I met an Egyptian guy on holiday in Sinai - a waiter at the hotel I was staying at. I was friendly with him and his three pals, who I thought were lovely. We saw each other for three weeks - all fairly chaste because he felt guilty due to his religion - which was quite refreshing. Now I'm back home he's confessing undying love and texts me several times a day and msn messages me...
There's a lot of distrust on these boards - and I've been warned about Egyptian men while I was on holiday. I'm concerned culturally too because I know his views about sex are pretty judgemental - he lost his virginity recently to a western woman, and while we were having a heated debate one night coming home he called her a "bitch" - as in "whore" for sleeping with him. He said he'd never discuss marriage with her because she slept with him. So I said "Well I'm a whore bitch too because I am no longer a virgin, even if I haven't slept with you."
We've had a lot of heart to hearts which is why I'm inclined to trust that he's telling me the truth as he feels it (though he seems torn between his religion and his relatively western lifestyle - he's a light drinker but wants to give up all together, and no longer work with alcohol). Although he's talking about wanting to marry me, I am concerned that this would move him further away from his beliefs. I'm not muslim, but I don't want to mess his head up by "westernising" him - nor do I want to sit at home with kids and wear a headscarf when I go out.
I've offered to fund him to come over for a holiday for a week in London. But some of the messages on Egypt Search are really scary - saying it takes you four years to find out that you're being duped for money. I don't want to tar a whole nation with the same brush, but nor do I want to be a patsy, or launch into a doomed romance.
He says he wants to be with me and doesn't care where it is in the world. He doesn't seem to have plans / clarity about his future & dreams - which he would need if he was to marry an Egyptian woman... I don't want to be his mum or the answer to his dreams - because he needs a direction of his own.
Do you have any advice for research / steps I should take / points I should consider before getting into deeper water with him? I seem stuck between being a cold-hearted realist and a sentimental fool....
Posted by Snoozin (Member # 6244) on :
Be careful. Some of these seem to work out. Many don't.
My advice to any woman -- risk your heart or your wallet, never both. I wouldn't pay for him to come to London if I were you....
Other than that, there isn't any harm in getting to know him better. Posted by liney (Member # 9790) on :
I feel for you i know where your head and your heart are in this I really can`t give you any advice I just hope,really.really hope for the best for you,read my own thread `i think i know the answer but..`its on `Visiting Egypt`
Posted by akshar (Member # 1680) on :
We don't know him so can't make a judgement on him. And actually neither do you. Get to know him better and then make YOUR mind up whether you can trust him.
As to whether you have a future with him, well think about it seriously. You don't want to be a stay at home with and i suspect from the way you are talking he is from a conservative background so the kind of wives he knows are stay at home ones. Could he change and accept a more independent woman. Well at this stage it seems unlikely as his experience with a Western woman lead him to disrespect her when actually he should be disrespecting himself. I bet he told her he loved her, she might even have believed him. She might be on these forums asking for help with this nice young man who won't talk to her any more.
So a future with someone who can turn on someone else because he betrayed his own ideals ..........
Seems like he needs to do a lot more growing up.
And take the alternative bringing him to the West, how would he cope.
So you have a problem, you might love each other and you might be able to trust him but neither of you can live in each others country. I suspect that will be the big issue.
I know someone who loves her husband dearly and he loves her but she does not love Egypt and therefore finds life here really difficult. She knows her husband would not like the UK. So after a couple of years of marriage she is seriously thinking of her alternatives. You might like to do that before you get to emotionally tangled.
Posted by Penny (Member # 1925) on :
Don't spend time worrying about who should pay for a trip to London because the fact is it won't ever happen.He won't be able to get a VISA.
Sounds like you made a nice friendship, so why not leave it at that. Do you really want to contemplate a life living on less than £50 a month ( if that) because that is where you are heading if you take this any further than friendship.
Posted by karena (Member # 9835) on :
I met an eg guy back in September and we are still very much in contact I am on my third visit to see him in April. I am in no rush to live in Egypt or for him to live in London let alone marry him as I need to get to know him a quite lot more and he is quite willing to accept this. If your really serious about this guy for your own sake please get to know him a lot better before you even contemplate getting married and having children. Please do not send him money to come over to London, You cannot buy Love, Love takes time!
Posted by ~Sharon Stone~ (Member # 5169) on :
Flightofancy
My honest reply: Holiday affair is just holiday affair. Move on.
The guy doesn't respect women in general. He is religious but in reality he is not really religious. He slept with western lady yet claiming she is whore. But he slept with her too, right? So if everyone who has sex is whore, then he is whore too. Why would you want to be around that type of close-minded limited guy?
