This is topic 3 Years Later: Shame and Embarassment and Keeping it a Secret in forum Share Your Egyptian Experiences/Love & Marriage chat at EgyptSearch Forums.
3 years to the day since I went to Egypt and met my husband.
Sad truth is... this has been a disaster all along. Now I'm so embarrassed that I invested so much time.
I kept thinking this will get better. "after his VISA"..."after the wedding"... "after the baby"...
But what's life like now? I feel ripped off since I didn't get a proper wedding. His reaction to the pregnancy was terrible. He can't be a doctor here so he works in a store. He used to act like conservative Egyptians were weird. Now it's American women he looks down on.
The worst is the "I left everything for you!" line. As if I forced him. He was the one begging me to get married, to hurry up and do the visa.
It has been the nightmare you would imagine. He never adapted. Refuses to obey the law = endless drivers license problems. Crashed my Mercedes, never fixed it. He pays the rent but thats only lately, and never on time. Failed his doctors license exam and never tried again. Has isolated my from all my friends. Doesn't want me to have a cell phone. "Borrows" hundreds of dollars without asking. He tries to convince me to buy a house, which I'm terrified to do because I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I know I'm not the only one.
Posted by Shisha-Master (Member # 14189) on :
Whoa. You're even contemplating having a baby with all this ?
And buying a house ?
Dude.
Oh, you're the girl that had a friend of her husband sign the marriage contract right ?
lol
Posted by tina kamal (Member # 13845) on :
i would never live in usa with mine...
Posted by CairoStudent (Member # 10528) on :
People like Shisha-Master (with his LoLs) are probably the reason Cosmo kept quiet so long... you can keep laughing at me but there is lots of pain and I am not the only one...
Posted by tina kamal (Member # 13845) on :
u know i do not think this is funny at all its disgusting.. the way these men think they can treat us like that..we should all stand up and take action.. women are smarter then men yall all know this....dont let theses men run yall damn... dont act like he is all u can get and walk on egg shells treat him exactly like he treats u// i see some women treat theses men like they are gods gift they support them and never ask them to try and get a job and etc.. girls the men are suppose to support us not vice versa.... damn make yr demands not the other way sround if he dont like it tell him dont let the door hit ya in the ass on the way out.. take control of yr damn lives and do somethin.. there is always somethin u can do to them.. bash his damn windows out or somethin damn....girl if my man was caught u would turn lorana bobbet on his ass. and feed his dick to the dog... i get evil when someone tries messin with my men...
Posted by Shisha-Master (Member # 14189) on :
I didn't lol at Cosmo, because she isn't a total dimwit...unlike you.
Posted by Tigerlily (Member # 3567) on :
CairoStudent, you are doing right to act precautious. It truly doesn't look like a happy and lasting union between the both of you so I advise you to prepare yourself and save up already for the rainy day which will come eventually. You need to think about yourself and your little one. Yeah you made a big mistake in marrying this man but hey usually mistakes can be fixed. And sometimes we have to make mistakes otherwise we wouldn't learn how to make things right (alright I heard the line last night in a movie but there's a lot of wisdom in it). I think you should pull the plug the sooner the better and get your own life back. All the best!! Posted by Ayisha (Member # 4713) on :
Agree with TL, dump him, you can do better.
i am seeing things lately that make me think women do get addicted to a man, treat it as such and get to rehab, life WILL be better without the drug/man.
shisha stop lolling around. You are a man, an Egyptian man, beware all these women dont gang up on you and show how strong they really are!! Posted by Shisha-Master (Member # 14189) on :
How 'bout fuxk you ? Posted by Shanta Qadeama (Member # 9889) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ayisha: i am seeing things lately that make me think women do get addicted to a man, treat it as such and get to rehab, life WILL be better without the drug/man.
I so agree with you Ayisha - I used to think that unless you had that total "sick with longing feeling", yearning in your heart for someone, unable to function or think about anything else, it wasn't love. About 8 years ago I think I realised that that wasn't love at all but like you suggest - an addiction.
Posted by Shanta Qadeama (Member # 9889) on :
quote:Originally posted by CairoStudent: 3 years to the day since I went to Egypt and met my husband.
Sad truth is... this has been a disaster all along. Now I'm so embarrassed that I invested so much time.
I kept thinking this will get better. "after his VISA"..."after the wedding"... "after the baby"...
But what's life like now? I feel ripped off since I didn't get a proper wedding. His reaction to the pregnancy was terrible. He can't be a doctor here so he works in a store. He used to act like conservative Egyptians were weird. Now it's American women he looks down on.
The worst is the "I left everything for you!" line. As if I forced him. He was the one begging me to get married, to hurry up and do the visa.
