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Head of the family normally the most respected one by all the other members of staff , in some cases he is teh eldest one ,, and at some time he is the most powerful one ( his social calss and standard ) , sometime he is the most educated one , some time he is the richest one ) Head of the family idea for big families works more in the countryside rather than in the cities, he is the one all refer to when they have some needs and when they have problems among themselves and needs some one to interfet and judge ,, he is normally the wise man who all ask for help when they need as finding jobs for them ..etc At big cities normally the head of the family isthe father or the eldest son .. and he is the one all listen to and follow his advice ,, and the wives of his brothers can go and complain to him about their husband and husbands of his siters go and complain to him aganist the wives..etc ,,
Posts: 1373 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2004
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And do they family members expect him to give his advice at all times?
If the head of the family is the eldest son he is to take care of his sisters even though they are grown up but not yet married? And if so, does that entail financial demands?
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Anthropos: And do they family members expect him to give his advice at all times?
If the head of the family is the eldest son he is to take care of his sisters even though they are grown up but not yet married? And if so, does that entail financial demands?
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ok now I have to complain a little bit, and probably will hate me for it, especially you Almaz.
But aren't Egyptians a little bit to occupied with tradition?
Just because the eldest son happens to be eldest, does that have to make him the bearer of fully grown and even older people than himself? It is really ridiculous. And if he is not even living in the same country, he'd still count as the head of the family? Where is the flexibility?
Ok it is not my tradition, but I find this really ridiculous.
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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My expierences with a head of a family all are in cities. In all cases these heads were the richest ones, and they are responsable for everything what possibly can happen in a family: marriages, marriage-contracts, behaviour of the familymembers, internal en external disagreements, fights, marriage-problems, financial problems, study-advice, study-results, sickness of relatives, housing, too many things where a familyhead can be usefull for. In spite of the fact that a family without a Head is concerned as a bad family, my expierences with the familyheads is bad at the same time. Living in the crowded area's, it seemed to me, that those Head were the masters of evil themselves. Just the fact that they have been able to collect money and live in a better way as the people from the neighbourhood, it gave them the power to controll. This power was used in a negative way, compare it with the neighbourhoodleaders out of the books written by Najib Mahfous. Low criminals, living on the edge from allowed and not allowed, haram and halal, using and abusing, all streetwise and clever, but not intellegent, mostly living on direct benefit instead of long term results, always in trouble, always in problems. The respect they got, was a forced one, just because they had money, they had power. Not the most good people of the world.... I know about Heads of family in the traditional meaning, it is supposed to be a noble and wise person, but I haven't met many...
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Anthropos: ok now I have to complain a little bit, and probably will hate me for it, especially you Almaz.
But aren't Egyptians a little bit to occupied with tradition?
Just because the eldest son happens to be eldest, does that have to make him the bearer of fully grown and even older people than himself? It is really ridiculous. And if he is not even living in the same country, he'd still count as the head of the family? Where is the flexibility?
Ok it is not my tradition, but I find this really ridiculous.
No. A family NEEDS a head. It is working as social controll, and that is needed. The heads you mean are the ones who became head because of their money. Not the most positive PR...
Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Anthropos: ok now I have to complain a little bit, and probably will hate me for it, especially you Almaz.
But aren't Egyptians a little bit to occupied with tradition?
Just because the eldest son happens to be eldest, does that have to make him the bearer of fully grown and even older people than himself? It is really ridiculous. And if he is not even living in the same country, he'd still count as the head of the family? Where is the flexibility?
Ok it is not my tradition, but I find this really ridiculous.
Translation: my husband is being expected to take care of everyone. RIGHT O...and even if he were the youngest, the fact that he is living (or is able to live) in a Western country bumps him promptly up in line. Welcome to intercultural marriage, would you like some chips & dip? Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Anthropos: Just because the eldest son happens to be eldest, does that have to make him the bearer of fully grown and even older people than himself? It is really ridiculous. And if he is not even living in the same country, he'd still count as the head of the family? Where is the flexibility?
The fact that he is living outside the country will actually raise their financial expectations, as he will be anticipated to be earning the high European salaries that most Egyptians could only dream of. They will also have examples of relatives who lived outside who came home and built huge villas for themselves and their families and each time they came home they would shower them all with gifts.
