I have to admit that I tried my darnest to beat you down and tear you apart...Each and everytime you responded with strength and dignity and did not succumb to my constant badgering...this proves how strong you really are...only a person who is truly happy inside can be strong like you...
my down falls... never went to college...never had a job...3 kids by the time I reached 25..divorced
final truth husband left me for an older less attractive woman he said had more 'substance' than I will ever have
I really was hoping that you would put me down and make me feel really low...so maybe I can pick myself up...and do something positive with my life before I die a lonely old bitch without ever having acomplished anything in my miserable life...
you may not believe this...i went back and read all the evil things I said to you and I actually cried....I will be disappearing now that I was such a spoiled bitch.. I think of all the girl I put down in high school because of their looks..who are now sucessful women...while I have 3 kids and nothing to show for life...and wish I was dead sometimes
I am very sorry from the bottom of my heart for all the pain I caused you in the last hour
Carleen Member # 4311
posted
Wow, is this for real?? If so, BRAVO! to you. You're a bigger person than a whole lot of other folks here.
And don't go away. The fact that you learned something good from a person you thought was so different means there's hope for us all.
--------------
Edited to add: But now that I've actually read some of your posts, I wonder if someone can really have a such a change of heart that quickly...
[This message has been edited by Carleen (edited 04 August 2004).]
kadijah2000 Member # 4971
posted
Honestly I really am very sorry for all the mean things I said to her...I will not change over night...why...because I have a lot of self hatred....but I had no right to take it out on her...honestly...I don't know how to stop hating myself...because I always let others determine me...I guess I wanted her to show hatred towards me..because it seems to be my comfort zone...but she was a trooper...i am the sad pathetic loser who needs to put others down to feel good about myself
Carleen Member # 4311
posted
Well, ok then...
Hey, where do you live (if you don't mind me asking)? If you can order from Amazon, there's a REALLY good book I think you should read. It will demonstrate to you how your *thoughts* about yourself are defining your self-esteem, not reality. I highly, highly recommend this.
akshar Member # 1680
posted
quote:Originally posted by kadijah2000: Confession Time
I have to admit that I tried my darnest to beat you down and tear you apart...Each and everytime you responded with strength and dignity and did not succumb to my constant badgering...this proves how strong you really are...only a person who is truly happy inside can be strong like you...
my down falls... never went to college...never had a job...3 kids by the time I reached 25..divorced
final truth husband left me for an older less attractive woman he said had more 'substance' than I will ever have
I really was hoping that you would put me down and make me feel really low...so maybe I can pick myself up...and do something positive with my life before I die a lonely old bitch without ever having acomplished anything in my miserable life...
you may not believe this...i went back and read all the evil things I said to you and I actually cried....I will be disappearing now that I was such a spoiled bitch.. I think of all the girl I put down in high school because of their looks..who are now sucessful women...while I have 3 kids and nothing to show for life...and wish I was dead sometimes
I am very sorry from the bottom of my heart for all the pain I caused you in the last hour
Well you never stop being suprised until you are dead.
No need to go, stick around like Ahmed 2004 did, he has turned into a really nice guy and worthwhile contributor
------------------ Jane Akshar UK Co-owner of www.flatsinluxor.co.uk Appartments and Tours in Luxor
Natashiah Member # 4566
posted
kadijah2000
You are not pathetic...You just have some baggage to get rid of and you need to find yourself amongst all those mixed emotions!..So let it go get rid of your anger...go through your stages of grief...you must be busy with anger now ...so work through it!Dont run away this is a good place to blow some steam off...no one knows you...no one will come back and slap you...actually they cant slap you even if they wanted to!..SO hang around who knows...you might find yourself sooner
Automatik Member # 4457
posted
Read some of the stories on "How did you pick yourself up" and see how some othere women on this forum put themselves back together again - it might help.
However, I was not surprised to read about your background. All the people that condemned me for being with a younger man were young themselves and had been in faild relationships. Older people were just pleased that I was happy.
Penny Member # 1925
posted
How on earth can you say you have 3 kids and nothing to show for life. Wake up and look at just what you have got and then start to build on that and yes... stop feeling sorry for yourself. I just saw your other post with the photo so how about starting by doing something good today and deleting that thread right now.
