab or another ethnicity.
Posts: 2735 | From: my desk | Registered: Jul 2005
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quote:Originally posted by gigli: Went to the lebanese guy (who broke up with me a few weeks ago) house yesterday to drop off some orders and there proudly standing on the cupboard, three photos of the girl he wants to marry.
Petite, black hair, huge eyes. I have no confidence issues, but somehow in that situation you feel like you seriously lacked something that she clearly has. I sommer feel yuckie
Tell you what, I'll dress up like Dr. Phil, we'll go to his house & tell him what a sexist male pig he is.
quote:Originally posted by Mother War: Easier said than done but...move on. If I were you I would give up on these types of men who are unmarriable to you. Men whose families will interfere and dictate who they want their sons to marry. That probably cuts out 95% of Arab men (which you seem to go for). I'm not gonna knock you for going after Arab men since I've shown a pattern of doing that myself. However, I can spot the players from the regular "Joes" who just want to get married and have a family. It really sounds like you're going for players. Try a regular "Joe" whether Arab or another ethnicity.
Good advice.
Also, most people don't realize that you can't chase something that's not running away from you - don't waste your time, let them run.
Posts: 2404 | Registered: May 2006
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You have to understand what MW mentioned. The woman whose pic you saw was probably marketed by his parents and this was probably done gradually. The guy probably spoke to her on the phone and my point here is she was hyped up big time. The alternative was you and in which case his parents were probably criticizing you even though they know nothing about you. The transition from someone like you to an Arab girl suggested by the male’s parents is one that comes with many benefits such as
1.) A young pretty woman who the guy is intrigued by, possibly even fantasizing about her from looking at her pics and speaking with her on the phone.
2.) Financial incentives and harmony in the family, many parents offer their sons incentives, such as a house/apartment/land/money etc.
There are more intricacies and I have a friend who suffered the same fate, even though he had deep feelings for the other woman. He eventually dumped her and opted for the package.
Posts: 2079 | From: 'by any means necessary' - Malcom X | Registered: Mar 2007
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quote:Originally posted by gigli: Went to the lebanese guy (who broke up with me a few weeks ago) house yesterday to drop off some orders and there proudly standing on the cupboard, three photos of the girl he wants to marry.
Petite, black hair, huge eyes. I have no confidence issues, but somehow in that situation you feel like you seriously lacked something that she clearly has. I sommer feel yuckie
Hey, she looks like my husband's ideal girl. And - sure thing - nothing like me! Why do you go to his home and look at his dresser? Send a messenger if you still have to deal with him. You deserve better. Even if you were a petite brunette with bambi eyes, you would find a busty blonde pictures on his coffee table. Such is life. Time for a more leveled guy who will want you for you. Big hug and best of luck. XOXOXOXOXO
Posts: 2238 | From: Mother Earth | Registered: Jun 2004
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quote:Originally posted by gigli: Went to the lebanese guy (who broke up with me a few weeks ago) house yesterday to drop off some orders and there proudly standing on the cupboard, three photos of the girl he wants to marry.
Petite, black hair, huge eyes. I have no confidence issues, but somehow in that situation you feel like you seriously lacked something that she clearly has. I sommer feel yuckie
Gigli, you need to be on your own for a long time...I mean a while. Find your happiness alone and allow yourself to really heal otherwise you will never be in any frame of mind to enter into a new relationship. Don't let your mind wander about that girl you saw, you don't really know their situations and you have no idea the situation they may be in a couple of years anyway, count your blessings that you are free to start over and find the REAL you inside without a man to validate your self-worth. It doesn't exist, it's inside of you ONLY.
posted
Yeah, gigli, you should have not went over to his home. It's over between the both of you, respect that his wish is to marry someone else and accept finally that it wasn't meant to be.
"Don't keep running back to the one person that you need to walk away from."
Good luck, gigli! Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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This is what you do, you take something of his, something small, inexpensive. Then you get your best friend and you all pound the crap out of it with a mallet on your driveway while yelling TOWANDA!!!!!!! (Fried Green Tomatoes reference) Guaranteed instant pick me up.
Side Note- Alchemist does not advocate the destruction of personal property.
Posts: 1879 | From: Going to Graceland | Registered: Nov 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Alchemist: This is what you do, you take something of his, something small, inexpensive. Then you get your best friend and you pound the crap out with a mallet on your driveway while yelling TOWANDA!!!!!!! (Fried Green Tomatoes reference) Guaranteed instant pick me up.