It won't be seen by many that the salaries are high and the cost of living is too...they will just look at all the material possessions that people in Europe/America have and the amount of travel that they do and that will confirm their expectations.
Posts: 4576 | From: Cairo | Registered: Jun 2002
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But aren't Egyptians a little bit to occupied with tradition? YES we are .. and what makes egyptians are egyptians.. put it also like that ,, even if your husband , (which I think Smukers got it right ),, is not very happy about that ,, then this is not true any way ,, as even if he was complaining about that mm still he feels very happy that he is considred that he is wanted and needed and considred as head of somewhere ,,e hcih he can not acheive that where you are ( I think you mentioned before you are greek and in Canada) .. Egyptians never changes their tradiotions and habbits ( at least the good egyptian ones ) whereever they go. so if your husband's family are asking him for help and you see him is reluctant then encourage him to do otherwise he wil lbe emotionaly suffering
Posts: 1373 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Anthropos: ok now I have to complain a little bit, and probably will hate me for it, especially you Almaz.
But aren't Egyptians a little bit to occupied with tradition?
Just because the eldest son happens to be eldest, does that have to make him the bearer of fully grown and even older people than himself? It is really ridiculous. And if he is not even living in the same country, he'd still count as the head of the family? Where is the flexibility?
Ok it is not my tradition, but I find this really ridiculous.
I so not hate you! I agree with you 100% actually.
I should have added, that 'most' Egyptian families do rely on the eldest son, when the head of the family passes away. Men do take pride in that in MOST cases.
It is not the case in every Egyptian family though. Some are more practical, and share the responsibilities.
This tradition puts too much pressure on one individual. I know for a fact that in some Egyptian families, it is shared between brothers.
Personally, I think it should apply ONLY when other members of the direct families have physical or mental disabilities, and can't share the responsibility to keep the mother comfortable.
Regarding the unmarried sisters, if they work and make a living they should not rely on the eldest brother, although it would be nice if they get a gift once in a while IF the older brother can afford it.
There is also something very important to keep in mind, regarding the Egyptian culture, it is very crucial that foreigners understand it:
When an Egyptian man marries, his fist priority becomes his wife and children BEFORE his mother and sister. Thus, the great competition from the in laws when a wife to their son/brother arrives.
Because of that, all mothers advise their daughters to be-friend their future mother in law, since a mother in law will have an influence on the son it is better to be-friend her to keep her away from manipulating the son - in some cases! Posts: 919 | Registered: Aug 2007
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he does take pride in being the head of the family.
and he feels it is his obligation because he has to follow the tradition.
ok,
but i feel left out and feel that if everything goes to hell i will be the one who has to take care of this family HERE because he doesnt feel the burden of tradition when it comes to it probably because we are not in Egypt.
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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I agree with SLM, you want the husband that IS going to take his obligation seriously, anything less is shameful. The fact that your husband is doing this is to be commended, even if it is causing you frustration. I guess perhaps I'm not understanding exactly what your worry is, are you afraid you will be the mealticket for the entire family one day? If so, speak to the husband N-O-W. I hashed this out prior to marriage, it would have to be under extreme circumstances (and if we no longer lived here) that we would do that and even then it would be limited. His responsibility does have a limit and there are SOME families that will try to take advantage of that. *some*
Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Almaz.: Because of that, all mothers advise their daughters to be-friend their future mother in law, since a mother in law will have an influence on the son it is better to be-friend her to keep her away from manipulating the son - in some cases!
Heehee, the movie 'Monster-In-Law' with Jennifer Lopez und Jane Fonda just popped into my mind!! Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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Reminds me of when the mormons came round my flat (in London) - can we speak to your husband (No - there isn't one), your father (no he lives in Wales), your brother (nope he lives in France). Ok, we want to speak to the Head of the Household. I said 'you're looking at her' - 'No, we mean the man of the house' - I said well keep looking coz there aint one. I'm the head of the household. They went off without 'spreading the word' to me Posts: 5593 | From: Egypt | Registered: Dec 2005
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LOL @ Oldbag, the Mormons in America must be differnet (??), I couldn't get rid of them! Have you ever sat and listened to them? WOW, and that was when I was actually still Christian...yowza! Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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I have the Mormons sitting now above me! Luckily we gonna switch places soon..... can't wait!!
