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Author Topic: Egyptian men, please give opinion
gigli
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Some people might remember how I found out that my fiance was cheating with so many women and that I left Egypt and havent been back. We are still friends and talk and all over the phone.
The other day he invited me onto face book and I accepted and saw he put some photos up and in the one photo he was with a girl. The album date was the date that we were still together. I felt a bit upset and told that that was not nice. But it was a newer photo just added to an old album. I dont mind too much who he dates now, even though there are still some feelings life goes on. When I uploaded my photos there were some with guy friends and were having fun and laughing. This morning I saw that my ex had removed me as a friend from facebook. When I called and asked him why, he said because there were funny photos of me with guys. [Mad] and he didnt like my profile.

Since were supposed to be just friend and hes screwing everything with a hole and a heartbeat
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ALL ABOUT???

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ExptinCAI
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why would you be friends with someone you don't trust, who lied and cheated on you? what's that about?
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Samsha
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Probably best to give him some time to cool off. At the same time, you can decide whether you want to remain friends with someone like that. Seems to me that he has the typical childish jealousy and double-standards that I have also experienced.
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Chef Mick
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josette is that you [Big Grin]
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Almaz
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Time to make new friends [Eek!]
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Gail
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gigli ~ I feel like you borrowed some pages from my book. I'm curious... what do you get out of remaining friends with him? I tried to do the same thing after we "broke up." We were just friends. Recently, I had to end my friendship with him because despite the casual nature of our friendship, he continued to lie abut everything. There was really no reason for it. I expect more from my friends. I am wondering now if he was keeping me around in case he needed a favor. It's kind of sad, but he paved the way.
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gigli
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Well, there was something special between us. Im the only girl he ever took home and introduced to his mother as his future wife even when his whole family got upset about it and refused to accept it. For some reason he thought its okay to cheat. There is still a lot of feelings and maybe from both sides we always thought one day well sort things out. Hes very handsome and girls have always accepted his every behavior and waited years for him. Maybe he thought thats what I would do too. But I didnt. Ive dated, Iv had fun and Im enjoying my life. Well I told him in that case, if Im not good enough for his facebook Ive cancelled my trip to Egypt, since he seems to have more acceptable people to keep him company. That Im not angry, just sad and take care.
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gigli
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Then again, I like that hes jealous [Big Grin] love it actually. I could so use that to my advantage and maybe be the only girl alive, that said thanks but no thanks.
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crisálida
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I'm sorry to say this and do not mean to hurt you gigli, but you are hanging on to a man that has no respect for you AT ALL. If that is the kind of man you want to go and visit then carry on being his 'friend' but trust me, a man that does this sort of thing is too far up his own back side to want a decent normal relationship. Please 'really' move on

he doesn't like your profile because it shows that HE is not the centre of your universe, so he got stroppy. He wants to be number one for all the women so that he can tell himself and all his mates how wonderful he is...

...sorry I went off to puke

Gigli, he is not a nice, loving, husband material kind of guy, he is a normal cheating kind of guy - you've seen 'cheaters' right? he's on episode 6384.

If you like drama, enjoy guesswork, want to always be trying to get him to 'really' love you, carry on. But if you want a nice, honest, family loving, wife respecting egyptian guy- this is NOT the one x

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Almaz
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Manipulators are known to keep the 'naive' other hooked on being involved with them.

They involve their 'victims' so deeply into all their problems - surgery of the mom, sickness of the dad, funeral of the cousin, debt of the brother, accidents, incidents, dents [Wink] - in order to be the center of attention.

They are the creation of 'weak, ignorant, low self esteem, misguided, easily manipulated' parents.

They are the children that got what they wanted when they had 'tantrums'.

