Hey everyone...I came here today looking for some advise...some words of wisdom. Now after reading alot (not all) posts, I have come to the conclusion that all Egyptian men want is one thing. I met the most Amazing guy and now Idont know. I mean..yes he was quick with the I love you..Yes he was quick with the I want to marry you. For some reason tho, even b4 he said those things I felt them. Anyways, now we are in the process of trying to get him to Canada. I have confronted him with my fears and he told me that yes there are men there that do that and if need be to prove that he cares...i can come to Egypt to live with him there. He is a lawyer and has a good life he says...all he needs out of life is me and Love....Now Im confused. Sounds like alot of Egyptian men say the same thing. Im really truly in love with this man and want it to be true...so plz tell me some of you have found this experience a GOOD one and plz any advise...Bring it on....I need it...thanx for reading
Posted by Khadija_Diagne (Member # 10149) on :
Welcome to ES! Keep reading, your situation is not orgianal, as you probable aready know. From what you have said, I am pretty skeptical. There is not enough detail. Like, how long you have been talking?
Posted by little surfer girl (Member # 12820) on :
Not all experiences are bad. Consider that most happy people dont feel as though they need to vent on a web site. I am lucky enough to have found an amazing Egyptian man who is truly the love of my life. One word of advice in any relationship. Take your time. I know it sounds lame but it will be worth it in the end. Good Luck and Trust Your Heart.
Posted by Khadija_Diagne (Member # 10149) on :
Never trust your heart!.... Little Surfer? What r u talking about?? You best to use your common sence. The heart will get you flying to Egypt at all cost with no regaurd for reality! In these situation, you have to be logical, and a realist. Being true and faithful will yield the results you needed,which, in some cases is not always what you want. The heart is a fool always looking for good feelings and love. In this special situation, we have to use more. Always move slow, patience and perservernce are the tools for this job! Tuck the heart away for now, and use your mind. If it is ment to be, it will work out.
Posted by little surfer girl (Member # 12820) on :
Good Point. But you know that feeling in the bottom of your heart that tells you if something feels right or wrong, thats what I meant. Obviously, be a realist and think things through. Sorry for the misunderstanding.
Posted by Khadija_Diagne (Member # 10149) on :
LOL...No problem, I have a good experience too. I just understand the matters of the heart and mind, can cloud our better judgement. I wish the best for everyone. I wish we all could end up happy. I remember when I first started on ES, I was only talking to my guy for 3 months, and now I have flown to Egypt got married, and my hubby is the man of my dreams! Still, i had so many questions, but I never had any doubt about him. In our situtaion, I had to hide my heart, to protect my intrest. I keep our realtionship on faith, and just prayed that it would be the will of Allah for him to be the one.
I hate to see anyone hurt, and I just think if we put effort into the relationship and hold back on falling in love, we stand a better chance at learning the person, and seeing what can happen from there.
Posted by little surfer girl (Member # 12820) on :
Maybe Ronald Reagan said it best "Trust but Verify".
Posted by GypsyWolf37 (Member # 12817) on :
Hi everyone...thanks for all your replies. Yes youre right ppl come here to vent I guess however youd think after reading all these *vents* someone would say something positive. We have been speaking thru msn/web chat/and phone calls for about 5 months now. And I figure by the time we can actually get together it will be much longer. I know how I feel for him and I know how he feels for me and reading all this makes me feel like Im doing something wrong. He is a lawyer and 28 and Im in health care and Im 37. So does that make him a visa seeker? Is it not possible for two ppl to fall in love and be happy? Just because Im canadian and he is Egyptian ( AND Gorgeous by the way...lol) I want to be able to believe in fate in destiny but here it seems impossible
Posted by little surfer girl (Member # 12820) on :
I know how you feel. My guy is a permanent resident here in the US, however, originally I had some of the same concerns. We are engaged and have been together a year. It took time and we needed to be together to really get to know each other and build that trust. It would be nice if you could spend time together. That makes all the difference. Good Luck. I truly hope you find happiness. There are amazing people out there, it's just a shame that the bad ones give us reasons to doubt.
Posted by Tream Lefty (Member # 6244) on :
Anything is possible. I think it's difficult, however, to figure out. Especially not in just five months.
A long-distance relationship is difficult for its own reasons. And so is a cross-cultural relationship. Add in the religious differences, and it can get very confusing.
I wouldn't invest too much (of your heart) in it until you can spend some time together.
If he asks for or accepts money, I think this is a big warning sign. Even my husband who has been in the U.S. almost 20 years has a FIT if I try to pay for something, and yet he is very Americanized.
Also, meeting his family and getting their blessing is very important as well.
There are exceptions to every rule, but these two *rules* seem to stay pretty consistent.
Posted by foreignluvr (Member # 5854) on :
Hi GypsyWolf37! There are quite a few women on this board who are married to Egyptian men. Some of them live in Egypt with their husbands, some in other countries, and some are in the process of obtaining visas for their spouses to bring them to their countries. As you know each person is unique as is each relationship. It is very hard to be able to predict how your b/f feels without us knowing him of course. You are the one in the relationship. I think the first thing you should do is to keep an open mind and take things day by day. Try to plan a trip to Egypt or see if he could get a tourist visa to Canada to visit you. Has he traveled outside of Egypt before? I only ask as it may be easier for him to visit you if he has. Meet him and see if you both feel the same then as you do now. As already suggested never give or offer him any money. If he ever asks you even for a loan then this should be a big red flag as most decent egyptian men would never ask their g/f's for any money regardless of any circumstanses going on in their lives. Use your gut instincts. They tell us a lot!! Until you meet just continue to talk and get to know one another. These relationships can work but as you know many don't. So no one could say whether yours can or will be one of the successful ones. Take care & welcome to ES!!
Posted by foreignluvr (Member # 5854) on :
Oh Yeah, Do you know if he has mentioned you to his family? How do they feel about him being with a foreigner? Maybe discuss these things. As Tream said family is very important in Egypt. If his family is against him marrying a foreign woman chances are he won't go against his families wishes. So try to find out how his family feels about this issue if you haven't already..
Posted by GypsyWolf37 (Member # 12817) on :
Hey Foreignluvr...well yes I have asked him that and all I can do is belive what he tells me. He said that they said its his life and if I make him happy..they stand behind us. Also, his Dad is willing to lend us money for his trip and fees..so as far as I know....in thet department...all is well. What else do you feel I should find out? Plz ... anything is welcome
Posted by GypsyWolf37 (Member # 12817) on :
Foreignluvr....We have talked about a visitors visa and I think thats the way to go. However I have no clue how to go about it. I have written the letter of invitation and he has all his documents in order. I did offer money to help but he flatly refused...was insulted even. I want to thank you ( and all) for your responses...I do appreciate it all.... Posted by doodlebug (Member # 11649) on :
I hope it's easier to get a visitor's visa to Canada than it is to the US. It was impossible for my husband to get one to visit me before I went to see him, so I had to take the plunge and visit him in Cairo.
If he can do it that's great but if not, go to Cairo!!! It has wonderful people and will make a memory that will last a lifetime, not to mention it will give you insight as to how he has lived and what has shaped him to be the man he is.
Good luck!
Posted by foreignluvr (Member # 5854) on :
quote:Originally posted by GypsyWolf37: Foreignluvr....We have talked about a visitors visa and I think thats the way to go. However I have no clue how to go about it. I have written the letter of invitation and he has all his documents in order. I did offer money to help but he flatly refused...was insulted even. I want to thank you ( and all) for your responses...I do appreciate it all....
So far from what you have said he sounds like a good, decent, honest man. Especially in that he refused any financial help and was slightly insulted. Sounds also like he has more open-mined parents that some egyptian men. Honestly, I am not sure how to go about the visitor's visa. They can be difficult to get to the US. I don't know about Canada. But I do know his chances are a lot better if he is able to prove that he has reasons to return back to Egypt ( such as bank acct, profession-which he has, etc.) That being that he wouldn't overstay his visa. So it sounds so far as if things are moving along nicely. Maybe check with your embassy on the visitors visa. Sorry I couldn't help more there. Hopefully, you will get many more responses tomorrow. Good Luck!!! I think when you two do meet you will learn so much more about each other and then you can move foward from there.
Oh, I did think of one more thing. Religion!!! I am assuming he is Muslim? Is he a really devout muslim? Have you discussed religion and does he accept your beliefs? This can be a big issue for some couples in that the man wants for his wife to become a muslim. I do think it's a good idea for you to learn about Islam (if he is in fact muslim) as it will help you understand him better but never change what you believe.
Posted by Khadija_Diagne (Member # 10149) on :
GypsyWolf37 I would like to see you both take take it slow. More chatting, and web cam. It would be great if he could get the visa to see you. Ask lots of questions, if he is true, nothing will be off limits. Family, like you have heard, is most important. You should know how they feel about this, and like Foreignluvr said, religion should be discussed. I beleive for solid foundation, couples should be equally yolked.
Posted by GypsyWolf37 (Member # 12817) on :
Yes he is muslim and he knows that I have no religion. Im not athiest or anything...just dont believe in religion. It is a problem but if I become christian I guess all will be ok. I will not turn muslim and he knows it and is very ok with it. So yeah...you guys here are really great...and Im not very encouraged by this visitor visa now....what else can we do?