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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I really think that it is good that he wants to take care of his family and help them out.
the biggest problem that I have with it is that we are not very rich, i am still studying and my husband is still getting settled here, learning the language, learning about the market place ect. So he has a long way to go to getting a really well paid job.
So yes we have a baby now, they can't hardly expect us to pay for everything. My husband would like to pay for everything, but it is not a realistic possibility.
Another problem is that he hears ALL the problems and disagreements that go on over there. And what can he do being here to solve them? I ask! It just gives him more stress.
And finally, the family ain't small! And many unmarried sisters among them. But they are working, so that is a plus.
I hope they will get married soon though.
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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If you have not lived in Egypt before for a long time then you need to know that for the egyptian man ,, his big family as parents , brothers , sisters are number one in his life , then his own small family ,, and if he is not doing that then you should consider him his as bad one comparing with fello egyptians.. you can work about this sitution by supporting him and encouraging him for what he is doing .. when he feels that you support him and giving his family fisrt priority then he will start to relaise you as his baby as number one ,,, bare in mind big part of him being abroad is to prove to himself and to his own people tha he migrated to make their life much better and by that he can earn more love and respect from them
Posts: 1373 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2004
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I am a man and I told you what man's in Egypt think and feel .. also you do not expect all the men agree on same opinion ..and any way I think your husband is doing already what I am telling you .. and even I af agree with Almaz then you would not go and tell your husband what he is suppose to do ,, any way encourage and see ,, he will love you more when he feels that you support his family ( that would not make him to do more support to them any way .. but man likes to feel that he is doing the right thing ,, but if he feels that you do not agree with him then he would carry on more and more even if he wants to stop )
Posts: 1373 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2004
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In my family - from both sides, and in the family of my late husband, the wife and children were first priority for generations.
So I guess they be-friended Egyptians with the same mentality. I always heard, since I was a kid, that once a man marries, his wife and children are his priority, exactly the same for a woman: as soon as she marries her husband and children are her first priority, but never to forget the mom and siblings.
It depends on the families, and their upbringing for sure.
But nevertheless, it is important for the woman to encourage her husband to be a good son and brother.
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I agree with ALmaz that it depends on families , mainly in the high class family and the rich ones the big family ( parnets , brotherts , sisters..etc ) comes first as the the person wants to make sure all his family look ok , and mainly for low class ones and the poor ones,, the man responsible for his own family first ( wife , kids )(as in theory he can not afford to suport the big family , father ,,etc )
Posts: 1373 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2004
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quote:Originally posted by south_london_male: I agree with ALmaz that it depends on families , mainly in the high class family and the rich ones the big family ( parnets , brotherts , sisters..etc ) comes first as the the person wants to make sure all his family look ok , and mainly for low class ones and the poor ones,, the man responsible for his own family first ( wife , kids )(as in theory he can not afford to suport the big family , father ,,etc )
Maybe there is a bit of both in both sides, poor and well off, educated and less educated etc..
Also we have to remember that in wealthy families everyone is wealthy, so there is no problem if all siblings inherited.
Posts: 919 | Registered: Aug 2007
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anthropos, another indicator is housing...some families build multi-storey buildings as the family home and each level is reserved for a son and his new wife (as the man is suppose to supply the flat the couple lives in.) In this case, the new bride is expected to be a member of the man's family and I think her needs (and the baby's) sort of get thrown in with everyone else's...so she's responsible now as the wife of the head of the household. Usually, when you're all living together, it's easy to see how much there is to go around and everyone's expectations tend to be more reasonable. generally - though i am stereotyping.
If the man can afford to buy a new flat, his wife will usually insist it's near to her family, so that she has her mother's support in raising future children. In this case, the man is more removed, there's more envy, there's more of ....everything is going to the new wife/baby and he's not taking care of his "own" family (aka mother/siblings/etc.) and there's more unrealistic expectations.
living abroad? we're talking multiply those expectations exponentially.
as others have said, he's being measured by the neighbor's son who's abroad (never mind the circumstances or even what country the other guy is in.) it's how much money my son sent me this month. and that's the base salary..then we're talking "emergencies" too.
i would definitely follow smuck's advice on this one. he knows full well this could get out of hand quickly. he needs to first and foremost be responsible for your and your child's wellbeing and you need to discuss YOUR cultural expectations from HIM as the head of YOUR household. he's your husband and this is part of his responsibility to you.
don't end up in a situation where you're making all the compromises and he's not when it comes to finances.
