posted
actually i'd like to ask every husband and every wife here married or divorced..
-how u do deal with ur other half jealousy??
-is he or she have the normal jealousy or its upnormal from this kind which could turn the life to be like hell???
-can u be able to melt this jealousy from ur wife or ur husband easy(especially in case of u r both from diffrent cultures)or its kind hard and u feel threaten most of the time because of that??
-do u think that the egyption woman/man is much more jealous than the western one or they r all same??
-do u like ur partner's jealousy???is it make u feel u r so loved???
-especially for foriegner wives,did u get shocked when u notice ur egyption husband's jealous for the first time??do u think its upnormal??is it made and still make u feel bad sometimes???
and actually what jealous refers to,is it refer to so much loving or refer to untrust for the other partner or the person who feel and act jealous is not trusting himself and so he/she feel jealous???
_did ur partner's jealousy turn to be completely doubt in all of ur movments???
-when u do feel jealous??,and honestly is sometimes ur jealous be a doubt??
so much questions i know,so who would like to answer it will be nice and i thank him/her,who dont want so i must thanking him/her too for passing
no problem if someone mentioned sitiuations if its possible,actually i like to hear this things
best wishes for all.., al salam alykom..,
Posts: 712 | Registered: Sep 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Hetsho: actually i'd like to ask every husband and every wife here married or divorced..
-how u do deal with ur other half jealousy??
-is he or she have the normal jealousy or its upnormal from this kind which could turn the life to be like hell???
-can u be able to melt this jealousy from ur wife or ur husband easy(especially in case of u r both from diffrent cultures)or its kind hard and u feel threaten most of the time because of that??
-do u think that the egyption woman/man is much more jealous than the western one or they r all same??
-do u like ur partner's jealousy???is it make u feel u r so loved???
-especially for foriegner wives,did u get shocked when u notice ur egyption husband's jealous for the first time??do u think its upnormal??is it made and still make u feel bad sometimes???
and actually what jealous refers to,is it refer to so much loving or refer to untrust for the other partner or the person who feel and act jealous is not trusting himself and so he/she feel jealous???
_did ur partner's jealousy turn to be completely doubt in all of ur movments???
-when u do feel jealous??,and honestly is sometimes ur jealous be a doubt??
so much questions i know,so who would like to answer it will be nice and i thank him/her,who dont want so i must thanking him/her too for passing
no problem if someone mentioned sitiuations if its possible,actually i like to hear this things
best wishes for all.., al salam alykom..,
How do i deal with his jealousy, well he doesnt show his jealousy much, but when it does happen to show, i smile and kiss him and assure him he is the only man i would think of. His jealousy is the normal jealousy and well controled by him. I have never felt threatened by his jealousy, i feel it shows he cares and loves me. It is easy to deal with.. explaination above.
Jealousy between the egyptian men and western men, its the same jealousy, just dealt with differently i think but that again depends on the man, so possibly its all the same. Most western men will scream at you and beat you if they are jealous, they will screen your calls and keep you away from family and friends, question your every move and want to know details of every min you are not with them and if you forget to say you talked to someone or did something then later mention it, well you lied to them.. Jealousy in egyptian men that i have seen is more quiet.. comes in the form of why you talk to that man, or i dont like this way... things like that and followed by the silent treatment. Do i like his jealousy? to an extent yes, his way of jealousy shows he loves me and is protective of me. The only thing that shocked me is how well it was controled, i wasnt even aware of it most times, we just happened to be talking one day and he told me what drives him crazy... His jealousy tends to be more protectiveness of me, and making sure no one talks to me in ways they shouldnt or looks at me in an improper way. No i dont feel he doubts my moves at all, he trust me completely When do i feel jealous, when i see women look at him too long, if they smile at him in certain ways as we walk by..other things as well but my jealousy isnt doubts of him, its more not trusting the women.
Posts: 2410 | From: Indiana, USA | Registered: Mar 2005
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I think, if its right, jealousy is a signal of being unsure about your partner, being afraid to lose her/him to somebody else. So, also if its right, its only in the beginning of a relationship. By getting know each other the trust must grow, and jeaulousy gets lesser. I think there are several ways in jealousy. It must not going to look like a kind of ownership...
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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I am going to answer about my ex. He was really jealous.
Once I found out this was his weakness, I used it to fulfill my needs. I would make him jealous whenever I wanted special attention, and this was proof to me that he cares. He was 24 and I was 21. I, on the other hand was jealous too but would not show him under any circumstances.