Posted by Tream Lefty (Member # 6244) on :
I am not entirely sure about this, but an American on this board was trying to get a visitor's visa for her Egyptian friend -- and if that wasn't a possibility, I believe they were going to meet in Canada or Mexico. So perhaps Canada is easier.
(She ended up getting the visitor's visa for the U.S.)
Posted by MK the Most Interlectual (Member # 8356) on :
quote:Originally posted by GypsyWolf37: He: lawyer and 28 and Egyptian ( AND Gorgeous by the way...lol)
Im: in health care and Im 37, canadian
So does that make him a visa seeker? Is it not possible for two ppl to fall in love and be happy?
I want to be able to believe in fate in destiny but here it seems impossible
Yes he's a visa seeker.
I hate to ask such a stupid question, but in your case it could come in handy; where does he live in Egypt? Oh and whet does his father do for a living?
Males of our culture do not fall in love with older women, and from your post I also understand he's very good looking (probably better looking in comparison to you?), which is also bad news. Good looking Egyptian men treat their less beautiful wives like they are doing them the biggest favor by being with them. Let alone that they would give themselves the right to cheat.
And him being a lawyer is worth nothing in Egypt. It is however worth a lot in the US and Canada.
Don't!
Posted by Mimmi (Member # 3606) on :
quote:Originally posted by GypsyWolf37: Hi everyone...thanks for all your replies. Yes youre right ppl come here to vent I guess however youd think after reading all these *vents* someone would say something positive. We have been speaking thru msn/web chat/and phone calls for about 5 months now. And I figure by the time we can actually get together it will be much longer. I know how I feel for him and I know how he feels for me and reading all this makes me feel like Im doing something wrong. He is a lawyer and 28 and Im in health care and Im 37. So does that make him a visa seeker? Is it not possible for two ppl to fall in love and be happy? Just because Im canadian and he is Egyptian ( AND Gorgeous by the way...lol) I want to be able to believe in fate in destiny but here it seems impossible
Please go and visit him in Egypt before you do anything else. Meet him in person and decide after that what you want to do.
Posted by yorkshire rose (Member # 12072) on :
Hi there i deefinatly belive that they are not all seeking visasome are and if youre smart enough you will catch on to the signs, but if he is 100 percent commited to you, he waits you all day on internet, never lets you down, But if he shows up when he feels, makes all excuses, youll no if hes a good one or not, Ive had both this kind, and the one that didnt show up, let me down all the time was the bad one, the other friend i have is waiting day and night, and couldnt be more genuine, luckyly i met him already,
Posted by malak (Member # 3654) on :
Hi, I have a good outcome. I did not meet my husband on the net, we met 12 years ago In Hurghada. We both invested a lot of time ensuring that we were right for each other and that includes involving families. I am lucky enough to have really good inlaws, who respect me and visa versa. My husband was very straight with who he was, where he came from etc... which can have an impact on you both. I moved to Egypt(with work) and lived in Cairo for 4 years. We have 2 children now and live and work in the UK. The choice to move to the UK was to better our position when we return to Cairo during this year. Everything is more expensive now, schooling, cost of living. So we needed to ensure that we are financially stable for the coming years. Life in Egypt is not easy, you have to work at it and life can be difficult for anyone moving to any country and adapting. So you will find pros and cons which ever way you move Egypt or Canada. My advice is to visit as much as you can, get a feel for him and his country, its hard work and pressure trying to support/please and make everything right for someone you have up and moved from there country. Try not to make it as a holiday, make it as normal as possible, him going to work etc.. look at how you would cope. WHne he visits you, look at he would cope in a normal day. Thats both ways. Take your time, dont rush and I wish you the best of luck.
Posted by egg (Member # 10438) on :
I think everyone has given you good advice, there are however a couple of issues, that i believe could make things more tricky for you, i advise you to read alot about islam as khadija says, your friend has said that he is muslim, however also says that he is ok with you not believing in religion, this is not in islam, so is he not very religious? becoming christian isn't something that you just do so that on paper you both feel its ok to marry, i find this a bit offensive, i'm sorry, no offence but i do. Equally, you couldn't become muslim because it was ok on paper, otherwise it means nothing. IF your husband to be is a practising muslim he will alos want to bring his children up as muslims, so please read alot about islam.
secondly, has he been married previously? are you aware that in islam a man can have up to 4 wives? what kind of past has he had? has he dated any foreigners before? has he lived outside of egypt? are his family practising muslims? brothers, sisters married etc?
I am married to a wonderful egyptian man, who had lived in uk a long time and we met in my home town, i have reverted to islam now because i loved it when i started reading bout it, and our lives are much easier for this. Since i have come on this site i have read many of the same stories re. holiday romance or internet relationships, but to be fair to egyptian men, the same endings apply to many relationships that start this way, they dont often have happy endings, but there are a few on here... I think khadija is spot on in her advice and you should resisit the urge to rush, find out as much as you can about egyptian lifestyle, culture, islam, him and his family... sometimes distance allows us to turn the other person into who we want them to be and romance can cloud reality so please try to keep it real and slooooow... good luck x
Posted by VanillaBullshit (Member # 10873) on :
quote:Originally posted by GypsyWolf37: Hey everyone...I came here today looking for some advise...some words of wisdom. Now after reading alot (not all) posts, I have come to the conclusion that all Egyptian men want is one thing. I met the most Amazing guy and now Idont know. I mean..yes he was quick with the I love you..Yes he was quick with the I want to marry you. For some reason tho, even b4 he said those things I felt them. Anyways, now we are in the process of trying to get him to Canada. I have confronted him with my fears and he told me that yes there are men there that do that and if need be to prove that he cares...i can come to Egypt to live with him there. He is a lawyer and has a good life he says...all he needs out of life is me and Love....Now Im confused. Sounds like alot of Egyptian men say the same thing. Im really truly in love with this man and want it to be true...so plz tell me some of you have found this experience a GOOD one and plz any advise...Bring it on....I need it...thanx for reading
Five months + no face to face meeting + marriage proposal/declaration of "love" + age disparity =
Be very cautious. Posted by Ayisha (Member # 4713) on :
quote:Originally posted by GypsyWolf37: Yes he is muslim and he knows that I have no religion. Im not athiest or anything...just dont believe in religion. It is a problem but if I become christian I guess all will be ok. I will not turn muslim and he knows it and is very ok with it. So yeah...you guys here are really great...and Im not very encouraged by this visitor visa now....what else can we do?
This would concern me greatly!!
You state you 'will not turn muslim', can i ask why? and do you know anything about Islam apart from what you see on the news?
A Muslim man will NOT 'normally' marry anyone who has no God or no belief in religion at all, this is alien to them.
Many will, however, do and say all they can to get out of Egypt for 'a better life'
As VB says, Be very cautious.
I cant understand HOW you are trying to get him to Canada on a visa if you have not even met him face to face? It is best if you can go there and meet him before you get into something you may have no control over and you will regret. Meeting and chatting online is great but no substitute for a real meeting. We can all be who we want online, show our best side online, always happy and caring etc etc. What's he like if you disagree with him? What will happen if you have kids and he WILL want them raised Muslim, will you have them shipped off to be raised in Egypt with his parents because he wont allow them to be raised by a none believer?? How does he handle questions which will be raised the more you read on this board? is he aggressive, is he arrogant, is he caring to his family and friends? none of this you can know by internet chats.
Without actually meeting him, in his own country in his own surroundings you cannot know anything about this man. 5 months internet chat is NOTHING, 2 years internet chats and phone calls is nothing without a face to face meeting. Very very few Egyptian muslim men will marry someone thier family has not met unless its not a 'proper' marriage in his eyes. Seriously, be VERY cautious.
When you next chat to him, tell him about this site, tell him the questions raised by it and see his reaction. IF he is anything worth bothering with he will have no problems putting your mind at ease and even coming here and putting his side across.
also, many of them suggest you go there to live in Egypt if there is a problem, not many will actually want that or carry it through though, its just to make you think all is ok because of course YOU dont want to live there!!
Phew!! ok after all that said, There are many wonderful, kind, true men out there and yours COULD be one. InshaAllah he is, but you need to go there and meet him properly, find out who he really is. I wish you all the very best of luck.
Posted by GypsyWolf37 (Member # 12817) on :
Wow....ok I want to get him here on a visitors visa so we can meet. We are just talking about getting married..have made no definite plans. And no Im not hurting in the looks department..so him being better looking than me seems silly to me. I cant have children anymore...he knows this and accepts this. My children are his children...they love and adore him as well. Both hi s parents are teachers. I have told him about this site and he has put my mind at ease. sort of arghhh . I dont understand why age is an issue and that makes him an automatic visa seeker. You fall for who you fall for. we have talked alot about everything. I am very open and upfront with him...even if it hurts his feelings. As far as becoming christian...I wouldnt do that just to do that. My neighbor here is a christian pastor and I have been speaking with her a lot about this. Plz dont get me wrong...if thats what I choose to do...it wont be a light-hearted desicion. I apologize if it came across that way. WHy do I have to go there to see how he is? He can come here for me to see that. It isnt easy for me to get there well it sure as hell aint easy for him either but, we both agreed (in our situation) thathe should come here. Again...maybe his being a lawyer in Egypt means nothing...but he has a job...he has a life and he is happy there. He would move anywhere...not just Canada for us to be together... Damn it ppl...now Im all confused...LOL no its good ...I need to hear all this....Keep it coming
Posted by Ayisha (Member # 4713) on :
quote:Originally posted by GypsyWolf37: Wow....ok I want to get him here on a visitors visa so we can meet. We are just talking about getting married..have made no definite plans. And no Im not hurting in the looks department..so him being better looking than me seems silly to me. I cant have children anymore...he knows this and accepts this. My children are his children...they love and adore him as well. Both hi s parents are teachers. I have told him about this site and he has put my mind at ease. sort of arghhh . I dont understand why age is an issue and that makes him an automatic visa seeker. You fall for who you fall for. we have talked alot about everything. I am very open and upfront with him...even if it hurts his feelings. As far as becoming christian...I wouldnt do that just to do that. My neighbor here is a christian pastor and I have been speaking with her a lot about this. Plz dont get me wrong...if thats what I choose to do...it wont be a light-hearted desicion. I apologize if it came across that way. WHy do I have to go there to see how he is? He can come here for me to see that. It isnt easy for me to get there well it sure as hell aint easy for him either but, we both agreed (in our situation) thathe should come here. Again...maybe his being a lawyer in Egypt means nothing...but he has a job...he has a life and he is happy there. He would move anywhere...not just Canada for us to be together... Damn it ppl...now Im all confused...LOL no its good ...I need to hear all this....Keep it coming
A Very Big Welcome To ES!!!