It has been the nightmare you would imagine. He never adapted. Refuses to obey the law = endless drivers license problems. Crashed my Mercedes, never fixed it. He pays the rent but thats only lately, and never on time. Failed his doctors license exam and never tried again. Has isolated my from all my friends. Doesn't want me to have a cell phone. "Borrows" hundreds of dollars without asking. He tries to convince me to buy a house, which I'm terrified to do because I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I know I'm not the only one.
Kudos on you for having the courage to ut it out there.
Isolating women from all their friends and family is a common tactic used by men who go on to commit domestic violence (or psychological abuse). Happened to a close relative of mine big time. (And not Egyptian).
Posted by Ayisha (Member # 4713) on :
quote:Originally posted by Shisha-Master: How 'bout fuxk you ?
fil mishmish Posted by Shisha-Master (Member # 14189) on :
Aww come on, and we'll get a house together, and I'll love you forever. LOL
Posted by of_gold (Member # 13418) on :
Ayisha, Could this be called an "Egyptian addiction" ? Posted by egyptian7 (Member # 12215) on :
cairo student i am sorry 4 ur pain ,keep us updated as we hope to hear rom u good news
Posted by Ayisha (Member # 4713) on :
But Shisha, am I your queen?
of_gold, it does seem that some women get addicted to Egyptian men but it is not global. Some women get the same addiction to Jamaican men, some to many other nationalities, its not just Egyptian men but on this forum it is as its a forum about Egypt.
This addiction does not just happen to women either, it also happens to gay men with Egyptian men. Sometimes the same Egyptian man that also has half a dozen women addicted at the same time. This addiction DOES appear to be just Egyptian men though. Posted by Cosmogirl (Member # 8748) on :
Cairo, do you love yourself? Do you love him more than you love yourself? Does he love you more than he loves himself? The hardest part of all of this is that I have the same lamentation.. I love him. My heart hurts to think about not having his silky voice telling me love words. But the truth is. I loved the fantasy of what life "could" be if only he would ..A. B. C. I didn't love the REAL life I was leading, and once I had the truth of what he was up to, I immediately removed him from my life. He still says he thinks we will end up together, and he knows all the hooks to use.. and whenever I get soft and sad, I remember holding the gifts he bought for his lover at Christmas and crying. He wasn't going to stop, he is only mad he got caught, and that I found the pride to stand up and say ENOUGH. And this **** went down on CHRISTMAS. So I was VERY vulnerable and lonely with just one one tiny boy.
But then I listened quietly.. and you know what I heard? Legions of people who care for me saying the same thing, and when I knew that he had so fucked my mind that I couldn't trust my own thinking.. I relaxed into the wind of words and let them make the decisions. And to a body every single person has said, "He has got to go". "Do not let him back in to talk, do not let him use the baby to get to you and talk to you alone, and the line of people standing with bats to hit me if I do any of those things is BIGGER than I ever thought possible. He had so isolated me and eroded my sense of self esteem that I hid in shame from the people who cared for me, or I thought I knew him better than they did and that deep down he loooved me. Love doesn't act the way he was, love doesn't hurt. I was so starved and confused that I accepted pain as love because he conditioned me to believe that feeling ANYTHING means he cares. He wouldn't keep coming back if I weren't his love. But I wasn't, he was coming back because I was his mealticket and launderess, and housekeeper, and financial manager. And because I kept letting him come back.
I was pregnant when he started this last affair and I KNEW things were off, the way he looked at me changed, and so did his behavior. I remember vividly crying and telling him to leave my house forever.. HUNDREDS of times, and he would outwait me. I could only stay white hot angry for 3 or 4 days, then the complications of working, and commuting and caring for my family got in the way, and he only had to come home those 3 or 4 days in a row, and let me cook for him and please him and feel I was of value and that I took care of him and that means we are a real couple and I'd relax then blammo he would be out till 3am again. It took me a big bottle of wine and my Mother on the phone telling me in no uncertain terms to PUT HIS **** IN BAGS put it on the porch and change the locks. I'd been hearing that from lots of folks for a long time, but thought I knew better... I wanted him to be a gentleman and gather his things and move on, he obviously loved me if he didn't leave when I asked him to right? WRONG. He took his **** that night and went directly to her house where he is still staying. (since Nov 1) God knows what he has said about me to her to get her to do it, but you know what? He isn't my problem anymore. He begs and pleads to come back, he swears he will give her up and loves me and his son.. wants to be together for those 2 months. And all the time he was plotting a Christmas spectacular with diamond jewelery and red lace lingire with her. His ability to lie to me was IMPRESSIVE, less impressive is how a smart cookie like me accepted as little as he gave.
I liken him to heroin Cairo. The first 4 months were AMAZING I was so HIGH on him, he made me think that there was a bigger life ahead of me, and that I wasn't a lonely single mother working everyday and devoting herself to her kid instead of herself.
