posted
Hello! newbie here! I've seen many people post about successful marriages etc' to Egyptians, and I completely agree you can't generalise a whole country of people to be the same. Just wondered how everyone first met their boyfriends/ husbands . As after reading all the horror stories and warnings about men in tourism....quite concerned about MY boyfriend. I trust him, but cor! Don't these posts make me paranoid haha. Hope to hear from you all soon .
Posts: 31 | From: Guernsey -Channel islands | Registered: May 2009
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Met mine through a friend of mine who knew his friend. not very exciting is it?
Read all the stories, take it all onboard, interrogate your man, blame him for every woman on here thats been hurt and used, be paranoid, see if he runs or not
-------------------- If you don't learn from your mistakes, there's no sense making them. Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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You come from a lovely part of the world, I have some very happy memories of sailing around Guernsey, not sure if any man is worth leaving there for LOL.
I sort of met my husband when I was on holiday with friends, I say sort of as we didn't really even get to know each other let alone anything romantic ( actually come to think of it I am sure he is the only Egyptian that doesn't do romantic!) We exchanged phone numbers not thinking much about it but he then just happened to invite me for a visit to Cairo when I wanted to not be in a certain place at a certain time so I took him up on it. Had a great time, laughed alot, met some of the family, was thoroughly spoilt and we became great friends.
Married 9 months later and still together after 7 years Posts: 3809 | From: Paradise | Registered: Mar 2003
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Welcome Omneya. I met my husband in Sharm 4 1/2 years ago. We were friends for a long time. We married last December and he has been here for 5 weeks now. My best advice is don't ever feel pressurised, just take your time getting to know each other.
Posts: 4476 | From: Scotland | Registered: Mar 2006
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Working in tourism doesn't have to be a red flag, I think it depends on how he is as a person. How his family raised him, how their background is, what he knows about the world and other cultures, how he respects people who grew up in a different way, how he developed his personality by working in a touristic area... Also important is how his situation is, does he have a good job, is he satisfied with it, does he have the possibility to build a life from this?
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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I met my husband through a shipping company when I was looking for a contact in Egypt to ship my stuff to since I was moving there. He works for an American company that ships to the middle east. We talked on the phone frequently for 8 months and became friends while we were working out the logistics of my shipment. In December of 2007 (6 weeks before I was scheduled to move to Egypt) he had to fly to the States for a business trip. I flew out from Indiana to where he was staying in Colorado and we spent Christmas week together. Four months later we were married. Just had our 1 year anniversary.
Posts: 1626 | From: whatever, wherever | Registered: Jul 2008
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Just remember the red flags that will soon tell you what he is like. Does he ask for money? Does he keep you secret from his family and friends? Is there a large age gap, with him younger (although, there are some happily married people on here with this, so not always a red flag). How eager is he for a VISA? And so on- pretty much just keep your common sense about you. Learn all you can about his culture- IE, an egy men really wouldn't ask money from an egy female, so he shouldn't ask it from you. And, remember there are a lot of questions that need answering before you can move forward. What religion are you, and does he expect you to convert? How much does he expect you to cover? Is he happy for you to work? Are you ok to raise any children you have Muslim (if he is a muslim that is). Does he expect you to do all the cooking and cleaning, and are you ok with that? Will he allow you to go out alone? Does he expect you to be totally shaved, and are you ok with that (yep, very common over there). What are his feelings on female genital mutilation (luckily becoming less common, but still a point of concern). What are his feelings about having more than one wife? Take it slowly- too often women go once, and then get married. Would you do that with a guy from your country? Very unlikely, so why rush it just because he is foreign. Talking for hours on end via the internet or the phone, really only give you a small percentage of what he is actually like, although tricky, the best thing it to go to Egypt as much as possible (and stay in a flat, not a hotel to help get a “real” picture).