Posts: 2182 | Registered: Oct 2002
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South London Male, are you married, do you have kids?
I have to agree with Almaz that a man's and woman's priority once married becomes their spouse and kids. It may take a little while to make the break... often after kids are born but, it the shift does happen.
Anthropos, your husband is a bit young to be taking on the mantle of head of the family. Are there no uncles around? No older women, mother, aunts?
Posts: 1039 | From: Cairo | Registered: Sep 2002
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Citzen , thank god I am not amrried and never been and ofourse I do not have chilrdren ,( and that does not mean I am aganist marriage or kids ,, but I am happy man any way as I am ) and just let me clear this point I did not say that he should not give the priority to his wife and kids... I talked from what the men in Egypt do and beleive in most cases ,, so I was explaining to her what her husband is doing ,, I did not say he was doing the right action or the wrong one ,, I was only explaining the culture. what I believe or would do is another issue
Posts: 1373 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2004
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^^ I understand what you are saying SLM, but because you never made that transition from first family to second family which you would have done if you'd got married and had kids, you are commenting from a theoretical point of view, I believe.
I don't know any married person in Egypt, rich or poor, that doesn't give priority to kids and spouse (in that order). As I said it may not be immediate, but it does happen eventually.
I think Anthropos' husband has had a very hard transition, new culture, job, language, marriage, kid all in a short space of time, so it'll take him some time.
Posts: 1039 | From: Cairo | Registered: Sep 2002
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Citzen ,, I know 1000s of familes in Egypt and all of them are giving the parents the first priority ,, even after they get married ,, and if the parents pass away( speically the father ) then they make their first priority to the youngest sisters if the were not married yet andthe youngest brothers who have not finished studeis yet.. an dthey put them as a priorty rather than giving this priority to their own wives or kids.. I am talking from practial observation ,, and to be hoenst If I got married and my parents were still around ( they both passed away ) then I would give my proirity to the parents .. and if I had younegr brothers or sitehr who have not got married ( I do not have any bythe way ) then I would give them the priority rather than giving it to my wife and kids,, that does not mean I would not give my own wife and kids the rigt attention, this is my own feeling and point of view. and I am not asking any way to follow my example.
Posts: 1373 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2004
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What does it mean to give priority to the parent EXACTLY here? Do you mean if your baby needs food and your parents need food the parents are getting it and the baby starves or do you mean how much time you give each OR do you mean your loyalty? Perhaps it means different things to different people. Just a thought~ Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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Smukers are you sure you read the whole post ! Isaid (that does not mean I would not give my own wife and kids the riggt attention,) any way what I can add here that if both , parnets from one side and wife and kids from another side needs extra cloth or any sort of stuff then I would get my parents first ,, may be what I am saying is different from what you can realise ,, as you are not muslim ,, for muslims , there is is very importnat Hadeth ,, profet Mohamed was asked who is the first person needs to be in my company , and the answer by profit Mohamed was , your mother then he was asked then who , he said your mother , then who , he answred your mother , then who the answer was your father ,, I know it is very hard for non muslim to understand the mulsim culuture even if they live in muuslim country ,, and there are nother story widely used in Egypt when one man was on the sea with three women , his mother, his wife and his daughter and suddenly big wave came and he was able to resque one only and he choosed one only ,, his mother and when he was asked later why he did that ,, and he answred that the wife can be replaced and he can get another daughter , but you can never can replace or get another mother ,, now can you understand how the egyptian men and muslims or arab think .. this why I was talking in the other post about culture thinking and style and way of life .. and was syaing that foreign women should consider all these factors ,, and not to beleive the sweet talkers who might tell you they can leave all these things behind
Posts: 1373 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2004
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I understand what you mean SLM, I guess I should have said I was Muslim but also pointed out that I more directed the question to everyone giving an opinion and not just you. Sorry, didn't mean to imply that. It was just an example, that perhaps we all see priority as being something different from the other. Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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Fine, SLM, I don't doubt that some families are as you say, but the norm in Egypt is for children to remain dependent on their parents till well after they have established their own families. At some point, most do become independent, then they face the burden of schooling, private lessons, health care, keeping house and home together on small incomes. They are unlikely to be ABLE to help their parents much at this time. Once their parents retire, and their own children are past the most expensive age, they will help parents. It's much the same in other parts of the world.
