Ok most of you remember my dilemma i went through a few months ago where my then boyfriend had told me he didnt love me but liked me more than friends but companionship not really love and wanted to continue as we were and on and on and on... Here is my question to those that continually told me that i was blind and stupid if i couldnt see that he was trying to get rid of me and that i couldn't see what i was being told.... If he wanted out so badly, if what you said was true then why is it that now that things are over he has contacted me telling me that he does indeed love me and is so sorry he ever said those things to me, that he was simply irritated with me and didnt meant any of it, wants me to come back to him and after years of insisting he would never again set foot in the states has agreed to come here to visit for one month every year? If he really wanted out and really didnt love me why is he saying these things to me?????? Hmm appears you didnt know what you were talking about huh. Problem is that i moved on during the time we didnt speak or started to anyway and now i am completely stuck. I never in a million years expected this from him, also offered a marriage proposal later down the road, but much later due to certain circumstances. Once again just when i am ready to move on he is back and pulling me hard to him. Only this time i am not being so quick to just go back to him. I find that i really cant choose who i am supposed to be with, i dont trust myself to make the right decision and dont want to hurt anyone. But as i said the basic point of this was to say, hey you people that told me i was stupid and to blind to see what was being told directly to me... you were wrong, he does love me and does want to be with me, I was not kidding myself by thinking these things.
Posted by Cosmogirl (Member # 8748) on :
He came back because you called his bluff. You took away his game, and left him to play alone. Of course he is sorry, and of course he is promising whatever you want. What other tactic was availiable? You had closed that door, and I reccommend you keep it closed.
My opinion only; He had another life plan and you were his *in case of fire, person. If nothing else worked out for him, he could always count on you waiting in the wings. It only took sweet words for you to eat from his hand. Then you moved out of the wings and onto the stage of your own life. Suddenly he doesn't have a plan in case of fire. So.. he is promising you the moon and back in order to restore his inner balance. Does he love you or the "idea" of you? Hard to say, but I am sorry if you were made to feel invalid by the earlier assesments of the situation. When I read this post it just dovetails perfectly into how he was manipulating you before. Take care of yourself, and know that there are gangs of men in the world, you don't have to circle the drain with these three forever.
That said; You are a fully formed adult woman, you can choose to love whoever you want whenever you want. Your heart is yours to give and take. If this is a path you want to travel, then do so unashamedly. I think what I respond to the most in both of these posts is your need for validation that you are right. Only you know whats right for you.
Posted by Tigerlily (Member # 3567) on :
quote:Originally posted by mysticheart: why is it that now that things are over he has contacted me telling me that he does indeed love me and is so sorry he ever said those things to me, that he was simply irritated with me and didnt meant any of it, wants me to come back to him and after years of insisting he would never again set foot in the states has agreed to come here to visit for one month every year?...
...also offered a marriage proposal later down the road, but much later due to certain circumstances...
Is this how you want to have your future look like after - was it four years? - you traveling to Egypt every few months to visit him and maintain the relationship? An unknown future back then, lots of stress and headache, and now going on with that kind of stuff?
Come on, mysticheart, deep down inside you know why you moved on yourself. A woman doesn't define herself through the man she's with. Take a break from males. Take a break from your current relationship. Find yourself. And only then look for the right guy, someone who truly makes you happy without all these ups and downs (and it doesn't desperately have to be someone from Egypt).
Good luck.
Posted by Am I bovvered(WOTEVER) (Member # 11942) on :
quote:Originally posted by mysticheart: Ok most of you remember my dilemma i went through a few months ago where my then boyfriend had told me he didnt love me but liked me more than friends but companionship not really love and wanted to continue as we were and on and on and on... Here is my question to those that continually told me that i was blind and stupid if i couldnt see that he was trying to get rid of me and that i couldn't see what i was being told.... If he wanted out so badly, if what you said was true then why is it that now that things are over he has contacted me telling me that he does indeed love me and is so sorry he ever said those things to me, that he was simply irritated with me and didnt meant any of it, wants me to come back to him and after years of insisting he would never again set foot in the states has agreed to come here to visit for one month every year? If he really wanted out and really didnt love me why is he saying these things to me?????? Hmm appears you didnt know what you were talking about huh. Problem is that i moved on during the time we didnt speak or started to anyway and now i am completely stuck. I never in a million years expected this from him, also offered a marriage proposal later down the road, but much later due to certain circumstances. Once again just when i am ready to move on he is back and pulling me hard to him. Only this time i am not being so quick to just go back to him. I find that i really cant choose who i am supposed to be with, i dont trust myself to make the right decision and dont want to hurt anyone. But as i said the basic point of this was to say, hey you people that told me i was stupid and to blind to see what was being told directly to me... you were wrong, he does love me and does want to be with me, I was not kidding myself by thinking these things.
Why was he irriatated by you??? He discovered that he does love you, how???? I'm sorry to question this but I would be skeptical why now???
He hurt your feelings and left you feeling confused, upset etc
You need time by yourself and sort your own head and feelings out. What you want and where you want to be in 5 years.
You will choose the right path good luck in what ever you decide
Posted by unsure (Member # 12244) on :
In my opinion you know where your boyfriend stands at the moment if in another post u gave him to 12/31/06 to tell you if he is going to be with you.
Posted by foreignluvr (Member # 5854) on :
Mysticheart, You and I have spoken privately before and I agree to "some" extint with what others are saying. BUT, from our private chat (of course I would not revel anything we wrote) I think YOU know what and WHO you want. If you still have my PM re-read it. Of course you are confused now. You have a right to be. But what is important is your own happiness. I just can't help but think that meant "something" at the airport. Pm me if you want to talk. You will figure it out. You have had a tough year and you deserve some peace and happiness.
Posted by foreignluvr (Member # 5854) on :
Oh and I just noticed this thread was to those that had critized you before and I hope you know and remember I did not do that. Maybe I am on the wrong thread!!!!
Posted by mysticheart (Member # 6838) on :
quote:Originally posted by Am I bovvered(WOTEVER):
quote:Originally posted by mysticheart: Ok most of you remember my dilemma i went through a few months ago where my then boyfriend had told me he didnt love me but liked me more than friends but companionship not really love and wanted to continue as we were and on and on and on... Here is my question to those that continually told me that i was blind and stupid if i couldnt see that he was trying to get rid of me and that i couldn't see what i was being told.... If he wanted out so badly, if what you said was true then why is it that now that things are over he has contacted me telling me that he does indeed love me and is so sorry he ever said those things to me, that he was simply irritated with me and didnt meant any of it, wants me to come back to him and after years of insisting he would never again set foot in the states has agreed to come here to visit for one month every year? If he really wanted out and really didnt love me why is he saying these things to me?????? Hmm appears you didnt know what you were talking about huh. Problem is that i moved on during the time we didnt speak or started to anyway and now i am completely stuck. I never in a million years expected this from him, also offered a marriage proposal later down the road, but much later due to certain circumstances. Once again just when i am ready to move on he is back and pulling me hard to him. Only this time i am not being so quick to just go back to him. I find that i really cant choose who i am supposed to be with, i dont trust myself to make the right decision and dont want to hurt anyone. But as i said the basic point of this was to say, hey you people that told me i was stupid and to blind to see what was being told directly to me... you were wrong, he does love me and does want to be with me, I was not kidding myself by thinking these things.
