PARIS - Looking to get away for a weekend fling without getting caught? A new French company provides would-be adulterers with custom-made excuses that help take the danger of discovery out of cheating.
Founded six months ago by former private eye Regine Mourizard, Web-based Ibila can cook up invites to phony weekend seminars, fake emergency phone calls from work, invitations to nonexistent weddings — anything to justify cheating spouses' absence.
Mourizard said her service is aimed at protecting couples and families by allowing adulterers to live their flings undetected.
"If the alibi is well done and the spouse doesn't suspect anything, this can sometimes save marriages," Mourizard told The Associated Press in a telephone interview.
Here's how it works: In an e-mail message or call to Ibila, the prospective client requests an alibi for a specific date and time. Mourizard concocts just the right excuse, taking into account the client's profession and personal circumstances.
She and her co-worker, a computer specialist, draw up fake restaurant and hotel bills, receipts and other documents to help shore up what Mourizard calls her "little white lies."
If the adulterer was supposed to have been away for a seminar, the company can even provide the kinds of freebies — pens, hats and tee-shirts — sometimes given at such events.
Mourizard said she that because of privacy issues, she could only give details about one of her past clients, whom she called "Geraldine."
Married to a "strict man," Geraldine was desperate to get out of the house for an hour-long meeting with an ex-boyfriend who lived abroad and was briefly passing through town.
"This man was practically the love of her life and she had to see him," Mourizard said. Together, they hatched a plan.
Geraldine owned a driving school, so on the appointed day, Mourizard called her home pretending to be a student who needed a last-minute lesson before her driving test the following day.
"The husband totally bought it. He even offered to get the car out of the garage for her," Mourizard said.
The simplest excuses — like Geraldine's — cost euro19 (US$27), while more the more elaborate and time-consuming alibis can run upward of euro150 (US$207).
Mourizard insisted her business is completely above board because she concocts fake bills from invented companies, hotels and restaurants and does not doctor or forge real documents. She also requires clients to sign a document pledging not to use her materials to swindle their employers or the French government.
Upon request, the company can handle the logistics for clients' secret rendezvous, from making hotel reservations to booking train and plane tickets. Ibila also offers to buy illicit gifts, so that suspicious purchases at flower, perfume or chocolate shops don't appear on clients' bank statements.
Most of her clients — about 60 percent — are men, Mourizard said. They range in age from 25-60, but most are in their mid-forties.
Mourizard, a 50-year-old mother of two, said it was her experience as a private detective that led her to open Ibila — Europe's second such service, she said.
"For 20 years, I worked to keep people from doing what they wanted to do. And I then thought, 'what if I help them do it, in a safe way?'"
Following a "very amicable" divorce from her first husband, Mourizard remarried two years ago. Asked what her spouse thinks of her new business, she said: "He thinks I have some pretty bizarre ideas."
Is he suspicious when she gets strange phone calls or receives unexpected invitations in the mail?
"No, he trusts me completely. And I trust him. I mean, if he were cheating, I'd find him out in a second," she said.
posted
Now this is terrible to make money by organizing little getaways for adulterers....
But just couple of days I was watching late at night German TV and an advertising came up couple of times in between breaks and literally saying 'Are you married and unsatisfied with your sex life? Would you like to have an adventure? Come to our website and meet interesting people!"
I couldn't help but wonder why a TV channel is supporting this very wrong thing by airing that clip.
I know people having flings behind spouses' backs but to advertise adultery so openly.... it shows the low moral standards of this very popular private TV channel.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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Mostly midlifecrises men... I`m convinced that this is only because men have more possibilities and less responsebilities concerning home and family. When women should be able to work in the same way men are doing, without having to be at home for the kids, it would be the same. It is just the period where they are going through. It is even scientific proved, cheating happens when the children are little (and the wife has not enough time to pay attention to both in the way they needed) and in the time when children are about to, or just left, house. There is a lot going on in our minds!!!
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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Actually if it saves marriages is it such a bad thing?. If they are going to these lengths to not be found out then that says they don't want to loose or hurt their partners. Men and women can exhibit some very bizarre behaviour when they hit a mid life crisis and if a quick fling with nobody hurt, helps them to realise their marriage is worth saving, and trying to recapture youth is not all its cracked up to be then maybe its not such a bad thing.
Posts: 3809 | From: Paradise | Registered: Mar 2003
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I think mostly all of the people, once marry with the expectation that they will be the one and only for each other for the rest of their lifes. Most people do not accept affairs outside a marriage. Marriage at the same time means a kind of exclusive ownership, and that is against our own nature. It is brought in by cultural, religious and social norms and values. But what is in us, can come out. We can lay restrictions on ourselves and our partners, try to limit possibilities, but at the same time we wish each other to have a good life, without demanding and restricting rules. So, then we can get into difficult times... This kind of services, of course, are commercial, and only made because there is money to get out of it. I think its better not to hide such things, and not to search for alibis. Exploinations, honesty and complete openess will work out better... I realise this is a rather controversial statement, and most women will not agree. But it is in my believe that a mistake can be made by everybody, and if it is just an ocassional mistake, without any intention to hurt the woman, it is forgivable...