Posts: 2573 | From: England | Registered: Jun 2008
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Met my husband through a friend when she asked him to take her to airport to meet me. We took things slowly and were like best friends for months before it developed. 14 years and 3 children later still happy (most of the time )
It is different and has not always been easy, not because he is Egyptain (men are men ) but because we are of different religions. Not in respect of myself - he would never ever tell me what i should and shouldn't do or wear (he wouldn't dare ) but when you have children that is when problems can arise (in my humble opinion anyway Not to say those problems can't arise anyway with any partner.
Re-read Kittys post over and over that is great advice, hope things turn out right for you Posts: 895 | Registered: Sep 2007
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I think the biggest part of any long term successful relationship irregardless of any religious or cultural issues is mutual respect, understanding and the ability to discuss the things that matter and compromise where necessary. In this instance however the future would concern me greatly in relation to his expectations of you as a wife and the upbringing of the kiddies. Forewarned is forearmed
I met a lady here once way older than her Misr b/f... I asked if it was love and she said no, just sex. Sometimes reality may be shocking but at least there were no disillusions or false dreams
I am not saying you are old or this is just sex, I just wanted to share my story Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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Wow! Thanks everyone for all your posts! Great advice =D.
I'll give you all a bit of an overview of what I'm up to, to explain my post a bit .
I've been planning to go to Egypt to work and live...well...since the first time i ever went there! haha.I'm in love with the place. I've planned a year out there to work and just get the general experience of it all. I've made loads of egyptian friends over the many times I've been there, and they've been great helping me find work and everything. It just so happens that I've become particularly close to one friend and after a few more trips to see him we are now officially together. So my plans are slightly altered. I'm still planning to go there for a year and work, but will be living with my boyfriend, and seeing how it goes.
(Don't worry Penny I'm not giving Guernsey up that easily! =D I love it when people know where Guernsey is. Even my friends in the Uk had no idea where it was untill I educated them on it . They're still convinced I'm french.)
Ayisha- hahaha it sounds a plan! I think I've asked most of the questions/ interrogated him quiiite often but plan to do much more! =D
I think a lot of it all boils down to experience with each other and seeing how it goes...
He seems genuine, and we get on really well. But I was just a bit concerned about the reputation of men who work in tourism. There's no major age gap with us- he's actually older than me, but only by 3 years. The main concern is his job...he works as a waiter and bellydancer, and as soon as I tell anyone that i get warned to not get involved. He's never asked me for money. Has called me everyday since I left 4 months ago. and wants me to meet his family, who i've spoken to on the phone . We've spoken loads about a future together and addressed the issues. He's doesn't mind me working, and knows I am Christian. He also says he doesn't mind where we live, and if I want to live in Egypt that's fine, at the same time as anywhere else in the world. But he's made a point that wherever he lives he wants to be working too, and not depending on my income. I'm not making any plans like this just yet, but have considered our options if we do see a future ahead of us..
So what do you think? am i going the right way about it?
thanks again guys! =D
Posts: 31 | From: Guernsey -Channel islands | Registered: May 2009
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The see how it goes view is cool, don't put all your eggs in one bastard to quote a fellow ES member.
None of us here really know how it really is but there are many happy and sad stories to boot so I guess unless you give it a go, you'll just never know.
Where in Egypt?
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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pahaha that quote is amazing! I'm using that in future. Yeah I'm trying not to get my hopes up ..and act a bit like I don't care to avoid getting hurt. And if it doesn't work out ... rent a different apartment and get on with things =). Would be nice if it did work though. Will be in sharm after 7 weeks. Then I'LL be the one working in tourism haha.