If you can stay strong and stay here you will get the lot, you will hear our voices with everything he says to you, he will suffer endless accusing questions, and if you both get through all that it might work Posted by Laura (Member # 879) on :
Gypsy, go to Egypt and meet him and his family first.
You have nothing to lose by doing this and everything to gain.
Then if you are satisfied all is on the up and up...GO FOR IT! Posted by M. M. (Member # 8386) on :
MK is correct (and not just about his line of work).
A lawyer in Egypt doesn't mean squat.
Be careful.
quote:Originally posted by MK the Most Interlectual:
quote:Originally posted by GypsyWolf37: He: lawyer and 28 and Egyptian ( AND Gorgeous by the way...lol)
Im: in health care and Im 37, canadian
So does that make him a visa seeker? Is it not possible for two ppl to fall in love and be happy?
I want to be able to believe in fate in destiny but here it seems impossible
Yes he's a visa seeker.
I hate to ask such a stupid question, but in your case it could come in handy; where does he live in Egypt? Oh and whet does his father do for a living?
Males of our culture do not fall in love with older women, and from your post I also understand he's very good looking (probably better looking in comparison to you?), which is also bad news. Good looking Egyptian men treat their less beautiful wives like they are doing them the biggest favor by being with them. Let alone that they would give themselves the right to cheat.
And him being a lawyer is worth nothing in Egypt. It is however worth a lot in the US and Canada.
Don't!
Posted by Karah_Mia (Member # 4668) on :
Gypsy, I think Ayisha has a great idea: put your guy here on ES! If that does not give him a heart attack nothing will! Kidding. It is indeed an eye opener to read the stories here - let him see people know about all kinds of schemes and plots concocted by Egyptian men and check his reaction. I did put my husband here and he survived. Almost. Posted by Ayisha (Member # 4713) on :
My poor hubby has been interrogated for 2 and half years over what I read here poor man now just smiles and says 'ya bloody English, you not know your ****** by now?' Posted by Khadija_Diagne (Member # 10149) on :
quote:Originally posted by GypsyWolf37: Wow....ok I want to get him here on a visitors visa so we can meet. We are just talking about getting married..have made no definite plans. And no Im not hurting in the looks department..so him being better looking than me seems silly to me. I cant have children anymore...he knows this and accepts this. My children are his children...they love and adore him as well. Both hi s parents are teachers. I have told him about this site and he has put my mind at ease. sort of arghhh . I dont understand why age is an issue and that makes him an automatic visa seeker. You fall for who you fall for. we have talked alot about everything. I am very open and upfront with him...even if it hurts his feelings. As far as becoming christian...I wouldnt do that just to do that. My neighbor here is a christian pastor and I have been speaking with her a lot about this. Plz dont get me wrong...if thats what I choose to do...it wont be a light-hearted desicion. I apologize if it came across that way. WHy do I have to go there to see how he is? He can come here for me to see that. It isnt easy for me to get there well it sure as hell aint easy for him either but, we both agreed (in our situation) thathe should come here. Again...maybe his being a lawyer in Egypt means nothing...but he has a job...he has a life and he is happy there. He would move anywhere...not just Canada for us to be together... Damn it ppl...now Im all confused...LOL no its good ...I need to hear all this....Keep it coming
ok lets recap:
1. older women from the west 2. He does not care if you are not religous 3. you can not give him children 4. beautiful egyptian man romances you with marriage talk after 5 months 5. He tells you he is a lawyer, hopes of impressing you
*********He is a visa seeker!******* Go to Egypt, see what he is all about!
Posted by Karah_Mia (Member # 4668) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ayisha: My poor hubby has been interrogated for 2 and half years over what I read here poor man now just smiles and says 'ya bloody English, you not know your ****** by now?'
Posted by yorkshire rose (Member # 12072) on :
you really got to meet first before you make a real decission, dont decide till you go there
Posted by Anthropos (Member # 9410) on :
Hi
you say that he has a nice life in Egypt and that he is lawyer - how can you know this for sure? And my information tells me that being a lawyer in Egypt is not as posh and smart as it is in the West. I've actually heard that people with low grades get into law school in Egypt. Juast check it out and even if he offers you to come and live in Egypt,I don't think you should make that guarantee that he likes his life there. Maybe it is just reverse psychology.
Posted by Mimmi (Member # 3606) on :
Go to Egypt and you will find out the thruth, that is the only reasonable thing for you to do. It is easiere for you to go there than for him to get to Canada. He will propably not get any visa and he will not have the money to come. And it is not at all the same ,you have to see him in his surroundings and you have to see Egypt. Go to Egypt and see for your self the life there , his background,his culture, his family and friends. Egypt is soooo different go and see and decide after that everything. Don't do anything before you go there. It will not at all the same if he comes to Canada. GO TO EGYPT
Posted by MK the Most Interlectual (Member # 8356) on :
quote:Originally posted by GypsyWolf37: I cant have children anymore...he knows this and accepts this. My children are his children...they love and adore him as well.
This is and even bigger proof he's a visa seeker. He's happy you can't have children so it would be a Hit-the-Visa and Run situation.
Egyptian men in their 50s, previously married and divorced and widowed and even still married with half a dozen of kids, would still want to marry young virgins with no kids, and would still want to have children, preferably boys. That goes to ALL Egyptian men.
He will stop "loving and adoring" all of you when he gets the visa.
Get an American your age and live happily ever after. Forget this Internet crap. Please wake up before it's too late.
One day I will tell you all why I'm SO against all this. That day will come I promise. Just as soon as I feel free to speak my mind out.
Posted by akshar (Member # 1680) on :
Ask him to apply for a visitors visa to Canada and if he does not get one then the Canadian embassy did not believe he had money and a good job so why should you.
I would not believe any Egyptian who said he did not want children. They may say that hoping to hook you but if you believe it you are totally denying years of culture.
My big advice on any visa application TELL THE TRUTH and provide as much evidence to back it up as possible. our file was about an inch thick
Posted by GypsyWolf37 (Member # 12817) on :
SOmeone sounds bitter. Well I never said He was HAPPY that I couldnt have children...I said he accepted it. I dont think its fair that ALL Egyptian men be put in one category...thats a bit judgemental in my book. Its hard to say everything that needs to be said here ...about him about us ... Seems like the focus is negativity. Is it not possible that I may have found a decent guy from EGYPT who is actually capable of loving me? IM really rather disappointed in all the EGYPTIAN MAN bashing here. I was expecting critism but OMG ... Any other country around where we can do some serious man bashing?
Posted by MK the Most Interlectual (Member # 8356) on :
quote:Originally posted by GypsyWolf37: SOmeone sounds bitter. Well I never said He was HAPPY that I couldnt have children...I said he accepted it. I dont think its fair that ALL Egyptian men be put in one category...thats a bit judgemental in my book. Its hard to say everything that needs to be said here ...about him about us ... Seems like the focus is negativity. Is it not possible that I may have found a decent guy from EGYPT who is actually capable of loving me? IM really rather disappointed in all the EGYPTIAN MAN bashing here. I was expecting critism but OMG ... Any other country around where we can do some serious man bashing?
Okay marry him.
(P.s. About being "bitter", I was never that naive or desperate to experience such drama personally)
Posted by akshar (Member # 1680) on :
Yes it is quite possible you have found a decent Egyptian man who loves you. BUT most unlikely he would ever be happy not having kids. As a muslim the koran commands him to have children and I bet his parents would expect him to. And who is the number one woman in an Egyptians life and will always be HIS MOTHER
Posted by Tream Lefty (Member # 6244) on :
Gypsy, I don't like stereotyping anyone either. I'm sure there are exceptions to every rule. But nobody here knows the guy you are talking to. All we can do is go by general Egyptian male behavior and culture.
I don't think people are focussing on the negative, it's just that Egyptian culture seems to be more regimented than American/Canadian culture when it comes to family issues. It's difficult for a man to go against his family.
Sure, there are probably tons of Egyptian guys out there who would not care about an age difference. Or not care that you had children already. Or not care that you can't or don't want to have any more.
But when it gets all added up, that this particular guy seems to break *all* these rules to be with you, I think it's something that requires careful watching.