If he was religious, he would not tell you she is whore out of respect. It's not his to judge any female especially one who was raised in another culture. And if he does, he needs to apply the same standards on himself.
He seems to be dominant male who excuses his bad behavior and blames everyone else for it but not himself.
He is totally irresponsible. If he would do something, it would be always someone else's fault. He wants both, to have a cake and eat it too.
Is he good looking? Sexy? Attractive? Maybe you think you can never have such a good looking guy and you want to VALIDATE yourself. Why him?
You should look for a man who enhances your life instead. Good Luck! ============= All this under condition that all you said is 100% accurate. Remember this was your perception of him! Reply is based on that specifically.
Posted by flightofancy (Member # 10038) on :
Hello all
Thank you so much for your replies - it's so much easier to say sensible things to other people's dilemmas, eh! So thanks for seeing the wood for the trees.
Interestingly I called him yesterday to tell him I was overdrawn so paying out for him to come over was a problem. He said that's fine and there's no rush - if I go and visit him, he says, he'll pay for nights out, etc from his tips - he says he's got plenty. And he says he doesn't mind where he sees me - UK or Egypt or wherever.
Thing is he's just spent LE1400 on a fancy mobile phone (which is why I thought... "why am I considering hocking myself to pay for this guy when he's obviously got money to spend on stuff that's a priority"). This is me feeling guilty because the UK pound is much stronger than the Egyptian one or because this poor guy is trapped / confused / torn, etc.
The woman he lost his virginity too is also coming out to Dahab in March to train as a diving instructor.... though he says they're "just friends" now ... yet he didn't want me to come out at the same time... nor has he told her about me. Can you hear alarm bells?
So I'm joining an online dating agency instead to see what other men there are out there who might have a bit more to offer me. Good luck you all and if you have any more insights, do let me know !
And yes, Sharon, he is very sexy, and yes I do think I can't have such a good looking guy and I want to validate myself. Sorry to be so damn predictable.
Posted by mooneal (Member # 8782) on :
U know, all what I feel is to wish u my best. I also think that my validity here is over and I have to leave.
Posted by Snoozin (Member # 6244) on :
quote:Originally posted by mooneal: I also think that my validity here is over and I have to leave.
What do you mean, Mooneal?
You aren't leaving permanently, are you? Posted by mooneal (Member # 8782) on :
Thank u, Snoozin, as usually. I'm glad that u understood the word "validity" in this context. I don't know what's going on with me, what should I say.
Posted by Snoozin (Member # 6244) on :
Don't leave... I know I am being selfish, but I enjoy reading your posts. Humanized left, Tigerman left....now you? Posted by mooneal (Member # 8782) on :
Don't tell me that Humanized and Tiger left? Dudda left, too. She was my friend. Seren also. U know it's impossible to tell that u have crisis with ES. It's a forum. U're great, my dear Snoozin. Heart 4 U
Posted by Tigerlily (Member # 3567) on :
Snoozin, what do you mean by Tigerman left? He is not posting any longer????!!!!! Posted by Snoozin (Member # 6244) on :
Yeah, Tigerman got upset that one of his posts on the politics board was deleted, apparently by moderators...I don't know the whole story.
Thanks, Mooneal. I didn't know Dudda was gone permanently....and I was also hoping Seren would start posting again.
Posted by mooneal (Member # 8782) on :
Oh know, we can't have crisis!! Tiger, Seren, Doudda, please! Back. And, my dear Snoozin, be here always with me/us, promise?
Posted by QueenBee (Member # 9378) on :
hey, sorry to butt in here, but I was reading that post that was deleated, with interest. I was wondering if it was going to remain on the board, because there were really awful threats in that thread about offing people. So I just assumed it was removed for that reason. Don't know why anyone would take offense to that!
Flight - I would say trust your gut...those hot ones are dangerousssssssssssss. wink.
Posted by Snoozin (Member # 6244) on :
quote:Originally posted by QueenBee: hey, sorry to butt in here, but I was reading that post that was deleated, with interest. I was wondering if it was going to remain on the board, because there were really awful threats in that thread about offing people. So I just assumed it was removed for that reason. Don't know why anyone would take offense to that!
Flight - I would say trust your gut...those hot ones are dangerousssssssssssss. wink.
You know, there were and still are threats to kill people on *my* thread about *State why the US should support the Palestinians,* but that thread didn't get deleted. I wasn't following Tiger's thread often enough to see if any threats were posted there. Posted by yazid904 (Member # 7708) on :
flight,
I am sure there are more decent men out there! If yuh friend said the 'b' word to another, then you're next in line. Be friendly without being familiar.