Psychology 101 [Big Grin]

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Questionmarks
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Just that getting others involved with their problems, is something what I have expierenced more then once.
There are certain kind of people that use to get in problems in almost all what they do. It is not because they are unlucky, it is because of their personality. Also because of that paersonality they are trying to get that problems solved by other, by trying to make it their problem.
The ones who are receiving their problems, always are the goodhearted helpfull types, because they are the ones who are social enough to care for another.
As soon as that helpful types are getting involved, and that is going slowly, step by step, on a certain time, they will mention that they are in deep problems, but all these problems are caused by that best friend that seems to love/like them that much.
As soon as they are getting aware of this, and try to end this, the manipulator will protest heavily, because it is thier aim to KEEP you involved and dependant.

It may look mean. One person that keeps other around involved, and abuse them for his/her own sake. But don`t forget this situation needs at least TWO people, one who is abusing and one who let it happen to them. It is a weak point in their personality. In fact it is a good thing, but they have to be aware of the fact that there are people who will make use of them.

And that is the endless story of many women who are in this kind of circles in their relationship, not able to step out.

--------------------
“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.”

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Almaz
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Some partners are 'comfortable' in a manipulative relationship.

Being manipulated suits some. They strive within the 'victim' kingdom of their syndrome.

The perpetual victims can't live without sacrifice, it's part of their personality.

Psychology 102 [Big Grin] [Big Grin]

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seabreeze
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quote:
Originally posted by gigli:
Some people might remember how I found out that my fiance was cheating with so many women and that I left Egypt and havent been back. We are still friends and talk and all over the phone.
The other day he invited me onto face book and I accepted and saw he put some photos up and in the one photo he was with a girl. The album date was the date that we were still together. I felt a bit upset and told that that was not nice. But it was a newer photo just added to an old album. I dont mind too much who he dates now, even though there are still some feelings life goes on. When I uploaded my photos there were some with guy friends and were having fun and laughing. This morning I saw that my ex had removed me as a friend from facebook. When I called and asked him why, he said because there were funny photos of me with guys. [Mad] and he didnt like my profile.

Since were supposed to be just friend and hes screwing everything with a hole and a heartbeat
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ALL ABOUT???

He's playing games, lose him as a 'friend' and move on to bigger and brighter pastures. [Wink]
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Questionmarks
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quote:
Originally posted by Almaz:
Some partners are 'comfortable' in a manipulative relationship.

Being manipulated suits some. They strive within the 'victim' kingdom of their syndrome.

The perpetual victims can't live without sacrifice, it's part of their personality.

Psychology 102 [Big Grin] [Big Grin]

Right, also this exists. It is important to know who you are, and to know what you want, and act to it.
In this case, she says she does not want this, and ended it. It hurts her. Of course it does.
She must have learned a lesson out of it, and it will make her stronger.

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Gail
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Almaz ~ Excellent insights! You've hit the proverbial nail on the head, in my opinion.

gigli ~ Your situation IS sad, I'm sure, but take Smucky's advice. I believe you that your relationship was special. He made you feel that way. But it sounds like that's NOT the person he is now... the one who made you feel good and "special." If he's "screwing everything with a hole and a heartbeat" (in your words), can you still bring yourself to want him in your life? Even as a friend, he has demonstrated that you didn't give him what he wanted. What more do you have to give? How much of your time are you willing to sacrifice to him? Do you honestly think he's thinking about you as much as you're thinking about him? I'm sorry to be harsh, but you deserve better than this. I speak from experience on this whole matter.

Think about this... maybe he invited you to Facebook so he could say to his friends, "See, no matter what I do, she still wants me." Guys like this are proud of their conquests. Sure he's pissed. He wants to make the rules. Don't mistake that for jealousy.

There are too many nice guys out there for you to waste your time on a player.

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Audrey Hepburn
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Ask yourself a question:

Would I accept this behaviour from any of my other friends ? I am sure the answer is no. Obviously there is still some emotion involved and I think this is the overriding factor here. Also try to tell yourself 'I deserve better'. You do. When you hold on tightly to a part of your life that's not working, it has no room to heal. Try to let go. If you hang on to certain aspects of your life because of fear of letting go, then the situation can only feel worse.
Good luck.