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Penny: Actually if it saves marriages is it such a bad thing?. If they are going to these lengths to not be found out then that says they don't want to loose or hurt their partners. Men and women can exhibit some very bizarre behaviour when they hit a mid life crisis and if a quick fling with nobody hurt, helps them to realise their marriage is worth saving, and trying to recapture youth is not all its cracked up to be then maybe its not such a bad thing.
Is this fully your personal view? Would you go to this length? Or would you wanna be the one who gets betrayed?
People who commit adultery act mostly selfish by trying to satisfy their sexual needs behind the back of their partners and at the same time don't want to damage their own reputation and get branded as a cheaters. They simple don't wanna destroy their overall image of a happy couple/family life. But actually these people cheat most of all on themselves. And their spouses are third or last thought.
I guess in our time one has to be proud to have certain values, to be able to resist the temptation and not to cheat on a spouse. Call me old-fashioned but I would not want to have it any other way. And the same I expect of my husband.
I read couple of recently published surveys which all result in the same - more and more people are committing adultery. Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote:Originally posted by ?????: I realise this is a rather controversial statement, and most women will not agree. But it is in my believe that a mistake can be made by everybody, and if it is just an ocassional mistake, without any intention to hurt the woman, it is forgivable...
No not for me.... no chance.
I can't consider having sex with someone else an 'ocassional mistake' - not when you are involved with someone else and promised this very same person truth and honesty.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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I can understand that. But, suppose your husband is 45, you`re married with him for 20 yrs, you have 4 children, he always have been a good husband to you, and you both agree that he will go to work in another country. You meet once in 6 weeks, and in the meanwhile you have contact by phone and MSN. You`re busy with your 4 children and cant pay enough attention to him. After a few months he (and you) started to get lonely. You are busy, and he spends his free time with colleguas from his work. And then it happens... He wants to be honest and explain it to you. He knows he did wrong, but it just happened. He takes all the blame, even knowing you did not pay attention to him.... Should you end your marriage?
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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Is this fully your personal view? Would you go to this length? Or would you wanna be the one who gets betrayed? [/QB][/QUOTE]
Personally Tigerliliy I am a bit dissolutioned by what seems to becoming normal in society today. For me I would find it impossible to contemplate infidelity, but I hate to see families broken up just because a person has reached that point in life where they are asking what's it all about. If a quick fling can fix that and save the heartache of a break up and nobody gets hurt, then so be it.
Posts: 3809 | From: Paradise | Registered: Mar 2003
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quote:Originally posted by ?????: I can understand that. But, suppose your husband is 45, you`re married with him for 20 yrs, you have 4 children, he always have been a good husband to you, and you both agree that he will go to work in another country. You meet once in 6 weeks, and in the meanwhile you have contact by phone and MSN. You`re busy with your 4 children and cant pay enough attention to him. After a few months he (and you) started to get lonely. You are busy, and he spends his free time with colleguas from his work. And then it happens... He wants to be honest and explain it to you. He knows he did wrong, but it just happened. He takes all the blame, even knowing you did not pay attention to him.... Should you end your marriage?
?????, I am many times lonely and so is my husband because his work keeps us away from each other. But loneliness is not a reason to go astray; there is just not any justification for it.
Luckily I am very busy at home and so is my husband. As far as I remember my husband never had one job in the Army where he would work from 8 - 5. He's usually out of the door before 6 and comes home between 7 to 8. I also remember many times where he would be stucked in the office until late at night and the kids wouldn't see him at all on these days. And I recall weekends where he was not around us because of his special work requirements.
Also as you might be aware of we just see each other right now on the weekends. But we really try to focus and make this time as useful as possible for us and our children. And I know it could be worse - most of the guys in my neighborhood just deployed or are getting ready to deploy to Iraq again for full 15 months. And I am looking into the faces of their women; they are far away from being happy. Seriously I am thankful for what I have and how destiny played out for us so far. It could be a hell different....
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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I can understand your way of thinking, its normal. I am reading a book about this issues. It seems that there must be an enormous number of (mostly) men who are having extramarital affairs, and that it can happen to everyone...even having the same values in mind...
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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No doubt I believe there are a lot of men out there who have flings and their wives know or don't know about it. But many times also women are the ones who are cheating.
For myself I could not live with the guilt to have done this - neither I would not want to put hands on my husband again if he would have cheated on me (and he's fully aware of that).
I guess in this sense I think and feel like my mother - she kicked my father out after hearing of another encounter. She was heartbroken and too hurt to forgive him this time. Btw, they weren't married. I guess when you really love somebody you wouldn't have sex with another person. Why would you?
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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I don`t know. Maybe a temporary state of mind? Maybe a complaining woman all ears for the kids and no ears for him? Maybe going out with a couple of friends, alcohol? Maybe somebody is flattering him with her exclusive attention? Maybe confidential talkings with somebody from work? Think it can be anything...