At that time, these are things he would be jealous about: - he believed that "every" man likes me, and wants me. - he believed that he can't trust any man when it comes to me. - he said once that the only man he would and could leave in the same room with me, would be a handicapped man in the wheelchair because only handicapped man in the wheel chair WOULD NOT be able to do anything. - he would come home often to see "if any neighbours stopped by" behind his back. - he often could not understand how come I don't see that "every man" wants me. - when we were with other people, his male friends were not allowed to talk to me too much, to look at me, to disscuss anything with me too much, and if he wasn't there, they would be "afraid" of him to talk to me. - he would believe me anything I say, and do whatever I asked him. - he often asked for excat and precise details, for instance if I would say I was home around 6 pm, he would ask what time exactly? 6 pm and how many minutes? - If I wore shorter skirt, when I sit, he would try to pull it down to cover my knees, saying he doesn't want other men to look at my pretty legs. - If I wore shirt with 2-3 buttons opened, he would close at least 1 button up ( not all )and tell me "it's unsafe for a woman like yourself to unbotton your shirt that much". - If we were with friends, he would want to sit next to me, or he would move all people to sit next to me, no other man could sit near. - he would be jealous if I talk to someone without looking at him at least a few times, and involving him in conversation. He would virtually turn my face towards him and tell me "look at me, I am here too". - he would be jealous if I go to see my friends, without telling him all details, where, when, why... - once I told him I went to see lets say "Jenny", and he said " was it Jenny you went to see or was it John? " - He would revenge to any man who hurt me in the past, no matter how many years passed by, he would not say anything about it to me, but he would find him and confront him, and question him, and much more... - he would brake his friendships out of jealousy, any guy who would say something very nice would be out, and one who would say something very bad would pay that severelly. The best thing he liked is when I am not the topic of any disscusions. - if I went out without telling him where I went, he would search places to find me. - if I am not home, he would call every 15 minutes to see when will I come back and if I met anyone, why I wasn't home etc...
So what's jealousy? I don't know. It's the need. Insecurity. At that time and in that place I needed his affection, and he needed someone so aloof like me for whom he will worry and think all the time, someone hard to keep. Now, after so many years, we have both went our own ways, we also changed.
Posts: 1039 | Registered: Jun 2007
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-how u do deal with ur other half jealousy?? He is not really so jealous, I would not care for this behavior and he is not silly and does not exaggerate in this.
-is he or she have the normal jealousy or its upnormal from this kind which could turn the life to be like hell??? nothing hellish
-can u be able to melt this jealousy from ur wife or ur husband easy(especially in case of u r both from diffrent cultures)or its kind hard and u feel threaten most of the time because of that?? I have never felt threatened and if a misunderstanding occurred I can rely on my husband to listen to and respect what I have to say with logic and understanding.
-do u think that the egyption woman/man is much more jealous than the western one or they r all same?? In general, a bit more jealous generally, yes. However, I find (IMO) the American women to be much more jealous overall. I guess that is a different topic.
-do u like ur partner's jealousy???is it make u feel u r so loved??? He does not have outright jealously that is sick or exaggerated, I would not feel more loved with an over emphasis on jealously, it would make me feel like a possession and not a human being.
-especially for foriegner wives,did u get shocked when u notice ur egyption husband's jealous for the first time??do u think its upnormal??is it made and still make u feel bad sometimes??? Perhaps my husband curbs his feelings of jealously toward me because I am foreign and he knows I don't care for this, but I do have the feeling often of his jealously of the eyes of other men but it really isn't an issue with us.
and actually what jealous refers to,is it refer to so much loving or refer to untrust for the other partner or the person who feel and act jealous is not trusting himself and so he/she feel jealous??? I think there are limits to everything. You can over-do anything and definitely with jealously. Jealously is a normal human feeling, it's the exaggeration of it that worries me.
_did ur partner's jealousy turn to be completely doubt in all of ur movments??? Not at all, we trust each other very much.
-when u do feel jealous??,and honestly is sometimes ur jealous be a doubt??
I must admit I feel jealously when I see women/girls look at my husband in the street for a few seconds too long. I don't say anything about it to him, it isn't his fault...in truth, I do feel that sometimes. Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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quote:Originally posted by mysticheart: Most western men will scream at you and beat you if they are jealous, they will screen your calls and keep you away from family and friends, question your every move and want to know details of every min you are not with them and if you forget to say you talked to someone or did something then later mention it, well you lied to them..
Are you serious?!?!?!?!
quote:Originally posted by mysticheart: Jealousy in egyptian men that i have seen is more quiet.. comes in the form of why you talk to that man, or i dont like this way... things like that and followed by the silent treatment.
Are you really serious?!?!?!?!
I hope your wake up call is not too traumatic Posts: 815 | From: London and the other | Registered: Jul 2005
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Most western men will scream at you and beat you if they are jealous, they will screen your calls and keep you away from family and friends, question your every move and want to know details of every min you are not with them and if you forget to say you talked to someone or did something then later mention it, well you lied to them..
i have never experienced this EVER with USA men.where did you hear that from?