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*The Dark Angel* aka CAT
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Gigli, the girls gave great advice on this thread

As they said, he's not interested in your friendship, he is just interested in keeping you hooked....... so that he can always get back to you if he feels lonely, then leaves when he finds another one he can hook

unfortunatley this is the case withg many Egyptian guys, they like to keep hooks all around them.... it is called "stebn" in arabic, like the tire that is kept "spare" in your car in case any tire goes flat [Wink]

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bellavista
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quote:
Originally posted by *The Dark Angel* aka CAT:
Gigli, the girls gave great advice on this thread

As they said, he's not interested in your friendship, he is just interested in keeping you hooked....... so that he can always get back to you if he feels lonely, then leaves when he finds another one he can hook

unfortunatley this is the case withg many Egyptian guys, they like to keep hooks all around them.... it is called "stebn" in arabic, like the tire that is kept "spare" in your car in case any tire goes flat [Wink]

I certainly agree on this one!!! I've been to Hurghada and saw this with my own eyes. I still don't understand why a lot of girls believe oll of the crap...
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VanillaBullshit
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quote:
Originally posted by *The Dark Angel* aka CAT:
Gigli, the girls gave great advice on this thread

As they said, he's not interested in your friendship, he is just interested in keeping you hooked....... so that he can always get back to you if he feels lonely, then leaves when he finds another one he can hook

unfortunatley this is the case withg many Egyptian guys, they like to keep hooks all around them.... it is called "stebn" in arabic, like the tire that is kept "spare" in your car in case any tire goes flat [Wink]

We've discussed this before, here's a quick recap:

1) Egyptian women play the exact same games; your argument is that "we're just countering your games", chicken & the egg, which came first.

It's an endless loop.

2) There is no rational woman alive that would want to remain friends with a guy that cheated on her, most likely gigli was gearing up towards some vengance and it either didn't work, or he sensed that she was hot on his trail.

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*The Dark Angel* aka CAT
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quote:
Originally posted by VanillaBullshit:
quote:
Originally posted by *The Dark Angel* aka CAT:
[qb] Gigli, the girls gave great advice on this thread

As they said, he's not interested in your friendship, he is just interested in keeping you hooked....... so that he can always get back to you if he feels lonely, then leaves when he finds another one he can hook

unfortunatley this is the case withg many Egyptian guys, they like to keep hooks all around them.... it is called "stebn" in arabic, like the tire that is kept "spare" in your car in case any tire goes flat [Wink]

We've discussed this before, here's a quick recap:

1) Egyptian women play the exact same games; your argument is that "we're just countering your games", chicken & the egg, which came first.

It's an endless loop.

I said.... "many" Egyptian men.... not "All"

this topic is about Egyptian men & it is clear in the title of the thread & the topic as well.... if there's a topic about women, that'd be a different story & maybe you'd be right to add that comment.... but this comment is not in it's place right now

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bellavista
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That's right, she didn't wrote about OlL egyptian men. And I don't think a lot of egyptian women play these games. They stay at home to look after a husband who play's these games....I'm sorry, but this is the the situation in Hurghada
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VanillaBullshit
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quote:
Originally posted by *The Dark Angel* aka CAT:
I said.... "many" Egyptian men.... not "All"

this topic is about Egyptian men & it is clear in the title of the thread & the topic as well.... if there's a topic about women, that'd be a different story & maybe you'd be right to add that comment.... but this comment is not in it's place right now

I never said you painted all egyptian men with the same brush, neither did I mean to make a blanket staement about egyptian women, don't get your panties in a wad.

If you think the comment "is not in it's place" then you should have disregarded it and quoted my second comment; the fact that you didn't tells me that my first statement is true & hit a nerve [Wink]

The title of the thread is actually "egyptian men please give opinion", and that's what I did.