I then spent the next 3 years chasing that high, hoping I'd feel that way again.. and with every hit off the pipe I would get close, and remember the feeling but never could quite touch it, in the end he couldn't even give me a buzz and I was disgusted by the time and money and people I had hurt in order to be with him. In therapy I found that I can be as addicted to him as I could be to any drug, and that is a sobering way to look at it. This man/love/drug felt good now, but in the end would kill me or worse, take everything I have and leave me broken.
I'd rather be whole than degraded. And I have to work on letting go of the shame I felt at letting this happen to me. The thing is.. the people I was hiding it from.. all knew anyway, and were just waiting for me to respect myself and change directions. And everyone is willing to hold my hand as I navigate the rest of the way. In my marriage I was so alone and lonely.. and now.. Im overwhelmed with tender caring supportive people. And you know what? I wasn't a lonely single mother working and shuffling. I look back and see a vibrant sucessful smart selfless woman who was profiting from the effort I put into life. I am still me, and so are you. Is what you are living now better than what you were living before him? And I will add, I love him, still do. My love for him was uncorrupted, and by loving him I was in many ways "perfected". But I don't think that love is a sentence or handcuff. I also believe that in his way he loved me too. It was his damage and his fear that made him into this kind of person. His Problem, not mine. He can have his bag of emotional games back, but I will always remember my feelings of love. Loving him doesn't mean he gets to destroy me.
Posted by Cosmogirl (Member # 8748) on :
I also want to add, that now that you are "outing" yourself you are going to be accountable for your situation. Good people who have nothing to gain are offering you the same words. I haven't heard one person say, "How lovely.. stick it out it will get better in time".
I started telling my story because I needed to be accountable. If I let him back into my life after I involved SO MANY people, then I deserved what I would get. People will not live your life for you, and this is a very personal decision to make and difficult.. but you need to stop listening to the voice in your head, and start listening to other good people who are taking time and energy to help strengthen you. If you choose to stay in this relationship, nobody is going to make fun of you or beat you up abou tit, they won't even give you an "I told you so" when it gets to its inevitable zenith and end. But they won't sit and let you complain and complain about a situation you have the power to control.
Be accountable.
Posted by unsure (Member # 12244) on :
Sorry to hear what u are going through but I must ask did u and your husband ever discuss having a baby? During the time I have been with this forum, many people has said that Egyptian men wants a child/children and they just marry an older woman who won't or can't have a child just to use them and then go back to their country and marry and have a family. The few Egyptian men that I know do not want children. So not all Egyptian men want children.
Posted by Shooky (Member # 14776) on :
he is crazy because he wanted marriage in the 1st place.
Posted by tina kamal (Member # 13845) on :
just sour grapes.. not every marriage ends in tragedy...u smart beautiful women chose the wrong man.....it happens to all of us noone marriage is perfect....u watch one day u will find a good man and u will be the queen and never be cheated on...
Posted by Penny (Member # 1925) on :
Call his bluff...if he is so unhappy suggest you move back to live in Egypt. He probably is very unhappy working in a store when he used to be a doctor and failing his exams would compound that. He probably had no concept of what life in America was going to be like and he probably looks down on the women because he can't understand why they have way more opportunities than he does right now.
Posted by tina kamal (Member # 13845) on :
u know it would be unwise to not let him get his visa... u have 2 options.. 1 take his visa away and never hear from him again.. or 2 get him his visa and nail his ass for child support make sure he takes care of the child he so called doesnt want screw him.. and make sure they know how he treated u and didnt want yr son... screw his asss....hahaha and when that whore of his thinks he can support her hahaha he will be support yr son not hers hahahaha damn whores...
Posted by of_gold (Member # 13418) on :
I vote: Take visa away and never hear from him again.
If you collect child support that means that he gets to take the baby at times. He doesn't sound like someone to be trusted to me.
Posted by tina kamal (Member # 13845) on :
she may not trust him as a husband but some bad husbands make great fathers...i doubt he would hurt his own child or miss treat him.. but i dont know him she would have to make that call....
Posted by Cosmogirl (Member # 8748) on :
But she has him opping in and out of her life for the next umteen years, and he surely won't leave her in peace to bring in another man.
Posted by young at heart (Member # 10365) on :
Ok all I will say is never use your children as bargaining tools, they should know who their fathers are, then they can decide. My ex after many years has tried to get a relationship going with his children and it's way to late, they don't want to know him! He made zero effort. It's now they're choice!
Posted by tina kamal (Member # 13845) on :
quote:Originally posted by young at heart: Ok all I will say is never use your children as bargaining tools, they should know who their fathers are, then they can decide. My ex after many years has tried to get a relationship going with his children and it's way to late, they don't want to know him! He made zero effort. It's now they're choice!
that is very true.. when my twins dad left they were 2 days old.. for another woman ofcourse.. but me and my mom raised them and now they want nothin to do with a man they have never met...i left it all up to them i would never force my kids to meet their dads... i gave him umteen million chances to see them... so its yr call sweety..
