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As a divorced mother - (and counting days till my husband moves here) i offcourse have to share my 2 wonderfull kids with their father. He is for the first time having them for a hole week. (Normally its just every 2. or 3. weekend) They are going on a holiday with him to Spain in week 7. I have absolutely not a clue about what to do. It will be soooooo emty and boring in the afternoons/evenings and I will miss them to death. Suddently I cant recall what people without kids are doing in their sparetime......???? Normally i do schoolhomework with them, cook and play, - read goodnight stories, pack their schoolbag and make lunchboxes. How do I entertain my self?????? All my girlfriends also have families and children so there is no "help" to be found. Anybody tried falling down in that gap????? Posts: 528 | From: Denmark | Registered: Dec 2006
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You can do ANYTHING you want. pamper yourself, make something, read a book, learn something new, go abseiling, sort out your cupboards/wardrobes/sheds/lofts, DO all those little jobs you always mean to do, actually 'finish' all the ironing ,get out to the country and walk for miles, go see old mates, shop till you drop, spend a day in a museum, GO TO PARIS loads you can do
-------------------- If you don't learn from your mistakes, there's no sense making them. Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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Thanks for the good suggestions. I thought about being totally efficiant - cleaning, sorting out and stuff. That will probaly take me 2 days. When I go out I will notice all children around my own kids age and miss them. I know that because thats what I do everytime they are on a weekend with their dad. Cant concentrate on reading a book or watching a movie. Cant visit girlfriends because their kids will ask for my children which will bring a tear to my eye. I think Im too attached to my children and too comitted to being a mom that I totally have forgotten how to be me.....WEIRD. I think its because the kids and me have always been alone. My exhusband was nearly never home - 6 days a month.
Posts: 528 | From: Denmark | Registered: Dec 2006
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1) go for a nice long walk each day in a nice pretty area 2) go to a coffee shop each day and linger and watch people. enjoy!!! 3) have a spa day!!!!! 4) go shopping!!! you can dilly dally in the aisles now without being rushed!!!
I want a week off tooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posts: 1808 | From: USA | Registered: Aug 2006
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quote:Originally posted by doodlebug: 1) go for a nice long walk each day in a nice pretty area 2) go to a coffee shop each day and linger and watch people. enjoy!!! 3) have a spa day!!!!! 4) go shopping!!! you can dilly dally in the aisles now without being rushed!!!
I want a week off tooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Should I babysit for you?? Ship them by DHL Posts: 528 | From: Denmark | Registered: Dec 2006
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You will miss them for the first few days, and when it comes close to time for them to come back. I imagine you will be a little "frozen" for a few days not really rememberign what life is like without having to manage everyone elses schedules, and then... you'll find yourself feet up on the sofa taking a nap in front of the telly pondering the lint in your navel. You can pre-plan all the projects and busy work you like, but it has been my experience, that the vacum created by the lack of seflessness gives room for a great big deep sigh. Takign care of kids is HARD WORK, and it means you have been nice to other people FOREVER, so what I do, is take a day early in the spearation, get my house "hotel" clean (with the pleasure of knowing it will be only I who messes it up)((no boxer shorts and stinky toilets)) and then take it easy. Stick to the normal routine and let the rest fall into place. defineately don't stress about the kids, they won't give you a moments thought. Just take some time to get all flat and relaxed about what a good job you have done with your life so far!
Enjoy your private time, it is a rare commodity in the life of a working mom, and don't expect too much of yourself.
(and if I remember, you are newly married, perhaps you can listen to the voice that says you will have to put some room between your relationship with the kids to make room for a relationship with your hubby. This is a great opportunity to love your children enough to stop crying when you see their mates, and to proudly say to the other Moms, "they are with their dad")
Posts: 1071 | Registered: Aug 2005
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Mrs. Tibe, not to be without my children for a week or so would be a horor scenario for me as I was always with them unless I was in the hospital giving birth to a new one. Going with my husband on a holiday and dropping our children off at my mother's would have been impossible because she's older and we have four kids, remember? And also his family lives back in the States so this would not be an option either. But anyway I don't think it's fair not to include kids in a vacation - we are one family. When they will be older they will go own ways anyway and rather going with friends on holidays than with their 'old parents'.
But I think it's a great opportunity for your children to spend so much intensive time with their father. It's good for them and don't worry he will take well care of them.
In the meantime do something for yourself. Yes I'd also clean, sort out stuff but maybe you do something what you were never able to do. Now is the right time for it! Get creative, good luck! And your 'babies' going to be back in no time. Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Tigerlily: Mrs. Tibe, not to be without my children for a week or so would be a horor scenario for me as I was always with them unless I was in the hospital giving birth to a new one. Going with my husband on a holiday and dropping our children off at my mother's would have been impossible because she's older and we have four kids, remember? And also his family lives back in the States so this would not be an option either. But anyway I don't think it's fair not to include kids in a vacation - we are one family. When they will be older they will go own ways anyway and rather going with friends on holidays than with their 'old parents'.
But I think it's a great opportunity for your children to spend so much intensive time with their father. It's good for them and don't worry he will take well care of them.