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Chef Mick
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don't get your panties in a wad. [Big Grin] [Big Grin] [Big Grin] your back yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh [Smile]
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*The Dark Angel* aka CAT
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quote:
Originally posted by VanillaBullshit:
quote:
Originally posted by *The Dark Angel* aka CAT:
I said.... "many" Egyptian men.... not "All"

this topic is about Egyptian men & it is clear in the title of the thread & the topic as well.... if there's a topic about women, that'd be a different story & maybe you'd be right to add that comment.... but this comment is not in it's place right now

I never said you painted all egyptian men with the same brush, neither did I mean to make a blanket staement about egyptian women, don't get your panties in a wad.

If you think the comment "is not in it's place" then you should have disregarded it and quoted my second comment; the fact that you didn't tells me that my first statement is true & hit a nerve [Wink]

The title of the thread is actually "egyptian men please give opinion", and that's what I did.

Panties ya vanilla? tayeb, ana 7awareek ya 2alil el 2adab.....ew3a teegy ganb my panties [Big Grin]
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MK the Most Interlectual
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^^ Don't get a wad in your panties until you marry ya CAT.

quote:
Originally posted by bellavista:
OlL egyptian men.

And don't oil Egyptian men ya CAT.
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*The Dark Angel* aka CAT
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quote:
Originally posted by MK the Most Interlectual:
^^ Don't get a wad in your panties until you marry ya CAT.

quote:
Originally posted by bellavista:
OlL egyptian men.

And don't oil Egyptian men ya CAT.
ROFL [Big Grin]
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marydotapple
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If this man is treating you badly either you kick him in the nuts, or get a friend to do it for you.. [Wink]
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galmarriedtoegyptian
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Yes, why are you still friends with this guy? I mean, are you truly getting anything out of it?

And, of course he removed you from his face book...just because you take his disrespect obviously does not mean he will. Men tend to be jealous as well sometimes.

--------------------
yup

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VanillaBullshit
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quote:
Originally posted by *The Dark Angel* aka CAT:
Panties ya vanilla? tayeb, ana 7awareek my panties [Big Grin]

You're just too good to me.

[Razz]

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An Exercise in Futility
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I used to have a bf (English) who took great delight in telling me about the women in his life, ex-girlfriends, platonic friends etc.. In particular, one Swedish girl who was 'just a friend' and they shared a bed when he visited her in Sweden (but nothing else according to him). So I told him about exes, male friends who are just friends etc, and he got into the most incredible jealous fit. After we split up, we met up and he told me about his new girlfriend. Her crowning glory over me as far as I could tell was that when he told her the story about the platonic bed sharing she went mental thus proving she loved him in a way I never did [Roll Eyes]
(PS they split up a few months later extra evil [Big Grin] )

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VanillaBullshit
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quote:
Originally posted by oldbag:
I used to have a bf (English) who took great delight in telling me about the women in his life, ex-girlfriends, platonic friends etc.. In particular, one Swedish girl who was 'just a friend' and they shared a bed when he visited her in Sweden (but nothing else according to him). So I told him about exes, male friends who are just friends etc, and he got into the most incredible jealous fit. After we split up, we met up and he told me about his new girlfriend. Her crowning glory over me as far as I could tell was that when he told her the story about the platonic bed sharing she went mental thus proving she loved him in a way I never did [Roll Eyes]
(PS they split up a few months later extra evil [Big Grin] )

Women consider emotional infidelity worse, men consider physical infidelity to be worse.

Many a time I sat listening to my friends bitch & moan, it's always the same:

Friend: Can you believe that fooking bitch, VB??!! She went & fooked him!!! AARRGGH!! [Mad]

Me: Wow, that's harsh, sorry (yawn).

Friend: OMG! That little bastard!! VB, he told my best girlfriend she had nice hair!! ARRGGHH!! [Mad]

Me: Wow, that's harsh, sorry (yawn).

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egyptian7
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i think its hard 4 an egyptian guy 2 c his exe with another person even if he soesnt want her any more but the fact how dare she choose another guy in her life ,its a shame 4 him ( its not my opinion)

--------------------
islam

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*The Dark Angel* aka CAT
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quote:
Originally posted by VanillaBullshit:
quote:
Originally posted by *The Dark Angel* aka CAT:
Panties ya vanilla? tayeb, ana 7awareek my panties [Big Grin]

You're just too good to me.