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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If that's the case people shouldn't just get married in the first place.
Split up, divorce and then nail whoever you want IMHO! Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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Its all very much an individual thing - and doint forget people get married for all kinds of reasons, not necessarily the best ones!
When I was at school, a lot of the girls in my class just wanted an engagement ring on their finger, put the names down on the council house list etc - have babies and thats it . some ambition!
As some of you know I divorced my ex for adultery. I was very shocked and surprised and went through hell for about a year or two. He was working away from home Mon to Fri, and 'it' was handed to him on a plate - I could wait until the weekend, he couldnt. But he did say that he'd never loved me more (!) weird I know.
Looking back, I know that I neglected him after I had a baby - although he did say he didnt fancy me as much after I gained some baby weight (incidentally, now he has a very big beer belly!) Our sex life wasnt quite the same ..... usual story, woman has to deal with everything, baby, housework, and still find time to put on sexy lingerie and suspenders at 10pm when all she wants to do is sleep! lol
looking back, I am not at all suprised at what happened - I guess I wasnt in love with him as much as I thought I was at the time.
And we didnt really have that much in common anyway. We certainly rushed into it - only know each other for 1 year. It should have stayed as a 1 - 2 yr relationship then fizzled out. I am 11 years older than him and kept telling him he should settle down with someone his own age and not mine! But would he listen? I told him I was right!!
But he was adamant to get married and start a family - I was only back in the UK to take some exams, and he begged me to stay - and I've always resented that in a way. But not resented having Samuel - no way, not my little treasure!
The other day when my ex was sitting on my sofa waiting for Sam, I looked at him and though what on earth did I see in you?
anyway, I suppose the point of all this is - everyone is different, different reasons for marrying and breaking up - but I do hate loose morals.
When I worked in a HIV centre in Luton, I was surprised at how many 'happily' married men consorted with sex workers - they could differentiate sex with stranger and love & sex with their wives.
This was the same when I worked for the British Military in Germany - some colleagues whom I thought had very good and happy marriages, sometimes visited the brothels downtown when their wives had gone to visit family - I was shocked.
Posts: 1056 | From: UK, Middle East & Europe | Registered: Jun 2006
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Dawn, sorry for what you went through in your relationship but I guess sometimes people just grow apart and then things like adultery etc. can happen.
I trust my husband 100%; after all he's committed just like me to expand our already large family. I can't imagine he would risk that and mess up everything simply because we mean everything to him. Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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Yes you are right. Then again there is no perfect marriage, every couple experiences ups and down in its relationship. The main thing is to go through them together and appreciate each other even more.
In the evening we will go to the Bingo event at school (kids can eat, dance and win prizes... they love it!), also on the program for this weekend is the swimming-pool and a visit to a natural history museum in Frankfurt (again). Yes it will be a good weekend!
All the best to you too, Dawn. Hopefully we both will have good weather! Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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One day down the road I hope to have my own yard too.... Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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I figured you guys missed me around here so I thought I'd join in on this one. :-)
I don't think anyone should be quick to assume the reasons for adultery are "one size fits all".
What about a marriage where both are committed to sticking it through "for better or worse" but something like an accident or illness comes around where their partner is no longer able to give them what they need whether it's emotional or physical? It's especially hard when the one who strays is still relatively young and needs to feel a physical connection with someone or have a sympathetic shoulder to lean on. At the same time they feel a strong need to remain in the marriage because of the vows they took and the one they are married to is still a good person but the relationship has permanently changed because of these types of unexpected events. An affair may give the one partner what they lack in their marriage and help them keep it altogether.
Until you walk in their shoes, no one should pass judgement on them. It's very hard on the one who has to keep everything together while the other one is recovering. Often the dynamics change and now the wife or husband feels more like a mother or father in the relationship. It's very difficult to feel romantic with a spouse who has now taken the role of child in terms of being cared for and protected.
For those of you who are lucky to at least see your still physically and emotionally heathy partners, find time to give them attention despite what you do all day. They are tired from working, too, and have the same stresses you do. Don't take it for granted that they will never stray even if you don't tend to their needs (both emotionally and physically. In the same way you say you're too tired, they may be, too. Don't take it for granted that they'll understand. Mentally, yes, they might understand but emotionally they will become deprived & if they can't get it from you, they'll find someone who they will come across that seems to understand.
We talk about mid-life crisis for men. I think it's the same for women, too. When you reach your mid-40's and later, you begin to realize that maybe life as we know it is getting shorter and we're not going to live forever. I know too many people who have been totally unselfish the first part of their lives, giving their all to their spouses and children to only be taken for granted & not receive the same in return. It's a 2 way street and I don't think it's fair for one partner to always be giving while the other always takes. I can't blame them for wanting to make the second half of their life more fulfillng. It's always a tough decision to divorce but I don't think anyone in this life deserves to spend their entire lives unhappy. If their spouses have changed & not committed to return the same to them, then it should come of no surprise that they have an affair or divorce.
Posts: 370 | From: Other side of reality | Registered: Dec 2006
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