Posted by India (Member # 16104) on :
Cairostudent - I'm very sorry to hear that your marriage is having difficulties. It sounds a bit suspicious that he is borrowing hundreds of dollars without asking. What is the money being spent on? Why is he borrowing so much?
Perhaps his ego can't handle that in Egypt he had a respectable position but in America he has a low paying job and he is taking that out on you. Was his reaction to the pregancy because he feels that he won't be able to provide for you or because he doesn't want one? Eitherway, the fact that he was horrified is not good Posted by xxx (Member # 8622) on :
And another one bites, and another one bites. Another one bites the dust.
Posted by Lady Ferret (Member # 15263) on :
If it was a disaster all the way along why didn't you get out when you heard the first set of warning bells?
Posted by Tigerlily (Member # 3567) on :
Oh please some of you need to stop finding excuses for this man!! I get the impression that he's one of these Egyptians who are true opportunists, don't make any efforts, don't take responsibility and let their foreign wives support them. A man without any dignity and grace.
DUMP HIM .... NOW! GET YOUR LIFE BACK!!
If he wants to put you on a guilt trip because he left *everything* for you (whatever that was), make him happy and send him back were he came from. No need for all the other headache he's putting you through either. Take initiative and end this marriage before it turns worse.
Best of luck, CairoStudent!!
Posted by Penny (Member # 1925) on :
quote:Originally posted by Lady Ferret: If it was a disaster all the way along why didn't you get out when you heard the first set of warning bells?
Ummm that would be when he sent his friend to sign the papers at the wedding and didn't turn up himself...........Come on CS you accepted that even though loads of people on here told you it's not normal...then you come back and say you feel ripped off because you didn't have a proper wedding.
Dont be embarassed you invested time, money whatever, we all make mistakes in life....but its what you do now that matters.
Its very simple he wanted a VISA to get to America, now he finds that its not all he thought it would be. If its a genuine marriage then you will both dig deep and find a way that works for both of you and the baby. If not then part and stop destroying each other lives.
Posted by Penny (Member # 1925) on :
quote:Originally posted by Tigerlily: Oh please some of you need to stop finding excuses for this man!! I get the impression that he's one of these Egyptians who are true opportunists, don't make any efforts, don't take responsibility and let their foreign wives support them. A man without any dignity and grace.
TL What I don't get is men in Egypt are NOT as you descibe. Respect, dignity, supporting their family etc etc are THE most important things to them. They would not accept the sort of life many seem to end up living when they get given VISA's to emigrate abroad as a result of marriage to a foreign woman.
Does emigration emasculate a man in this way or does he just leave his balls on the plane Posted by Tigerlily (Member # 3567) on :
People get married for all the wrong reasons. I believe foreign women have not enough insight into the lives and the culture of their future Egyptian husbands and as you know when you are in love you don't realize or you elect not to see things which are not too well.
Also Penny I believe that these women dealing with a new generation of Egyptians. Yeah you have still the traditional ones and any foreign woman who is able to catch one I say mabrouk but you have now (IMHO too) many who just looking to establish themselves with the marriage of a foreign wife.
Usually foreigners when coming to a Western country are taking on any job and trying to support as much as they can their wife and children - if they have. But it seems that many of them developed a different mindset like 'my wife can support me', 'my wife gives me', 'my wife does that' etc. and I can only imagine how difficult this must be for their spouses.
Urghhh, please ladies get to know your men better before marriage and before you experience such dilemma. I know the women have the best intentions but it's so difficult to find out what the true intentions of the Egyptian men are. I guess that's the higher risk when you decide to marry someone from a developing country.
Women like CairoStudent are on an emotional, psychological and financial rollercoaster with no end in sight unless they stop it themselves. Life is not at all what they expected it to be when they married their Egyptian spouse. And the visa process is so tough to bring someone over, being separated from each over an extended period of time only to find out it's a total missmatch.
I do believe it has a lot to do with the upbringing of the Egyptian men. Many just act like big babies even if they are already 30 and older. Thank their mothers for that.
To every foreign woman who's married to a loving, honest, responsible and hard-working Egyptian man my congratulations..... I know they are out there too.
Posted by Penny (Member # 1925) on :
Good Post TL, perhaps you are right ...its a new generation with different values and expectations.
Posted by CairoStudent (Member # 10528) on :
I feel like I've really lost my ability to know whats inside the normal range, for jealousy and financial issues, and everything really. And he always has an answer, which is usually more than enough to make me doubt myself.
Late from work? Had to stop by the head office.
Doesn't answer his phone? Must be a problem with the phone company.
Took $500 from my credit card? He thought I would agree anyway.