Why was he irriatated by you??? He discovered that he does love you, how???? I'm sorry to question this but I would be skeptical why now???
He hurt your feelings and left you feeling confused, upset etc
You need time by yourself and sort your own head and feelings out. What you want and where you want to be in 5 years.
You will choose the right path good luck in what ever you decide
I asked the same questions of him, WHY NOW!!!! He was irritated with me because i had a stupid dream that there was a woman that wanted him for herself but that he wasnt aware of her really, and that he talked with this woman often and she knew of he and i and that he had said that he was committed to me. To him this dream represented insecurity from my side so he was irritated cause he is not interested in any one else but me. He has not been with any other woman in the last 2 and half nearing 3 years. He says i should have known he didnt really mean it. I also had someone telling me that she had a psychic connection and that he was cheating... well i knew better than that All he does is go to the gym, to his parents or stay home, i can call him at any time and he will answer the phone. I know he didnt cheat and would not ever. but basically when i walked away i told him that unless he could offer marriage and a real life together that i couldnt be with him. I asked him several times if he was sure he couldnt offer me more than we have his answer was no so i walked away, he stopped sending saying he would not be just my friend, that i had hurt him very deeply Then i stopped sending, at first i was sending telling him please to be just friends cause i couldnt imagine life without him in it... then i just stopped 3 weeks of no contact at all he had deleted me from messenger then he added me back and proposed that we marry in 10 years and continue until then like we were, i laughed outright at him and said no About a year ago i had a dream about him, it was very bad, one where he died and i told him about it cause i felt it a warning. The next day after i refused his proposal i found an email from him stating he had a medical problem happen earlier that day, that scared me out of my mind cause it related to that dream, soo i immediately called of course to make sure he was ok, asked him to go to a doctor which he refuses to do,,,, unless i come take him... i still refused, telling him it was unfair for him to put me in that position. Then the next day he told me he had spoken with his parents and that he was applying for a visa to come visit here this summer and would come once a year every year until we could marry. His parents love me but will not agree to marriage because of religious and cultural differences so while they are living we will not marry.
He has not been involved with anyone else i know that for a fact , at least in the last near 3 years.... His life plan was to continue as we were. As everyone here knows i feel him to be the love of my life, soul mate whatever... i have never loved anyone as deeply or even close to the way i love him but... time to think of myself??? I want marriage, i want a life together i want him .... he offers marriage forever from now but that doesnt offer a life together I hate the holidays because its a time to be together and we are not. I watch my children do things and i go to do things with my children and i feel that a huge part is missing because there is not someone there beside me to share it with.. The man i have moved on with, my exfiance from before, he offers marriage... if he can get his mother to agree but he hesitates in moving here.. I cant blame him. I am very confused, yes i know its wrong to think of both of them, i love them both but in different ways for different reasons. One offers passion, life together( i think), possibility of children... but we fight oh do we fight haha. The other the feeling of safety and security knowing he will never betray me and will stay with his words.. but for several years any way life lived mostly apart. one month together in march, may and august... the rest of the time apart. But i love him. I think i know what i will do in this but i dont want to, i fought for so long to get to this point with him but i think he has offered it too late and that his words even if he didnt mean them have stayed in my head. I dont want things as they were before. But letting go is hard, and the thought of causing him pain and him being alone even harder, and the fact that he will not go to the doctor unless i come and will die most likely if he doesnt go unbearable. I resent being put in that position... How do you break someones heart that you truly do love? How can i be selfish enough to say im sorry, even with all that you are offering and compromising on, the huge things you are compromising on, its not enough.
Posted by mysticheart (Member # 6838) on :
quote:Originally posted by unsure: In my opinion you know where your boyfriend stands at the moment if in another post u gave him to 12/31/06 to tell you if he is going to be with you.
No unsure, i understand how you are confused but that thread is about the man i have moved on with or am trying to move on with, he is my ex fiance that i left behind to be with my now exboyfriend. During the break up i took off and went to london for awhile, i ended up calling the ex fiance and he asked me to come see him and talk I did and things were wonderful and all the feelings that we had before are still there. I stayed with him a week and then returned home determined to forget about the ex boyfriend since he claimed not to love me and move on with my life. That was working very well and i told the ex fiance that he had until dec 31 to get the answer from his mother cause once again just as before i found him taking his time to do things, putting me off to go out with his friends, this and that, he was supposed to go at the end of november to talk with his mother and when he didnt i told him the date i wanted the answer by cause i dont want to start the new year being uncertain of if we can or if we will. then a couple weeks ago the man i broke up with contacted me which i never expected and threw my life into a spin again, he has a talent for that. Its not a simple thing for me and yes people will say this and that and attack me for what is going on but.. oh well and i am aware i have put myself in this position but it isnt entirely my fault, it is partly the boyfriend or ex boyfriends fault for lying to me by saying he didnt love me in the first place and for refusing to do the very things he is now compromising on. Had he offered this earlier all of this would not be happening.
Posted by unsure (Member # 12244) on :
Yes Mysticheart I was confused. You didn't have to explain, but thanks for doing so. I wish you the best.
Posted by Am I bovvered(WOTEVER) (Member # 11942) on :
quote:Originally posted by mysticheart:
quote:Originally posted by Am I bovvered(WOTEVER):
quote:Originally posted by mysticheart: Ok most of you remember my dilemma i went through a few months ago where my then boyfriend had told me he didnt love me but liked me more than friends but companionship not really love and wanted to continue as we were and on and on and on... Here is my question to those that continually told me that i was blind and stupid if i couldnt see that he was trying to get rid of me and that i couldn't see what i was being told.... If he wanted out so badly, if what you said was true then why is it that now that things are over he has contacted me telling me that he does indeed love me and is so sorry he ever said those things to me, that he was simply irritated with me and didnt meant any of it, wants me to come back to him and after years of insisting he would never again set foot in the states has agreed to come here to visit for one month every year? If he really wanted out and really didnt love me why is he saying these things to me?????? Hmm appears you didnt know what you were talking about huh. Problem is that i moved on during the time we didnt speak or started to anyway and now i am completely stuck. I never in a million years expected this from him, also offered a marriage proposal later down the road, but much later due to certain circumstances. Once again just when i am ready to move on he is back and pulling me hard to him. Only this time i am not being so quick to just go back to him. I find that i really cant choose who i am supposed to be with, i dont trust myself to make the right decision and dont want to hurt anyone. But as i said the basic point of this was to say, hey you people that told me i was stupid and to blind to see what was being told directly to me... you were wrong, he does love me and does want to be with me, I was not kidding myself by thinking these things.
Why was he irriatated by you??? He discovered that he does love you, how???? I'm sorry to question this but I would be skeptical why now???
He hurt your feelings and left you feeling confused, upset etc
You need time by yourself and sort your own head and feelings out. What you want and where you want to be in 5 years.