By the way, I also know '1000s' of families - live and work with them, and also been doing some reading. Around 60-80% of the poorest families are supported solely or mainly by women.... Reality is very different from theory, religious or otherwise.
Posts: 1039 | From: Cairo | Registered: Sep 2002
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sorry i did not mean as you are not muslim ,, i meant to say if you were not muslim,, and did not mean smuckers any way i was talking in general ,, andi also meant for those who are muslims converted may be few things are not very clear as for thos who were born muslim ( does not mean that they are better by any mean )
Posts: 1373 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2004
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For what I've expierenced in the poor families, the ones who have an income help the ones who don't have it. In case of the young and unemployed men, and there are a lot of them, families are laying pressure on them to AT LEAST find a job, how low payed it might be, because it is considered as not very honourfull to live on the expenses of sisters with a job,uncles who are living abroad,or an older father who is having problems enough to pay for it all. However, there are enough young men that don't feel like that: taking a low payed job like their fathers did. Big money is tempting, and preferable outside out Egypt. So, that often is giving inside problems.
As a Western women I often wondered by seeing what should be 'normal' in a family. The willingness to what we see as sacrifising is much bigger as we know, and what we see as normal.
I can understand that a wife, married to an Egyptian, has problems with that. But she also has to understand that he cannot refuse, he sees it as his obligation. It's a side-effect of being married to an Egyptian, from a poor family. You can notice the difference between Almaz and SLM. It is obvious that they are from different classes. Most women shall meet the ones who SLM is talking about.
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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Thank god I came form baove average /high class family and this why I gave my ansres ,, and also all the people I know in Egypt are from hight lcass fmailies ,, and this why we all give prorites to our parnets , most of the people came from low class families they wil not be able to support their parents or feel much responsibilites towrad their parents , brothers , sisters as they wil be ahrdly able to support themesleves and wives and kids,, you find the support and the priority to the big family are coming from the higher classes in egypt as i said in earlier post. ANy way people look at things in different ways.. and you have to be only egyptian to relaise these factors and differences.. also if you are from low class in Egypt then you wil think mostly in yourself ,, and you wil try to have better life than you lives back with your parnets and you wil not give them anything .. wil I am not sure if any egyptian one here who is coming from under average social class can comment on that or have difefernt opinion on what I think of them
Posts: 1373 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2004
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I think that if the family is wealthy, then they do not need a son to take care of them. But again it is done, where the son adds to the mother's income, even if she has 'enough' but he usually has enough for his own family too.
Regardless of the financial responsibility, when money is not needed, a lot of sons help out in many different ways.
For example taking care of all legal issues for the mother and/or sisters. Giving guidance/advice when one of the sisters are about to get married, check the future husband's references etc..
In many poor Egyptian families, women are the head of the family with more than one job.
Posts: 919 | Registered: Aug 2007
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quote:Originally posted by ExptinCAI: anthropos, another indicator is housing...some families build multi-storey buildings as the family home and each level is reserved for a son and his new wife (as the man is suppose to supply the flat the couple lives in.) In this case, the new bride is expected to be a member of the man's family and I think her needs (and the baby's) sort of get thrown in with everyone else's...so she's responsible now as the wife of the head of the household. Usually, when you're all living together, it's easy to see how much there is to go around and everyone's expectations tend to be more reasonable. generally - though i am stereotyping.
If the man can afford to buy a new flat, his wife will usually insist it's near to her family, so that she has her mother's support in raising future children. In this case, the man is more removed, there's more envy, there's more of ....everything is going to the new wife/baby and he's not taking care of his "own" family (aka mother/siblings/etc.) and there's more unrealistic expectations.
living abroad? we're talking multiply those expectations exponentially.
as others have said, he's being measured by the neighbor's son who's abroad (never mind the circumstances or even what country the other guy is in.) it's how much money my son sent me this month. and that's the base salary..then we're talking "emergencies" too.
i would definitely follow smuck's advice on this one. he knows full well this could get out of hand quickly. he needs to first and foremost be responsible for your and your child's wellbeing and you need to discuss YOUR cultural expectations from HIM as the head of YOUR household. he's your husband and this is part of his responsibility to you.
don't end up in a situation where you're making all the compromises and he's not when it comes to finances.
Wow, this is such an interesting thread. Really love the diverse views.