I find emails about him giving this russian girl a 'chocolate massage'? That was a platonic relationship and I don't understand.
We didn't have a proper Christian wedding in a church? Its because he can't afford it / his family is not here / church is fasting and can't marry people right now / I don't DESERVE it and I cant be TRUSTED, sice Copts cannot divorce he should be extra careful.
And when its all said and done, I am so confused and I cannot understand how I am still here.
Like I get to the point of leaving, and then I see this commercial in my mind, with all the best times in the last few years.. and I think it COULD work IF ONLY X Y Z.
I need to see a psychiatrist. I understand the part about being accountable, but I don't know how to proceed.
Posted by of_gold (Member # 13418) on :
CairoStudent, It sounds to me like you are in an abusive relationship. How it is now is how it will always be. Don't look at the good days to judge the relationship by. Judge it by the bad days. The longer you stay the harder it is to heal and the deeper you will sink. I speak from experience.
Proceed anyway you can to save yourself. Ask help from your parents. No one else can or will do it for you. This is all up to you.
How can I help?
Posted by Lady Ferret (Member # 15263) on :
pmsl @ new generation Egyptians.
I have an urge to roll my eyes and lol.. but really, I cannot be arsed.
Posted by mamasue (Member # 4691) on :
quote:Originally posted by xxx: And another one bites, and another one bites. Another one bites the dust.
I love these supportive messages.... so helpful!!!! Posted by Lady Ferret (Member # 15263) on :
I am now of the opinion that the truth in a negative form is way better than the bollox that I am reading the majority of the time.
I am not happy with this comment but at least it is not a complete biase fabricated pile of nonsense Posted by Pillar (Member # 16147) on :
Back in 2006, I remembered you posting how you were going to Egypt to spy on your husband because he hadn't contacted you for 3 days and you thought he was with another woman.
I think most people encouraged you to go and do it...but there were a couple of us who said it was wrong.
You said, that you eventually found out that his friend had died, but that upon turning up in Egypt and finding him upset, you lied to him and told him you had come to Egypt to be with him, because he was upset.
So of course I said I had come because he had lost his friend, and I wanted to be with him in his grief.
This statement proves a few things...firstly you didnt trust him and would lie to him. Secondly, you would not talk to him openly about your actions, or feelings. Thirdly, in order to make yourself look good, you will manipulate situations to your advantage.
Well things have a funny way of coming back to bite you on the bum, maybe you should have been open and honest in the first place, before baby, before Canada...and MAYBE just MAYBE you would have an honest relationship now.
In my book, you cant complain about someone being a liar, if you are one yourself.
Posted by desertgirl (Member # 12450) on :
quote:Originally posted by CairoStudent: Doesn't answer his phone? Must be a problem with the phone company.
I find emails about him giving this russian girl a 'chocolate massage'? That was a platonic relationship and I don't understand.
Don't take this crap, girl. Make it clear you don't tolerate this.
Posted by Penny (Member # 1925) on :
quote:Originally posted by desertgirl:
quote:Originally posted by CairoStudent: Doesn't answer his phone? Must be a problem with the phone company.
I find emails about him giving this russian girl a 'chocolate massage'? That was a platonic relationship and I don't understand.
Don't take this crap, girl. Make it clear you don't tolerate this.
Maybe he knows you have this spyphone thing. Just saw your advert in the classifed session. Wow this is one sick marriage Posted by unsure (Member # 12244) on :
I agree with u totally Pillar. I remember the situation also.
Posted by Habeeby (Member # 14429) on :
Wow!!!! I am tempted to be nosey Posted by CairoStudent (Member # 10528) on :
Ya, about the trip in 2006, two years passed, and then one day I was on facebook and I found the 'dead' friend's profile.
It turned out that FRIEND HAD NEVER DIED. He was fine. It was a huge terrible lie. That weekend I got to Cairo and I found my husband in his office and he was really upset and crying. I don't know what the actual cause was of it. Anyway he told me his friend was dead and he cried and looking back it makes me fuious because none of it was true.
Posted by Tigerlily (Member # 3567) on :
I remember that specific thread too..... SO WHAT??
Look, CS, your relationship was not healthy back then and right now it's even more horrible plus you have already offspring with him.
You need to let go and move on. Make sure he's not able to take the little one with him when he's returning back to Egypt so take all needed legal precautions well in advance.
All the best for the future and remember - it can only get better.
Posted by happybunny (Member # 14224) on :
^^ agreed
CS the time has come to be honest with yourself. As you have said you always thought, after this after that things will get better - it has not Whether that is your fault or his, who are we to know, but for your future happiness you need to move on - learn lessons from this. Trust is a BIGGIE when it comes to a marriage and sadly yours lacked it, spyphones etc would make a sane person crazy - what kind of life was that to lead. Do as Cosmo done write a list of all the bad things and keep remembering them. Good luck Posted by Ayisha (Member # 4713) on :
CS, all of these things are whats called RED FLAGS. Ladies please use your brain cell because if these kind of things are at the start of a relationship then it aint going to get any better, even if you get the visa and the baby!! In fact its guaranteed to get worse.