In the meantime do something for yourself. Yes I'd also clean, sort out stuff but maybe you do something what you were never able to do. Now is the right time for it! Get creative, good luck! And your 'babies' going to be back in no time.
I agree that it's hard being away from your kids tigerlily, but to give you and mrs. tibe a little advice that I learned was that when I was married, my husband and I never wanted to be away from the kids, only during work. It was nice doing family things, and it was hard for me to trust someone enough to leave my kids for long periods. However, as the kids got older and started doing more with friends, my husband and I realized we didn't have much in common anymore. We did the bad thing and didn't take time for us to be a "couple" or take time to be "ourselves " . Unfortunately by the time we realized we didn't nurture our relationship together, it was too late. We really tried hard because we couldn't understand it, We knew each other from teens and we always were "In-sync" and thought the little dates and talking in bed at night were working, but looking back we realized that most of the time our kids ended up everywhere with us. I don't normally share alot of personal, but this Is my one big regret in life. I realize now that kids are very important joyous part of our lives, but they cannot be the whole life. You have to nurture your relationship, and yourself because they eventually grow up and leave, and then you are stuck with "how do I fit in to life now?" Actually my kids were much happier also, I have friends I do things with, I have hobbies, my career and them. It's quite odd really, after the divorce, my ex and I saw the kinds of things that that we each started to do and get involved with, they were things neither of us would had ever done together, and after 5 years my ex and I are totally different and I cant believe we actually held it together as long as we did. Yes it's sad and I truely believe had we explored and nurtured our wants and needs as a couple and not just as "parents" things would have been different.Sometimes I joke about him when I start to feel the regret, but I am very happy with my life right now. Yes my life is different, and my kids are happy .They dont have to feel like they have to "entertain mom" any longer,lol, and I have grown in so many ways and we have Much more quality time together and have a very good relationship. So, after my long winded spiel, the bottom line is take the time for yourself, miss your kids but have fun while they're away. Take time for hubby and you to really connect( you have to shut off the cartoons,I know you will have them playing even with the kids not in front of the tv,this was terrible habit we had ) and talk,love and connect.I stress this all the time to my daughters, actually my oldest daughter will marry soon and she says they will not repeat our mistakes. I really hope my little bit of e-advice helps......... Posts: 1121 | From: Too crazy to look at a freakin map to find out.. | Registered: Sep 2006
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I know sometimes I am acting overprotective but it's me and my children are only in between 1 - 8 years old. As I said they are four so you can imagine what my day looks pretty much from the morning until the evening. But I love them, I never found so much happiness and fulfillment I found in any job I had so far. You know when my both older ones were only over 1 and 2.5 years old I started working, the money was so tempting..... but to tell you the truth I would not want to experience again what I endured during these cruel 18 months (and luckily we are not put into this kind of situation). I didn't see my children when I left for work shortly after 6 a.m. because they were still sleeping and when I came back from work it was already after 5 p.m. and I had only around two or three hours with them before they went to bed again. You know I felt more than guilty, I missed them so much, I'd call constantly the nanny up if they are okay, what did they eat, how long they were sleeping etc. I wanted to be home agian. I said to myself never again, I have now these kids and I am going to take care of them. Well two more followed along the way. And yes I am an *entertaining* mother, I did lots of babysitting before, I know what kids like and I think it's very important that they have at least one constant person in their daily life. My husband was deployed for couple of months to Iraq and since he started working again last month his job location changed and he's only with us now on the weekends. In the meantime he's taking college courses; it's only a temporary sacrifice and it's in the best interest of our family. And we have about three more years left until my husband will retire from the Army; things will become way more peaceful when he starts a civilian job. And at one point we hopefully will be able to settle down and make permanent friends which is so hard to achieve because we move around every two years. But you are right about the private life with your spouse, sometimes we just don't find the time for each other (we know it) but there is nothing what we can change at the moment. Still I would never elect to go without my kiddies on a vacation. I can't see myself lying on the beach without all their smiles and screaming around. I honestly live for my kids, my husband and me are very proud of them, the both older ones doing so great in school, we have big plans with them.....
And about the future. Of course I will miss my children so much once they will be out of the house but I know I have to let them go at one point mastering their own lives but I sincerely hope and wish we will always have a wonderful connection to each other, I wish so much for a family I didn't have. And I am thinking to travel a lot with husband later down the road and work in animal welfare or something like that. Just take life easier when I get older, take more time for myself although I like to be constantly busy (I just can't sit around and watch TV or read a book) and hopefully get to enjoy couple of grandkids later on..... well we'll see.
Thanks for taking your time contributing to this topic.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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I know tigerlily and I was the same way. My daughters (I have three 19,16,13) were the center for us, we didnt have much family around us either. My sister is a soldier, so I can really relate to what your saying and your sacrifices. I wouldnt have left mine for long periods at that young of age neither.We just regret not setting aside that couple time to keep our bond tight, it cost too much in the long run. We had kids young, so maybe that might have been part of the problem also.Who Knows????? Posts: 1121 | From: Too crazy to look at a freakin map to find out.. | Registered: Sep 2006
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Going with my husband on a holiday and dropping our children off at my mother's would have been impossible because she's older and we have four kids, remember? And also his family lives back in the States so this would not be an option either.![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
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