Posts: 9443 | From: USA...... | Registered: Jun 2006
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I have never either, and I dated a few jealous Western men in my day. American men are generally not like that unless they are on the uneducated/lower class side (sorry I don't mean to talk class but that's what I've noticed).
Mystic, perhaps you attract a bad crowd of men or something.
American men are much easier to deal with in terms of jealously than Egyptian men (or Arab men in general). If you think an Egyptian man is going to be LESS jealous than American then I agree, you will have a wake up call one day...
At the same time I also think Egyptian women are probably better able to deal with the jealously of Egyptian men because they are used to it or know what to expect. The same should go for American men with American women, we understand our men well (or should). OF COURSE there is always the occasional nut or controlling guy in every culture, these are not the types I mean.
Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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What jealousy has to do with education? Please elaborate, how did you draw this conclusion?
Are you saying that very educated men & women can't be jealous?
How educated? Phd's? Masters, bachelors, high school...? Multilingual, trilingual... what do you consider "educated", life-educated, well-travelled educated, Harward educated, College -educated... ?
I just don't see any connection between education, class and jealousy.
Posts: 1039 | Registered: Jun 2007
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I think if a man is jealous to point of being abusive he is abusive without being jealous. Jealously is just the spark. But to say that most American men who are jealous yell at and beat their wives is strange to me, I've never heard of that... The education factor does play a role when dealing with domestic abuse in America, the lower the education, the lower the income and the lower the income the higher the stress, the higher the stress the more incidences of domestic abuse. Not that having a degree gives you a free ticket from being plummeled by your husband.
The general idea that the Egyptian man is going to be TYPICALLY less jealous than the American man is strange. If anything, Egyptian men act out on their jealousy much more than American men because socially in America jealously is seen as a weakness and not as accepted as it is here in Egypt.
Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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Hold on. We are talking about jealousy. Abuse is something different. It looks to me that you don't understand THE CULTURE of relationships in different societies. There is a good jealousy and bad jealousy.
When Egyptian men act "jealous" he is not "jealous" with the same meaning as "American men". There is a difference in love attachments and the way love feels in Egypt and in America - CULTURALLY.
In another words, the love is not the same because the culture of the love is not the same.
Listen to Egyptian songs and music, you will notice the huge difference in how men and women express their love. In other words, to be loved by American and to be loved by Egyptian is not the same, and to experience jealousy by American and to experience jealousy by Egyptian is not the same feeling.
If we are talking about bad jealousy that's totally something different. Remember O.J Simpson case. Would someone like him be a representative of American jealous man who slashed throat of his "ex"? ( I know he pleaded not guilty, I am not saying he did it either, but we all remember those bloody pictures after someone slashed her throat ).
Now let me tell you this, unless the government keeps it as top secret, I throughout my life have never heard of someone doing this where I lived 1/2 of my life. Abuse towards women in Islamic societies is highly dissaproved.
In regards of income, weren't they rich? It's such a huge misconception that only poor and uneducated people are abused. This happens everyhwere regardless of socio-economic status, class or education.
Posts: 1039 | Registered: Jun 2007
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I never equated jealously with abuse, someone else did. What I did was to point out that abuse is more common among the less advantaged in America. I say America because that is where the person who equated jealously with abuse by American men is from.
I understand very well the culture of relationships from one culture the other as I have been involved with both.
I was not talking about the income level or education level of those in "Islamic" countries. Also it was never said this only happens in these levels, just that it is MOST OFTEN happening in these circumstances, but never was it meant anywhere but America. You should read all of the threads above the one I typed for further explanation.
Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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I think nobody likes extreme jealousy but to experience your partner being a little jealous doesn't hurt. I also think that human nature is to feel jealous, remember children can feel jealous too when you watch TV for instance or write email to someone, or talk to someone on the phone, and they want you to talk to them instead. That's jealousy too.
Posts: 1039 | Registered: Jun 2007
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quote:Originally posted by mysticheart: Most western men will scream at you and beat you if they are jealous,
Huh??? How about *some* western men....this is *truly* aberrant behavior you describe.
Posts: 8794 | From: 01-20-09 The End of an Error | Registered: Dec 2004
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Could it be that jealousy and control are being mixed up here? A little jealousy can be healthy at times. But when someone reaches the stage that you can't talk to family and friends. Are abused because the male wants you to do everything his way.....that is trying to control. Very different from being jealous.
Posts: 643 | From: Over there | Registered: Aug 2007
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While statics show abuse being related to income it could be because the lower income woman have fewer options. It is not isolated to lower income or education levels. http://www.aardvarc.org/dv/statistics.shtml
Is FGM considered abuse of women?