[Razz]

ya lahwiiii??!!! [Eek!]

ya saye3 balash le3b b kalamy [Big Grin]

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MrAshraf
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He screwed around and lied to you. Not something you should want in a man or a friend.

Have some self respect and delete him from your life.

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Bastet*Loves*Ptah
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Is this a joke?
quote:
my fiance was cheating with so many women and that I left Egypt and havent been back. We are still friends and talk and all over the phone
You were so upset you left Egypt and haven't been back- yet you remain friends with him, talk over the phone, on the internet and all is good with that? Are you suffering for friends that much or eah? [Roll Eyes]
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crisálida
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I just want to pick up on a couple of things. Although this focus is on Egyptian men, this behaviour is absolutely NO WAY unique to egyptian men - Men all over the world play these games (not all men), as do some women.

In response to the comments about women putting up with this sort of thing, and only doing so so that they can lurk in the wings and get revenge - not likely, maybe for some women but not the majority, most women wouldnt waste their time.

Why do women put up with it? Because many women are naturally caring and want to 'fix' their partner, they forgive behaviour or ignore it in the hope that if they hang on the guy will notice they are still there for him, that they understand and accept him the way he is, while other women dont. It goes back to the natural instinct of women to make something work, so most women try very hard at it, often putting up with infidelity because the man must be in demand which makes them hold on tighter, more desperate not to lose him, because if they let go then they will see it as a failure on their part, because he will make them feel that way (after all, everyone else wants them right?) [Roll Eyes]

THAT is why its common, not because women are stupid, but because women 'love too much' (read the book - women who love too much). (not one egyptian man in the book [Wink] )

read the book and you will see in black and white what many men do to many women. And yes its a two way thing BUT the difference is the INTENT, the men are doing it to the women because THEY CAN, they dont care about the woman or her feelings. The women are holding on too much because they CARE, they care TOO MUCH.

And the reason why I emphasise it is not about EGYPTIAN men per se is because I dont want women to read this and run into the arms of another (non egyptian) in the hope it doesnt exist, and also not to tar all egy men with the same brush.

Women in these sorts of relationships need to recognise what can turn out to be a pattern if they dont see that they are putting up with too much and build their self esteem. Please buy the book and then you will not entertain a guy like this again and you will be able to be happy with a good one and it will be much more rewarding for you [Smile]

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VanillaBullshit
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Good post, Wanderer. I agree, but I'd like to mention that there are probably some self-esteem issues with women who stay in crappy relationships; somebody cheats on me, I surely would not want to remain friends with them, once trust is gone, everything else flies out the window as well.

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seabreeze
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quote:
Originally posted by Wanderer:

Why do women put up with it? Because many women are naturally caring and want to 'fix' their partner, they forgive behaviour or ignore it in the hope that if they hang on the guy will notice they are still there for him, that they understand and accept him the way he is, while other women dont. It goes back to the natural instinct of women to make something work, so most women try very hard at it, often putting up with infidelity because the man must be in demand which makes them hold on tighter, more desperate not to lose him, because if they let go then they will see it as a failure on their part, because he will make them feel that way (after all, everyone else wants them right?) [Roll Eyes]

Very insightful, one of the most refreshing and logical things I have read on ES. I am sure you will make a fine addition to this board, I hope you stick around Wanderer. [Smile]
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crisálida
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Thank you Smuckers and VB, Yes i will most definately stick around [Smile]

VB, you are absolutely right, men dont put up with it like women do, generally men have a better on/off switch than women, regarding infidelity, but the problem is how men and women see infidelity:

a man see's it this way - she's been unfaithful, that reflects badly on ME, I need to get my pride and self esteem back so i'm off, no-one does that to me.

a woman see's it this way - he's been unfaithful, what he needs is a good woman who understands him, then he wouldn't do it, he's just weak, if i stick around and prove how much i care then he will feel secure and we will live happily ever after. (you see it's not about HER failings, its about HIM, HIM, HIM)

she see's it as a failure to leave him but as a strength (perhaps a test of endurance!) to stay ! to her, it proves to him how much she cares.