Posted by catlover (Member # 7982) on :
quote:Originally posted by flightofancy: Hi
I met an Egyptian guy on holiday in Sinai <snip> I'm concerned culturally too because I know his views about sex are pretty judgemental - he lost his virginity recently to a western woman, and while we were having a heated debate one night coming home he called her a "bitch" - as in "whore" for sleeping with him. He said he'd never discuss marriage with her because she slept with him. So I said "Well I'm a whore bitch too because I am no longer a virgin, even if I haven't slept with you." <snip> although he's talking about wanting to marry me, I am concerned that this would move him further away from his beliefs. I'm not muslim, but I don't want to mess his head up by "westernising" him - nor do I want to sit at home with kids and wear a headscarf when I go out.
<snip>
Run a mile.
My Cheffie's ex-best friend, a housekeeping team leader in a quiet Sinai hotel, seemed a really nice, goodlooking, guy at first, very helpful to Cheffie and me (translating for us when we tried to make arrangements and some other stuff).
I discovered he had very strong views about sex before marriage and had got involved with a Russian girl on the internet. She came to see him and when he found out she wasn't a virgin he called her all manner of names - bitch, whore, etc etc (didn't help that she ended up going off with the hotel manager - she probably detected his innate violence too).
He then set off in hot pursuit of me - (long complicated story won't bore you with the details) - told Cheffie that I didn't want anything to do with him - started the 'I love you's 'you are beautiful' 'I want to marry you' 'Cheffie has told me what a lovely beautiful woman you are' etc etc so (not being remotely interested, only wanting my Cheffie) in the end I told him I wasn't a virgin. He went mental.
He quickly turned into an utter bunny boiler. He got me on MSN internet chat and sent really violent animated faces, sent me vehement 'I hate you' texts et (six in one hour and then 'I love you' 'Marry me' 'give me the correct answer'). But it was obvious that even if he thought he could cope with someone not being a virgin he would never be able to 'forgive' it.
The men at my work confiscated my mobile off me because it was so upsetting. He is quite obviously going to be one of those men who beats women (probably with a great deal of violence) and then says 'now look what you made me do'.
I told him he was never going to meet an english or russian virgin on the internet or in his hotel because english girls tend to lose their virginity at about 14 or 15 - don't know what age Russian women do but I bet they don't wait for marriage either.
Eventually I took the advice of someone on here - I think it was Corvinous - and told Cheffie. (I hadn't told him because he was having big work problems at the time and I didn't want him to know what his best friend who he was trusting a lot was up to). It stopped within 3 days.
I read someone else's post on here about someone proposing to her all the time and she thought it was because he was desparate for sex but wouldn't consider sex before marriage - I think this is what was going on here too. He knew Cheffie and I hadn't done 'it' (basically because he accused us of getting an orfi marriage in Cairo and that we had and I told him that we hadn't - this is his method of getting info - make an accusation and then waiting for you to confirm or deny).
If he's got strict views about this it will never change. Cheffie knows I'm not a virgin, and while he is and will be til he eventually marries, he is not obsessed with it like this friend was.
Posted by Samia (Member # 4691) on :
Flightof fancy.,.. I think you've answered your own question.... sensible girl!!! If the guy was such a 'good muslim' he would not be sleeping with women, or drinking!! In Islam you cant be a 'light drinker' ... either you drink or you don't!! he was telling you what he thought you would want to hear!! Sensible girl.... you've made the right decision... leave him to another poor dumb tourist!!!
Posted by ExptinCAI (Member # 1439) on :
Of course you can be muslim-light. Just like you can be a xmas/easter catholic.
people have different interpretations of religions and there's plenty of muslims in the world who do drink, have premarital sex, etc.
just like there's catholics who use condoms.
Posted by ExptinCAI (Member # 1439) on :
Of course you can be muslim-light. Just like you can be a xmas/easter catholic.
people have different interpretations of religions and there's plenty of muslims in the world who do drink, have premarital sex, etc.
just like there's catholics who use condoms.
Posted by ZUZA (Member # 9967) on :
hi i need to know many english woman who had any contact with egyptian men and may be it was not good
Posted by Samia (Member # 4691) on :
quote:Originally posted by ZUZA: hi i need to know many english woman who had any contact with egyptian men and may be it was not good
WHY DO YOU NEED TO KNOW??????? Posted by Melati (Member # 9610) on :
posted 18 January, 2006 07:55 AM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Of course you can be muslim-light. Just like you can be a xmas/easter catholic.
.
just like there's catholics who use condoms LOL ..ev ery sperm is saaaacred.......
Posted by ZUZA (Member # 9967) on :
i wana cry together!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Melati (Member # 9610) on :
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
Maybe you think you can never have such a good looking guy and you want to VALIDATE yourself. Why him?![[Confused]](confused.gif)
What do you mean, Mooneal? ![[Frown]](frown.gif)
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
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