-------------------- "Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts." (Sign hanging in Einstein's office at Princeton) Leap and the Net will Appear. Posts: 3891 | From: No good deed goes unpunished. | Registered: May 2007
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You`re truly one f...ed up woman,Mystic. Never in my life i`ve i seen anything similar to you,believe me.And don`t try to edit or fix up what you`ve just said.The more you talk the deeper in sink into your own aberrant(like Om said)behavuor. I`ve been married to a European man(this classifies as Western,of course)for 11 years and even that our marriage did not work out as expected he never acted as the "western"men you describe.And i`ve dated quite a number of other Western men alike and none of them acted their so called jealousy you mention Posts: 1339 | From: Om Leito | Registered: Aug 2006
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There are many wonderful men here in America. We have our share of problems but there are many good things about our country. It is a mistake to think that everyone in our country is represented by the bad that is portrayed.
Woman can find romance here. We don't have to go to Egypt for that. From my perspective I don't see this rush on Egyptian men that sometimes seems to be portrayed on ES. If anything we are probably given a negative image of Arab men from our media. Logic would tell me that there is more of a rush with foreigners to marry American men. "America, Land of opportunity, home of the free..." My mom a foreigner married my dad an American man and so did my aunt who married his brother.
Why can't it just be as simple as a good woman meets a good man and they love each other? Why does it have to be for a deceitful reason?
Sometimes people don't trust because of past experiences. Sometimes the people who don't trust is because they can't be trusted.
In every choice we make there is some measure of risk.
Posts: 3891 | From: No good deed goes unpunished. | Registered: May 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Sashyra88: You`re truly one f...ed up woman,Mystic. Never in my life i`ve i seen anything similar to you,believe me.And don`t try to edit or fix up what you`ve just said.The more you talk the deeper in sink into your own aberrant(like Om said)behavuor. I`ve been married to a European man(this classifies as Western,of course)for 11 years and even that our marriage did not work out as expected he never acted as the "western"men you describe.And i`ve dated quite a number of other Western men alike and none of them acted their so called jealousy you mention
Too late to edit,but will correct here: I was married for 11 years to a European man.Not married anymore. Posts: 1339 | From: Om Leito | Registered: Aug 2006
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quote:Originally posted by lovingmylife: Listen to Egyptian songs and music, you will notice the huge difference in how men and women express their love. In other words, to be loved by American and to be loved by Egyptian is not the same, and to experience jealousy by American and to experience jealousy by Egyptian is not the same feeling.
As much as I love Egyptian/Arabic music, it's a bit Mills and Boonsy ....
The kind of love and adoration, pain and heartache that they describe in this type of music is highly unrealistic and not conducive to life long real love. Most of my Egyptian female friends (and colleagues) complain that their husbands showered them with this type of love during the courting period, never to be expressed again after marriage. For this reason "western" love wins hands down for me. It takes time to grow, is not expressed dramatically and lasts for longer.
In addition, some western men do show jealousy abusively as do some Egyptian men, however in comparison between my friends from East and West, Egyptian men moreso. As was stated by Smuckers I think that jealous behaviour is much less acceptable in America/UK (maybe the west in general) than it is in Egypt and domestic violence is addressed more as a unacceptable behaviour than it is in Egypt.
Posts: 815 | From: London and the other | Registered: Jul 2005
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At the end of the day jealousy depends on the man, regardless of where he comes from.Women too are guilty of it.
Posts: 4476 | From: Scotland | Registered: Mar 2006
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Who said all of what i said was directly done to me?? And why would i edit my post, i said what i observe, sorry if you dont like it. Experience in my life and seeing those around me is the reason i said that. It doesnt mean ALL western men, but in MY observation so far, western men do not control their jealousy as well as the egyptian men i know. Now what part of above applies to me? The childrens father was one to scream at me for being a few min late upon arriving home, refuse to let me attend church for thinking i was going to meet men, if i dared go to see a friend or even my family i was interrogated basically for hours and heaven forbid i forget to tell him i spoke of something with someone, now however, he did not beat me for these things, the only time he ever hit me is when i called the woman he cheated on me with a whore. Now , my father, he hit my mother alot during his drunken jealous rages.. but off of my happenings, my best friend from highschool married a man that was jealous, he also did the same with her, he screamed at her, screened her calls, went through her emails, would fight endlessly with her if she went out with friends or went to her family home. Now, talking with people i have worked with in the last 17 years, i can count about 20 other women that have told me their husbands/ boyfriends were the same way, some including that they were beaten for it.. those are the ones that reacted extremely, now however, the majority of others that i worked with said their husbands/boyfriends were jealous, though didnt hit them or screen calls or keep them from friends or family but would fight with them if a man looked at them too long or said hi to them. Now, the egyptian men i know are jealous but, they dealt with it differently. They didnt scream about it, never got physical with the women, never tried to keep them from being around others, they simply got quiet and maybe in some little comment later on mentioned they didnt like something, or even just sent a guy a dirty look for looking too long, but nothing like what i have seen and heard of from AMERICAN men, i dont know other western men. Abuse and jealousy are 2 different things but often jealousy leads to abuse when not controled. So dont call me F**ked up just because i gave my observation on this. We all have our opinions on this and there is no reason for anyone to say anything personal to me about or call me things for it. And Mk if you wish this to happen to anyone, including the worst of people then there is something wrong.
posted
And also I have never said one thing to you sashyra, so why are you bothering to start saying things about me..you respond as if i attacked your man and even Mk, regardless of what was said months ago, i have never wished anything bad upon you, I guess colors are showing hmm
quote:Originally posted by young at heart: Women too are guilty of it.
