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[QUOTE]Originally posted by frienda: [QB] Thank you for your information. Many of my American friends have warned me that there is a huge possibility that he might find that America is not suited for him. One of the things my friends have emphasized that he will not appreciate is the fact that women are so liberated and powerful here whereas in Egypt they are still second class in terms of employment and living independently, also he will not like the whole gay scene that is prevalent here. The majority of my friends are gay males and they feel that this will be a huge problem. They don't and including some of my family members want me to continue this relationship because they think that I am dating "down". I personally don't feel that he'll have a difficult time adjusting here. However, I do want him to take a tourist visa so he can come visit me in the fall. This way, he could see this country first before making the committment of leaving his life in Egypt. My boyfriend is very Westernized and none of his female family members practice hijab. That is to not say that he is not a good Muslim but he is not a practicing Muslim. He drinks alcohol, smokes hashish, has'nt stepped foot in a mosque in years, he can't recall the last time he prayed 5 times a day, was in a sexual and emotional relationship with a divorced woman with a child for 3 years and took me to dance clubs and theaters quite frequently . He is very image oriented and is very blunt about his woman having to match his standards (when we were out in public in Alex it was mandatory that I wear full makeup). In other words, he's a Dallas Metrosexual! I will look into the Richardson Masjid as well as Al-Amir and the other young Muslim hangouts as soon as I find out what his mother will think of me when I see her in August. As far as studying Islam, this desire has been ongoing since the time i lived in London (2001) and met many Muslims (mostly French Algerians) and they were very kind to me. I've had a very wild, beautiful, confusing, painful and full of wonders lifestyle (i'm 25) that most women would die to have, yet I've still never felt fulfilled. Going to Egypt and observing the good parts of Islamic behavoir brought much needed clarity and pursued me more into converting. However, I still don't think it was enough for me to want to live in Egypt. Will I practice hijab and wear head to toe covering here in America? No i will not. One is because of my job(i work for a fashion magazine) and two i would be losing a part of my personal identity if I did that. I need a certain amount of materialistic goods to feel satisfied, simple as that. Also, one thing that i have learned from dating numerous men is that your partner should appreciate who you are and not try to change your core personality. Again, thank you for your help. Since you live in Dallas, we should meet up. Tell me more about how you met your fiance and all the tribulations of that(the visa process, his family, etc.). Thanks. [QUOTE]Originally posted by Nooralhaq2005: [b] I think I am going to have to agree with most others in this board. I am also from Dallas, and marrying a Egyptian man at the end of this year (I will, however, be living in Egypt). Pardon me, it is just my opinion, but it does seem as if you lack a little bit of a realistic outlook on this entire situation. I respect the fact that you want to convert to Islam, and commend you for the great obstacle you have yet to overcome. It is quite a struggle, just wearing Hijab in Dallas is a Jihad, believe me. I would, however; caution you against making such a leap of faiths for reasons only to please your fieancee and appease your mother in law. You should do it for personal reasons first and if you do it for anybody else, you will never stick to it. It is a life changing decision and should not be entered into lightly. As far as the fashionable aspect of things in Egypt, what things your mother in law might want from you. Look, it doesn't matter. Dallas, as you know, is the height of shopping and restaurants and fine things, especially within the South. Honestly, just between you and me, these things don't matter. If we focus on them they make us shallow and people will begin to wonder WHO we really are (you will begin to question this one day too, espeically as a Muslimah). Do you plan to cover? Do you plan to pray 5 times a day? Do you plan to make Hajj one day? Do you plan to make Zakat? If these are your plans in the future then the things you mentioned about the physical aspect of your concerns are nothing more than superficial. Don't confuse yourself with how you look and who you are. Your husband will want you to be a good person, and BELIEVE ME, you will want nothing less from him (inshallah he is). With regards to your mother in law, just be yourself. If you are good, she will see it. However, if you are superficial and see the physical as opposed to the persons soul (espeically your own) she will know. Women are women and mothers in law are not stupid dependant upon their nationality. She loves her son, with all her heart. He is her pride and joy and she will want nothing less for them than what he deserves. Is he worth it ? Then be that person. Make him happy, show his mother you will love and care for her son, perhaps never as good as she might want or be able to do, but insofar as a wife can. I know of a couple of jewelers within Dallas from overseas, and they do well. If you do decide to bring him there, please implant him quickly and yourself with the Richardson Masjid so he can be near a large Muslim Community. He will need to be around others like himself. He will have a large culture shock, after all, this is not the midwest. He will deal with ugly things here, and it will be an easier transition for him to be around Muslims who know and understand him. Believe me, you will only be able to do so much. In the end, be prepared that he will miss his family tremendeously. Your marriage life with him in Dallas will not what you pictured growing up. He will not go to clubs with you, he will not attend the movies every weekend, going to large functions often where women walk around half clothed might not please him if he is a good Muslim. Over time, as he gets used to America and Dallas, in general, where we have high crime rates and child abudction and molestations daily, he will begin to be vocal. Over time he will not see America as you see it, this bright shining beacon on the hill, he will begin to realize everything has a price and perhaps where he came from and his culture and his own people are better suited for him. Then again, he might adjust very nicely and never have problems, you two might live happily ever after and you stop wearing makeup, doing your hair and covering yourself from head to toe everyday even in the blistering hot Dallas heat of sometimes 110-115 degrres. It's not a joke my friend and it is a lifestyle change. Everything will be, both for you and for him. My suggestion, go slowly. Know him at least a year and a half, talk to him everyday, find out about his heart, how he thinks and let him see the REAL you. If you bring him here and things don't work out, it might be devestating for him. Also, do you realize how difficult it is go get a young Muslim man a visa even for marriage anymore in USA? It's not like a trip to the fair, easy and simple. Dallas has one of the toughest immigration offices in the country and you are looking at YEARS of HOMELAND SECURITY problems and red tape if he is able to come. Naturally, all of these are my own opinions having been born and grown up in the same place you have. If you do decide to change your life for the better, become a Muslimah, do it honestly within your heart. You will never be happier, believe me. One day you will look around at your neighborhood, and the women, and see things you never saw before. Prepare yourself for the blinders to come off and for lots of hard work both within your religion and within your culturally diverse marriage. I wish you the best of luck. Take care. (p.s. this is Nooralhaq, I lost my password, had to open a new user name, Salaam to all)[/b][/QUOTE] [/QB][/QUOTE]
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