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gigli
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I sent him a message that said I dont accept this type of behaviour from any friends also not him. No one talks to me that way. I was happy to see he has so many nice friends in his life and Im surprised at his reaction,since I thought he would be happy for me, since were just friends. I said I dont hate you or anything, but I'm not interested in this type of problem.
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gigli
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And thank you all for your opinions, I have to say it steered me towards telling him off (the first time in his life a girl did that I can tell you) I feel liberated and Im going to send a nice long honest email to him telling him exactly what I think.
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Come on, fact it, you are both still attracted to each other somehow. Otherwise you woulnd't keep the connection going.

I just think there's nothing positive coming out of this 'friendship' in the end. He didn't treat you well and you know you deserve so much better than that, gigli. I can only agree with others in here, delete his file in your heart and mind and move on with your own life. Best of luck. [Smile]

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*The Dark Angel* aka CAT
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quote:
Originally posted by VanillaBullshit:
Good post, Wanderer. I agree, but I'd like to mention that there are probably some self-esteem issues with women who stay in crappy relationships; somebody cheats on me, I surely would not want to remain friends with them, once trust is gone, everything else flies out the window as well.

Vanilla, although Wanderer explained it beautifully & how they care & want to fix it...... you still insist on judging the women who stay in crappy relationships, saying that they have self-esteem issues.

It is not just about self-esteem issues, it is because they really care & dont want to feel like failures, they are unaware that there is noting more to be fixed & it will always remain that way in an abusive/ sick relationship, but they keep doing it as long as they are emotionally involved..... at some point they will realize that this is not a healthy relationship to begin with. Many people can fall prey to that kind of relationship (especially when you fall in love) & trust me, these are the hardest realtionships to get out of... the abuser is extremely manipulative & can do anything to keep the victim from running away, he keeps them hooked, helpless & confused...... he/ she brianwashes the victim completely.

Let me tell you something ya Vanilla..... nobody on the face of the earth is 100% secure or does not have self-esteem issues.... it is only human to be insecure.....

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VanillaBullshit
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quote:
Originally posted by *The Dark Angel* aka CAT:
quote:
Originally posted by VanillaBullshit:
Good post, Wanderer. I agree, but I'd like to mention that there are probably some self-esteem issues with women who stay in crappy relationships; somebody cheats on me, I surely would not want to remain friends with them, once trust is gone, everything else flies out the window as well.

Vanilla, although Wanderer explained it beautifully & how they care & want to fix it...... you still insist on judging the women who stay in crappy relationships, saying that they have self-esteem issues.

It is not just about self-esteem issues, it is because they really care & dont want to feel like failures, they are unaware that there is noting more to be fixed & it will always remain that way in an abusive/ sick relationship, but they keep doing it as long as they are emotionally involved..... at some point they will realize that this is not a healthy relationship to begin with. Many people can fall prey to that kind of relationship (especially when you fall in love) & trust me, these are the hardest realtionships to get out of... the abuser is extremely manipulative & can do anything to keep the victim from running away, he keeps them hooked, helpless & confused...... he/ she brianwashes the victim completely.

Let me tell you something ya Vanilla..... nobody on the face of the earth is 100% secure or does not have self-esteem issues.... it is only human to be insecure.....

Did you not notice where I said "There are probably some self esteem issues"?

Probably means just that, it's a possibile variable, one of many, so I wasn't judging anything, that was an erroneous assumption on your part.

[Smile]

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VanillaBullshit
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quote:
Originally posted by *The Dark Angel* aka CAT:
Let me tell you something ya Vanilla..... nobody on the face of the earth is 100% secure or does not have self-esteem issues.... it is only human to be insecure.....

