posted
Ok, the other thread got me thinking... Do you think that it makes a difference to the relationship?
Do you think it would last longer?
Statistics might show this, but is that more to do with women's independance in countries where sex before marriage is common?
Will it be better sex?
Some couples have problems getting over the past of their partner... so obviously if they never had sex before it would take away that problem. However, what if they are not sexually compatible? or do you think this is something you could tell before marriage? OR do you think it is not important? Maybe you think that everyone is, and you will just grow together?
They say a mans sexual peak is 19 and a womans 30, do you think that the longer someone goes without, the less their need for it? maybe less desire for it? Equally, what if a woman is used to having sex, would this mean she wants it more than a woman who is 36 and has never had sex? Do you want what you've never had?
Is this good or bad?
I can see both pro's and cons, and would say that the pro's outweigh the cons...
But then, its easy for me to sit and say this, i'm not 20.
Posts: 552 | Registered: Mar 2008
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posted
Well- hows a person who'se never had sex before know if they're aren't sexually compatible...when theres nothing to compare it to?
I mean- if you're physically attracted to somebody I would think that'd be a pretty good sign that you're going to have chemistry...yes? no? meh.
Posts: 1967 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2006
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posted
well it may be the case however lots of luck trying to find a virgin these days
even all the arab girls are getting their stuff sewn back together pre-wedding
but i dont think i tmakes a difference.
lots of guys dont want an unexperienced girl (as so they tell me)
ivrginity doesn tmean a girl is nice or kind or isnt a gold digger. i mean remember the topic here a while back about the girl who put her virginity up for sale and she would lose it to the highest payer? she was untouched but yet clearly a skank.
its just a physical thing thats all it is.
Posts: 2757 | From: YOU CAN ONLY SEE WHAT I CHOOSE TO SHOW, THERE IS SO MUCH MORE YOU JUST DONT KNOW | Registered: Oct 2007
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posted
no to sex b4 marriage ? YES
Posts: 3945 | From: ' Res Contr ' Amor non es guirens, lai on sos poders s'atura | Registered: Dec 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Momma Dukes: ivrginity doesn tmean a girl is nice or kind or isnt a gold digger. i mean remember the topic here a while back about the girl who put her virginity up for sale and she would lose it to the highest payer? she was untouched but yet clearly a skank.
very good point, yet people somehow think it makes people 'pure'
Posts: 552 | Registered: Mar 2008
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quote:Originally posted by Momma Dukes: ivrginity doesn tmean a girl is nice or kind or isnt a gold digger. i mean remember the topic here a while back about the girl who put her virginity up for sale and she would lose it to the highest payer? she was untouched but yet clearly a skank.
very good point, yet people somehow think it makes people 'pure'
purity come from within. sex is just there to make babies.
Posts: 2757 | From: YOU CAN ONLY SEE WHAT I CHOOSE TO SHOW, THERE IS SO MUCH MORE YOU JUST DONT KNOW | Registered: Oct 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Hibbah: Well- hows a person who'se never had sex before know if they're aren't sexually compatible...when theres nothing to compare it to?
I mean- if you're physically attracted to somebody I would think that'd be a pretty good sign that you're going to have chemistry...yes? no? meh.
True to how would they know hibbah. But there are different levels of chemistry i think, mild, moderate and severe...lol
Maybe to many people it wouldnt matter? Because people do differ to how sexual/sensual they are, we are not all the same are we, so perhaps some people need more snd some less?
Posts: 552 | Registered: Mar 2008
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posted
By the way, I'm not questioning whether sex before marriage is the right or wrong thing to do.
For me, now, i do think believe sex before marriage is the wrong thing to do. But it is interesting to explore peoples perceptions of these issues.
For instance, in whether it makes them think a person is pure vs someone being immoral, or whether they feel the relationship will be stronger because of it.
because i personally dont think either of those things.
Posts: 552 | Registered: Mar 2008
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posted
I think theres a difference between calling someone pure or impure, and calling them moral or immoral.
Pure is wack- its suggesting that sex is impure, that its dirty.
Obviously its not; but its immoral if you do so outside of specific situations, i.e. marriage.
(That coming from a religious perspective, which is the only perspective I really have on this)
Posts: 1967 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2006
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must you remain celibate forever then? like me, im trying to convince myself to get married again but really i dont want to. its too much drama and i dont like some guy bossing me around and getting on my nerves. so do u think it is bad?
Posts: 2757 | From: YOU CAN ONLY SEE WHAT I CHOOSE TO SHOW, THERE IS SO MUCH MORE YOU JUST DONT KNOW | Registered: Oct 2007
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posted
That is a good point MD... what if you followed the train of thought that thinks marriage is a pointless and expensive effort for a piece of paper.
