posted
There was a very interesting article Why Chinese mothers are better recently in The Wall Street Journal where a Chinese woman living in the US (she is a Yale university professor, by the way) shared her story of raising two daughters and pointed out on a great difference in mentality of Chinese and Western parents. She believes that the success of Chinese in the US, for example, is based on their strict upbringing which from the first days reinforces their competitiveness.
Here are some items from the list her daughters were never allowed to do:
• attend a sleepover • have a playdate • be in a school play • complain about not being in a school play • watch TV or play computer games • choose their own extracurricular activities • get any grade less than an A • not be the No. 1 student in every subject except gym and drama • play any instrument other than the piano or violin • not play the piano or violin
What you don’t allow your child to do?
Posts: 132 | From: Alex | Registered: Oct 2009
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posted
What a miserable existence for the poor kids! Who says being top at everything is the b-all and end all!
Posts: 5593 | From: Egypt | Registered: Dec 2005
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posted
Where is the childhood in all of that. She effectively eliminated that from her daughter's life. We only got one childhood. Come on lady, give the kid an Xbox and bike! Heck I'm an adult and I still want a bike!
Posts: 2275 | Registered: Dec 2009
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Think about the psychological impact on the child when they dont achieve the A grade or come number 1! Appauled Posts: 233 | From: uk | Registered: Aug 2006
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When I discussed the same article with compatriots most of them said that they regretted that their parents were not enough strict with them. No one child would brush teeth, play violin or study math voluntarily. Happily and willingly children would only watch cartons. Had the parents encouraged more their hard work, discipline, and so on they would succeed much more in life; at least they would pay attention to languages, music, arts.
Looking back many would not mind more elements of Oriental approach in their upbringing. But, on the other hand, who knows how grown up Chinese feel about their reduced childhood Posts: 132 | From: Alex | Registered: Oct 2009
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A friend of mine is chinese. Her mother ruled with an iron rod. So she went online to find a hubby who would take her as far away from momma as possible. Very highly educated, very successful career, which you have to give mom some credit for, but on the flip side she travelled as far around the globe as possible without going back again to get away from her.
Posts: 1678 | From: New Egypt Forum - http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Dec 2009
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posted
I actually agree with teaching children the importance to compete and to strive to gain straight A's and all that.
I know parents here who run their homes like this. TV is a treat etc and the only extra-curricular activities are educational ones. The kids aren't overly fussed as they know no different... plus in schools they get snacks and time to play with other kids, they aren't locked in their rooms 24/7 with an Encyclopedia.
Each to their own. I just believe that nowadays what I would consider to be a treat or a reward are being treated as the norm by many families as it makes life easier for them.
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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When my husband was a child his mother was very strict with him and she hated him playing football outside in the street and also watching it on TV. If he was sat watching it and she came in the room she would switch off the TV as she walked past and tell him to go and study.
Because he wasn't allowed to play football after school he told his parents that the school hours had been extended by 30 mins each day. In reality he was playing football on the school field with his friends before walking home at his "new" home time. He got away with this for a couple of months until one day the family were going on their annual summer holiday and had to catch a train in the afternoon. To ensure they didn't miss the train his father walked to the school to meet my then 9 year old husband as school finished...only to discover school had got out some 20 minutes before! He got into BIG trouble over that one! Posts: 500 | From: United Arab Emirates | Registered: Jul 2008
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I think that a balanced approach is best. Don't bully kids into being clones but don't be completely permissive either. I sometimes wish that my mom had been a bit more strict with me as a kid but with all that has happened to me maybe I wouldn't have been as resilient or willing to adapt.
Posts: 195 | From: Nottingham, England | Registered: Jan 2009
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i allow Aleya to express herself to the fullest. im uber nice to her, stern when it's needed, but i always let her feel she is my buddy. everynight i watch her dance and sing...she even sitsd in her room at night and writes music. in my mind, since i had such a horribel TERRIFYING childhood, i want her to grow up saying only good things about her childhood...and how her mother let her be herself and supported her thru everything she's done.
i always talk to her like she is an adult, and by doing this, she is so well behaved and smart. many people treat kids like they have no brain, but that is so far from the truth. everything i say and do with her i think in my mind, 'how is this going to effect her?'
if she wants to slam her door cuz she had a bad day, i allow it...if she wants to blast her dvd player in her room and dance til' 9 pm, i let her.......she is her own person, and thru my support and love, she can be the person she wants to be with no fear.
im so happy i had her.....and thru my bad experiences as a kid, i know exactly what NOT to do with her. she is 8 and already been to 4 different countries, spends summers in egypt, and is so smart and kind, yet strong. she makes me have a reason to live and i reason to feel good about myself.
god truly blessed me with her...altho she cant stand her egyptian father, i make up for it.
he is married to a 50 yr old woman, who i had made really really good friens with, and she is surrounded by so much love and guidance.
im so happy im the type of person that forgives easily and makes friends with anyone, even if they fucked me before......she is going to grow up to be something big.