Side Note- Alchemist does not advocate the destruction of personal property.
Ahahahahahahaha I am convinced some of the women on this site are insane , funny but nevertheless insanePosts: 2079 | From: 'by any means necessary' - Malcom X | Registered: Mar 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Alchemist: ^Sanity is the playground of the unimaginative.
She got dumped but the world is still chaotic and still very much beautiful. She should say Alhmaduliilah and move on. I know for a fact that many Muslim Arab Americans and Arabs that are well off are under a lot of pressure to marry someone that their families deem ‘appropriate’. She wasn’t appropriate and you know what sometimes mommy and daddy know best. My friend that I mentioned earlier is more than grateful and happy.
Look at it from both perspectives. Sometimes it is for the best because issues arise later on in lives that are very ugly. Divorce – custody issues – hate – etc
Please excuse my open mindedness but WHAT a man should lose his entire family for a woman? That is some of the pressure that these men face. Their own fathers approach them nicely at first but then they turn and they give them the ‘if you don’t do this I don’t know you anymore’
****
That’s huge and the hell with the prettiest bombshell, when it comes to that because blood is more valuable and this is what most believe.
I pity the guy a little but because maybe he actually loves her but he had to make a sacrifice and some of you here won’t understand some things like – Honor and respect you’ll translate it and scrutinize it as being weakness or whatever.
Allah (swt) states don’t even say UFFF to your parents and you know what … which parent doesn’t want what’s best for the child?!
Please ppl , try to be open minded and see that the dilemma extends to everyone.
Posts: 2079 | From: 'by any means necessary' - Malcom X | Registered: Mar 2007
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You guys were absentminded when I mentioned the Abraham (a.s) story with regards to changing the ‘doorstep’. These guys are under immense pressure. That is what many Muslims are about , they are originally clans and tribes. The family name has so much meaning and honor to many of them. Not all arabs are like the playboys and gigalos you hear about on this site.
Many don’t need money, many don’t need a visa or citizenship and when you have such men then expect his family to speak out and offer ‘guidance’.
The objective of these families is to hook up their sons/daughters with other similar families' sons/daughters. It is a 'network'. It is actually amazing because they keep tabs on the children of many families. It is not exactly arranged marriage because they simply introduce the male to the female and then the woman decides if she wants to see him again and vice versa.
It is very elaborate.
Posts: 2079 | From: 'by any means necessary' - Malcom X | Registered: Mar 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Sobriquet: You guys were absentminded when I mentioned the Abraham (a.s) story with regards to changing the ‘doorstep’. These guys are under immense pressure. That is what many Muslims are about , they are originally clans and tribes. The family name has so much meaning and honor to many of them. Not all arabs are like the playboys and gigalos you hear about on this site.
Many don’t need money, many don’t need a visa or citizenship and when you have such men then expect his family to speak out and offer ‘guidance’.
The objective of these families is to hook up their sons/daughters with other similar families' sons/daughters. It is a 'network'. It is actually amazing because they keep tabs on the children of many families. It is not exactly arranged marriage because they simply introduce the male to the female and then the woman decides if she wants to see him again and vice versa.
It is very elaborate.
Life Is So strange
you have family you wanna get rid of them and live alone on your self
you dont have family you wanna create a family and wish for what you just left
humanity ....
amr
Posts: 1499 | From: Dark Side of the Moon | Registered: Aug 2007
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I don't understand when ppl enter a marriage or insist on pursuing marriage when they know full well they are not accepted in their SO's family. Especially in the case of Arabs when strong family bonds, religion, etc. are thrown into the mix. What happens when the foreign wife decides she no longer wants to raise her children Muslim (let's say the guy is Muslim in this scenario)? She promises she doesn't mind (she may have even converted) but then the children are born and things go bad in the marriage and one day she decides the kids should go to church. What if the foreign wife decides she doesn't want to attend family functions because she can't speak the language? It could be anything, I'm just giving a couple examples of potential fears a family may have to not want their son (or daughter) to marry a foreigner. Hell some families not only want their children to marry from the same country but the future spouse may even have to be from the same village. Some families are open minded and don't mind their children marrying foreigners. There are always stipulations with that too though.
It's one thing to have flings with men or women that your family deems unacceptable but ppl have to be up front about this. Have an agreement in the beginning...we're gonna be friends with benefits, nothing more. That way the other party can chose whether or not they want to continue. It's better than making someone believe that there's a future and there isn't. I know I've gone off in another direction but it's something ppl should consider. I, personally, would rather know I'm just gonna be a f@ck buddy then go on thinking I'm gonna be a wife one day.