Sex before marriage is no big deal if you have no plans on marrying the guy regardless if you spend 1 week or 20 years with the him.
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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quote:Originally posted by Hibbah: I think theres a difference between calling someone pure or impure, and calling them moral or immoral.
Pure is wack- its suggesting that sex is impure, that its dirty.
Obviously its not; but its immoral if you do so outside of specific situations, i.e. marriage.
(That coming from a religious perspective, which is the only perspective I really have on this)
But what if the person was not bought up in a religious environment - would their behaviour still be immoral? I mean can you judge a behaviour as immoral if the norms surrounding that behaviour say its a normal part of a relationship?
I know in Islam, we are not suposed to judge others, but many do, especially regarding this issue.
MD - yes good point. Religiously it is best to be married, so you have someone to help you, complete you, and of course you wont go down the sex before marriage road... but like you say...what if only this part of the religion is upheld by many people, but yet the bahviour side is neglected.
If people dont treat each other fairly in marriage then you have a dilema, and many people these days dont.
Muslims: Many women demand huge dowrys, accomodation etc - this may prevent men marrying and leave them in this situation.
Or men and women may be living somewhere there are not many muslims? perhaps they cant find someone to marry?
Posts: 552 | Registered: Mar 2008
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I dont know? is it immoral, i mean, if they were honest? Is it just as good a reason as any?
As long as they treated their partner right?
I've always said, I think its much more refreshing when people just say what they want. Better that a man says 'Will you marry me?, I feel the time is right for me, I think we get on, and I fancy you and want sex with you'
LOL that would soooooooo never happen
but why?
He would probably end up saying 'you have lovely eyes, i love you soo much, i cant live without you one more day, please marry me my princess'
I'd make a good Man wouldn't i? lol
Posts: 552 | Registered: Mar 2008
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posted
Who knows... I guess to some it will be seen as honesty to some it will be seen as deceit to their God.
If an atheist marrys a Muslim for sex then the atheist has nothing to fear... but has the Islamic party?
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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posted
I think I prefer the stark reality and honesty to the lines and the bull...
I met an Egyptian guy last year who boldly exlaimed one night that he liked me, he wanted to have sex with me and that he liked sex and he was good at it! I think for once LF was rendered speechless!
I like you too much.. bahabek!!! oh please lol!!!
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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quote:Originally posted by Lady Ferret: That is a good point MD... what if you followed the train of thought that thinks marriage is a pointless and expensive effort for a piece of paper.
Sex before marriage is no big deal if you have no plans on marrying the guy regardless if you spend 1 week or 20 years with the him.
i was watching a documentary on travel channel about i think it was greenland...they dont marry there at all! they live together and have kids and stuff but never marry. they dont see the point in it and they are waaay more happy than those who do.
its like romance is great but then when u get hitched something evil happens lol
Posts: 2757 | From: YOU CAN ONLY SEE WHAT I CHOOSE TO SHOW, THERE IS SO MUCH MORE YOU JUST DONT KNOW | Registered: Oct 2007
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quote:Originally posted by **cat**: [QB] Ok, the other thread got me thinking... Do you think that it makes a difference to the relationship?
No
quote: Do you think it would last longer?
No
quote: Will it be better sex?
No
I think sex should be respected, as well as our bodies. Sex before marriage doesn't bother me, however the quantity of partners would. Someone having been with 200 partners prior would not be attractive to me at all for example. Mainly because that would not insinuate trust in the back of my mind.
I think that alot of guys who are marrying a virgin, on their wedding night, should respect their wife and control themselves instead of ravishing her. I've heard many stories of this happening and the woman being permanently injured on the inside and thus never being able to enjoy sex because the guy couldn't take it easy the first couple times.
Just my thoughts... take them as you will Posts: 409 | From: Betelgeuse | Registered: Oct 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Hibbah: I think theres a difference between calling someone pure or impure, and calling them moral or immoral.
Pure is wack- its suggesting that sex is impure, that its dirty.
Obviously its not; but its immoral if you do so outside of specific situations, i.e. marriage.
(That coming from a religious perspective, which is the only perspective I really have on this)
But what if the person was not bought up in a religious environment - would their behaviour still be immoral? I mean can you judge a behaviour as immoral if the norms surrounding that behaviour say its a normal part of a relationship?
I know in Islam, we are not suposed to judge others, but many do, especially regarding this issue.
MD - yes good point. Religiously it is best to be married, so you have someone to help you, complete you, and of course you wont go down the sex before marriage road... but like you say...what if only this part of the religion is upheld by many people, but yet the bahviour side is neglected.