You will choose the right path good luck in what ever you decide
I asked the same questions of him, WHY NOW!!!! He was irritated with me because i had a stupid dream that there was a woman that wanted him for herself but that he wasnt aware of her really, and that he talked with this woman often and she knew of he and i and that he had said that he was committed to me. To him this dream represented insecurity from my side so he was irritated cause he is not interested in any one else but me. He has not been with any other woman in the last 2 and half nearing 3 years. He says i should have known he didnt really mean it. I also had someone telling me that she had a psychic connection and that he was cheating... well i knew better than that All he does is go to the gym, to his parents or stay home, i can call him at any time and he will answer the phone. I know he didnt cheat and would not ever. but basically when i walked away i told him that unless he could offer marriage and a real life together that i couldnt be with him. I asked him several times if he was sure he couldnt offer me more than we have his answer was no so i walked away, he stopped sending saying he would not be just my friend, that i had hurt him very deeply Then i stopped sending, at first i was sending telling him please to be just friends cause i couldnt imagine life without him in it... then i just stopped 3 weeks of no contact at all he had deleted me from messenger then he added me back and proposed that we marry in 10 years and continue until then like we were, i laughed outright at him and said no About a year ago i had a dream about him, it was very bad, one where he died and i told him about it cause i felt it a warning. The next day after i refused his proposal i found an email from him stating he had a medical problem happen earlier that day, that scared me out of my mind cause it related to that dream, soo i immediately called of course to make sure he was ok, asked him to go to a doctor which he refuses to do,,,, unless i come take him... i still refused, telling him it was unfair for him to put me in that position. Then the next day he told me he had spoken with his parents and that he was applying for a visa to come visit here this summer and would come once a year every year until we could marry. His parents love me but will not agree to marriage because of religious and cultural differences so while they are living we will not marry.
He has not been involved with anyone else i know that for a fact , at least in the last near 3 years.... His life plan was to continue as we were. As everyone here knows i feel him to be the love of my life, soul mate whatever... i have never loved anyone as deeply or even close to the way i love him but... time to think of myself??? I want marriage, i want a life together i want him .... he offers marriage forever from now but that doesnt offer a life together I hate the holidays because its a time to be together and we are not. I watch my children do things and i go to do things with my children and i feel that a huge part is missing because there is not someone there beside me to share it with.. The man i have moved on with, my exfiance from before, he offers marriage... if he can get his mother to agree but he hesitates in moving here.. I cant blame him. I am very confused, yes i know its wrong to think of both of them, i love them both but in different ways for different reasons. One offers passion, life together( i think), possibility of children... but we fight oh do we fight haha. The other the feeling of safety and security knowing he will never betray me and will stay with his words.. but for several years any way life lived mostly apart. one month together in march, may and august... the rest of the time apart. But i love him. I think i know what i will do in this but i dont want to, i fought for so long to get to this point with him but i think he has offered it too late and that his words even if he didnt mean them have stayed in my head. I dont want things as they were before. But letting go is hard, and the thought of causing him pain and him being alone even harder, and the fact that he will not go to the doctor unless i come and will die most likely if he doesnt go unbearable. I resent being put in that position... How do you break someones heart that you truly do love? How can i be selfish enough to say im sorry, even with all that you are offering and compromising on, the huge things you are compromising on, its not enough.
You know this will sound unkind etc
but you have to move on and make a life for you and your children without a man in your life for now. Yes it will be painful for a short time but time heals all.
It's unfair for someone to use emotional balck mail and this is what he's doing in sense.
This will also sound cruel but if he truly wanted to be with you marriage etc he would find a way. There are lots of families where there has been disapproval but once the marriage has taken place things change.
Sweetie You need time for yourself and children put you and them first and no-one else.
you don't need a man to define you or offer you security etc
I know the holidays are the worse especially when you see other who are married together and you feel lonely and want someone. I also have this feeling but you know only I can make myslef happy no-one else and I'm damn sure that I don't need a man to make me feel secure or content.
You know the greatest LOVE of all????
It's Loving yourself and feeling happy,secure with the person that you are.
Posted by VanillaBullshit (Member # 10873) on :
quote:Originally posted by Am I bovvered(WOTEVER): You know the greatest LOVE of all????
It's Loving yourself and feeling happy,secure with the person that you are.
Wiser words never spoken.
Posted by micky azzam (Member # 11209) on :
vanilla i sent you a pm
Posted by mysticheart (Member # 6838) on :
It doesnt sound unkind or harsh, I was on my own for a time after my divorce. He has to follow what his parents say, not only for religion sense but also they own the apartment he lives in and have made it clear they will not allow him to marry any foreign girl. He had hoped they would feel differently since they like me so much but they dont. He would be made to leave the apartment if he married me and he cant afford that. As i said i did have a time that i was without a man in my life, and sadly life held no meaning. Yes i have my children but that is a different thing altogether and even the children are pushing for me to be with someone. It will work out somehow, and really it isnt my nature to be in this position. I fell in love with the exboyfriend long before i met the man i am with now and i never stopped loving him, my love will never change but what has changed is my willingness to live apart this way. I dont know where life is going or what will happen but i know it will get better someday.
Posted by citizen (Member # 1344) on :
Mystic, most people were not criticising you, just being a little more objective than you can be about your relationships.
When a man says he doesn't love you when you're together, then changes his mind when you leave him... more than once... then there's something wrong with him. What makes you think he won't do it again, if you go back to him?
Sit down and make a list of the give and take in your relationship with this man...how often you went to him, how much time and money you spent on him, how often you initiated chats, how many times you told him you loved him... and then list how often he gave those things back to you. Then decide if the relationship is healthy.
Posted by mysticheart (Member # 6838) on :
he never took any money from me nor did i spend any to be with him, anything i spent he returned to me upon my arrival. Umm, he usually starts the chats, but anyway, in another thread,i have something i need translated that may answer everything for me.
Posted by QueenBee (Member # 9378) on :
Uh, one quick thought...irritation about a dream, that blows my mind. I had a dream that some movie guy, who, by the way, like most movie guys is probably about 5 foot 5, was working on my property in a pair of overalls with no shirt on. I thought it was funny. Well, noooooo, apparently it wasn't. Some irritation followed. All I could think of was how trivial and small-minded the whole thing was. To make a serious grievance about a dream someone has is like complaining about the way they wipe themselves.
Posted by mysticheart (Member # 6838) on :
hmm seems that you also have encountered this unreasonable reaction to something as simple as a dream. In mine however i guess by my even having the dream it meant i was insecure about him although in the dream he remained faithful and made it clear he was with me .... i will never understand it
Posted by yorkshire rose (Member # 12072) on :
Good luck Mystic heart i wish you all the love and luck in the world
Posted by Alchemist (Member # 12318) on :
Hey Mystic,
Just wondering how you were doing? And I wanted to let you know I think you are doing the right thing by taking a break from both of them. Sometimes you need some time apart to clear your head. I hope you have a wonderful new year and that you get the answers you need.