If all this stuff he says is true, he is probably seen as and feels like a social misfit in Egypt. Which is a huge motivation for him to move to a Western country.
Posted by Khadija_Diagne (Member # 10149) on :
quote:Originally posted by GypsyWolf37: SOmeone sounds bitter. Well I never said He was HAPPY that I couldnt have children...I said he accepted it. I dont think its fair that ALL Egyptian men be put in one category...thats a bit judgemental in my book. Its hard to say everything that needs to be said here ...about him about us ... Seems like the focus is negativity. Is it not possible that I may have found a decent guy from EGYPT who is actually capable of loving me? IM really rather disappointed in all the EGYPTIAN MAN bashing here. I was expecting critism but OMG ... Any other country around where we can do some serious man bashing?
I am so sorry to say this sister, you are in denial! I and I am not talking about the River in Egypt!
I told you I have very happy ending, so no I am not bitter or bashing, infact I am one of the biggest defenders of internet realtionship. But I tell you, I am from USA, I have been to Egypt. I am not generalizing or sterotyping. You asked for the truth and you should look more into the culture of Egyptian men, and you would see why most are not giving you good words about this situtation.
You obviouly know nothing about Islam, Egypt, or Egyptian men. Seriouly, he is not the one. But do what you want. I hate to say, you will find out the hard way, but you can only make your own decision. Most people here really love Egypt, and are here to look out for the most part. But from what you posted, you are in fairtale land if you think this guy is serious right now.
Even posters who are telling you to go for it, or telling you things like, only you can find out the truth, most likely are saying this to protect your feeling, cause the truth is, he is not thinking about you! How many hours a day do you talk to him?
Hey you want to see if he is true,,,create another chat identity! See if he takes the bait. Then you will know if he is fishing or not.
Posted by Ayisha (Member # 4713) on :
hhhmm, the only thing making gypsy's situation different to mine is mine does NOT want to leave Egypt to come here. As he doesn't also fit the rest of the 'cultural norm' and we cant call him a visa seeker, then what is he? Cant possibly be an honest Egyptian man who loves me can he? nah! Ah of course, its all that money I dont have anyway Posted by Khadija_Diagne (Member # 10149) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ayisha: hhhmm, the only thing making gypsy's situation different to mine is mine does NOT want to leave Egypt to come here. As he doesn't also fit the rest of the 'cultural norm' and we cant call him a visa seeker, then what is he? Cant possibly be an honest Egyptian man who loves me can he? nah! Ah of course, its all that money I dont have anyway
NOOOO, there are way more differences. Gypsy's guy has been talking for 5 months. Nothing wrong with not fitting the "cultural norm" but this guy is way obvious what his motives are!
Ayisha, i think everyone sistuation is different, but I really dont see this guy as beeing sincere....not yet anyway. Gyspy has not posted one thing to show that he is.
Posted by Ayisha (Member # 4713) on :
quote:Originally posted by Khadija_Diagne:
Ayisha, i think everyone sistuation is different,
Exactly!! ALL people are not the same and ALL situations are not the same, so ALL this generalizing is getting rediculous!
Posted by Khadija_Diagne (Member # 10149) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ayisha:
quote:Originally posted by Khadija_Diagne:
Ayisha, i think everyone sistuation is different,
Exactly!! ALL people are not the same and ALL situations are not the same, so ALL this generalizing is getting rediculous!
True. that is why I am not generalizing, I am just going with what I know, and what has been posted. I think the guy is a fake, and is going to hurt Gypsy. Posted by Ayisha (Member # 4713) on :
quote:Originally posted by Khadija_Diagne:
quote:Originally posted by Ayisha:
quote:Originally posted by Khadija_Diagne:
Ayisha, i think everyone sistuation is different,
Exactly!! ALL people are not the same and ALL situations are not the same, so ALL this generalizing is getting rediculous!
True. that is why I am not generalizing, I am just going with what I know, and what has been posted. I think the guy is a fake, and is going to hurt Gypsy.
sorry khadija, I didn't mean to hit out at you. Things in this DO start ringing a warning bell, but only qypsy knows her man, well as best she can through the net.
I agree 100% she does not know enough about Islam, Egypt or Muslim men, that's WHY she is here! That's why personally, I think she needs to go THERE to Egypt. It's ok him coming to her but her going there will help HER to understand HIM much better, it will also enable her to meet his family and understand how important the family IS to them. It will also be an opportunity for her to find out if there is any reason he does NOT want her to meet them!! which would certainly be a louder warning bell.
Gypsy, there ARE good relationships on this board, many successful ones and many who have met through the net. It CAN work, even in your particular situation with the 'normal' differences you have between you both. However, you did ask the question and you are being answered. Your job is to take onboard what is said, all of it, sift through it and use whatever of it comes up along the way.
Not ALL Egyptian men are the same, not ALL western women are the same. Alhamdulillah!!
Posted by M. M. (Member # 8386) on :
Sorry if this sounds rude but...happy endings can't be judged until husbands get their GCs and stick around a while. This goes for myself as well. I'm not counting my chickens before they hatch.
Gypsy...sure there may be Egyptian or other MENA men who claim to be "ok" with their wives' inablilty to procreate. You obviously know nothing about the culture. Yes, the men may say they don't mind but the family will. Family is more powerful in the Mid East than here. Ppl are controlled by their families even in adulthood. He will eventually want children and if you can't provide he'll go elsewhere. Inability to give him children is grounds for divorce in his world. He won't admit that now. I'd just be really careful if I were you. If you insist on going through with this make sure you meet his family and preferably stay in their home when you visit.
quote:Originally posted by Khadija_Diagne:
quote:Originally posted by GypsyWolf37: SOmeone sounds bitter. Well I never said He was HAPPY that I couldnt have children...I said he accepted it. I dont think its fair that ALL Egyptian men be put in one category...thats a bit judgemental in my book. Its hard to say everything that needs to be said here ...about him about us ... Seems like the focus is negativity. Is it not possible that I may have found a decent guy from EGYPT who is actually capable of loving me? IM really rather disappointed in all the EGYPTIAN MAN bashing here. I was expecting critism but OMG ... Any other country around where we can do some serious man bashing?
I am so sorry to say this sister, you are in denial! I and I am not talking about the River in Egypt!
I told you I have very happy ending, so no I am not bitter or bashing, infact I am one of the biggest defenders of internet realtionship. But I tell you, I am from USA, I have been to Egypt. I am not generalizing or sterotyping. You asked for the truth and you should look more into the culture of Egyptian men, and you would see why most are not giving you good words about this situtation.
You obviouly know nothing about Islam, Egypt, or Egyptian men. Seriouly, he is not the one. But do what you want. I hate to say, you will find out the hard way, but you can only make your own decision. Most people here really love Egypt, and are here to look out for the most part. But from what you posted, you are in fairtale land if you think this guy is serious right now.
Even posters who are telling you to go for it, or telling you things like, only you can find out the truth, most likely are saying this to protect your feeling, cause the truth is, he is not thinking about you! How many hours a day do you talk to him?
Hey you want to see if he is true,,,create another chat identity! See if he takes the bait. Then you will know if he is fishing or not.
Posted by Khadija_Diagne (Member # 10149) on :
quote:Originally posted by M. M.: Sorry if this sounds rude but...happy endings can't be judged until husbands get their GCs and stick around a while.
My happy ending is not contingent upon my husband getting his GC and sticking around. My happy ending is based in my deen. My relationship with something greater than my marriage, my faith, this is what I mean by happy endings. No matter what the outcome of life's turmoil, my endings are always happy, because focus on Iman, and not a man.
Posted by Ayisha (Member # 4713) on :
what is a GC??
Posted by Khadija_Diagne (Member # 10149) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ayisha: what is a GC??
Green Card Posted by Tream Lefty (Member # 6244) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ayisha: what is a GC??
Green card? Is that permanent residence in the U.S.?
Posted by Ayisha (Member # 4713) on :
ahh so i'm totally fooked then no green card for my hubby
Posted by M. M. (Member # 8386) on :
Sorry I was under the impression that the happy ending had to do with your husband. My apologies.
quote:Originally posted by Khadija_Diagne:
quote:Originally posted by M. M.: Sorry if this sounds rude but...happy endings can't be judged until husbands get their GCs and stick around a while.
My happy ending is not contingent upon my husband getting his GC and sticking around. My happy ending is based in my deen. My relationship with something greater than my marriage, my faith, this is what I mean by happy endings. No matter what the outcome of life's turmoil, my endings are always happy, because focus on Iman, and not a man.
Posted by Laura (Member # 879) on :
quote:Originally posted by akshar: Yes it is quite possible you have found a decent Egyptian man who loves you. BUT most unlikely he would ever be happy not having kids. As a muslim the koran commands him to have children and I bet his parents would expect him to. And who is the number one woman in an Egyptians life and will always be HIS MOTHER
Hi Jane, As a muslim I have never read or heard of any "Command" to have children. Can you please tell me where it commands this in the Quran? Yes, God created us to procreate, but he did NOT command this.
I personally know several people (egyptian), who are NOT part of this forum, and are quite happily married, and they knew before the marriage children would NOT be part of their life together. Their love and respect for each other binds them.