If people dont treat each other fairly in marriage then you have a dilema, and many people these days dont.
Muslims: Many women demand huge dowrys, accomodation etc - this may prevent men marrying and leave them in this situation.
Or men and women may be living somewhere there are not many muslims? perhaps they cant find someone to marry?
Well then who cares? If the person themself doesn't think they are doing something wrong- its up to them. As long as they're not hurting other people or themselves.
I can't really separate my view from my religion. I'm going to sound like some Christian Youth Minister corn ball by saying this, but I think sex is something special, and it should be between two people who care about each other, and it should be private.
Thats my standard for non-Muslims too. If two people are going out, and they love each other- then whatever floats their boat. Have friends that have sex, even though they're not married, and I just mind my business basically.
But I do get uncomfortable with people who have a very flippant view on sex; that they're fine with casual sex, one night stands, etc.
I think theres an emotional aspect to sex, a physical aspect, a psychological aspect. I think people should respect their bodies, and I think by engaging in random acts of sex, they're disrespecting themselves, and endangering themselves.
But why should anyone really care what somebody elses thinks-unless they're someone close to them?
Posts: 1967 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2006
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posted
I've mentioned this before: but my parents, out of marriage, produced two children, and raised a third, together. They have been together 26 years, and married only one (due to wanting the rights giving to married couples). Does this mean they have been immoral, does this mean me and my brother were produced immorally? Not at all. My parents just don't see the point in marriage, to them its just a piece of paper, it doesn't prove you are suddenly more committed. Hell, people can go to vegas and get hitched whilst drunk to strangers, are they suddenly now more moral than my parents for it?
Also, as mentioned above, yes, people can just be sexually incompatible, even if they are emotionally very suited. It is the same as: You might have everything in common with a person, all apart from your favourite books- you might love fantasy, they might hate it and love westerns. So, you might make each other laugh, share interests, be attracted to each other, but, the guy might like being dominated, but the girl likes good old fashioned lights off missionary. Lets remember people who like the really kinky stuff: dogging, golden showers, etc. You cannot tell if a man (or woman) is into that stuff whilst you hold his hand across the restaurant table, he certainly isn't going to admit to it either.
I prefer to have an emotionally connection. However, I don't mind if people want to sleep around, they are two (or perhaps more lol) consenting adults, and it has no bearing on me, and doesn't hurt others, as long as they are safe. If you are not in a committed relationship, then it should be law to wear a condom lol, other birth control does not stop STDs.
As for it being better sex, well, that depends on the persons preference. Some people might get more turned on by having sex with strangers, some prefer to be in love. Each to their own.
-------------------- Another one.... Posts: 2573 | From: England | Registered: Jun 2008
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posted
I think that a couple that shows obvious and clear devotion to each other, live together, raise a family, are completely dedicated to their family and each other ARE married in the eyes of God and of late to society in many countries. If marriage is a decree by God I am sure he didn't mean it needed a stamp from Mogamma! Those civil institutions are man made and prone to change. The idea of companionship between man and woman is not. So to me a relationship is not immoral if there is real dedication, ring or no ring...
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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quote:Originally posted by weirdkitty: Lets remember people who like the really kinky stuff: dogging, golden showers, etc. You cannot tell if a man (or woman) is into that stuff whilst you hold his hand across the restaurant table, he certainly isn't going to admit to it either.
quote:Originally posted by weirdkitty: Lets remember people who like the really kinky stuff: dogging, golden showers, etc. You cannot tell if a man (or woman) is into that stuff whilst you hold his hand across the restaurant table, he certainly isn't going to admit to it either.
I cant believe you actually posted that...LOL
I can't believe I missed it.
OW WOW! Posts: 6335 | From: Straight to my heart. | Registered: Sep 2007
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posted
Lol, that wasn't from personal experience, so don't get any freaky ideas about me Anyway, it isn't just the weird kinky ones- what about men who can't get it up! Gods, do you really want to find that one out on your wedding night?
-------------------- Another one.... Posts: 2573 | From: England | Registered: Jun 2008
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posted
Owwwwwwwww WK, It might be due to shyness or anxiety... and if it was due to illness or something, would it be right to disown them? Probably if you married him, you would help him through that
Anyway, Islamically, you would have grounds for divorce or annulment, in the case that he couldnt at all!!!
But that is rare surely...?
