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[QUOTE]Originally posted by Nooralhaq2005: [QB] [QUOTE]Originally posted by frienda: [b]Thank you for your information. Many of my American friends have warned me that there is a huge possibility that he might find that America is not suited for him. One of the things my friends have emphasized that he will not appreciate is the fact that women are so liberated and powerful here whereas in Egypt they are still second class in terms of employment and living independently, also he will not like the whole gay scene that is prevalent here. The majority of my friends are gay males and they feel that this will be a huge problem. They don't and including some of my family members want me to continue this relationship because they think that I am dating "down". I personally don't feel that he'll have a difficult time adjusting here. However, I do want him to take a tourist visa so he can come visit me in the fall. This way, he could see this country first before making the committment of leaving his life in Egypt. My boyfriend is very Westernized and none of his female family members practice hijab. That is to not say that he is not a good Muslim but he is not a practicing Muslim. He drinks alcohol, smokes hashish, has'nt stepped foot in a mosque in years, he can't recall the last time he prayed 5 times a day, was in a sexual and emotional relationship with a divorced woman with a child for 3 years and took me to dance clubs and theaters quite frequently . He is very image oriented and is very blunt about his woman having to match his standards (when we were out in public in Alex it was mandatory that I wear full makeup). In other words, he's a Dallas Metrosexual! I will look into the Richardson Masjid as well as Al-Amir and the other young Muslim hangouts as soon as I find out what his mother will think of me when I see her in August. As far as studying Islam, this desire has been ongoing since the time i lived in London (2001) and met many Muslims (mostly French Algerians) and they were very kind to me. I've had a very wild, beautiful, confusing, painful and full of wonders lifestyle (i'm 25) that most women would die to have, yet I've still never felt fulfilled. Going to Egypt and observing the good parts of Islamic behavoir brought much needed clarity and pursued me more into converting. However, I still don't think it was enough for me to want to live in Egypt. Will I practice hijab and wear head to toe covering here in America? No i will not. One is because of my job(i work for a fashion magazine) and two i would be losing a part of my personal identity if I did that. I need a certain amount of materialistic goods to feel satisfied, simple as that. Also, one thing that i have learned from dating numerous men is that your partner should appreciate who you are and not try to change your core personality. Again, thank you for your help. Since you live in Dallas, we should meet up. Tell me more about how you met your fiance and all the tribulations of that(the visa process, his family, etc.). Thanks. [/b][/QUOTE] Frienda, Well after reading your reply I think I see things with you much clearer. I slightly understand the type of lifestyle you prefer and I am familiar with the things you mentioned in a cultural way. The gay scene here in Dallas is downtrodden with many things I don't agree with. However, my agreement with those things is not of concern to you. I wonder, if his family is not 'practicing' Muslims and he does not, why is it necessary for you to fake being Muslim? I say 'fake being Muslim' because that is what you will be doing. Will you say, 'I converted to Islam but did the same things I did before I was Muslim?'. Also, being Muslim is an act, there are too many who claim to be Muslim that don't live that way. Same with Christians, same with any religion. You are young now but we must look ahead, 10, 20, 30 years ahead and think about how much we will change, our tastes, our preferances, our principals and lifestyles. Do you really think marrying an Egyptian man who claims to be Muslim but drinks, smokes hash, sleeps with questionable women and prefers you to wear FULL makeup when you are out together to look the part will still be your desire in 20 years? What happens when you don't look the part anymore? What happens when you have children with this man? What happens if he delves deeper (and more faithfully) into his religion as he ages? I think a deeper issue also is the fact that many men overseas will marry a woman for a visa specifically and believe me this happens OFTEN. Would you not want someone who is honest with his Allah and good to begin with? The stakes seem somehow against you my friend and if I were you and looking into the future, I would be very nervous. It seems to me you are involved in a lifestyle that celebrates many bad things, drugs, alcohol, acts against God. I just fear you care more about what his mother 'thinks' of you (not what you really are) and less about what God thinks of you. How can that be? Also, on that subject, I'm curious why you two want to marry each other? I'm guessing he is handsome, you are pretty. Ok, we have the mutual attraction thing down. Good. But what qualities do you see in a man who likes to show you to other men like meat? What qualities do you see in a man who gets drunk and does drugs? If your family should think anything, they should think this is marrying 'down'. The same for his family. Please don't misunderstand me, I don't mean to disrespect you at all, and forgive me if I did please. It just seems so strange to me the entire thing. I thought I might be able to help you since we are from the same place. But I must admit, like any place else, we are so different. I am looking through the glass at your situation in a religious way and you seem to be looking out of the glass in a much different way. Perhaps as LIFEAGIFT said earlier you are two peas in a pod. Perhaps you are a lot alike and you will both mature and find enlightenment together. That is an optimistic way of looking at. However, I must admit the more realistic way to look at it is simply that this is a relationship (marriage) of convenience and fun and seems to be being taken as a joke, not something serious. There are some things in this life we don't spit on, some things in this life we don't take lightly and marriage is definitely one of those things. We don't spit on marrige. And entering into it for the ability to have and go to clubs and hang out with gay men and get drunk and do drugs and be as far from God as you can just seems like spitting on the institution. I know you must think I am very short sighted, and perhaps I am, but I cannot end without saying this: if you love this man, the best thing you could do for him is to bring him back to his religion. Perhaps his family doesn't practice the way they should, but that isn't a reason to pull him further from the way he was raised to think is normal. If you really loved him, you might encourage him to it more seriously and be honest with himself and God. He would (in the end) find a new love for you not found in any clubs, under any makeup, in any drink or with any other woman. I appreciate your offer to get together to chat, but to be honest with you and myself, I just don't think that would be possible. We are such different people and you would not like what I had to say and most likely I would not like what you have to say. I think you probably have a very good heart and I hope your plans to enter into marriage with this man will be successful. Honestly, with all my heart I hope the best for you both and I also hope you think at least a little about what I have told you openly here today. Take care. [This message has been edited by Nooralhaq2005 (edited 28 May 2005).] [/QB][/QUOTE]
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