How
by the way i forgot to ask some other questions..,did ur husband badgered so much to make u wear hijab and u know he did or doing that because of his jealousy?
and did he blame u on the way which the other men looking at u by it???
do u see jealousy is important or not,if ur man or ur woman dont act jealous at all,will that make u feel bad??
Posts: 712 | Registered: Sep 2006
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quote:Originally posted by mysticheart: And also I have never said one thing to you sashyra, so why are you bothering to start saying things about me..you respond as if i attacked your man and even Mk, regardless of what was said months ago, i have never wished anything bad upon you, I guess colors are showing hmm
You seem to forget this is a public board,MH.And everybody is free to comment on whatever topic they like to.If you don`t want comments,then don`t make your life public for the whole world to read.One does not even have to register in here to read,so go figure.And you cannot attack my man because i`ve never posted about him for all the world to read. So please stop making more of a fool than you usually do and stop whining.Don`t post your life public if you don`t want comments. Posts: 1339 | From: Om Leito | Registered: Aug 2006
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as i said, i have never said anything to you so why make personal comments. I havent forgotten its a public forum at all, it just seems people would concentrate on the subject and stop name calling. He asked for experience in it, i gave my opinion, and everyone else is free to do so as well, there is no need for anyone to start name calling over someones opinion on this. All anyone has to do is turn on the tv and see the news to know how many women here in the states are beaten or killed over their husband/ boyfriends jealousy, perhaps they smiled at a man, perhaps they said hi to one of his new friends, there are all kinds of different reasons so i dont even have to use what i have seen in my life to make this opinion. At least my posts dont include name calling , i responded directly to each question. Your post however, didnt did it? It was a direct name calling post to try to degrade someone. Sorry to disappoint you but, I am secure in my opinion and your opinion about me doesnt make a difference whatsoever. I am a good person and loved by many
posted
Hetsho my husband does not badger me in any form He has not asked me to cover and says it is to be from the heart (mine). Jealousy is seen but it is mostly a cultural difference and if we talk about it each of us understands the other one's position and feelings much better. I do apologize frequently and then am told not to do that.
Posts: 156 | From: USA | Registered: May 2007
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"Most western men will scream at you and beat you if they are jealous, they will screen your calls and keep you away from family and friends, question your every move and want to know details of every min you are not with them and if you forget to say you talked to someone or did something then later mention it, well you lied to them.."
I'm sorry mystic that this is your experience or what you have witnessed in your life, but I don't believe this is the norm. With all the men I have dated in my life, I have NEVER EVER even came close to even one experience like this, nor have I seen this with anyone I have known in my life. Except one girl I worked with a while back whose boyfriend did beat her whenever he was jealous. but they were both extreme druggies (lots of coke and x), so that explains that.
My relationship I am in now has virtually no jealousy. Maybe just a small healthy drop here and there, but that always serves as a healthy reminder of how great my boyfriend is. We dont even have a problem with talking about how attractive a person from the opposite sex is with each other, because we are both very secure with ourselves and our relationship. So we know there is no need to act irrational. we have never even had an argument where we raise our voice. I am very lucky.
Posts: 83 | Registered: Feb 2007
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Well of course my opinion isnt based on the whole population as i dont know them, only from what i see on the news, friends, co workers , family and myself. I am so very very happy that you have not experienced it or seen it, i wish it on no one.
And like you, my marriage is happy, and only a small bit of good jealousy here and there, more on my part than his, he just doesnt show jealousy.
hetsho, my husband never asked me to wear hijab at all, no the answer to that is no. I do not feel jealousy is an important thing in a relation, if it is not there great, if it is there in small amounts its ok, if it is not controled , disaster. He has also never said anything to me or blamed me at all for any man looking at me.
Posts: 2410 | From: Indiana, USA | Registered: Mar 2005
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MH, I think the issue was the fact of your wording, you said 'MOST western men will scream at you and beat you if they are jealous'...
This implies that MOST Western men are like this but if you are speaking from your own personal experience you might have said 'MOST of the American (or Western) men that I have known of screamed at me or beat me if they were jealous'. This changes things to a more personal direction and shows us they are more the norm in your experience of Western men.