Penny
Ayisha Member # 4713
posted
kadijah, during just under 2 hours you seemed to 'follow' akshars posings, even digging up old ones and firing at her. You succeded in making me angry girl! but yes akshar held her own and came out on top because she IS happy.
Please DONT leave the forum!! this crazy place may help. What you have just said is incredibly admirable and it takes buckets of guts to do that, so well done and give yourself a pat on the back. Consider THAT your FIRST step to putting your life into shape, if not for your sake then for the kids, they need a balanced mum not a nasty cow that you were showing.
ok nasty bit over, please stay and read some of the threads LL suggested, books may not be right yet you too angry to sit and read anything constructive, talk.........it helps....get angry with what YOU had and who did whatever to YOU. My daughter had anorexia when she was 14, I nearly lost her (damn forgot that on the other thread!)she was 5st in weight when she accepted help, it was terrifying for me as i was totally lost what to do or how to help. Now shes still skinny but has 2 lovely kids, although she has ruined her teeth through too much throwing up, the acid apparently. Please get some help. You have achieved a LOT, you got 3 kids!! lots of women dont even have that.
Good luck
------------------ I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it :D
Blunt Member # 4943
posted
oh yes akshar came on TOP alright!!
quote:Originally posted by Ayisha: kadijah, during just under 2 hours you seemed to 'follow' akshars posings, even digging up old ones and firing at her. You succeded in making me angry girl! but yes akshar held her own and came out on top because she IS happy.
Please DONT leave the forum!! this crazy place may help. What you have just said is incredibly admirable and it takes buckets of guts to do that, so well done and give yourself a pat on the back. Consider THAT your FIRST step to putting your life into shape, if not for your sake then for the kids, they need a balanced mum not a nasty cow that you were showing.
ok nasty bit over, please stay and read some of the threads LL suggested, books may not be right yet you too angry to sit and read anything constructive, talk.........it helps....get angry with what YOU had and who did whatever to YOU. My daughter had anorexia when she was 14, I nearly lost her (damn forgot that on the other thread!)she was 5st in weight when she accepted help, it was terrifying for me as i was totally lost what to do or how to help. Now shes still skinny but has 2 lovely kids, although she has ruined her teeth through too much throwing up, the acid apparently. Please get some help. You have achieved a LOT, you got 3 kids!! lots of women dont even have that.
Good luck
Automatik Member # 4457
posted
Kadijah - Do I get an apology too for you telling me that I was a homosexual man.
pinkmagic Member # 4789
posted
Kadijah. Like debbie said you have 3 beautiful children, is this not an achievement? I am 25 and went to college and had a career, but my biggest achievement in life is being a good mother to my baby son.
Artemi Member # 3176
posted
kadijah, Please let me know who "Blunt" is if you know. Thanks, Dee
kadijah2000 Member # 4971
posted
I am sorry to everyone I insulted...including you Luxorlover...and yes Natahsia I am still having angry issues...I cannot post here much...I don't know what will set me off again to start hurting people....
Thank you all for being so nice...it makes it kind of hard to be a bitch towards nice women.. ..usually women hate me...
Penny I love my kid with all me heart...they are my whole world....but I don't have custody of them...they are being raised by a woman with more 'substance', who just so happens to be well off..She has taken everything from me...I think I better leave now before I get angry again just thinking about it.
have a good day everyone
Karah_Mia Member # 4668
posted
quote:Originally posted by kadijah2000: I am sorry to everyone I insulted...including you Luxorlover...and yes Natahsia I am still having angry issues...I cannot post here much...I don't know what will set me off again to start hurting people....
Thank you all for being so nice...it makes it kind of hard to be a bitch towards nice women.. ..usually women hate me...
Penny I love my kid with all me heart...they are my whole world....but I don't have custody of them...they are being raised by a woman with more 'substance', who just so happens to be well off..She has taken everything from me...I think I better leave now before I get angry again just thinking about it.
have a good day everyone
Kadijah, for whatever it's worth, I am really impressed with your change of heart (even if temporary). Your kids will ALWAYS be a part of you, and there WILL be time that they will know it.