Anthropos, like others have said, you have to find a middle ground on this. Islamically, once someone is married, their number one responsibility becomes their spouse and their own children. But Islamically, ones parents are to never be forgotten, or mistreated. When helping someone out, or giving charity, your directed towards your family (which would include your brothers, sisters) before any one else.
Personally, I prefer the Egyptian view of family over the Pakistani one, I think. In Pakistani culture, joint family systems (DUN DUN DUN!) are still very common. And often, the Mother in law is the head of the house (if you can imagine how horrible that would be).
And I agree with Smucks, the fact that your husband feel responsibility towards his sisters and his family shows that he has great character.
Your husband is the 23 year old, correct? Is he working right now, bringing in an income? Because I don't think its fair for YOU to have to provide for his family (it would be very kind of you, but you could easily be taken advantage of, and you probably have your own financial demands).
Advice wise, I dont see why you should have a problem with sharing your husband with his family. Financially, HE needs to be able to support THEM. And if he isn't able to support them right now, he needs to let his family know out right what your situation is.
I know that I admire my bf for all of the help and consideration he shows towards his sisters and his family, because I don't think that my American raised brother shows me or my sisters the same.
Good luck, and don't let this issue bottle up inside of you and then explode. I've seen families break over issues like this, and you don't want your relationship to suffer, or your husband's family to become cut off from your or your child's life.
Posts: 1967 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2006
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about the housing, yes his family has these strange multi-storey house with many little apartments. And I know my late father-in-law offered one of the apartments to my husband. So that indicates that the family thinks it is natural for us to live with them. Except my husband has always said that it would be uncomfortable for me to live there.
he is coptic, don't know if they have different traditions or mentality when it comes to this.
My natural instinct would be that the mother was now head of family but that is out of the question when I brought it up. He does have an younger brother living there but he is so young and not working. He is basically the baby of the family.
The thing about him supporting them financially is not that simple. His money is after all my money. And at the moment we need all our money to try to build a future. We also need to buy apartment here ect. And if what we can put aside every month is always sent to Egypt then our future looks pretty bleak.
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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How long ago is it, that you have been in Egypt? Between august '07 and last week are only 6 months. I was quite shocked to notice how sitation has changed, and how people are changed. There never has been much trust in the gouvernment, now it is only bitterness. People really are having difficult times. Last year I have been there 4 times, and I wrote about my fear that there would come a kind of revolution, a civil war. My fear only became bigger after last week. Almost everybody wants to leave the country.There are a lot of dayprices, and every day its more expensive. Any country in Europe ( except perhaps Albany or something like that) is better then Egypt nowadays.
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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anthropos, can he tell the family that he must first need to buy a flat in your country, before he can send "good" money to his relatives, and give them a time limit....as in, we need 3 years to save for a flat...he can say to them.....we are only renting and they can kick us out on the street any time here!....if things get any worse, we'll have to move to egypt because it's soooooo expensive here..and in egypt we'll have to pay for private school and clubs, because you know my wife is foreign...
you see, he CAN wriggle out. if he wants to. it's a game...the relatives in egypt always have life-or-death emergencies that they need immediate financial help with and his role is to UP_THEM_ONE... as in, oooo, you think THAT'S bad? here it's so expensive I work 16 hours and I can hardly afford milk, do you know it costs XXXX here?
it's up to him, really.
Posts: 2182 | Registered: Oct 2002
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posted
ExptinCAI it is funny actually that my husband had a shock the last time he was in Cairo because he had to spend so much money there everyday. And he complained a lot about how expensive everything had gotten.
Here he goes to work, comes back, watches TV, goes to the swimming pool for free, or the GYM (also for free) and finito. He is always complaining that I am a big spender, and I spend maybe 10 dollars per day.
So maybe the only solution is to immigrate his family to my country?
Don't know quite though that I could stand all the Egyptian loud talking all day!!! HEHE
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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I guess perhaps I'm not understanding exactly what your worry is, are you afraid you will be the mealticket for the entire family one day? If so, speak to the husband N-O-W. I hashed this out prior to marriage, it would have to be under extreme circumstances (and if we no longer lived here) that we would do that and even then it would be limited. His responsibility does have a limit and there are SOME families that will try to take advantage of that. *some*
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Have you ever sat and listened to them? WOW, and that was when I was actually still Christian...yowza! ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
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