Laura
Posted by ExptinCAI (Member # 1439) on :
quote:Originally posted by GypsyWolf37: SOmeone sounds bitter. Well I never said He was HAPPY that I couldnt have children...I said he accepted it. I dont think its fair that ALL Egyptian men be put in one category...thats a bit judgemental in my book. Its hard to say everything that needs to be said here ...about him about us ... Seems like the focus is negativity. Is it not possible that I may have found a decent guy from EGYPT who is actually capable of loving me? IM really rather disappointed in all the EGYPTIAN MAN bashing here. I was expecting critism but OMG ... Any other country around where we can do some serious man bashing?
Doesn't really matter if you agree with them or not. You're looking at a completely different culture through your view. What they're telling you is HOW IT IS. That you don't chose to accept this or your opinion differs doesn't change the egyptian culture, the attitude of their people or the reality you will face when you finally confront it all yourself. IF he is muslim, then he wants children and yes you are too old for him. Sorry, but that is the culture HE GREW UP IN and you're believing him because he's telling you that he's 'westernized' and 'thinks like you.' Ask him where he's traveled, for how long, etc. Unless he's spent a good deal of time outside of Egypt, na-ah. I have met very many people who seem to think like Westerners and never left Egypt - but once you start to get to know them better you realize that they are Egyptian and their core belief, their values, are different than ones you grew up in.
Posted by doodlebug (Member # 11649) on :
quote:Originally posted by M. M.: Sorry if this sounds rude but...happy endings can't be judged until husbands get their GCs and stick around a while. This goes for myself as well. I'm not counting my chickens before they hatch.
Gypsy...sure there may be Egyptian or other MENA men who claim to be "ok" with their wives' inablilty to procreate. You obviously know nothing about the culture. Yes, the men may say they don't mind but the family will. Family is more powerful in the Mid East than here. Ppl are controlled by their families even in adulthood. He will eventually want children and if you can't provide he'll go elsewhere. Inability to give him children is grounds for divorce in his world. He won't admit that now. I'd just be really careful if I were you. If you insist on going through with this make sure you meet his family and preferably stay in their home when you visit.
M.M. is absolutely right. When I met my sisters in law the first thing they did was hug and kiss me and give me gifts and the second thing they did was sit me down, look me in the eye and asked me when they can expect a baby. Posted by MK the Most Interlectual (Member # 8356) on :
quote:Originally posted by Laura: I personally know several people (egyptian), who are quite happily married, and they knew before the marriage children would NOT be part of their life together. Their love and respect for each other binds them.
Probably because either both parties have kids from previous marriages or ONLY THE MEN already have the kids (or maybe infertile) and their women accepted the prenuptial terms.
Posted by Ayisha (Member # 4713) on :
quote:Originally posted by Laura:
quote:Originally posted by akshar: Yes it is quite possible you have found a decent Egyptian man who loves you. BUT most unlikely he would ever be happy not having kids. As a muslim the koran commands him to have children and I bet his parents would expect him to. And who is the number one woman in an Egyptians life and will always be HIS MOTHER
Hi Jane, As a muslim I have never read or heard of any "Command" to have children. Can you please tell me where it commands this in the Quran? Yes, God created us to procreate, but he did NOT command this.
I personally know several people (egyptian), who are NOT part of this forum, and are quite happily married, and they knew before the marriage children would NOT be part of their life together. Their love and respect for each other binds them.
Laura
No there is no command in the Quran to have kids, it does say they are a blessing though.
My husbands uncle (mums brother) is the man my hubby looks up to in many ways as his father left when his younger sister and brother were babies. Uncle was married for many years to a German woman, there were no kids, she died some time ago. Uncle is only about mid 40s now, he has no desire to remarry or have any kids and is not pressured by family to do so.
Posted by akshar (Member # 1680) on :
lol I didn't say impossible but most unlikely
Posted by Laura (Member # 879) on :
quote:Originally posted by MK the Most Interlectual:
quote:Originally posted by Laura: I personally know several people (egyptian), who are quite happily married, and they knew before the marriage children would NOT be part of their life together. Their love and respect for each other binds them.
Probably because either both parties have kids from previous marriages or ONLY THE MEN already have the kids (or maybe infertile) and their women accepted the prenuptial terms.
Truthfully MK, the women had kids from previous marriage, but the men were never married before(and had no children).
And..... they live here in Egypt and have no desire for a green card or anything else. Plain and simple.
Posted by Ayisha (Member # 4713) on :
quote:Originally posted by Laura:
quote:Originally posted by MK the Most Interlectual:
quote:Originally posted by Laura: I personally know several people (egyptian), who are quite happily married, and they knew before the marriage children would NOT be part of their life together. Their love and respect for each other binds them.
Probably because either both parties have kids from previous marriages or ONLY THE MEN already have the kids (or maybe infertile) and their women accepted the prenuptial terms.
Truthfully MK, the women had kids from previous marriage, but the men were never married before(and had no children).
And..... they live here in Egypt and have no desire for a green card or anything else. Plain and simple.
ahh from despair to hope again !! Posted by Laura (Member # 879) on :
lol Ayisha!
Ladies, gentlemen.
Everyone here loves to offer suggestions, opinions, advices, experiences, (including me) but that's just it, they belong to "others".
You and only you can know what is best for you.
You are the one who has to live with your decisions.
Make the most, or least of what you want to, from what you read here, but at the end of the day, it's just you and your life.
No one elses.
Laura
Posted by 3okba (Member # 12623) on :
quote:Originally posted by Laura: lol Ayisha!
Ladies, gentlemen.
Everyone here loves to offer suggestions, opinions, advices, experiences, (including me) but that's just it, they belong to "others".
You and only you can know what is best for you.
You are the one who has to live with your decisions.
Make the most, or least of what you want to, from what you read here, but at the end of the day, it's just you and your life.
No one elses.
Laura
Thats it a great say From a woman what a wonder !?!
Posted by Laura (Member # 879) on :
quote:Originally posted by 3okba: Thats it a great say From a woman what a wonder !?!
If you weren't a man, I would take that as a compliment!
Posted by 3okba (Member # 12623) on :
quote:Originally posted by Laura:
quote:Originally posted by 3okba: Thats it a great say From a woman what a wonder !?!
If you weren't a man, I would take that as a compliment!
That is a proof againest women you start with problems first and you will ever do
what is the matter if you took it as a compliment even I'm a man !! Weak Thinking
Posted by Laura (Member # 879) on :
3Okba, dont make me have to get out the frying pan!! Posted by GypsyWolf37 (Member # 12817) on :
Hey everyone...sorry if I was angry in my last post. Youre right...I didnt come here for answers and advise. Good or Bad...and it all is being digested. Someone here (sorry name I dont remember) said that I havent said anything positive about my Egyptian guy or provided proof that he is for real. Someone also said I was in denial ( and not the river...LOL) and desperate??? No not desperate..Im very capable of finding a relationship here..thing is I fell for him. Denial? well...I dont think so. Maybe Im too trusting. And yes I agree...I dont know much about the culture there but I am trying to learn...from him...from the net and from you ppl. What I do know is that Yes he has travelled outside egypt...a lot. I also know that he is close to his family and HE SAYS (I know its just what he say) that his family is ok with all this and yes they do want to meet me. He wants me to go to cairo..to live ..I dont want to do that. My life here is good and my roots are here and my family is here and my kids love the freedom they have in Canada. Thats why WE decided it would be best for him here. Maybe he is a more modernized man from there...isnt that possible? Maybe Love is whats important..I dont know. So I ask ..what kind of proof are you looking for? What should I ask him? As far as getting another on line name...thats seems sneaky and says that I dont trust him. I couldnt do that...(anyone wanna do it for me??? Im kidding) I dont want to be kidding myself and I dont want to be in * De Nile* Maybe it justs hurts too much to think that he could be using me
Posted by GypsyWolf37 (Member # 12817) on :
Oops meant to say I DID COME HERE FOR ADVISE AND ANSWERS.....( not didnt)
Posted by MissNoor (Member # 12549) on :
Gypsy I am new here also and I take all the advice to heart. Right now I am like having my eyes opened. I have been chatting with a young egyptian man I mean young, girl! (29) He said age was not a factor. Hmmm I am like 20 yrs older do the math!!! lol Anyway, It just started as friendship and he started to escalate it to love hellooo. I told him you can't say u love someone when you haven't even met.....It takes time to build a relationship, don't get me wrong some know their heart and I believe in love at first whatever....it works for some and not for others....Anyway, I have been chatting with him for nearly 2 years. Then about 6 months ago he started telling me all the problems he is having, he needed money for school, he had a low paying job etc.....Being the caring adult that I am..I offered to send him money........he refused and told me that no way it was it a big embarrasment for a man to accept any money from a woman in his culture..........I insisted but he still denied for me to wire him any financial support buttttttttttt then about 3 months after he said that he ran into a hardship and it took him all his dignity and pride to ask me if my offered still was open....hummmmmmmmmm but you know I did wire him the money it did not bother me to send it to him but I came across here in ES and have read so many related stories. I never professed to him that I cared deeply for him in the manner that he says he does. My God he also tells me he wants to marry me etc etc. It's hard to come to a realization that all these friends in here are being truthful. I do see the "RED FLAG" but I help him because I choose to. I imagine it must be very tough financially there in Eygpt. Now he moved to Dubai because he said he had a better chance and he would love for me to go visit him there. If I could help him better his life I will. I tell him that he is young and handsome to seek a women who will make him happy, to set his goals in life and go forth with them. Never to give up on his dreams, he says I'm his angel that no one has ever ever helped him or gave him hope. I feel in my heart he is very sincere.......