Posted by Habeeby (Member # 14429) on :
CS what was your marriage built on? It definately wasn't honesty and trust as it seems to me neither of you had this even before you married. Unfortunately you built on something without any foundations in place and the whole lot has come tumbling down! You now have 2 choices - 1) sit in the rubble and cry clinging on to the positive and ignoring the negative or 2)be honest with yourself, learn from this, pick yourself up and start rebuilding for you and your child... No experience in life is wasted if we learn from it! So learn girl, be strong!!! And your hubby or not hubby whichever the case may be, Allah will ensure that he get's what he deserves... Hold your head high, be proud and don't just hear that voice inside you really listen to it in the future when it tells you that soemthing is not right... Who needs spyphones we have women's intuition and when you listen to it, it is a powerful thing... Good luck girl Posted by MuzlimaH (Member # 5554) on :
Have some dignity left and loose this Parasite.
Posted by Shisha-Master (Member # 14189) on :
I heard that love is blind but I guess it's also mentally challenged.
Posted by Kalila* (Member # 14517) on :
well love is a state of mental fugue lol
Posted by Lady Ferret (Member # 15263) on :
Ah... and I happily go back to my stupidity theory Posted by Habeeby (Member # 14429) on :
Hey not so fast LF some of us women retain our intelligence whilst we are 'loved up'!!! I always say you should reflect - stand outside of your relationship and look in at it... If what you see would urge you to say nooooo... this is not right... i deserve better than this... then grab your belongings and high tail it out of there eithout even a backward glance... It doesn't take Einstein to work it out Posted by Lady Ferret (Member # 15263) on :
Ok, I will happily rename it the lacking in common-sense theory Posted by Habeeby (Member # 14429) on :
Thanks LF But i have to say some of these women go beyong lacking in common sense it is more like desperation, delusion.... it's depressing
*Why does my dictionary stop at D...* ?
Posted by Kalila* (Member # 14517) on :
DUNNO Posted by Lady Ferret (Member # 15263) on :
Dickheads, dipshits and divvies.. I seem to have Tourettes. Oh dopey.. just popped in.
I admit we can all act a little differently in love and we may sometimes pop on rose coloured glasses for a week or two but to lose your mind and go so far down a crooked line is one step away from insanity!!!!
If you want me to dress it up then email me a clown outfit Posted by Habeeby (Member # 14429) on :
Jack the Jolly is my kinda clown... Blue curly wig needs a bra!
I will dress it up tomorrow on the proviso people moan about my insulting their intelligence over night , otherwise it will be in vain Posted by Habeeby (Member # 14429) on :
LF did you check out the arabian head dress with veil? ewwwwww looks like something a child would make in first grade school Posted by Ayisha (Member # 4713) on :
moan moan...insulting my intelligence, moan moan..........is that enough LF?
Dictionary should stop at A Habeeby, Addiction!
Posted by young at heart (Member # 10365) on :
Dah!!!!!! What's intelligence Posted by Amr- (Member # 15737) on :
there is always other side of the story
what ever happened dont regret it you cant be happy in your life before you experience some sadness smile on the good times and take a lesson from the bad time and never look bad its like trying food you never know how it taste before you taste it
ah and some weed indeed also after all life is just a pursuit of happiness
Posted by xxx (Member # 8622) on :
quote:Originally posted by Amr-: its like trying food you never know how it taste before you taste it
Have you ever been tempted to taste ****?
Posted by Amr- (Member # 15737) on :
quote:Originally posted by xxx:
quote:Originally posted by Amr-: its like trying food you never know how it taste before you taste it
Have you ever been tempted to taste ****?
seems you consider it food what ever it is
care for a feed back .?
Posted by xxx (Member # 8622) on :
That exactly is the point. **** is not edible hence there's no reason to want to taste it. And people like that are not men...........
And if you eat **** by mistake, you certainly will not continue to eat it once you found out.
Too long of an explanation for something that is self-explanatory.
Posted by tina kamal (Member # 13845) on :
quote:Originally posted by xxx: That exactly is the point. **** is not edible hence there's no reason to want to taste it. And people like that are not men...........
And if you eat **** by mistake, you certainly will not continue to eat it once you found out.
Too long of an explanation for something that is self-explanatory.
smell like fish taste like chicken....
Posted by Amr- (Member # 15737) on :
quote:Originally posted by xxx: That exactly is the point. **** is not edible hence there's no reason to want to taste it. And people like that are not men...........
