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[QUOTE]Originally posted by schatze: [QB] well dear all, thank you very much for your kind contributions which have helped me to ask the right questions and for this great website that has given me insignt into the workings of egyptian tradition. i think it is only fair thay i update you on the latest developments. once my OH recovered from the accident (sounds genuine when i speak to him but the seed of doubt has been planted!)i asked him some straight questions (by text): Q1 -why did he let me sunbathe topless? A - essentially, he was afraid i would object to him expecting me to behave like an egyptian and wanted to respect my wish to be and feel free (true, they were my words before i went back in july - i told him that i needed to feel free to leave when i wanted and be myself and for him not to expect me to suddenly turn into an egyptian - i am very respectable in my culture 'though i did not know then how egyptians view european women in any event)- he pointed out that he did not say anything on the beach but would get quite cross when i did not firmly shut the door when hanging out in his room in his home as 'it was not nice for his family to get a chance to catch a glimpse of me in swimwear' - some would say that he likes me for being european (has never had an egyptian girfriend) and does not wish to change me (!?) Q2 - why did he want to marry me? A - because he loves me - does not want to wait for me for 4 years and then find i changed my mind after all - besides, getting properly married would mean that he can come to visit me and i go to visit him without problems about visas - denied that he was interested in a european passport but eventually i got out of him that he wants 'a good life' and got the distinct impression that him coming to visit me involved longer than two weeks stay it is beyond me why he thinks that he would have a better life in england when the language and cultural barrier,poor job opportunities for someone whose english is not that great and does not have a profession and,last but not least, the weather would simply drive him over the edge! - however, although i have offered to sponsor his visa application for a holiday to visit me as a friend so he can see England, he is not happy with this and only would come if we marry - although he has all my support for wanting to improve his life (but not at my expense!), this is the bit that does not feel right and made me refuse his second marriage proposal Q3 - why did he ask me to marry him but never spoke of maher and badhkar (not sure about the spelling but i understand they are the present and drawry an egyptian man gives to his future wife) A - asked me how i knew these words and was he not more important that these things? to summarise, we have had an interesting texting weekend during which he wanted to know an answer to his second marriage proposal without delay and after some thought i had to say no because it does not feel right! i do not doubt that he has feelings for me (i am not a young girl or a stupid woman)and that i have hurt him by rejecting him - a more mature man would (maybe?) have understood that even in ordinary circumstances it is not easy to agree to marry someone after knowing them for 3 months during which you only spent 3 weeks together - whether it is his immaturity that made him push me into a decision or whether it is his desire not to waste too much time after someone who will not in the end give him what he wants is difficult to be sure - but the only fact there is a doubt makes it not right for me - afterall, i would not marry anyone so quickly even when there are no issues about what they may be trying to get out of me and this is what my OH does not understand - we are still texting and some of it is heartbreaking because there are genuine feelings involved on both parts - the chance we may stay friends is there but may take a while or it may not happen at all. anyone welcome to make comments if u want to! [This message has been edited by schatze (edited 11 August 2003).] [/QB][/QUOTE]
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