Posted by Tream Lefty (Member # 6244) on :
Just keep getting to know him.
I always say invest your heart, or your wallet, but never both. Personally, I think a long distance thing like this will take *more* time to fully get to know a person. Let him visit you. Definitely go visit him (meet the family!). See him in your environment as well as his own.
Nothing is for certain in life. Just try to be smart about it all.
Posted by 3okba (Member # 12623) on :
quote:Originally posted by Laura: 3Okba, dont make me have to get out the frying pan!!
OK come out from it and i'll eat you I'm so hungry all day Posted by Laura (Member # 879) on :
Gypsy, I have an idea.
Once there was a woman who posted here, who had met a man online here in Alex. She couldn't come here at the time and he couldn't go to the states.
When someone is in a serious relationship, especially Egyptian men, they know and expect to get drilled thoroughly by the prospective brides family. This is SO normal, and I should add, vice versa.
When circumstances are such that a woman doesn't have a family member to look out for her best interests, a friend can also do this. The man should have NO objections to meeting one of your friends for a thorough discussion of his intentions, etc.
I suggest that you try to make freinds with someone married woman in Cairo, and if you are comfortable in doing so, ask her and her husband to have a meeting with this man.
Give them a list of questions you want answered, and ask them to be direct. Of course in a friendly, but also serious fashion.
If he knows that you have someone here looking out for you, if he is sincere and honest, he will not fault you at all for this, but appreciate the care you are taking for yourself.
If he objects, than a huge red flag is raised.
What do the rest of the members here think of this suggestion?
I got a little sidetracked, forgot to add that my husband and I did meet with the womans friend here, I myself was not at all impressed with the man, and it was hard for me to be objective to her, but I just stated facts and left out my own opinion. I don't know how that story ended...but I hope she didnt marry him, he was not really a nice man, and as she had kids, I couldnt see him at all being a warm father figure from the way he behaved that night let alone a caring husband.
Posted by Ayisha (Member # 4713) on :
Gypsy, you seem like an intelligent woman to me, you dont seem daft
What you're getting here is normal for ES, a question is asked and everyone fights about thier point of view and the original question can be lost in pages of crap
You do NOT have to provide any 'proof' to anyone here for anything, you do not have to feel pressured to give 'more' of your story or relationship, it's between you and him.
Not all Egyptian men are the same, and there are millions of them, some are total bastards and some are good guys, as you will see from stories here we are all in the same or similar boat but some further afloat than others and some shipwrecked.
i dont think a 'honey trap' is a good idea, its devious and sly and you dont want to have that from your side in the start of your relationship. I think you are sensible enough to read what's here and take it onboard as warnings what CAN happen but not what necessarily DOES happen.
You have to develop a tough skin to stay here Posted by MissNoor (Member # 12549) on :
We do talk on the phone sometimes and he texts me. I think I kinda adopted him in a way. He is from Tanta. He says he is a barbarian. He gets very very angry when I bring up the age issue when he tries to talk romantic. They do have a temper tho right my friends?
Posted by Ayisha (Member # 4713) on :
quote:Originally posted by Laura: Gypsy, I have an idea.
Once there was a woman who posted here, who had met a man online here in Alex. She couldn't come here at the time and he couldn't go to the states.
When someone is in a serious relationship, especially Egyptian men, they know and expect to get drilled thoroughly by the prospective brides family. This is SO normal, and I should add, vice versa.
When circumstances are such that a woman doesn't have a family member to look out for her best interests, a friend can also do this. The man should have NO objections to meeting one of your friends for a thorough discussion of his intentions, etc.
I suggest that you try to make freinds with someone married woman in Cairo, and if you are comfortable in doing so, ask her and her husband to have a meeting with this man.
Give them a list of questions you want answered, and ask them to be direct. Of course in a friendly, but also serious fashion.
If he knows that you have someone here looking out for you, if he is sincere and honest, he will not fault you at all for this, but appreciate the care you are taking for yourself.
If he objects, than a huge red flag is raised.
What do the rest of the members here think of this suggestion?
I got a little sidetracked, forgot to add that my husband and I did meet with the womans friend here, I myself was not at all impressed with the man, and it was hard for me to be objective to her, but I just stated facts and left out my own opinion. I don't know how that story ended...but I hope she didnt marry him, he was not really a nice man, and as she had kids, I couldnt see him at all being a warm father figure from the way he behaved that night let alone a caring husband.
Excellent idea!! I did similar. I had a friend here in UK that wanted to visit Luxor, helped him get flights and hotel etc and put him in hubby's care My friend and his wife, pakistani muslims, thought he was wonderful, coulndt speak highly enough of him and they still send salams to each other he is aiming to come back with his kids this year. I was told I have a good man there, young but really a good one, and that he adores me Posted by yorkshire rose (Member # 12072) on :
These guys dont seem to care about age, and see it as no problem, unlike us, we think this its strange to be with someone, half our age, they really dont care at all, its not a problem for them, and if you say things about it they do get a bit angry, and will complain about you saying things about age, If he loves you he doesnt care that all is heading soulth, the lines appearing on youre face, and the grey hairs, he will see through this
Posted by M. M. (Member # 8386) on :
There are men in cyber cafes making bets about how soon their older foreign wives will kick the bucket. They care about age (large age diff)but they're not gonna tell their wives about it.
Posted by MissNoor (Member # 12549) on :
We do talk on the phone sometimes and he texts me. I think I kinda adopted him in a way. He is from Tanta. He says he is a barbarian. He gets very very angry when I bring up the age issue when he tries to talk romantic. They do have a temper tho right my friends?
Posted by yorkshire rose (Member # 12072) on :
yes youre right MM, but if its not such a huge age difference, is it still a problem, and maybe the older lady has nothing to give to the young lad, is it still a problem, or do you think he is for real? they are all different, there are good and bad, i think
Posted by 3okba (Member # 12623) on :
Listen Gypsy the only way to make sure he is not bad liar man you have two choices which are 1- invite him to canada for one month as example on his own pocket and see if he cares to come for you to meet live that will be a positive point
2- you assume your self taking your vacation this year in Egypt to visit some wonderfull places and have the chance to meet him and know him and his familly well as yu wish
the third choice is to shut douwn your computer and unplug the internet cable and don't think to have love online again
May God help you ?!
Posted by M. M. (Member # 8386) on :
I don't think a slight age difference (5 yrs or less) is a big deal. I would really wonder if I were 40+ and a 20 something year old was after me. I'm sure there are legit relationships out there like that but it's rare for them to be truly legit. Also this BS about the men claiming they've been "westernized"...how in hell have you been westernized if you've never been there? You can't get westernized by watching TV or chatting with Western babes.
Posted by ????? (Member # 12336) on :
quote:Originally posted by MissNoor: We do talk on the phone sometimes and he texts me. I think I kinda adopted him in a way. He is from Tanta. He says he is a barbarian. He gets very very angry when I bring up the age issue when he tries to talk romantic. They do have a temper tho right my friends?
A big age difference, he gets angry when you talk about it, and you send him money....That guy is wrong in all ways! He gives you attention,and a feeling of being beloved. The frequency in this does make it work stronger, and he knows! You can give him money if you want to, even knowing it is absoltely unacceptable in his culture, but you have to realize that you are being fooled when he says he wants a serious relationship with you. Yeah, serious because of money, that`s the only serious thing... Love, adore, angel, it is all part of the image he wants you to believe... Ask him if you can talk with his family about his financial situation, that you have "helped" him.He will freak out, because they`re gonna kill him...
Posted by Khadija_Diagne (Member # 10149) on :
Sorry about De Nile jokes Gypsy and like Ayisha said, you need to have a tough skin, I mean phew when I came here with my story, man Sono would eat me alive! LOL, but I shut her down, cause my and my egy got married against all her skeptical comments and doubt.
Oh and the trick about creating the other identity. yes, it means that you dont trust him, and, there is nothing wrong with that. Oh I have done it a couple of times. Once about 10 years ago, with a german guy i was dating here in the states. We met on internet, but only lived about hour away so we saw each other all the time. With the help of my girlfriend,I found he was really looking for a wife to secure his place in the US. He was very impressed at the lenghts that I went through to prove he was a fake, and he was more shocked that I was not brokenhearted, instead, I thought it was funny that i could trap him so easy.
And I must admit, i did try to catch my husband by pretending to be a beautiful blond from, you guessed, Canada! Well he totally rejected her and told my canadian identity he was already involved! LOL, i did tell my husband about this, after we were married and he just laughed his @ss off! he could not beleive that I went through all this to see if he was true, but, he understood.
Posted by GypsyWolf37 (Member # 12817) on :
I just want to say a BIG thank you to a certain someone who sent me a pvt msg..... Really....your words were needed....Ive spent a lot of time here reading comments thru tear-filled eyes...Its hard to gear these things but I KNOW that its from the bottom of your hearts...Thanks for caring everyone...And YOU ( you know who you are) Big hugs.....
Posted by Josette (Member # 12613) on :
quote:Originally posted by M. M.: I don't think a slight age difference (5 yrs or less) is a big deal. I would really wonder if I were 40+ and a 20 something year old was after me. I'm sure there are legit relationships out there like that but it's rare for them to be truly legit. Also this BS about the men claiming they've been "westernized"...how in hell have you been westernized if you've never been there? You can't get westernized by watching TV or chatting with Western babes.