This isn't something you need to tell me, I know this full well.

There are degrees of insecurity though.

There's a big difference between a person who is an emotional cripple or otherwise incapacitated and unable to maintain a healthy relationship with someone, and an average person who is not mentally or physically abusive entering into a relationship with the common fears that most people have.

I understand that women need to feel like they have accomplished something, but you cannot dismiss the fact that women are more masochistic than men, and they always look up to the Alpha Male regadless of other undesirable qualities that he may also possess.

Example of masochism: Do women wear 5" heels because they're comfy & they're good for your feet? Hell no, high heels hurt like sin, but they look good.

I've always maintained a relationship should be equal, I'm not letting anyone control me, but I also have no interest in controlling my partner.

I've had a relationship with a person who had BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), and it was anything but fun, so yea, I know only too well about certain types of people's abusive methods.

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seabreeze
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quote:
Originally posted by VanillaBullshit:
quote:
Originally posted by *The Dark Angel* aka CAT:
Let me tell you something ya Vanilla..... nobody on the face of the earth is 100% secure or does not have self-esteem issues.... it is only human to be insecure.....

I've had a relationship with a person who had BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), and it was anything but fun, so yea, I know only too well about certain types of people's abusive methods.
I dated a guy with tourettes syndrome once, OMG [Eek!]
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I was in a relationship with a man who had a compulsive gambling disorder. He was hiding it well for the first two to three months - and after that I was emotionally not able to leave; I loved him.
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*The Dark Angel* aka CAT
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quote:
Originally posted by VanillaBullshit:
quote:
Originally posted by *The Dark Angel* aka CAT:
Let me tell you something ya Vanilla..... nobody on the face of the earth is 100% secure or does not have self-esteem issues.... it is only human to be insecure.....

This isn't something you need to tell me, I know this full well.

There are degrees of insecurity though.

There's a big difference between a person who is an emotional cripple or otherwise incapacitated and unable to maintain a healthy relationship with someone, and an average person who is not mentally or physically abusive entering into a relationship with the common fears that most people have.

I understand that women need to feel like they have accomplished something, but you cannot dismiss the fact that women are more masochistic than men, and they always look up to the Alpha Male regadless of other undesirable qualities that he may also possess.

Example of masochism: Do women wear 5" heels because they're comfy & they're good for your feet? Hell no, high heels hurt like sin, but they look good.

I've always maintained a relationship should be equal, I'm not letting anyone control me, but I also have no interest in controlling my partner.

I've had a relationship with a person who had BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), and it was anything but fun, so yea, I know only too well about certain types of people's abusive methods.

Yes women are more masochistic, that's right.... they can endure more physical & emotional pain than men..... can you deny the experience of childbirth? I dont think any man can put up with that [Big Grin]

I understand what you're talking about.... but I also want to add that sometimes when people don't have enough experience with relationships or when they enter a real relationship for the first time, they can be clueless..... some people are emotionally dependant or have serious self esteem issues & some people can be clueless...... but when they finally realize due to their lack of experience or their charachter defects that they have been in a wrong relationship, hopefully they learn & break the pattern...... and that's a personal choice, it's either you want to learn & help yourself or continue, not all people learn from their mistakes but you have to be conscious..... We all learn about oursleves when we are in a relationship & we think " oh, I've been really passive or I let myself be controlled or I should have more self-confinence because i deserve someone who really respects me" so if you do that, you'll probably learn & break the habit of picking the wrong partner & so on.
So the conclusion is, experience helps you determine what you want out of a relationship.... you can have all the theories you want in your head of what & how you want you partner to be like & how you expect them to treat you but still, nothing is like the real thing where you'll put all your theories into practice & see if you can apply them or not..... if you failed then you'll eventually learn to be exactly how you want to be in a relationship & pick the right partner.
This is NOT about you vanilla, i know you have experience.... i am talking in general (in case you misinterpret my post)

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VanillaBullshit
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Childbirth?

That's your trump card? lol

Let's just agree to disagree.

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