-Sarah
Posted by magnona777 (Member # 12466) on :
quote:Originally posted by mysticheart: Ok most of you remember my dilemma i went through a few months ago where my then boyfriend had told me he didnt love me but liked me more than friends but companionship not really love and wanted to continue as we were and on and on and on... Here is my question to those that continually told me that i was blind and stupid if i couldnt see that he was trying to get rid of me and that i couldn't see what i was being told.... If he wanted out so badly, if what you said was true then why is it that now that things are over he has contacted me telling me that he does indeed love me and is so sorry he ever said those things to me, that he was simply irritated with me and didnt meant any of it, wants me to come back to him and after years of insisting he would never again set foot in the states has agreed to come here to visit for one month every year? If he really wanted out and really didnt love me why is he saying these things to me?????? Hmm appears you didnt know what you were talking about huh. Problem is that i moved on during the time we didnt speak or started to anyway and now i am completely stuck. I never in a million years expected this from him, also offered a marriage proposal later down the road, but much later due to certain circumstances. Once again just when i am ready to move on he is back and pulling me hard to him. Only this time i am not being so quick to just go back to him. I find that i really cant choose who i am supposed to be with, i dont trust myself to make the right decision and dont want to hurt anyone. But as i said the basic point of this was to say, hey you people that told me i was stupid and to blind to see what was being told directly to me... you were wrong, he does love me and does want to be with me, I was not kidding myself by thinking these things.
I had this EXACT thing happen to me.. from this desi kid a few years ago.. and I never though he would even say the L word.. but he did.. after I finally was over his crap and told him to F off. So then I battled with it.. and then FINALLy gave in cause I though... well why would he say these things for nothing?? It was finally over and he was Rid of me.. and then he had to come back at me with the L word? BUT in the end he was still confused.. and even though he LOVED me.. and he DID say he wanted to marry me.. He still didnt pull it together.. I head got messed with AGAIN and then later I found out he fooled around with a couple of Chicks *rolling my eyes* PM me if you want.. but i would not trust his situation Posted by mysticheart (Member # 6838) on :
quote:Originally posted by Alchemist: Hey Mystic,
Just wondering how you were doing? And I wanted to let you know I think you are doing the right thing by taking a break from both of them. Sometimes you need some time apart to clear your head. I hope you have a wonderful new year and that you get the answers you need.
-Sarah
Hi Sarah, Thank you very much for caring about this situation. I'm ok, still confused but just waiting things out. Kinda stepping back and seeing how things unfold. Even though i have called it off for now with both of them the fiance one is insisting in his quest to go and get the ok from his mother for our marriage, still as of today is swearing he meant his message for me, even though i have told him that i posted the message and everyone says it means differently. He left just about an hour ago to start his drive there..... The exboyfriend, now he has been a bit cooler lately, but sends several messages a day, and insists on meeting online each evening i dont work. He has turned back toward the more playful picking on me attitude instead of affection, which means nothing but it makes me afraid that that could just turn into the exact thing it was before, the silly childish playing back and forth and no affection(passion--- love) i dont know, guess that depends on your definition. He is also insisting on proceeding with his visa application to come here this summer, supposed to spend 10 days with his brother then come here for 20, that is his plan anyway.... Everything will be ok, im just trying to step back and ask what i really want. I already know, im just taking a min to see which one is really offering it.
Posted by egg (Member # 10438) on :
mystic heart... do you know what touches me the most about this post, are all the people trying so hard and giving up their time to respond to you, and i have not read them all, but i would guess most are advising you to move on...
i will tell you why he got back in touch, because he missed how YOU made HIM feel... please dont feel 'stupid' that you kept on wanting to believe that he loves you, most of us have been there, and that is why people are trying so hard to get you to see him for what he is...
ask yourself or make a list of all the things he actually gives you, how he makes you feel, is he there for you when you need him? is he doing everything he can to be with you? i mean REALLY...doing everything you would do?
you will find the answer yourself, ask yourself would he spend as much time as these people have on here to help you make the right decision to have a good life, one you deserve, get the love back that you deserve... you are not here to make this man feel good about himself, that is why he needs you...and he will always need you and those like you until you decide to take yourself out of it for good.
he is an emotional parasite, that is all, if you want to be his food carry on, but if you have this much love and attention to give then give it to someone who deserves it and who will make you feel like the most special person on this planet, and one day you will be on here giving someone else this advice..
make a second list of what you want out of a relationship and ask yourself how many of those things this man actually gives you... why do other people deserve them and not you? simple answer is..YOU DO, and can have what you want when you sort out the wheat from the chaff!
Posted by micky azzam (Member # 11209) on :
that is such good advice egg.we should all learn by this
Posted by mysticheart (Member # 6838) on :
Thank you egg, Ive made the list actually There are 2 things on my list he doesnt give me, open affection( my definition of it) in private or anywhere, meaning kisses, saying he loves me in person, just holding me in general. His idea of affection is patting my head, squeezing my cheeks or playing with my nose, i hate my nose touched lol. He likes irritating me as his version of affection mostly. the other is marriage now, a life together instead of a life lived mostly apart. I feel good when i am with him, mostly. But i also feel i am there for him.
The other man i am considering, welll... that is another story as for my list, he hits all of it, but one thing i doubt sometimes, honesty. Sometimes i feel he tells me what i want to hear but does something different. He gives affection openly no matter who is around, limiting it of course to hand holding kissing or hugs around people. He is offering marriage, if he can get his mother to agree. I think he has finally decided that coming here to live for awhile isnt so bad. But this not showing up for internet sessions when he says, not answering his phone when i call if he is around anyone, not answering my messages because he is "busy" really how long does it take to say hi or later sweety i am busy right now.... I will sort through it and really i am grateful for all of you that have taken so much time to help me. I know sometimes i sound a little snide or not appreciative but i really am. My really only person i consider a friend here in the states is hours and hours away, and she is my only sounding board but i know she really just tells me whatever, she always agrees with me on everything instead of trying to actually help me. Lol I say something and she says oh that was sweet of him or,, he is an ass lol Thank you to all and happy new year to everyone
Posted by cocoapuffs (Member # 9452) on :
you said he offered to marry you in 10 years? what an insult! what is he waiting for? more time to play around before he settles down?
if a man thinks he can put 10 years of my life on hold for him, he'll have another think coming.
marry someone with whom you dont have such a shaky history.
Posted by egg (Member # 10438) on :
happy new year to you to mystic, i read abt guy no. 2, the text message guy, bless you are having a bad run of luck, i rekon if you ditched both of these then god would have someone really nice lined up for you matey! so be careful not to waste too much time on them... new year, get rid of bad rubbish i say and start afresh... Posted by kimbaha (Member # 12368) on :
Hi Its Candy remeber me im so sorry things seem so complicated right now, but in time you will find your own way and do whats right. Life is hard and things are sent to try us I KNOW ts THIS BELEIVE ME! But what goes around comes around i had people do arwful things to me (including my partner as you know) but in the end things work out and then lo and behold something or someone comes along to make bad things happen yet again. i have had people betray me and cause me so much trouble and i was lost but now im good and hope inshalla that it may last at least or a few years. Make the right decision and follow your heart i have. Take care and i hope this year is for you
Happy New Year xxxxxx
Posted by mysticheart (Member # 6838) on :
quote:Originally posted by cocoapuffs: you said he offered to marry you in 10 years? what an insult! what is he waiting for? more time to play around before he settles down?
if a man thinks he can put 10 years of my life on hold for him, he'll have another think coming.
marry someone with whom you dont have such a shaky history.