Posts: 31 | From: Guernsey -Channel islands | Registered: May 2009
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There are ladies with men in Sharm and there are a few whose relationships didn't work and stayed on as well so it you have a plan b then I can't see why you are still in France, sorry, Guernsey
It is a fab quote
Sure it would be nice if it all did work... but no one can see into the future??? And you seem realistic to it all so I wish you luck I am a big believer in regretting what you did and not what you didn't
If you work in Tourism can we get discounts Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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haha oh God! I've started something now with my secret French nationality. I'm glad you think I'm being realistic, because I thought I was..and just wanted someone to confirm it a bit- nearly don't trust myself after the posts I've read! . Yeah...my main problem is this future viewing bussiness...can't seem to get the hang of it despite how much I try. So is always good to have a plan or two..or three i guess. Thank you LF! and yes i will be a pro at giving people "special price" and all that bartering lark soon . Discounts will be my middle name. Where are you by the way? I'm guessing not france.. haha
Posts: 31 | From: Guernsey -Channel islands | Registered: May 2009
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posted
There are certainly benefits with being with a guy who works in tourism- they usually have better English for example Tourism is huge business over there, with thousands of guys working in it- so it would be silly to assume every single one of them is a con artist/player. I was with a guy in tourism (representative)- we split up just because of the common fact that some people are not right for each other, whatever the country, and not because he was a conner *gasp*
-------------------- Another one.... Posts: 2573 | From: England | Registered: Jun 2008
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posted
I am in Cairo but originally from the Midlands...
I have lived here for 9 months and I am very happy. I didn't come here for love though... I came for may other reasons...
There are bad, good and the amicable relationship stories here. The amicable just don't have a right lot to say
Having numerous contingency plans never hurt anybody. The realsim that you are making a life time decision that could go wrong is so important...
I must seem so negative!!! The reality you are looking for work and discussing the important things is fabulous.
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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exception! God my english gets awful as soon as i touch a keyboard.
Posts: 31 | From: Guernsey -Channel islands | Registered: May 2009
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posted
He is a waiter and a bellydancer??? Never seen male bellydancers, and I wonder if there is any future in this combination of jobs. How does he see his future?
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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quote:Originally posted by ?????: He is a waiter and a bellydancer??? Never seen male bellydancers, and I wonder if there is any future in this combination of jobs. How does he see his future?
I was wondering about that myself. I have a friend in Siwa who insists she has seen male bellydancers perform. I thought she was joking or talking about Sufi dancers.
Talk about equal opportunity employment though...too bad it does not work both ways in Egypt. Posts: 1626 | From: whatever, wherever | Registered: Jul 2008
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posted
Haha, I am afraid equality isn't an existing word in the Egyptian dictionary!
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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posted
You can't live together unmarried. You may get away with visitation if he's of a certain class but if he's a waiter, you won't. Egypt is an extremely class-based society and unfortunately working in tourism industry and working as a waiter are classes apart. Your landlord will quickly pick up on your boyfriend's background via his accent, mannerisms, clothes, etc.
I understand that you don't care and that you were brought up treat all people as equals and this type of attitude is appalling to you.
I also understand how highly he praises you for this attitude and how wonderful and non-judgmental he believes you to be, what wonderful qualities those are.
Here's the harsh reality.
He was not raised with the same values as you. While he may admire you for treating everyone equal, he was raised within this class system. He would never get an Egyptian, college-educated woman to marry him. They might be in love, but her family would not accept.
Again, all wonderful and romantic, but you have to remember HE was raised in the same class-based society I'm describing and does practice it (to what degree depends).
There isn't just a cultural difference, there's also a class difference. To the extend, that given a comparison it would be like marrying an aristocrat (with public duties expected of you) or a famous person (always in a public eye, scrutinized) ... entire outlook on life is completely different.
So, take your time and s-l-o-w. Remember if he was marrying an Egyptian, the engagement period would be at least a year.
Posts: 2182 | Registered: Oct 2002
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Or look into an Urfi marriage which is very common or bribe the landlords which is also on the up and up. Amazing how quickly folk can tur a blind eye!
*disclaimer
I am neither for, or against either. I am neutral with no opinion and just passing on what is available on a google search!
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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posted
Omneya for God's sake can't you see what you're heading into ?? I'm an Egyptian old fart that's been around enough to judge people's standards, I can tell you the BOZO you're referring to is nothing to be proud of, you plan on living with this clown ? Are you outa your mind ?
What quality of life do you expect in Egypt ? The culture is a drag to most of the foreign folks down here, c'mon this is your life, don't fall for any old love words on a phone call, wake up.