And if you eat **** by mistake, you certainly will not continue to eat it once you found out.
Too long of an explanation for something that is self-explanatory.
the point here is not about food its about taking a chance and believe in the good in people instead of doubting them and keep saying what if after you walk away
Posted by dolphin redsea (Member # 11209) on :
amr you are so right taking a chance and believe in the good in people Posted by Amr- (Member # 15737) on :
quote:Originally posted by dolphin redsea: amr you are so right taking a chance and believe in the good in people
glad you share the same point of view and hope you practicing same in your life micky Posted by dolphin redsea (Member # 11209) on :
I BELIEVE IN YOU so i guess i am. i always try to see the good in others even if its just a little
Posted by Lady Ferret (Member # 15263) on :
I believe in trying to see the good in everybody...
However, the first time someone crosses me, pisses me off or hurts me I say goodbye. My life is too short to allow people to make me unhappy
There are way too many beautiful people in the world to mix with the idiots!
I am so wise.
People did not moan enough!!! The end Posted by Amr- (Member # 15737) on :
if it didn't work out at least you know inside your heart that you tried it can give you more peace then saying what if i did that or didn't do that .
Posted by Lady Ferret (Member # 15263) on :
Oh aye, I always want to regret the things I did than the things I didn't
I just wouldn't let it fail for three years! One chance and one chance only for me and then I just move on...
Posted by Shanta Qadeama (Member # 9889) on :
quote:Originally posted by Lady Ferret: I believe in trying to see the good in everybody...
However, the first time someone crosses me, pisses me off or hurts me I say goodbye. My life is too short to allow people to make me unhappy
There are way too many beautiful people in the world to mix with the idiots!
I am so wise.
People did not moan enough!!! The end
If you do that LF then you are losing some very beautiful people from your life!
Love and friendship are about accepting people for what they are and most people do not live in a totally blissed out state all the time.
Posted by Lady Ferret (Member # 15263) on :
I have enough beautiful people in my life I just believe if someone has the capability to do something bad to me once then they sure as hell have the capability to do it again and again.
Honesty, respect and friendship are vital to me, especially from a partner.
I have never so much as had an arguement wth my very best friends and some have been in my life since the year dot. Posted by Shanta Qadeama (Member # 9889) on :
Some of the most special and precious people in my life (friends, family, relatives, lovers) have hurt me, pissed me off or made me angry, or been hurt by me, been pissed off by me or been made angry by me - normally - but not always - unintentionally.
Understanding why and forgiving has deepened our relationships.
<IMHO> True love (family, friends, lovers) is unconditional. Not something to be 'earned' or 'withdrawn' as a favour. This is not doormatness, and it doesn't mean you can't be angry or hurt by actions of the other, can't shop them to the police if necessary even! (Eg Sharon & Ozzy!) But it does mean that they know deep down that you love them or they love you for the REAL you. </IMHO>
Posted by Lady Ferret (Member # 15263) on :
Yeah, I don't talk to some family members... and lovers who have pissed me off are now referred to as ex's.
So at what point do you decide that enough is enough and walk away from these people who hurt you?
I am not talking about a mild disagreement or they have squeezed the toothpaste from the middle kind of pissing me off. I mean taking me for an idiot or talking to me like I am their minion.
Posted by Shanta Qadeama (Member # 9889) on :
Ah well that's maybe because you said in the first post 'as soon as' so I took you at your word there.
Obviously there may come a point at which some 'tough love' is required
Are we still friends Posted by Lady Ferret (Member # 15263) on :
I think I have a very low tolerance threshold Posted by Lady Ferret (Member # 15263) on :
Sure we are still friends, you are a top bird Posted by Sashyra8 (Member # 14488) on :
quote:Originally posted by Shanta Qadeama: Some of the most special and precious people in my life (friends, family, relatives, lovers) have hurt me, pissed me off or made me angry, or been hurt by me, been pissed off by me or been made angry by me - normally - but not always - unintentionally.
Understanding why and forgiving has deepened our relationships.
<IMHO> True love (family, friends, lovers) is unconditional. Not something to be 'earned' or 'withdrawn' as a favour. This is not doormatness, and it doesn't mean you can't be angry or hurt by actions of the other, can't shop them to the police if necessary even! (Eg Sharon & Ozzy!) But it does mean that they know deep down that you love them or they love you for the REAL you. </IMHO>
The only unconditional love is the one you receive from your pet,specially a dog to it's owner.All the other loves are very conditioned.
Posted by Lady Ferret (Member # 15263) on :
My dog pissed me off once so I had him castrated Posted by Penny (Member # 1925) on :
quote:Originally posted by Lady Ferret: I think I have a very low tolerance threshold
LF you are just you and have to live by what works for you. I think what makes a big change in many of us is having children as then like it or not you have to develope a much greater tolerance threshold. Having a child is probably the first time many of us come to understand what unconditional love really means. I think what I see here though is alot of women that get caught up with an Egyptian man later in life getting unconditional love and mothering very confused with what a normal healthy husband and wife relationship is all about.