Posts: 2735 | From: my desk | Registered: Jul 2005
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posted
Is there a reason you quoted me with this? I was merely making a joke. I understand honor and respect, I even understand family pressure to marry someone deemed "acceptable." However as a wise friend said to me, You have to do what you can live with, you cannot live for your parents or family or anyone else, only yourself. As for "which parent doesn't know what is best for the child?" I would answer you, plenty! There are a lot of parents who do not know or even care what is best for the child, or who do not realize their child is a separate yet equal being.
Posts: 1879 | From: Going to Graceland | Registered: Nov 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Alchemist: a lot of parents who do not know or even care what is best for the child, or who do not realize their child is a separate yet equal being.
we can create blogs regarding that only
but i see there main issue that all parents think they know it all they did that and this and they just know it all
i wish i wont be like that at least i will try
amr
Posts: 1499 | From: Dark Side of the Moon | Registered: Aug 2007
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posted
No, the dilemma doesn't extend to everyone, some men have enough testicular fortitude to stand up to their parents & say 'if you think you're choosing my wife, think again, now backthefuckup'.
quote:Originally posted by Mother War: I agree with Sobriquet.
I don't understand when ppl enter a marriage or insist on pursuing marriage when they know full well they are not accepted in their SO's family. Especially in the case of Arabs when strong family bonds, religion, etc. are thrown into the mix. What happens when the foreign wife decides she no longer wants to raise her children Muslim (let's say the guy is Muslim in this scenario)? She promises she doesn't mind (she may have even converted) but then the children are born and things go bad in the marriage and one day she decides the kids should go to church. What if the foreign wife decides she doesn't want to attend family functions because she can't speak the language? It could be anything, I'm just giving a couple examples of potential fears a family may have to not want their son (or daughter) to marry a foreigner. Hell some families not only want their children to marry from the same country but the future spouse may even have to be from the same village. Some families are open minded and don't mind their children marrying foreigners. There are always stipulations with that too though.
It's one thing to have flings with men or women that your family deems unacceptable but ppl have to be up front about this. Have an agreement in the beginning...we're gonna be friends with benefits, nothing more. That way the other party can chose whether or not they want to continue. It's better than making someone believe that there's a future and there isn't. I know I've gone off in another direction but it's something ppl should consider. I, personally, would rather know I'm just gonna be a f@ck buddy then go on thinking I'm gonna be a wife one day.
It's very problematic MW. Women meeting Arabs that don't need their money or their citizenship hence no kind of leash.
These guys indeed deem many non-Muslim women as 'f@ck buddies' until they get sick of it and apparently literally as i have heard some Arab Americans state.
Then they want a younger Arab wife who will tend to their needs. It is a loophole and it begins with mistrust. My humble opinion.
Posts: 2079 | From: 'by any means necessary' - Malcom X | Registered: Mar 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Alchemist: Is there a reason you quoted me with this?
Yes because you are sweet and civilized Try and get used to it Posts: 2079 | From: 'by any means necessary' - Malcom X | Registered: Mar 2007
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quote:Originally posted by VanillaBullshit: No, the dilemma doesn't extend to everyone, some men have enough testicular fortitude to stand up to their parents & say 'if you think you're choosing my wife, think again, now backthefuckup'.
These are the only REAL men in my view.
Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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quote:Originally posted by With a name like Smuckers:
quote:
Gigli, you need to be on your own for a long time...I mean a while. Find your happiness alone and allow yourself to really heal otherwise you will never be in any frame of mind to enter into a new relationship. Don't let your mind wander about that girl you saw, you don't really know their situations and you have no idea the situation they may be in a couple of years anyway, count your blessings that you are free to start over and find the REAL you inside without a man to validate your self-worth. It doesn't exist, it's inside of you ONLY.
Best of luck.
Gigli, I agree with this. I had a very different situation where I was the one that left my husband. After I left I wrote him a letter about all the bad things he did to me and how it hurt me. Then I took the letter outside and caught it on fire. I watched it burn and released the pain to God. It may sound silly but it did help. Maybe this could help you too. Then ask God to prepare you for something better. He will.
I am curious that I keep reading about woman having sex with Egyptian men outside of marriage. My friend would not before marriage. He will not even talk to me during Ramadan so he can focus on worship and prayer. He prays for me to find my path. Is he the unique one or are the others I read about?