Posts: 3219 | From: Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone. | Registered: Nov 2005
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LF you live in Heliopolis, in a sane environment, no junkies and pedlars, you're not living on bakshish in God knows where in Sharm day to day, moving from one job to another bragging about your bad luck and if it were not for whatever the crap, it would have been so and so. Did you try plan A ?
Posts: 3219 | From: Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone. | Registered: Nov 2005
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posted
Plan B??? Where is plan B??? First I should like to know what a BOZO is? And I still have no clue about male bellydancers... Anyway, we don't know how the posters personal situation is, and we don't know how damaging a move to Sharm and a relationship with a man can be! LF, you are very easy talking about expierence it herself, but there ARE situations possible when this would be a very bad idea because she possibly can't handle it! Not everybody has the right attitude to step into such things and move on again and consider it as a learning expierence. There are numbers of women here who have been so hurted, that it left marks forever. Sometimes I even wondered about their psychological health, all because of what happened to them... We are all different and the poster herself knows herself the best. If she already got the information that his occupation is not accepted,she never met his family to see how they are like, that Egypt lives by the grace of separated classes and that he is a part of the lowest class, and she thinks she is strong enough to bend but not break, is able to move on in a normal way when it should be needed, thén she can give it a chance!
Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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posted
Well the poster was moving to Egypt regardless. What this sounds like is what we joke about sometimes....first egyptian male "friend" stakes claims on the foreign woman as soon as she sets foot on egyptian soil and chases any other single male friend within a 5 mile radius away from her.
soon thereafter, said male "friend" expresses romantic feelings and becomes boyfriend.
no offense met, but heard this so often too.
Posts: 2182 | Registered: Oct 2002
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posted
I am living plan A I always get what I want
I hear Sharm is an ok place for Brits, I know a few who want to go live there. It may be bad for the Egyptians but the Westerners seem to thrive...
I wouldn't wanna go personally as I left Britain to get away from them all
I hear there is also a great window for folk to start businesses there to provide for all the Westerners... can't be all that bad.
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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LF your vision of Egyptian 'TOURISM' seems to be limited to sand, sun and sea. Posts: 3219 | From: Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone. | Registered: Nov 2005
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Back up- can someone point out exactly what this man has done to be called a bozo? We don't know him, the one person who does know him here has said nothing bad about him... so what have I missed? Posts: 2573 | From: England | Registered: Jun 2008
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It is the standard formula. Although a) can be replaced with taxi driver or police (or alike on the scale) and b) can be replaced with Luxor or Hurghada (or alike on the scale).
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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It was on a felucca, the guy was really talented and danced perfectly to the music, shaking his arse and moving his hips very flexibly. The Egyptian audience loved it, I laughed and laughed. It is soooo funny seeing a guy belly dance. !!! My hubby does it sometimes here at home in his underwear, I rolling on the floor laughing when that happens!
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Lady Ferret: It wasn't just luck, I got off my ass and did something with my life
Oh ! Is this a message to me for posting on ES ? You could be right, actually I do spend a considerable amount of time on the web trading in currencies with an account in margin trading, what can a retired guy do more after having achieved so many in life..
My lap-top is on most of the time, can't help it its an addiction, discovered ES and was fascinated by all the experiences posted here by foreign ladies, so I decided to participate in correcting some wrong thoughts of Egyptian culture and behaviour, along with helping them learn the tricks of dealing with the mess they're exposed to, ironically it was SQ who I admired for her struggle to exist with her limited financial situation.
I've two open positions in the currency market to monitor EUR against GBP and EUR against USD, on this site http://www.forexnews.com/, the market's slow for the moment as far-eastern and Australian markets don't shake much, so if markets move higher in both positions by tomorrow I shall make some money and pull out, if not then I will lose once the position hits the stop-loss I've ordered to my broker.