Hi cocoa, yeah in 10 years, the reason, his parents will not be living most likely by that time and they will not agree to our marriage because of religious and cultural differences even though they love me and are always sending me gifts. They support him financially in alot of ways so he wont go against them.They own his apartment.
Posted by mysticheart (Member # 6838) on :
Hi Candy it is so good to hear from you again, its been awhile. So so so happy things are going well for you sweetheart. I am trying to follow my heart, but my heart is very confused. As for text message guy egg, well he did go and talk with his mother, is still there, he spoke with her his first day there and she said no. He told her to wait until she meets me to decide. When he told me this i told him sorry but no, her answer is no and as long as it is no i am not putting myself in that position to come and be rejected.Why do that to myself?????? Besides the cost of the ticket and also the time put into it. He said if she still says no i will give you the money for your ticket back. I told him that wasnt the point, i am not going to set myself up for that. He says its only cause she has never met me and has an idea that all foreign women want is fun. I told him that she should trust his word that i love him and his brothers and his cousins and all the people that have met me and to tell her sure i wanted only fun thats why i cooked for him and ate with him when i wasnt hungry at all, washed his clothes, ironed them, put them away, kept the flat spotless. Cried at the thought of her saying no and losing him when i was there, cried all 3 times he took me to the airport in front of everyone and continued to cry for hours and hours with people staring at me, cried all the way home on the plane for oh what 20 hours..... the first time we broke up i swallowed a bottle of pills(3 years ago),, yeah, i just want fun. He said he hadnt told her any of this and would keep trying to convince her by explaining this and i said that if he wants to be with me he better cause as long as her answer is no i will not come back, and if her answer is still no in a week then we are done and all contact will stop cause i cant do this anymore.
Posted by Ayisha (Member # 4713) on :
mystic, this guy with the mum is NOT going to marry you. He will NOT go against his family now or in 10 years when hes hoping they are dead?
My advice is dump ALL of them and sort your head out first, THEN you will meet a decent man, Egyptian or other.
Advice to all women:
YOU DO NOT NEED A MAN IN YOUR LIFE TO BE WORTHY Posted by mysticheart (Member # 6838) on :
2 different men, the one with the mom, well he is still working on her and she is starting to come around, he says. I told him that if she does i will need proof by talking to her on the phone or online from her home, with the cam so i know its not him.
the other one , the 10 years thing, oh he will marry me when his parents are gone, that i have no doubt... I just dont want to wait for that and dont think that its right. If he really wants me then he should go out, get a job finally so that he can support himself completely or move here with me and work here in the states and marry me anyway. But he stresses his parents are old and he must take care of them and do as they wish according to his religion.... so still,,, waiting to see the outcome.
Posted by Ayisha (Member # 4713) on :
ahh so the one with the mum who's saying no is a different one to the one with the parents, who must also be saying no if he has to wait 10 years?
are they both in Egypt and you in USA?
is the 10 years wait one the ex fiance?
sorry, i need to go back and read it all again Posted by Am I bovvered(WOTEVER) (Member # 11942) on :
It seems that you want one of these men and aren't prepared to lose both of them and move on and find a decent men, one who will love you unconditionally and would marry you at a drop of a hat.
You stand for this now from both of them, what happens if you marry one of them and things don't go how you envisgend?? Or (god forbid) other things occur?? abuse? affairs? You're unhappy??
He'll think 'hey she put up with the other crap for so long she put up with anything'
Honey pick your self respect up off of the floor and move on, neither of these men desreve you and you don't deserve the crap that their dishing out.
You will do what you want, but I think now you either do something about it or put up and shut up. Everyone had given you advise, but you don'e seem satisfied with the advise as no-one is tellin you 'lay down and let them walk over you some more' which is what you are doing.
It's time to make a decision and move on and find a special someone not a scumbag
Posted by mysticheart (Member # 6838) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ayisha: ahh so the one with the mum who's saying no is a different one to the one with the parents, who must also be saying no if he has to wait 10 years?
are they both in Egypt and you in USA?
is the 10 years wait one the ex fiance?
sorry, i need to go back and read it all again
both in egypt, one in cairo one in sharm, 10 years thing is ex boyfriend not ex fiance... ended things completely with him yesterday, the 10 years one, my best friend for the last 4 years
Posted by Cosmogirl (Member # 8748) on :
Haven't you allowed other people to control your life for long enough?
What about YOUR opinion and feelings? Why is it YOU waiting for THEM to get PERMISSION to be with you?
Really, I think there are much deeper issues for you to explore because you seem content to wring your hands and assign responsibility for this to everyone else but yourself. Cleaning and cooking and folding clothes aren't really legitimate verifiers of marital suitibility, maids are hired to do the same. Have you thought... maybe their families don't want them to uproot and go all the way to the US? Perhaps their families are as much or more attached to them than you are? When you next change your mind and this bloke is in the kitchen who will he have to go to? Stop trying to make these men and thier families into Americans. Your reasoning that he should be free to do whatever he wants whenever he wants because you say so is naieve and selfish.
You need to stop playing games, how many men have you got on a string in case one of the others doesn't work out? You seem to have cloaked yourself in righteousness and are unwilling to lift that veil to see your truth.
By occupying yourself with these two for the past years, and of course the one in the driveway aren't you just distracting yourself from real life?
I said you were circling the drain with these 3, and well I may amend that to circling the toilet. Get a grip, act responsibly and be an adult.
Posted by Ayisha (Member # 4713) on :
now there are 3??? hey thats not fair im having enough trouble working out the 2 she had first Posted by mysticheart (Member # 6838) on :
Lmao the one in the drive way, that is my exhusband, he is in the driveway not my home. I have very little contact with him, he is there for the children not me. He is also there because he has no place to live at all and instead of allowing him to move back in here or be completely homeless i offered the driveway. There is no way in hell i would ever ever touch that man again. As for keeping them stringing along, no, when i was with the one that offered me the 10 year thing, i repeatedly told the ex fiance to stop contacting me, until finally i changed my number and he couldnt contact me. Umm then he talked to my daughter online in her account and she gave him my number again. That happened about the same time as the one i was seeing told me he didnt love me. I told him even then not to send to me. I didnt decide to go back to him until i left to london. and even then it was just to see him and talk.I didnt expect to have all the feelings still be there. As for changing my mind?? I dont change my mind , in fact was set to marry him and remain with him no matter what until this thing with his mother came about. and if he can get her to agree i will still. Yes the other one wants me back, but i have been telling him no, and thinking within myself of what to do. I didnt string him along saying oh yes, or maybe. i said no. And yesterday made it clear we will not be together ever again. and yes so far the fiance or ex fiance mother is not agreeing.. at first because i am foreigner but she has talked with him more and he has explained more and now its that she will allow it if i can move there. I cant so he is still working on her, to convince her that him living here in the states and visiting her once every 6 months, is no different than him living in sharm as he does and doing the same.
Posted by Josette (Member # 12613) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ayisha: mystic, this guy with the mum is NOT going to marry you. He will NOT go against his family now or in 10 years when hes hoping they are dead?
My advice is dump ALL of them and sort your head out first, THEN you will meet a decent man, Egyptian or other.