Posted by MK the Most Interlectual (Member # 8356) on :
quote:Originally posted by MissNoor: He is from Tanta.
God have mercy on this site.
Posted by Tream Lefty (Member # 6244) on :
quote:Originally posted by MK the Most Interlectual:
quote:Originally posted by MissNoor: He is from Tanta.
God have mercy on this site.
Oh, God, I just spewed water all over the computer!
Posted by magnona777 (Member # 12466) on :
quote:Originally posted by doodlebug:
quote:Originally posted by M. M.: Sorry if this sounds rude but...happy endings can't be judged until husbands get their GCs and stick around a while. This goes for myself as well. I'm not counting my chickens before they hatch.
Gypsy...sure there may be Egyptian or other MENA men who claim to be "ok" with their wives' inablilty to procreate. You obviously know nothing about the culture. Yes, the men may say they don't mind but the family will. Family is more powerful in the Mid East than here. Ppl are controlled by their families even in adulthood. He will eventually want children and if you can't provide he'll go elsewhere. Inability to give him children is grounds for divorce in his world. He won't admit that now. I'd just be really careful if I were you. If you insist on going through with this make sure you meet his family and preferably stay in their home when you visit.
M.M. is absolutely right. When I met my sisters in law the first thing they did was hug and kiss me and give me gifts and the second thing they did was sit me down, look me in the eye and asked me when they can expect a baby.
haha.. my MIL cant speak any english but she for some reason knows how to say "I want a baby." in english.. then she rattles off in arabic.. and my husband then says.. "She wants us to have TWINS!"... YIKES!!! Posted by MissNoor (Member # 12549) on :
Your most likely right ????? Thank you for your input I honestly appreciate it..........I tell you I have learned so much here.....
Posted by awny_angel (Member # 12832) on :
to me there is good and bad out in this world of ours ..no matter where they are from, there religion, or so on...every one in this world is different from one another..and should look to who they are on the inside ..caue the inside of a person is what counts in the long run...yea u should think with ur mind...but the biggest things is what u feel in ur heart for him, u love and care for him, then follow ur heart. i met my husband on line back in jan of 2005, i went to egypt in feb of 2006, we married apirl of 2006. we are still together and its 2007..but before i went we were allready husband and wife in our hearts..we all ready calling each other husband and wife.we are working on getting him here to the states. cause we both decide it would be best.to have a better life, to be able to have what we need and want in life, he is kind, caring, loving, gental, and a good hearted man that would help any one that he could...so diane follow ur heart , listen to what ur heart tells u..i did and i do have a wonderfull guy in my life..cause love is just that love..its so many things rolled up into one thing...just as any country no matter where u fall in love from u know it and u start to know them in ur heart and know that the feel is true. pamela ghai
Posted by GypsyWolf37 (Member # 12817) on :
Thanx Pamela....I know you know exactly how Im feeling. Thank You for your kind words as usual....Love ya Hun
Posted by Mimmi (Member # 3606) on :
quote:Originally posted by GypsyWolf37: SOmeone sounds bitter. Well I never said He was HAPPY that I couldnt have children...I said he accepted it. I dont think its fair that ALL Egyptian men be put in one category...thats a bit judgemental in my book. Its hard to say everything that needs to be said here ...about him about us ... Seems like the focus is negativity. Is it not possible that I may have found a decent guy from EGYPT who is actually capable of loving me? IM really rather disappointed in all the EGYPTIAN MAN bashing here. I was expecting critism but OMG ... Any other country around where we can do some serious man bashing?
You will not know anything about hime before you have seen him in person and that in Egypt not in Canada. The same thing appliees to most net relationships but especially when the guy is from a country where the culture and religion is sooo different. In some contries the net relationships are like games and good entertainment.
Posted by Penny (Member # 1925) on :
quote:Originally posted by MissNoor: We do talk on the phone sometimes and he texts me. I think I kinda adopted him in a way. He is from Tanta. He says he is a barbarian. He gets very very angry when I bring up the age issue when he tries to talk romantic. They do have a temper tho right my friends?
Why don't you adopt a child that genuinely needs your charity. There are some wonderful schemes where you can adopt a child by paper and help to pay for their education & upkeep. They will write you letters and you can go and visit them.
Don't you think this would be a more deserving cause than handing out money to a man just because he flatters you. You may not realise it but women that act like you are doing, are the root cause of this problem in many third world countries.
Stop handing out the money, stop organising the Visas, and the problem will go away.
Posted by MissNoor (Member # 12549) on :
I do not send him money because he flatters me oh for godsakes nooooooo........and nooooooo i am not organizing a visa for him either!!!!!!!!! |I am not taking his sweet talk to heart either. I maybe an oldie but this goodie has her senses.....Why would it be a root problem?... I have not read anywhere but here about the young men taking advantage of women.......but i actually know a lady who went out of her way for a man in Nigeria.....she went into my travel office and wanted information to bring him to the states and what did she have to do...she only met him like for two months on the net but she said she loved him...as for my situation it is not a problem for me to send him money and i do send money to a charity. To me it is like helping out a friend.........
Posted by Mrs Tibe (Member # 12653) on :
My husband (35) and me (28) is a positive story. Met in january 2006 and married in september 2006. He just got a visa to Denmark and is coming on the 05.03.2007 where we will start plan our life. I cant live in Egypt because I have 2 children with my exhusband so he has to move to Denmark. He is not extremely excited about leaving his good job and his beloved home country. He is such a good man and he would get me the stars if I asked him to. There are a lot of good egyptian men and he is defendtly 1 of them.
Posted by GypsyWolf37 (Member # 12817) on :
Thank You Mrs. Tribe for your comment. I know that there are good Egyptian men out there and I do believe mine is one of them. Just look at what he is giving up to be with you....Thats Love. Im very happy for you and contunued love and happiness to you both. Where In Denmark are you? Im originally from Copenhagen... My guy is willing to give up everything he loves In Egypt as well ... and I really dont think its for a visa. If Im wrong...then time will tell... but whats life without a few risks and some broken hearts? Easy to say I know but Im willing to try. I think He and I have a very good . special, unique connection. Some of you I know are rolling your eyes at my words right now....Thats ok...I understand...but you dont know what I know and its hard to put into words....Im sure you all get me.. You guys and gals here are awesome and I have taken everything youve said to heart...Ill let you all know as things progress...Just whatever happens NO * I told ya so's* please. We will see...time is still a factor and things between him and I are moving slowly ... yes..slowly...Words are words...we will meet either here or there b4 decisions of marriage are made.......Thanks you all
Posted by GypsyWolf37 (Member # 12817) on :
MsNoor.......there is a charity in Canada you may consider contributing to....Its called the * Gypsy needs to go to Egypt* foundation....Any donation big or small is appreciated. Im just kidding sweety...I think its great what you do and I help my friends as much as I can too. YOu have a good heart and a generous soul..Dont lose that...all the best ~Gypsy~
Posted by MissNoor (Member # 12549) on :
Thank you Gypsy. I wish you all the luck in your relationship and as u said, we do have to take risks, how else would we know, right? I love my friend and I will continue to help him. Sometimes you need to show that there is caring people in this vast world regardless how far away they are. I know that deep in my heart we are all connected somehow. Everything has it's purpose whether it is for the good or the bad it makes me feel good inside that I made a difference in someone's life. Easing whatever burden they might be having at the moment.....and if it's all false on their part, they will realize it at one point in time of their lives. My mama always told me " Pay no mind to the tongue of others but do what is right in your heart"................
Posted by GypsyWolf37 (Member # 12817) on :
God Bless your Mama....MissNoor...For truer words have never been spoken..... To the person who sent me the Private Message today....Thank You....Words of Wisdom... It just blows my mind how ppl we have never met can try to hurt us and sabotage a relationship we are working so hard for. Makes me sad...for them..what a way to live life...Oh well...their problem...not ours right? You Take Good Care and thanx again
Posted by cocoapuffs (Member # 9452) on :
quote:Originally posted by egg: your friend has said that he is muslim, however also says that he is ok with you not believing in religion, this is not in islam, so is he not very religious? becoming christian isn't something that you just do so that on paper you both feel its ok to marry, i find this a bit offensive, i'm sorry, no offence but i do.
Ditto.
Posted by cocoapuffs (Member # 9452) on :
quote:Originally posted by Laura:
quote:
Hi Jane, As a muslim I have never read or heard of any "Command" to have children. Can you please tell me where it commands this in the Quran? Yes, God created us to procreate, but he did NOT command this. [/QB]
In Surat an Nisaa, "Chapter of women" It says, "your wives are a tilth for you." Now a tilth is a place of cultivation, clearly (and this interpretation has stood for 1400 years) it refers to creation and growth of a child. Marital sex for fun is not outlawed, but clearly its not meant only for fun.
In addition to this, we have hadith from the Prophet which says, "Marry and have many children because on the Day of Jugdement I will be proud before the other Prophets because of your numbers." (I am paraphrasing but my memory is also quite good.)
In addition, I believe Allah told Musa to have many children.
Posted by cocoapuffs (Member # 9452) on :
GYPSY WOLF:
-Ask him if he is willing to be the sole financial supporter of both of you.
-Ask him if he prays.
-Ask him if he fasts in Ramadan
And for anyone who thinks these religious questions are silly, for Muslims, they are (usually) a real indicator.