Posts: 221 | From: philly | Registered: Nov 2008
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posted
i allow Aleya to express herself to the fullest. im uber nice to her, stern when it's needed, but i always let her feel she is my buddy. everynight i watch her dance and sing...she even sitsd in her room at night and writes music. in my mind, since i had such a horribel TERRIFYING childhood, i want her to grow up saying only good things about her childhood...and how her mother let her be herself and supported her thru everything she's done.
i always talk to her like she is an adult, and by doing this, she is so well behaved and smart. many people treat kids like they have no brain, but that is so far from the truth. everything i say and do with her i think in my mind, 'how is this going to effect her?'
if she wants to slam her door cuz she had a bad day, i allow it...if she wants to blast her dvd player in her room and dance til' 9 pm, i let her.......she is her own person, and thru my support and love, she can be the person she wants to be with no fear.
im so happy i had her.....and thru my bad experiences as a kid, i know exactly what NOT to do with her. she is 8 and already been to 4 different countries, spends summers in egypt, and is so smart and kind, yet strong. she makes me have a reason to live and i reason to feel good about myself.
god truly blessed me with her...altho she cant stand her egyptian father, i make up for it.
he is married to a 50 yr old woman, who i had made really really good friens with, and she is surrounded by so much love and guidance.
im so happy im the type of person that forgives easily and makes friends with anyone, even if they fucked me before......she is going to grow up to be something big.
right now, she is sleeping at my neighbors house, since she is friends with the kid her age there...yea its a school night, but they ride the same bus together and you are only a kid once. i give her EVERYTHING thaat i longed for as a child.
she is one lucky kid.
and i always tell her...'i dont care wtf you do...as long as you tell me the truth, i wont ever EVER get angry...but never ever let me find **** out on my own, cuz then theres gonna be some trouble.'
even if she came home pregnant at age 16 (which i doubt because i raise her bettter than that) i would totally be by her side.
i would never EVER want to see her struggling and hurting.....i already saving up for a house so she can live with me forever. she is my child, but my best friend in the whole wide world. everyone says she is grown; an old soul. thats because i let her be herself. ive experience every kind of pain in life that one could possibly go thru and i know how bad it feels to think you have nobody...she knows she always has me, and i live to defend her.
Posts: 221 | From: philly | Registered: Nov 2008
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It was an interesting article, and I wanted to add a few comments, having grown up in an equally 'strict' household - by muslim standards.
I think my academic and personal life are that much richer because of it. I had more opportunities [academically], and I was not rebellious. [perhaps one could argue that some personalities would fare better with such upbringing than others...]
Granted I grew up in the Middle East, but I never watched TV during the week - daily, it was homework, music theory and then I got some 'play time'.
On to what you asked, about what I would or would not allow:
We do not allow sleepovers (of non-family members)... It's homework first then a small break at night...[we allow TV, Video games..but on a weekly budget of only so much time...].
The kids study/know three languages each..and they have one instrument they play [I did not restrict them on that choice] but they have music theory weekly. They grew up with this, so there was never a 'choice'.
We want them to do their best academically, and encourage great grades....if they fall below a certain level, we work towards solving the issues of why there is a difficiency [be it a tutor or whatever is required]. They know good grades are expected, but they will not be punished if they don't do well - as long as they are doing their best, and not just goofing off.
We stress to the kids, the importance of a solid academic career and healthy study habits..as this is what they will take with them to university [when we (parents) may not be around]. They know that a solid education is the key to their futures.. but we do allow them to be kids as well, and have fun [with reason].
The boundaries are laid out and they respect them. I am not a 'buddy' with my kids...but I am their friend, and they can and do talk to me about anything - they know that is a safe space... So much so, that some of my daughter's friends feel they can talk to me more than their own parents. But all-in-all the kids [and their friends] know the house rules and what we expect, and they are happy kids, normalized and not depressed as some have suggested kids might be under 'stricter' households.
Posts: 385 | From: In my hayati's heart and thoughts | Registered: Apr 2008
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