Advice to all women:
YOU DO NOT NEED A MAN IN YOUR LIFE TO BE WORTHY
I do Posted by Bubblesperson (Member # 12454) on :
What?? Drive-way??? Ex-husband suddenly there??? Where is that bit??? And how, did you put up a tent for him??? Boy, I am getting too confused here...
Posted by mysticheart (Member # 6838) on :
he doesnt live with his mother by the way, he lives in sharm and she lives in aswan so its no different living here and going to see her then it is to drive from sharm to aswan.
Posted by Ayisha (Member # 4713) on :
quote:Originally posted by Josette:
quote:Originally posted by Ayisha:
Advice to all women:
YOU DO NOT NEED A MAN IN YOUR LIFE TO BE WORTHY
I do
you have many, but you are still not worthy Posted by mysticheart (Member # 6838) on :
bubble,,, i have an exhusband that is worthless, he also has supposedly been diagnosed with liver cancer, i have yet to see proof and he has not done any kind of treatment. He had to move out of the place he was living in because him and his mother didnt pay the guy. He had absolutely no place to go and rather than my children see him completely homeless i offered my drive way, he has a small rv that he is living in, his own kitchen, bathroom and bed.... I want nothing to do with him other than anything relating to my children, he pays me about 200 a month to pay for expenses of electricity.
Posted by Bubblesperson (Member # 12454) on :
Hhhmmm - yes, it is and you know it - you'd feel the same (about the distance) if it was one of your kids. For starters, it will cost A LOT to fly to Egypt twice a year, and then naturally, it can't be done on the spur of a moment and takes muuuch longer to get there (no flights to Aswan for a start, so there's still a car or train journey on top of lengthy flight...).
Sorry, Mystic, I don't mean to be off-putting or actually comment in any way on your situation, this is for YOU to sort out - irrespective of any and all men, I feel, but you must know about that - just thought I'd point out the practicalities, since that is the sort of argument his mother will make to him.... So, how does he answer that???
Posted by Penny (Member # 1925) on :
With regard to the ex fiance don't you think you are overlooking the fact that he is born and bred in Aswan. An Upper Egyptian from this area is the least likely to adapt to life in the USA. You really are fooling youself if you think the drive between Sharm and Aswan is the same as him being in USA from his mothers point of view. For a start there is the huge cost of flights and for her knowing he is an hour and half's flight away in an emergency is one hell of a difference to whatever it is from America.
At least you know he is not a VISA hunter but sometimes you have just got to accept some things are not meant to be.
Posted by Bubblesperson (Member # 12454) on :
Ooooh - thanks for the explanation, dear Mystic!!! Kind of you to let him hang around, that can be very draining, too, have an unwanted ex in such close proximity....
Posted by mysticheart (Member # 6838) on :
he has not lived in aswan for many many years, he has been in sharm as we know is very different. He never flys to aswan even when there is emergency, even when his father died he drove. The ticket cost to sharm is very small so if he flys into sharm then to aswan it will be better. Even at that, the cost to cairo is perfectly within capability.
And yes bubble, i cant stand the man, and while i am civil and dont argue much with him, its all for the kids. i cant stand him being around.
Posted by Cosmogirl (Member # 8748) on :
Or accept that you are wasting our time.
Ex this, Ex that, former him, present that.
I said this months ago when you were first asking for advice.
You want to import an Egyptian/Muslim guy and live with him while your ex-husband and father of your kids lives 20 yeards out the front door in a trailer? Family dinners planned? If you hate him as you say you do, and are "doing it for the kids" how fucked up is that to do to your kids? Basically you are making them responsible for your discomfort and misery, "if not for you kids I'd be rid of him". Well have him haul the trailer to a park and figure out his own life, you said before he moved to the yard he was living with his Mother? ISSUES
You are looking for an escape from what sounds like a pretty shitty life. The internet opened this Global window and you walked through it. Normal behavior for someone in such a crappy situation, but not your solution. You've only added myriad layers to your mental manuvering, and still aren't being a decent woman. Last time you had all these men PLUS one from work who was full of "Querida".
If it was my son, and he lived in Mississippi, I'd never give permission to get involved with you either. Leave this poor man and his Mother alone, you can't even imagine what you are asking him to do to her, and you don't give a crap about anything but yourself.
As a waitress how will you finance this bi-annual safari to Egypt? As a woman how long will you let the shiftless rent dodger live in the yard? Make a list of things you need to fix in your life, and don't even think that getting a FORIGNER to pay attention to you will fix ANY of your problems. You are asking for nothing but trouble unless you take control of your own issues.
But leave that poor old Egyptian woman alone, never in her wildest dreams did she imagine that the son she raised would have an ultimatum put to him that would insist he leave her alone in her declining years, her husband DIED and she has every right to have expectations for her sons to care for her, regardless of the number of siblings. It takes alot of nerve for you to demand anything before you try to understand the social infrastructure of an Arab/Muslim/Egyptian family. Force him to choose Mother or You.. you with the kids and the hubby in the yard?
Bitch please.
Posted by mysticheart (Member # 6838) on :
oh by the way, he is the one that said it is no different not me. when he told me this was her reasoning, i told him then that we needed to end things cause there was nothing i could do to change that. he refuses and says he will convince her.And he will adjust to here just fine, this much i do know lol he lives more freely in sharm than alot of americans do here.
Posted by mysticheart (Member # 6838) on :
he is christian not muslim, leave him alone??? he has been the one that would not leave me alone for the last 3 years. i didnt beg him to come to me. He did that himself, so many please baby i love you messages, please i am lost without you. for 3 years. I havent given him an ultimatum to choose between his mother or me. i said get the answer from your mother by a certain date or im no longer waiting. so far her answer has been no cause i will not live there for now , and i told him we should accept this, but no, he will not stop, he wants to keep talking with her and convince her. As for him being here and the ex being out in the drive way, wont happen. I have told my ex husband that he needs to find a place and soon. It was to be a temporary arrangement and he has taken longer than i care for. Hmm man from work, i havent spoken to him in a long time. When i did i told him to leave me alone i had a boyfriend so i fail to see how any of that is me stringing people along. How will i finance it,, the same way i do when i go to see him, work. With this particular guy i pay my own way there and he provides while i am there... so sending him back to see his family, i will be sure it happens.. i will never keep him from them.. I will work as i do, he plans to open a business here, if he does well enough and wants me to stay home then i will. As a waitress i make more than alot of people manage, sorry, and i do it in far less hours. No im not rich, but im not on welfare either. I provide everything needed, and thats me alone with my 3 children.