For the record, let me say I am shocked that most of the Western men you've ever known did this...that would have to mean your father, your brothers, uncles, boyfriends, husband(s), friends husbands/boyfriends, etc. If you are only speaking of your childrens father then that isn't really MOST Western men...just one you were married to. Therefore I have to assume the men in your family, any husbands or boyfriends of any woman you know and the men you've dated are like this...I find that so difficult to believe. If it is true, you should write a book.
Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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and did he blame u on the way which the other men looking at u by it???
He blamed other men, not me really. He did not trust other men. Imagine you have something/someone that in your opinion everyone wants, but you got lucky so you have it now. You don't want to lose this under any circumstance because you like it so much, thus you do all things to prevent others from stealing it from you. He was very protective and jealous in the sense, he wanted my attention and probably felt insecure that he may lose me, because evreyone "in his mind" wants me, so he was INSECURE.
I liked him for being protective, to me that was proof he cares. I did not like that he focused on "other men" that much, I felt he may hurt someone one day. If a man would tell him anything about me, he would blame a man. It was always men's fault. If I would tell him, this guy told me so and so, I did not like it, he would find the guy and talk to him to give him a warning not to talk to me ever again like that. He saw this as an insult to him. If I guy is looking in my direction, I would not notice, but he would notice.
After we went seperate ways I always felt guilty and I believed for a long time that because I wasn't so expressive I caused him to feel this way. However, he told me in more than 1 occasion I have nothing to do with it, and it was him primarilly who felt insecure regardless of what would I say or do.
Now he is not like that, we matured and grew up, we changed.
do u see jealousy is important or not,if ur man or ur woman dont act jealous at all,will that make u feel bad??
Slightly jealous, very slightly is ok, but according to age, you know, if a man is very young naturally he will be more jealous because he is inexperienced, if he is in the middle age, he needs to act more secure because we assume he already went through this with someone else. However, if a man is NOT jealous at all, I personally think that's fine too, although sometimes I would wonder if he cares that much because I was raised in the society where slightly jealous is not necessarily bad, just a little, a comment here or there is helpful, nothing to much, even as a joke or so.
He also did not dictate to me how will I dress or so, it was primarilly my idea. I also made lots of mistakes, wearing too short skirts ( I was vey young ), trusting everyone, and I attracted not just good man but bad man too. He was with me at that time, so he protected me a lot. He assumed that was HIS responsibility. I also experienced more he was falling for me, higher and more dangerous his jealousy was. So there were times when I would be sad and unhappy and once I cried, I asked him 'why are you so jealous?;, he said 'i don't know, i love you'. He did not want it to be that way but it was. So..
Posts: 1039 | Registered: Jun 2007
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posted
As long as we differentiate between pathological jealousy, that triggers violence and abuse, that ruins a relationship with mistrust, threats, rage, anger, insecurities, fears, etc.. and care, concern and protection, we are safe.
The signs of pathological jealousy show when one partner tries to isolate the other from relatives, friends and family with poor justification. Continuous mistrust without valid reasons. Aggressiveness towards the other when attention is divided. Verbal abuse, threats, violence.
Insecurities, low self esteem, previous dramatic, or traumatic experiences like infidelity, betrayals, past abuse in the family, as well as cultural differences where 'honor' is crucial, are some of the causes researchers have found, that trigger obssessive jealous behavior, when it comes to protect a relationship.
If partners respect each other's feelings knowing what annoys the other when in public, cultural differences considered, there should be no need for jealousy tantrums, in my opinion.
Posts: 919 | Registered: Aug 2007
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posted
previously posted by lovingmylife He blamed other men, not me really. He did not trust other men.
Honestly, I think there is good reason for a man not to trust other men with their wife. He should trust his wife though.
Posts: 3891 | From: No good deed goes unpunished. | Registered: May 2007
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Yeah I agree, actually on of his "best friends" actually hit on me one time ( I was pregnant ), and I kicked out his friend from our house ( they both left together from our home to work, a friend returned back to our house alone ) , but I did not tell him because I was afraid he may hurt him badly, so I TOLD HIM 10 YEARS AFTER, ( we already seperated ). He understood why I did not tell but it made no difference, because he was blaming himself as if this was his fault for not being able to protect me 24/7 and I had a huge feeling even after 10 years he would find him and revenge.
I did not tell him earlier, and I should of, but I did not want to cause trouble and make him hurt anyone and go to jail, although I know that his friend deserved it. He would do something to him, I knew and it would not be just small thing. Anyway they broke ther friendship years earlier anyway.
During our union another close friend ( they worked together ) was after me as well, and they broke friendship because of this. My ex apparently carried my photo in his wallet and at one point his friend saw it, and told him laughing something along the line "you carry her photo but I am going out with her" and he got furious, I heard from his boss that they both were suspended for this incident.
I wasn't really going out with his friend, he came to have a drink in the same place where I usually went. So it was coincidence. I have never knew for instance that his friend was into me that much. He never told me anything. So he really did not trust other men, not even his close male friends, bosses, cousins or so. None.