Posted by Lady Ferret (Member # 15263) on :
Oh Penny, my tolerance threshold with children is boundless
I have never understood why people tolerate being so unhappy for so long when they are the creators of their own destiny!
Posted by Shanta Qadeama (Member # 9889) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sashyra8: The only unconditional love is the one you receive from your pet,specially a dog to it's owner.All the other loves are very conditioned. [/QB]
Depends if there's a tin of meat in your hand or not
By the way there's a big difference between unconditional love and doormat. I'll have a think about how to express it in writing but I've got a headache right now so I can't focus.
Posted by Sashyra8 (Member # 14488) on :
The most conditioned of all is the love from your lover,husband,bf,gf.....you get the idea.
Posted by Momma_Dukes (Member # 14252) on :
if its this bad this early on...pray tell what makes you think it will get better? cuz i can reassure you that it wont.
get out now. after a little bit of time passed, you will be glad....BELIEVE ME!
quit feeling sorry for yourself and the situation and just put it behind you because all the regretting and **** wont change it. accept it learn from it and keep it moving. plus, he is ONE man, in a world where there a billions...why keep him if this is how he makes you feel? dont let ther 3 years turn into 5 years, then 10 then more...you will find yourself with a wasted away life because you let some guy mooch it off you for his own gain and more.
Posted by xxx (Member # 8622) on :
quote:Originally posted by Amr-:
quote:Originally posted by xxx: That exactly is the point. **** is not edible hence there's no reason to want to taste it. And people like that are not men...........
And if you eat **** by mistake, you certainly will not continue to eat it once you found out.
Too long of an explanation for something that is self-explanatory.
the point here is not about food
Really Posted by Lucy Loves Ricky (Member # 12617) on :
quote:Originally posted by dolphin redsea: amr you are so right taking a chance and believe in the good in people
Exactly!
Posted by happybunny (Member # 14224) on :
I think intentionally is the key word here I agree with LF and SQ, if somebody hurt me intentionally then they would have no place in my life and i agree LF that life is too short to have those people in my life. I do think however it is different when it comes to close family members (parents, kids) we do tend to forgive them more easily.
Amr - wise words as usual penny too Posted by Shanta Qadeama (Member # 9889) on :
HappyBunny - I hope you didn't read me to say if someone hurt me they have no place in my life!!!! That is absolutely NOT what I said!!!!
If someone hurts me intentionally, I try to find out why - sometimes its the only way they have to convey how they feel about something. Not everyone is articulate with words - sometimes they need to demonstrate feeling not verbalize it.
I have one very extremely dear to me friend who I love to bits who deliberately set out to hurt me to try to push me away because he needed to know that I WOULD be there for him. More than that I can't explain.
Posted by happybunny (Member # 14224) on :
I know you didn't mean that I should of added that i agree with you both (LF and SQ) even though your feelings are completely different. I agree with you that when it comes to friends and family i would also forgive because mostly they would may hurt you unintentionally or as in your example there was a reason for it. But i do also agree with LF that life is to short to have people in it that would hurt you.
Hope i am clear Take care
Posted by Lady Ferret (Member # 15263) on :
And I am the opposite end of the spectrum from SQ; if someone intentionally set out to hurt me I wouldn't care why, they would just be gone from my life...
I have little to no patience with people who want to play games Posted by Makbeta (Member # 14401) on :
I usually forgive people if they have hurt or offended me. There are those who have forgiven me if I made them feel bad and I appreciate it a lot. But when someone hurts me for the upteenth time then it's time to say stop - not realising this and letting things go equals allowing ourselves to be treated as a doormat/heading for trouble, imho.
Posted by Fayrowla (Member # 15058) on :
My cat used me as a doormat last night.....
Posted by Tibe-at-work (Member # 14907) on :
quote:Originally posted by Makbeta: I usually forgive people if they have hurt or offended me. There are those who have forgiven me if I made them feel bad and I appreciate it a lot. But when someone hurts me for the upteenth time then it's time to say stop - not realising this and letting things go equals allowing ourselves to be treated as a doormat/heading for trouble, imho.
Totally agree with you.
Posted by imagine (Member # 11591) on :
quote:Originally posted by Tibe-at-work:
quote:Originally posted by Makbeta: I usually forgive people if they have hurt or offended me. There are those who have forgiven me if I made them feel bad and I appreciate it a lot. But when someone hurts me for the upteenth time then it's time to say stop - not realising this and letting things go equals allowing ourselves to be treated as a doormat/heading for trouble, imho.
Totally agree with you.
couldnt agree more.. enough is enough.. get the f**k out
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