-Find out about his family, and where he lives in Cairo.
-I agree with someone else, MAKE ANOTHER CHAT IDENTITY, AND SEE IF HE TAKES THE BAIT. ASK IF HE'S ENGAGED, ETC.
Posted by GypsyWolf37 (Member # 12817) on :
Someone needs to read ALL the posts before replying.....ANyways BELLA.....Would love to chat......send me your Email and we can go thru there,....I think we need to talk.... ))
Posted by Ayisha (Member # 4713) on :
quote:Originally posted by cocoapuffs:
quote:Originally posted by Laura:
quote:
Hi Jane, As a muslim I have never read or heard of any "Command" to have children. Can you please tell me where it commands this in the Quran? Yes, God created us to procreate, but he did NOT command this.
In Surat an Nisaa, "Chapter of women" It says, "your wives are a tilth for you." Now a tilth is a place of cultivation, clearly (and this interpretation has stood for 1400 years) it refers to creation and growth of a child. Marital sex for fun is not outlawed, but clearly its not meant only for fun.
In addition to this, we have hadith from the Prophet which says, "Marry and have many children because on the Day of Jugdement I will be proud before the other Prophets because of your numbers." (I am paraphrasing but my memory is also quite good.)
In addition, I believe Allah told Musa to have many children. [/QB]
your wives are tilth for you is not a command. yes its wonderful to have children, its a blessing, but not an order.
Posted by Ayisha (Member # 4713) on :
quote:Originally posted by cocoapuffs: GYPSY WOLF:
-Ask him if he is willing to be the sole financial supporter of both of you.
-Ask him if he prays.
-Ask him if he fasts in Ramadan
And for anyone who thinks these religious questions are silly, for Muslims, they are (usually) a real indicator.
-Find out about his family, and where he lives in Cairo.
-I agree with someone else, MAKE ANOTHER CHAT IDENTITY, AND SEE IF HE TAKES THE BAIT. ASK IF HE'S ENGAGED, ETC.
the questions CAN be an indicator but not always. There are many muslims who pray 5 times a day, fast during Ramadan etc, that still lie, cheat, etc. especially to a non Mulsim as this opportunity would be seen as a gift from Allah.
In the same post that you quote Islam, and I assume you are Muslim, you also tell someone to set up traps and deceive??
Posted by Khadija_Diagne (Member # 10149) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ayisha:
In the same post that you quote Islam, and I assume you are Muslim, you also tell someone to set up traps and deceive??
Ok this was my idea, and yes I did to this. The first time, I was not muslim and I too was into alot of games. I also made the same trick for my husband, before we married. This was not to deceive him, but it was for my own trust issue. Like i said, at the time, i did not trust his feelings were true, and I needed something to satisfy me security. it was only after did i realize that he was true all along, and it was my own doubt that would have ran him away. But what can i say? I had to know, just as Gypsy has to know. This was not an attemp to trick him in the way to cause harm, this was my way of aquiring more knowledge about the man I was to marry.
Posted by caterpillar (Member # 10438) on :
i know that doing things like this is really tempting, but i dont think its the best way, sorry guys...i think that if you ask enough good questions and get enough answers really most of us know the truth, whether we chose to accept it or not is another matter of course!
Posted by hibbah (Member # 12156) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ayisha:
quote:Originally posted by cocoapuffs: GYPSY WOLF:
-Ask him if he is willing to be the sole financial supporter of both of you.
-Ask him if he prays.
-Ask him if he fasts in Ramadan
And for anyone who thinks these religious questions are silly, for Muslims, they are (usually) a real indicator.
-Find out about his family, and where he lives in Cairo.
-I agree with someone else, MAKE ANOTHER CHAT IDENTITY, AND SEE IF HE TAKES THE BAIT. ASK IF HE'S ENGAGED, ETC.
the questions CAN be an indicator but not always. There are many muslims who pray 5 times a day, fast during Ramadan etc, that still lie, cheat, etc. especially to a non Mulsim as this opportunity would be seen as a gift from Allah.
In the same post that you quote Islam, and I assume you are Muslim, you also tell someone to set up traps and deceive??
why would a practicing muslim think that tricking a non muslim is a gift from allah?
Posted by Ayisha (Member # 4713) on :
quote:Originally posted by hibbah:
quote:Originally posted by Ayisha:
quote:Originally posted by cocoapuffs: GYPSY WOLF:
-Ask him if he is willing to be the sole financial supporter of both of you.
-Ask him if he prays.
-Ask him if he fasts in Ramadan
And for anyone who thinks these religious questions are silly, for Muslims, they are (usually) a real indicator.
-Find out about his family, and where he lives in Cairo.
-I agree with someone else, MAKE ANOTHER CHAT IDENTITY, AND SEE IF HE TAKES THE BAIT. ASK IF HE'S ENGAGED, ETC.
the questions CAN be an indicator but not always. There are many muslims who pray 5 times a day, fast during Ramadan etc, that still lie, cheat, etc. especially to a non Mulsim as this opportunity would be seen as a gift from Allah.
In the same post that you quote Islam, and I assume you are Muslim, you also tell someone to set up traps and deceive??
why would a practicing muslim think that tricking a non muslim is a gift from allah?
a practising muslim would not see tricking a non muslim as a gift from Allah, that is not what I said. I said the 'opportunity' to get what they want would be seen as a gift from Allah to those people that outwardly pray 5 times a day etc etc, one that cheats is not really practicing Islam, even if they do pray.
Posted by SweetiePie1978 (Member # 12605) on :
Up until a week ago I thought I was in love with an Egyptian I met online. However, during the last month he started displaying some very weird behavior.
We started talking in August and it just seemed that we had so much in common. I loved talking to this person and within a month he told me he had feelings for me. Early in October, after two months of talking, he professed he loved me and that he loved me more than himself. By the end of October I felt like I loved him and told him so. We started talking about getting married around November and I was even planning on coming to see him.
This last month things were kind of strange and he would not IM me for a few days straightand say he was busy with school. At first I believed him, but after awhile I thought it was a little strange that someone studying for the MSCE could have so many large exams. Maybe he was telling the truth, but I began to have my doubts.
He would set up a time to talk online and all of a sudden he would stop IMing me. I became a little suspicious because he typed a different name to me once and I thought maybe he was IMing another woman. When I asked him about this he said he loved me more than himself and how could I think bad things about him.
A week ago he asked me if I had a friend who could start IMing his friend because his friend also wanted to find true love. When I told him none of my friends were interested in corresponding with someone they did not know, he did not IM me for five days straight. He may have been busy, but I thought it was a little interesting his incessant IMing stopped for five days when he found out none of my friends were available. Last week I asked him why he was so busy lately and never seemed to have time to talk anymore and he said he hated how I did not trust him. I have not heard from him since, but maybe it is for the better. I really do not know if he had several girls talking to him at once or if I was the only one. By the way, the same thing has happened to me with American men I have met online, so I have reached the conclusion it is just better to know someone better in real life before you decide to date them.
Posted by The Conditioned (Member # 12020) on :
quote:Originally posted by SweetiePie1978: I have reached the conclusion it is just better to know someone better in real life before you decide to date them.
Yeah no ****!
And it's also more than a bit odd to declare that you love someone when you've never even met them..
To me, that stinks of either emotional immaturity or desperation.
~Alistair
Posted by SweetiePie1978 (Member # 12605) on :
quote:Originally posted by The Conditioned:
quote:Originally posted by SweetiePie1978: I have reached the conclusion it is just better to know someone better in real life before you decide to date them.
Yeah no ****!
And it's also more than a bit odd to declare that you love someone when you've never even met them..
To me, that stinks of either emotional immaturity or desperation.
~Alistair
Yeah, I was stupid not to see this all along. I was just a sucker who fell for someone saying that they loved me because I have been pretty lonely the last couple of years. This may sound desperate to some people, but I cannot help that I would like to find someone to love and get married.
Posted by GypsyWolf37 (Member # 12817) on :
Well Ayisha....I have been considering doing the *trick* I dont know if I can. Excuse my ignorance but he will ask me how I got his ID and I have no clue what to say. Sorry Guide me...PS I have read some of this *Jossette* posts....Wow and I thought I was F**Ked.....I dont feel so bad anymore
Posted by caterpillar (Member # 10438) on :
sweetie pie, i admire your honesty and i think you will be ok as you have a decent head on your shoulders, unfortunately alot of women enter into these things with rose tinted glasses... good luck, remember once bitten twice shy x
gypsy... pleeeeease dont do the 'trick' its not fair, just keep talking and ask questions and you will see what the truth is.
Posted by sultan.org(In Makka not here ) (Member # 10368) on :
deleted
Posted by GypsyWolf37 (Member # 12817) on :
Youre right caterpillar...I cant do it. I trust him enough....I just dont have it in me to be deceitful...especially to someone I love. Questions....what kind of questions? Give them to me plz
Posted by SweetiePie1978 (Member # 12605) on :
Thanks Caterpillar! I have been sad about the whole thing, but I will try to move on and get perspective on this. My Egyptian's friend emailed me today to say he had not talked to me in along time because he injured his knee. I feel bad for the guy and I told him I hope he feels better soon. It probably was not destined to ever work out between us, but I hope he finds a good girl for himself.
Posted by MissNoor (Member # 12549) on :
yes what kind of questions do u ask them, i would like to know also......
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you start with problems first and you will ever do ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)