On the other hand, my g.friends were all over him, and I had to deal with this issue. At the end we stayed with no friends on both sides, just me and him, and honestly I can tell you this was the time when we were the most happiest. I think the good thing was that he believed and trusted me, and I believed him and trusted him too, but it wasn't easy.
Posts: 1039 | Registered: Jun 2007
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MysticHeart Most western men will scream at you and beat you if they are jealous, they will screen your calls and keep you away from family and friends, question your every move and want to know details of every min you are not with them and if you forget to say you talked to someone or did something then later mention it, well you lied to them..
What sad, sad experiences. I'm glad to say that they bear absolutely no similarity to my own or the women I know.
Posts: 2953 | From: Slightly south of Azkaban. | Registered: Aug 2006
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quote:Originally posted by lovingmylife: On the other hand, my g.friends were all over him, and I had to deal with this issue. At the end we stayed with no friends on both sides, just me and him, and honestly I can tell you this was the time when we were the most happiest.
I've never understood this. How on earth can either of you be friends with people who disrespect you to such a degree and instigate situations that would cause hurt to you, their so-called friends?
You need to re-evaluate who you call friends.
Posts: 2182 | Registered: Oct 2002
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"Now what part of above applies to me? The childrens father was one to scream at me for being a few min late upon arriving home, refuse to let me attend church for thinking i was going to meet men, if i dared go to see a friend or even my family i was interrogated basically for hours and heaven forbid i forget to tell him i spoke of something with someone, now however, he did not beat me for these things, the only time he ever hit me is when i called the woman he cheated on me with a whore. Now , my father, he hit my mother alot during his drunken jealous rages.."
MYSTIC HEART-This is what gets u into trouble. One of these days I seriously hope you can learn self restraint. Your need to share your personal information to the extent you do is a serious problem that you need to reflect on.It's insecurities with you, your need to always tell every intimate and tragic detail of your life,coupled with always telling us how everyone finds you to be a good person, shows us how insecure you are and how little self esteem you have. You dont have to tell us everything about yourself mystic, we are a bunch of strangers on the internet, we will unfortunately judge you and we will not care about your life experiences to the extent that you need them cared about. It's ok to share things, its ok to make aquintances on here, even come away with a couple of good friends. However, the amount of info you shared should only be divulged to people who really are in your life, who really do care about you and can give you the help you need cause it's obvious from your postings you have had a pretty lousy hand dealt to you in life, and for that I am sorry.
Now, as for the jealousy part, I can seriously relate to what your saying (GOOD GOD, I CANT BELIEVE I AM SAYING THIS). Not the extreme daily beating or the isolation but having a jealous ex husband. He was absolutely ridiculous toward the end of our marriage. However, I realized it was because he knew we had grown apart, and it was his insecurity that caused him to act like a raving lunatic. He also refused to treat his bipolar disorder Very sad ending to what had been a beautiful love story Because of this, I really get uncomfortable with jealousy from a man...
Do yourself a favor mystic, and really consider what I said, cause Im only being nice to you just this once( Sleep deprevation makes a person do crazy things) Posts: 1121 | From: Too crazy to look at a freakin map to find out.. | Registered: Sep 2006
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posted
Its perfectly fine, what i put in this thread is nothing new, i had already posted it long ago on here so its not anything everyone didnt already know. I admit that the wording needs to be different, Most western men that i know of that are jealous will do as i said, the example of it meaning they just dont hide the jealousy or control it as well. This came from seeing 3 men i was involved with this way but the majority from friends bf or husbands and co workers and then from the news here. Not all of my life has been a disaster,admittedly i have been through alot but, it made me more caring to others. I am sorry for your experience Rumicrazieluv
posted
I dont like to make assumptions about western or egyptian men, as I believe that there are no set rules, however, If you push me to generalise, i have observed that jealousy in egyptians and westerners is slightly different.
a jealous western man might get jealous over you being out and not calling him, but he would not get jealous over what you wear. Having said that, there are western men that wouldn't want you to wear a short skirt (because he doesnt want men looking at you), although he may pass this off as 'because it doent suit you', because he wont want to admit his jealousy. There are also western men that encourage women to wear more revealing clothes because they want this hot chick to show off on their arm? although they may be jealous of a man friend or insecure in other ways.
I think that egyptian man jealousy is more cultural than personal and as such, when you marry someone from that culture you can know what to expect, they are probably not going to want you to dress in revealing clothes, they wont accept flirting behaviour and they WILL blame you if men look at you, because as they see it, it is your responsibility to protect what is private.
I also agree with what someone else said. it probably gets better with the length of relationship, most of us are more insecure at the beginning.