Posted by mysticheart (Member # 6838) on :
and yes my ex husband was living with his mother and you know what, he isnt in a trailer park because he is the one that watches my children while i am at work, and he had to have a decent place to keep them,, guess what, while i am at work, he and the kids stay here in my home, my childrens home, as soon as i arrive home he goes out to his little rv. Im not doing anything bad to my children by letting him stay in that drive way, in fact over all, the way he and i have done things is by far better than most divorced people. Cause of this.. they usually say i get the kids this holiday and you get them this one, i have the kids these days and you get them this one. and every time they come near eachother they scream and fight and then ultimately start sending horrible messages to eachother through the kids, or telling the kids well your mother/father does this or is that. We do none of that at all none.... The holidays are usually done in my home with all of us present, not to my liking but the kids see that we can still be a family and be nice even if we aren't married, will it stay that way when i marry, no. It will change, but it will be that they spend half the day with me, then the other half with their father, not christmas eve here or christmas there, or one year easter there and the next here. They will see us both each and every holiday. And as it is , they get to have us both in their lives every single day, not 3 days a week him and the other me. or every other weekend. We dont fight or argue not one word in front of those kids, if there are things to be discussed it is done over the phone when the kids are not home. It is kept between he and i only, the kids are not messengers or witnesses to the bad feelings. So tell me how is the arrangement with the ex husband soo soo horrible for my children, how am i damaging them with that???? heaven forbid that i allow them to have both parents in their life and their parents not fight. No the ex husband will not come into my home when i am married, small things will change according to my husbands wishes, after all its his home.
Posted by Cosmogirl (Member # 8748) on :
An ultimatum (Latin: the last one) is a demand whose fulfillment is requested in a specified period of time and which is backed up by a threat to be followed through in case of noncompliance. An ultimatum is generally the final demand in a series of requests. As such, the time allotted is usually short, and the request is understood not to be open to further negotiation.
How is what you've said to him not an ultimatum again?
Re; your kids, not sure of their ages, but you think it is fair to them and teaches them boundaries, respect and relationship reality to have their father living outside, and actually sitting INSIDE your home all day? Admit that you are in it for the free babysitting and be done with it, there is no nobler purpose to subverting your life in the name of the kids. I am divorced, and after that adopted 2 kids, so I know something about Ex's and kids. I'd sooner eat my hand than come home to the man I'd left behind, you are basically married without sharing a bedroom in order to not pay daycare. Consider your driveway a path to the guesthouse. Sa?
I'm not a mean old woman, but I am so OVER your look at me I'm so chased after and desired baloney.
Yep, leave him alone. Stop taking his text messages and calls, stop plugging in that webcam, stop feeding your ego with his empty attention. It takes two to tango, and you are equally involved.
By his behavior of the last 10 years that you have shared, and the loser outside the door you sure know how to pick winners. Good luck and Enjoy Egypt!
Posted by Cosmogirl (Member # 8748) on :
PLENTY of children have divorced parents, traditional daycare/in home care, and regular visitation with split holidays and child support, PLENTY, And the idea that these children would be better off with Mom playing "love me" on webcam to guys in Africa, with Dad right outside is ludidrious. Raising emotionally healthy children takes emotionally healthy adults, and the example you are setting isn't as selfless as you like to think it is. You even admit that as soon as another man enters your life, the Dad has to leave. Will your daycare needs have changed then? Will your noble holidays together have shifted? Its a bit contradictory to crow about how healthy and great it is to live one way, and then say you'd flip it all upside down if another player entered the field. If it is so great and normal and healthy, wouldn't the addition of another adult just make it moreso? Or is two babysitters too many? How will the Ex respoding to the idea of an Arab in his kitchen, raising his kids?
Just sayin'.
Posted by mysticheart (Member # 6838) on :
Having strangers care for my children will never ever in my life happen, sorry. They have never been attended to by anyone that is not family and never will. I will not subject them to the possibilities of abuse that the daycares bring, i had a close friend lose her child that way, the little girl was 3 when she was shaken to death in a day care center. and why in the world would i send them to spend time with strangers when they have a father that is available to them amd also sure, why pay a daycare center when he can care for them and i can use that money for the things that my children like, such as new video games, or dolls, or if they see any little thing that they want.( after all there is no child support as he is on disability) He does have to leave, not when it happens but before... to a house. So when he has a place to live they will go to his house while i work, not stay here. Umm the ex husband has no say about an arab in his kitchen raising his kids, cause you know what, its not his kitchen i bought this house and i paid for it, not him... so its my kitchen thank you. As for the kids, he is perfectly fine with this man. He knows of him very well, he knows that my children talk to him regularly. Just as i am fine with him remarrying and her helping him with the children. As i said, im not begging for this mans attention, in fact at one time i told him to leave me alone, for 3 years i told him to leave me alone. And i am not begging him now, but i will not just close the door on him when he is making a true effort to be with me. No he didnt make the date i wanted the answer by, but he was there talking with her. I meant i didnt give him an ultimatum of his mother or me..... i did give him an ultimatum of get me an answer. I set a limit thats all. Once he proved that he was really serious about talking with her then i backed off it, and the text message he had sent me i thought wasnt for me,, well there was another part of the message that i had gotten earlier and i thought it was 2 different messages.... once the 2 were put together it made sense. the first one was mixed mostly english with a couple egyptian words i did know... the basic thing was that he said to me that he knows i had said somethings cause i was upset, that he was upset and nervous. And he was shy too. the rest continued to try and calm me. It doesnt matter , The area of my children and how things are with my ex husband, i have no insecurities about this, too many people here, in my real life, including people that meet each of us on our own and ask about how the divorce was, they admire that we are able to do this for the sake of the children and let go of all the things that happened in the marriage. things are working out, And i have not been involved with this man for 10 years. its been 3 and half years and nearly 3 of that,, 2 and half of that were spent apart with me not speaking to him. You dont know me, have never met me so you miss mam, haven't the right to judge. Words can easily be interpreted wrongly, situations misread. All that really matters is what is inside of me, what he thinks of me, the fact that everyone around him that has met me tells him that i am the perfect one for him, because you know what unlike other women, i dont require him to be rich or buy me this or that, i dont demand his attention every second that we are together, all i require is him. He is enough. I am content to sit quietly while he talks with his friends or does his work and watch him. I needed something to happen to help me clear my mind and it happened. i was hanging on for dear life to something that i found years ago, something that changed and was no longer available but i was determined if i fought long enough and gave myself completely it would come back. Well it mostly did but not the most important part the being together part. well one of the most important parts cause love is a huge part too and that is there.
Posted by Cosmogirl (Member # 8748) on :
I'm not judging you, I'm just not condoning your actions. You don't likey? Don't come and ask the same things over and over.. Love is easy to imagine when you aren't cleaning his toilet.
Enjoy your relationships, especially the phantom ones, and above all else, Enjoy Egypt!
Posted by *The Dark Angel* aka CAT (Member # 11953) on :
quote:Originally posted by mysticheart: Ok most of you remember my dilemma i went through a few months ago where my then boyfriend had told me he didnt love me but liked me more than friends but companionship not really love and wanted to continue as we were and on and on and on... Here is my question to those that continually told me that i was blind and stupid if i couldnt see that he was trying to get rid of me and that i couldn't see what i was being told.... If he wanted out so badly, if what you said was true then why is it that now that things are over he has contacted me telling me that he does indeed love me and is so sorry he ever said those things to me, that he was simply irritated with me and didnt meant any of it, wants me to come back to him and after years of insisting he would never again set foot in the states has agreed to come here to visit for one month every year? If he really wanted out and really didnt love me why is he saying these things to me?????? Hmm appears you didnt know what you were talking about huh. Problem is that i moved on during the time we didnt speak or started to anyway and now i am completely stuck. I never in a million years expected this from him, also offered a marriage proposal later down the road, but much later due to certain circumstances. Once again just when i am ready to move on he is back and pulling me hard to him. Only this time i am not being so quick to just go back to him. I find that i really cant choose who i am supposed to be with, i dont trust myself to make the right decision and dont want to hurt anyone. But as i said the basic point of this was to say, hey you people that told me i was stupid and to blind to see what was being told directly to me... you were wrong, he does love me and does want to be with me, I was not kidding myself by thinking these things.