Posts: 552 | Registered: Mar 2008
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posted
Even if it is just a one off- that is your wedding night! That last thing you want is both going to sleep feeling incredibly awkward and embarrassed. Kind of takes from the day a little, lol. I think you have two sides to people, the public, and the private. I wouldn't marry someone if I had only seen their private side, never seeing what they are like out of the home, so how could I marry if I had only seen the public side? If that makes sense. Also, waiting until marriage also pushes people to get married quicker. Yes, sure, they should be able to wait, but come on, when you are dating someone you are attracted to, of course you will want to take the relationship further, it is a natural desire. However, getting married quickly means you probably haven't taken the time to really know the person.
-------------------- Another one.... Posts: 2573 | From: England | Registered: Jun 2008
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quote:Originally posted by weirdkitty: Lol, that wasn't from personal experience, so don't get any freaky ideas about me Anyway, it isn't just the weird kinky ones- what about men who can't get it up! Gods, do you really want to find that one out on your wedding night?
Lol, you worry about the "kinky ones" too much. Posts: 6335 | From: Straight to my heart. | Registered: Sep 2007
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posted
I persoanlly think it is wise to know someone inside and out before you commit. If I believed marriage was a worthy investment I wouldn't walk into without knowing everything there is to know.
Sexual attraction is healthy and normal. If it is mutual then I really do fail to see how it can be deemed as immoral!
Imagine on the wedding night you find he has a deformity, grey pubes but a head full of black hair or the clap! Happy Honeymooning Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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quote:Originally posted by Ford Prefect (not perfect): I think sex should be respected, as well as our bodies. Sex before marriage doesn't bother me, however the quantity of partners would. Someone having been with 200 partners prior would not be attractive to me at all for example. Mainly because that would not insinuate trust in the back of my mind.
Yes and no.
That would make me think the partner has an insatiable appetite for sex and is looking for the next excitement the minute he is bored with me.
But on the other hand... sometimes people just like to sow their wild oats before committing. Well, 200 lovers is a feat (hmmm, what is the time span?); let's say the number could be a bit smaller. I'd prefer my husband to do it before marriage than after.
Posts: 2807 | From: Europe | Registered: Nov 2007
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posted
No WK, I'm not playing the innocent, just you two have a much more 'open and graphic' mind than me Posts: 552 | Registered: Mar 2008
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quote:Originally posted by Lady Ferret: I am holding back
Thank god.
Let's hope you don't have too much to drink when you see this thread next time. Posts: 6335 | From: Straight to my heart. | Registered: Sep 2007
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quote:Originally posted by weirdkitty: Cat, don't play the innocent, you are the one starting threads about sex, you knew exactly what you were in for lol
quote:Originally posted by weirdkitty: Lol, that wasn't from personal experience, so don't get any freaky ideas about me Anyway, it isn't just the weird kinky ones- what about men who can't get it up! Gods, do you really want to find that one out on your wedding night?
This remindes me of Charlotte and Trey in Sex and The City - perfect couple, decided to wait and then he couldn't get it up except when he was masturbating over a sex magazine specialized in gigantic breasts! Poor Charlotte!!!
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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quote:This remindes me of Charlotte and Trey in Sex and The City - perfect couple, decided to wait and then he couldn't get it up except when he was masturbating over a sex magazine specialized in gigantic breasts! Poor Charlotte!!!
Lol, that was actually my inspiration for the example.
-------------------- Another one.... Posts: 2573 | From: England | Registered: Jun 2008
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posted
Vader, I saw the thread after a drink but could spell sado masochism at the time Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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posted
The problem is why you were thinking about it in the first place. Posts: 6335 | From: Straight to my heart. | Registered: Sep 2007
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quote:This remindes me of Charlotte and Trey in Sex and The City - perfect couple, decided to wait and then he couldn't get it up except when he was masturbating over a sex magazine specialized in gigantic breasts! Poor Charlotte!!!
Lol, that was actually my inspiration for the example.
posted
People look to this issue according to their culture and religious beliefs,Although the Europeans, mostly believes in Christianity, But the customs and culture Overcome the religious beliefs. Christianity and Judaism refuses to have sex before marriage, However, we find nothing unusual, contrary they think that the women who still a virgin become un normal ,they advise her to go to A psychiatrist
as I am a Muslim, I find that sex before marriage is prohibited , not just cos iam muslim but All the Christians in the Middle East believes that it is prohibited. True, there are those who have sex before marriage Christians and Muslims ,But these from our point of view commit sin , and we think that those people are in wrong. Some atheists believe that is immoral and others seen as something normal Each person seen through culture
Islam respects women and appreciate, we do not consider her like car to test before purchase,and sex is not just there to make babies. in Qura'an God say (And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect. )
-------------------- the Egyptian phantom Posts: 39 | From: between Egypt and kuwait | Registered: Oct 2008
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