Jealousy is too complex to make generalisations about, as has been highlighted, it can be a factor in an abusive relationship, it can be a normal emotion, it can be a defensive reaction (if the jealous person is guilty themselves), it can be cultural, it can be provoked by misunderstanding each others culture and expectations.
It is too vast to make any general comments, my view is, if the people IN the relationship think its ok, thats all that matters, because we all have different ideas about what makes a good relationship.
Posts: 644 | Registered: Jul 2007
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quote:Originally posted by lovingmylife: On the other hand, my g.friends were all over him, and I had to deal with this issue. At the end we stayed with no friends on both sides, just me and him, and honestly I can tell you this was the time when we were the most happiest.
I've never understood this. How on earth can either of you be friends with people who disrespect you to such a degree and instigate situations that would cause hurt to you, their so-called friends?
You need to re-evaluate who you call friends.
Well, it takes time to find out. I dismissed many stories and hoped they were not true until I noticed myself.
One day, she ( the one who tried ) came into the house of our mutual friend. There were bunch of friends all sitting together and talking, and unlike any other day, she wore very sexy party mini dress in bright red color, and she had red lipstic on. When she came in, we all greeted her and asked ohhhh what's the special occasion? She then, out of blue looked at him and without talking and looking to anyone, called him out saying something "I need to tell you something in private, pls come outside". He looked at me seeking approval, I regret for telling him to go, ( I told him go ahead, see what she wants ) and they were outiside of the house for about 5 minutes.
I wanted soooooo badly to come outside and see what the hell is going on, but I did not. I could not understand why she needed him in private. What's so private about that only he may know and nobody else? Why in red short dress, why make up and red lipstic? What's going on?
So I figured, the only logical conclusion would be that she dressed up to seduce him, I don't know what else could be the reason. Lady had a plan. She also read love novels a lot, I bet she copied a scene to make it original. LOL.
She is coming back into the room, and I am looking straight into her eyes to read any signal and figure out any facial expression, I DON'T look at him at all. I notice, she licked her lips, and smiled slightly as if she is trying to show that something good happened.
When I asked him after, what had happened, he refused to talk about it and said, don't worry this was stupid I should not of gone, but you told me, why did you send me to talk to her, I did it only because you told me so, but I am not sure if you should be friends with her, she is jealous of you and would not like to see you happy. But he would not tell me any details, and he said also, I don't want to influence you, she is your friend from childhood.
She on the other hand went around and told everyone that "he kissed her", and he told her he would leave me for her, bla bla bla... bla bla..
Then her obsession with him become stronger to the point that if she knew when I am going out with him for dinner she would come to my home and demend to go with us, every time, and she would also sit in front seat in the car next to him, and expect me to sit in the back. 1st time she did it, he told her this is my seat, I told him, let her seat there it's ok, we will solve this issue later. Then we talked about how to resolve it and we came to conclusion that the only way we can tell her is that he tells her IN FRONT OF ME, so she knows he means it, otherwise she may think he is into her for real.
So he did. We were going out, she came out of blue ready for dinner, jumped into his car and I sit in the back. After dinner, on our way home, he stopped the car and gave her a lecture. He told her, "Let me clarify something to you. You are not my childhood friend, I am friends with you only because I am in love with her. Did you hear me say that, let me say again, I am in love with her, I love her, and I am not interested in you. I have never been interested romantically in you. If you care about her and you love her too, let her be happy with me and don't come with us. We want to be ALONE. I am telling you this in front of her so you know and she knows how I feel about you. Is this clear?"
She got red in the face, and told him something "Ok, I did not know that, Sorry!" and she left. I was happy that he finally told her in front of me so she knows, and of course I know now too. Before that she called him at his work, met some people who work in his place just so she can go there and see him by accident, and whenever she would go she would call me twisting the story, saying - he called her, and he invited her to go there, while I did not know anything about it. Once I left him because of this story. I dissapeared for 2 weeks and he went ballistic.
Finally we decided to brake our friendships, he with his "friends" and I with my "friends". Oh that was the most happiest time of all. Since then we never had friendship back with her or any of our friends. Now when we separated, after long time, I went to visit my family and since he lives in the same area, ( we have a child ) we spent some quality time with him too. We saw her and then he told me, AFTER 10 OR MORE YEARS... he says you know what she told me that night when she asked me to leave the room and she had something in private. She told him to leave me for her, she is better, she will do anything for him, she tried to kiss him, and all that BS. And she was dating his best friend ( the one who hit on me from his work place ) at the same time.
Posts: 1039 | Registered: Jun 2007
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He told her, "Let me clarify something to you. You are not my childhood friend, I am friends with you only because I am in love with her. Did you hear me say that, let me say again, I am in love with her, I love her, and I am not interested in you. I have never been interested romantically in you. If you care about her and you love her too, let her be happy with me and don't come with us. We want to be ALONE. I am telling you this in front of her so you know and she knows how I feel about you. Is this clear?" 
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