Posts: 3891 | From: No good deed goes unpunished. | Registered: May 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Alchemist: ^Sanity is the playground of the unimaginative.
She got dumped but the world is still chaotic and still very much beautiful. She should say Alhmaduliilah and move on. I know for a fact that many Muslim Arab Americans and Arabs that are well off are under a lot of pressure to marry someone that their families deem ‘appropriate’. She wasn’t appropriate and you know what sometimes mommy and daddy know best. My friend that I mentioned earlier is more than grateful and happy.
Look at it from both perspectives. Sometimes it is for the best because issues arise later on in lives that are very ugly. Divorce – custody issues – hate – etc
Please excuse my open mindedness but WHAT a man should lose his entire family for a woman? That is some of the pressure that these men face. Their own fathers approach them nicely at first but then they turn and they give them the ‘if you don’t do this I don’t know you anymore’
****
That’s huge and the hell with the prettiest bombshell, when it comes to that because blood is more valuable and this is what most believe.
I pity the guy a little but because maybe he actually loves her but he had to make a sacrifice and some of you here won’t understand some things like – Honor and respect you’ll translate it and scrutinize it as being weakness or whatever.
Allah (swt) states don’t even say UFFF to your parents and you know what … which parent doesn’t want what’s best for the child?!
Please ppl , try to be open minded and see that the dilemma extends to everyone.
Many of the board members can`t imagine how important family is. The familylink goes far, very far. And it is to far away from Western culture to understand without expierencing it. It`s not only in relationships, it is in every aspect of life, situations we cannot imagine. Familyblood is so important that many people even refuse blood from a bloodbank after surgery. It has to be familyblood...
Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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Except get a gorgeous new red dress and have absolute fun on a girls night out. They were just plain old home taken photos and I know my photos would probably look just as good, but you still feel like something was wrong with you. He dated a Zambian girl for 4 years and his parents were okay with him wanting to marry her. But things went bad, they fought a lot and that was that. So I guess it was just me that wasnt what he wanted :'(
His mom has cancer, and she wants to see him married. He knows the girl has knows her most of his life and had a childhood crush on her. And that makes it even worse
Posts: 458 | From: Egypt | Registered: May 2005
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His mother has cancer, shall probably die, so someone who is going to take care of your ex-bf is needed. I assume the families arranged this.
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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Honey, spend some money on yourself, go and get your hair done, and make up done, put on some gorgeous clothes and go get a photo shoot done of yourself.... you will see the pictures and feel absolutely wonderful again.
posted
gigli, It is horrible to feel like this and take comfort that we all do at times. Anyway, if you never felt bad, you would never know what feeling good meant right?
Try to think what lesson you can learn from this and do what others have suggested, lose contact until you have moved on, the feelings usually go away and often you look back and see the person as 'nobody special'
make your only reason to visit him to hide prawns in his curtain poles!
buy the dress, go out and have fun, keep yourself busy and keep looking forward and making plans, you have one life, dont give up your days for anyone.
try to think about all the good things you have, I dont know anything about you but i'm sure there are a lot of good things in your life, every day will get easier if you stay away from him.
Once I signed an ex boyfriend up for those annoying book clubs that just wont leave you alone...oh and a loft conversion, cos i figured they would be persistant too...lol, and i think a very nice, pay by instalments porcelain doll...i never did find out if he liked it?
alhamdulillah I dont do these things now, but it did help Posts: 644 | Registered: Jul 2007
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My friend had a boyfriend who left her for someone who she introduced him to. She took everything he had ever given her, broke it and sat it in his drive way. She had to see this woman at work. But now she gets the sweetest pleasure because she married a man who is better in every way than the other. Better educated, better looking, better... and she is happy.
Your turn will come.
Mine too. Posts: 3891 | From: No good deed goes unpunished. | Registered: May 2007
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Fate has a weird,sad but wonderful way of making us go down certain paths we would never walk.
Trust in fate soon you'll look back and see it was wrong to be with him. Then someone way better and more suited will be there for you. You could become more happier, more inlove than you ever thought possible JUST TRUST your a good person why would you not get that ??? you will but at the right time x with the right one !! Posts: 634 | From: the Moon........... | Registered: Mar 2007
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posted
very very true murray mint, looking back can make it very clear. Still not make you feel happier but at least it will give you the knowledge that it just wasnt right
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