Mystic, it is not about what others think of you & it is not about what he wants...... it is about what YOU want..... what do you want? do you want him back?
mystic, i am not going to judge you or critisize you or anything but if you read this book called "he's not that into you" you may inderstand what i am about to say....... a guy that breaks up with you or asks to take a break from you, is not that into you..... a guy who breaks your heart is not that into you. a guy that doesnt call you or return your calls is not that into you, a guy who doesnt want to marry you is not that into you...... and the list of "his not that into you" goes on......
Now, i dont care about what others told you, i havent even seen those posts..... i am also not telling you that you are wrong..... what you are going through is normal.... you are in love with a guy & confused at the same time
If you move on then dont give him the chance to bring you back again, this guy is obviuosly selfish & possessive, he wants you around but he doesnt care about your feelings, if he did really care he wouldnt have told you those things that hurt & confused you in the first place
Sometimes the right thing is the hardest thing to do...... i'd say, leave him, decide that it's over once & for all..... stop all forms of communication with him, he has to let you move on.
You have reached a point where you dont trust yourself anymore, do you really want to loose yourself for this guy? is he worth it? NO
Leave him & get your life back....... believe me if you continue with him, at some point you'll regret not taking the decision to have left him earlier.
you have to loose him to gain yourself....... he is making you loose yourself in the process, he is taking all your power away. Do you want this?
Any guy or any realtionship that is leaving you confused & not trusting yourself is toxic to your wellbeing.
One last thing, dont judge a person by what he says....... judge him by what he does..... action speaks louder than words..... How many times did he tell you great words that you wanted to hear? how many times did he fulfill his promises? men say alot of things but what sets a good man that loves you apart from the one who doesnt is that when he says something he means it & he delivers....... you wont be left with words, broken promises & excuses
And believe you me, his marriage proposal is only a way to get you back..... it is not a promise, it's only a thought & you will see that once you get back together with him that it was not sincere........ he's making excuses all the time & he offers to marry you in 10 years?
Good luck Mystic
Posted by mysticheart (Member # 6838) on :
Thank you dark angel and that man that offered that marriage proposal is no longer in my life. I did manage to walk away from him even with his offers.
Posted by *The Dark Angel* aka CAT (Member # 11953) on :
quote:Originally posted by mysticheart: Thank you dark angel and that man that offered that marriage proposal is no longer in my life. I did manage to walk away from him even with his offers.
oh wow mystic...... you really did it, you deserve a Medal
You got rid of him? that's great news
your life will get beter..... i'm telling you, i have been in your shoes Posted by Laura (Member # 879) on :
quote:Originally posted by Cosmogirl: Love is easy to imagine when you aren't cleaning his toilet.
and then..... there are some who end up cleaning it with HIS toothbrush Posted by Alchemist (Member # 12318) on :
That is a classic laura, I like it. And I am sure he deserved it. Posted by mysticheart (Member # 6838) on :
yeah dark angel, i did it. It's hurting so so deeply, he is my best friend, but its just that, he is my best friend. I love him dearly but i'm not really what he wants, and he cant offer me what i really want no matter our feelings for each other. He wants a woman that is very self confident, has no selfconsciousness about her body or her actions, some one daring in bed as well, and while i let him do whatever his desires where in that area, i am very very selfconscious about how i look and how i behave, lol i am forever the behave properly girl, if told no when i ask for sex then its no, dont persist... embarrass myself by trying to intimately dance for him,,, lol never cause i cant dance for anything. He cant offer me marriage right now, doesnt want a child, cant live with me right now..... (While i have 3 children lately i have found i have a desperate craving for a baby) lol not sure why. I loved being pregnant, loved everything about having a baby. Anyway, he doesnt offer those things and im not the uninhibited woman... so better to walk away. Its hard for both of us, we are eachothers best friend, and the other night was a very hard night, I made a huge mistake...but god decided not to allow it, so here i am. Still sometimes i wish he had.
Posted by *The Dark Angel* aka CAT (Member # 11953) on :
quote:Originally posted by mysticheart: yeah dark angel, i did it. It's hurting so so deeply, he is my best friend, but its just that, he is my best friend. I love him dearly but i'm not really what he wants, and he cant offer me what i really want no matter our feelings for each other. He wants a woman that is very self confident, has no selfconsciousness about her body or her actions, some one daring in bed as well, and while i let him do whatever his desires where in that area, i am very very selfconscious about how i look and how i behave, lol i am forever the behave properly girl, if told no when i ask for sex then its no, dont persist... embarrass myself by trying to intimately dance for him,,, lol never cause i cant dance for anything. He cant offer me marriage right now, doesnt want a child, cant live with me right now..... (While i have 3 children lately i have found i have a desperate craving for a baby) lol not sure why. I loved being pregnant, loved everything about having a baby. Anyway, he doesnt offer those things and im not the uninhibited woman... so better to walk away. Its hard for both of us, we are eachothers best friend, and the other night was a very hard night, I made a huge mistake...but god decided not to allow it, so here i am. Still sometimes i wish he had.
What you cant offer him is not a big deal (being a little self consicous or shy in bed) if you think about it, it's nothing...... but what he cant offer you is a big deal, marriage, kids, security & love....... so who's the one suffering here.... it's you.
Love alone is not enough....... there has to be other things to complete it, otherwise this love wont survive...... & Mystic, it didnt.... it couldnt survive on it's own. And "other things" here do not mean material stuff or money.
After a while you'll realize he's not your best friend & never was....... a best friend makes his or her friend happy, but he did not make you happy, he disappointed you........ so he cant be a best friend....... he was selfish, a best friend cant be that selfish....... he hurt your feelings, a best friend doesnt hurt his friend's feelings & the list goes on
All I can say, you walked out of a toxic relationship that you expected more out of than you got...... & it was your right have those expectations because you deserve it........ But he wasnt willging to give you anything, so he doesnt deserve you
Power to you girl....... there is alot of fish in the sea...... forget about your ex-husband & your ex-boyfriend....... you need a fresh start with anather man who can give you all you need & who will make you give all the things you wanted to give because you have alot of love to give..... so find the right man to give all your love to & who will reciprocate.......
One last thing, you said that there are things you couldnt offer your ex-boyfriend, even if these things were not major, but usually women tend to withold little things from a partner who doesnt give them much........ that ex-bf didnt give you much so you couldnt give back...... but you'll see that with another giving man you'll give much more
Good luck Posted by mysticheart (Member # 6838) on :
Thank you and dont worry, the ex husband is never a consideration to be with lol he is definitely an ex for a reason... eeew yuk not even the thought is acceptable.
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hey thats not fair im having enough trouble working out the 2 she had first ![[Wink]](wink.gif)
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