I wish you bestest of luck and patience with people that might annoy you sometimes.
Class is the best solution and, surprisingly for some, can be a deadly weapon when used...with class.
Karah
akshar Member # 1680
posted
quote:Originally posted by kadijah2000: I am sorry to everyone I insulted...including you Luxorlover...and yes Natahsia I am still having angry issues...I cannot post here much...I don't know what will set me off again to start hurting people....
Thank you all for being so nice...it makes it kind of hard to be a bitch towards nice women.. ..usually women hate me...
Penny I love my kid with all me heart...they are my whole world....but I don't have custody of them...they are being raised by a woman with more 'substance', who just so happens to be well off..She has taken everything from me...I think I better leave now before I get angry again just thinking about it.
have a good day everyone
Well I think someone who can post like you did and then be big enough to publically apologise has a hell of a lot going for them.
I think you have every right to be angry about the situation and to lash out when it gets to you. It is your way of working through it and much better than bottling it up. Look upon ES as your free therapy, if you would prefer a more female only site there are quite a few around. The New Treehouse, Harem Lounge on ET, Janna's cosy Corner.
Hey girl we have all had **** in our lives, womeone wrote what ever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Stick around, now that you know us and we know you you might find coming online helps. I hope so anyway
------------------ Jane Akshar UK Co-owner of www.flatsinluxor.co.uk Appartments and Tours in Luxor
Ayisha Member # 4713
posted
I agree with akshar on all points,
quote:Originally posted by akshar: Well I think someone who can post like you did and then be big enough to publically apologise has a hell of a lot going for them.
I think you have every right to be angry about the situation and to lash out when it gets to you. It is your way of working through it and much better than bottling it up. Look upon ES as your free therapy, if you would prefer a more female only site there are quite a few around. The New Treehouse, Harem Lounge on ET, Janna's cosy Corner.
Hey girl we have all had **** in our lives, womeone wrote what ever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Stick around, now that you know us and we know you you might find coming online helps. I hope so anyway
------------------ I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it :D
dreamcatcher Member # 3938
posted
I agree, it took a lot of guts to come forward and ask for forgiveness, and I am sure Jane will forgive you, as this is her character. I have never met Jane, I dont think I will be meeting her any time soon, however,that does not detract from what sort of person she is. My heart broke for her, with the constant attacks, she really does not deserve it. I hope the abuse towards her will cease asap. You know she has not had an easy life, her husband died, when he husband was sick, she stuck by his side to the bitter end. In my eyes I think Jane is a true example of unselfishness and gives to her family and friends. It is her life to live, so I am happy you had the grace 2 apoligies to her, you have gone up in my estimation. You go girl and keep up those positive vibes, things can only get better for you from now on. Take care Dreamcatcher
[This message has been edited by dreamcatcher (edited 06 August 2004).]
Ayisha Member # 4713
posted i agree with dreamcatcher on all points
quote:Originally posted by dreamcatcher: I agree, it took a lot of guts to come forward and ask for forgiveness, and I am sure Jane will forgive you, as this is her character. I have never met Jane, I dont think I will be meeting her any time soon, however,that does not distract from what sort of person she is. My heart broke for her, when I see this constant bringing down of her, she really does not deserve it. I hope the abuse towards her will cease asap. You know she has not had an easy life, her husband died, when he husband was sick, she stuck by his side to the bitter end. In my eyes I think Jane is an example of being totaly unselfish and gives of her self to her family and friends. It is her life to live, so I am so happy you had the grace 2 apoligies to her, you have gone up in my estimation. You go girl and keep up those positive vibes, things can only get better for you from now on. Take care Dreamcatcher
------------------ I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it :D
Ayisha Member # 4713
posted i am very agreeable today
------------------ I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it :D
akshar Member # 1680
posted
quote:Originally posted by Ayisha: i am very agreeable today
i agree with Ayisha on all points lol
------------------ Jane Akshar UK Co-owner of www.flatsinluxor.co.uk Appartments and Tours in Luxor
posted 
...so work through it!Dont run away this is a good place to blow some steam off...no one knows you...no one will come back and slap you...actually they cant slap you even if they wanted to!..SO hang around who knows...you might find yourself sooner 