I do have a life by the way, which is of no concern to strangers whom I've never met in real life. Posts: 3219 | From: Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone. | Registered: Nov 2005
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She thinks she's doing what's right, she has been warned. Posts: 3219 | From: Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone. | Registered: Nov 2005
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Who are we to tell her what is right? Who are we to make assumptions about a man we haven't met? It seems silly to judge someone because of their job, or where they live. How many men work in tourism in Sharm? Bloody loads, is every single one of them a bozo, or what ever name you want to throw about to strangers? Why don’t people understand that not every one who hooks up with an egy guy is blinded by love and then conned. Some people keep their wits about them, and just want to see where the relationship may take them. She already planned on living in Egypt, and she has met someone she likes and wants to get to know better. If it fails it fails, but better to try than to live a life of shoulda woulda coulda.
-------------------- Another one.... Posts: 2573 | From: England | Registered: Jun 2008
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Well said WK, nothing said here will prevent her from carrying out her plan...nothing, but now she knows better what to look out for.
Posts: 3219 | From: Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone. | Registered: Nov 2005
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The fact is Sharm is where the work is (or was)and higher paid. A lot of guys moved there for work to either send money back to their families, save for marriage, save for college or save for opening a business in their home town. WK as usual talks sense Judgements should not be passed on people you don't know.
Posts: 4476 | From: Scotland | Registered: Mar 2006
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posted
Sharm el Sheik, Hurghada any of these resort places is filled with con artists they could get the shirt off your back without you knowing it.Most of the men working in the tourist trade are from very poor backrounds they go work in Sharm or Hurghada to hustle foreigners. Most foreigners are not aware of the class system in Egypt and what it means in other countries it is ok to date someone with less money, in Egypt this is not the case.I could give you hundreds of examples of Egyptians using foreign women for their peronal gain.If you do not understand the language you are also left in the dark.What you don't know could hurt you.I won't judge all the men that work in this industry but I am sorry to say it is a good percentage take it from an Egyptian who knows better.
posted
whoahhh, sorry haven't been on for a little bit. Thanks for your replies and warnings. Thanks to those who were sticking up for me especially! lol it's appreciated.
I think I'm aware of all the things to look out for now. And as far as I know I'm not "blinded by love"...I'm going for the country alone. Was just seeing if there was a possibility of a successful relationship too. No one persuaded me to come to Egypt I decided this before I met my boyfriend. Yes male bellydancers exist, and are often better than women . Don't worry guys if all fails I've got back up plans. I think it will take an awful lot to put me off Egypt. As much as I care about him, I've been brought up to not let anyone get in the way of what you really want to do. So i don't plan to . If we manage to have a successful relationship then obviously i'm happy. But if it doesn't work out I'll get back up again and carry on as planned. Don't worry I'm prepared, warned, planned..the lot! Thanks for all your concern and advice though. I think i've summed it all up but if I've left anything out let me know =).
Posts: 31 | From: Guernsey -Channel islands | Registered: May 2009
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quote:Originally posted by Omneya: whoahhh, sorry haven't been on for a little bit. Thanks for your replies and warnings. Thanks to those who were sticking up for me especially! lol it's appreciated.
I think I'm aware of all the things to look out for now. And as far as I know I'm not "blinded by love"...I'm going for the country alone. Was just seeing if there was a possibility of a successful relationship too. No one persuaded me to come to Egypt I decided this before I met my boyfriend. Yes male bellydancers exist, and are often better than women . Don't worry guys if all fails I've got back up plans. I think it will take an awful lot to put me off Egypt. As much as I care about him, I've been brought up to not let anyone get in the way of what you really want to do. So i don't plan to . If we manage to have a successful relationship then obviously i'm happy. But if it doesn't work out I'll get back up again and carry on as planned. Don't worry I'm prepared, warned, planned..the lot! Thanks for all your concern and advice though. I think i've summed it all up but if I've left anything out let me know =).
UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!
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. As after reading all the horror stories and warnings about men in tourism....quite concerned about MY boyfriend.
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) but because we are of different religions. Not in respect of myself - he would never ever tell me what i should and shouldn't do or wear (he wouldn't dare ![[Confused]](confused.gif)
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