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[QUOTE]Originally posted by Haqikah: [QB] [QUOTE]Originally posted by newcomer: [b]Assalamu alaykum Haqikah! Thanks for spotting my message; I thought it might have been buried by all the other ones! I do remember discussing this subject with you before, but it was your comment about polygyny being less acceptable in the educated class unless under strict Islamic guidance, which struck me as it seemed to imply that if it was done under “Islamic guidance” it would be more acceptable, and this was the part I was asking for clarification on. What did you mean about doing it under Islamic guidance? Sorry to labour the point, but I am just trying to understand the practical side of this situation for the 4% of people in Egypt who do practice it (which with the size of the Egyptian population actually amounts to a considerable number of people involved one way and another!) I realize that not all of the attempts will be successful, but some of them are and I am trying to understand, if it is practiced, how it can be done in a more acceptable way. I do know how much it is disliked by most Muslim women and also many of the reasons why they say they dislike/hate it, and I have my own interpretation as to why there are different perceptions about it in different countries, and I am certainly not intending to advocate it for everyone as I know too many people who do not/have not handled it well to do that. Alternatively I do know many families who have handled it well in different countries and, as it is something that is possible under Islamic law, I am interested in hearing positive ideas about how it can work here in Egypt instead of it causing all the heartache it does for many people. [/b][/QUOTE] Wa alaykum as salaam Newcomer Yes we did have this discussion before, and I told you before that it is not accepted in educated classes. Even the men don't want more than one wife in certain social classes, it has already cost him dearly to marry the first one. Most know that they can not afford 2 households, and because of this they will not be able to treat them equally. Equally is the word that you seem to be missing. It will not be fair to the first wife who has enjoyed her home to herself to be forced to share it with another woman, that won't happen. So can he buy the second wife a home furnished just like the first wife and divide his time equally between 2 households and still try to live his own life with his own career? Not really, possible, but rare. Amina has just given the perfect example, she clearly stated that he spent more time with his first wife's kids, so he was not being fair and equitable, he has essentially abused his right to a second wife. With all the time he had for external affairs, and work, and then to find time to be air to both wives, it’s almost impossible, someone will end up feeling neglected, unfortunately. And those against it will typically use surah 4:3 for their argument against it, "If you fear lest you become unfair, then you shall be content with only one, or with what you already have. Additionally, you are thus more likely to avoid financial hardship." The first wife with knowledge of this verse will always argue that this is the reason a second wife should not be taken. I am not in a mood to debate with anyone on how they interpret the verse, but the women I know will always use their understanding of this verse, and so will the men, who are not out to abuse this right. Some men have abused this right, and I don't know many women at all that are advocating pro polygamy because of all the abuse. There may very well be a positive way for it to work, since it has obviously worked for some. Maybe you should ask the ones that you know who are practicing it, as I don't know anyone personally who does and ask them why they do it. I'm not 100% against it, I just hate to see it being abused, and I personally would never desire to share my husband. We can provide charity work together without allowing anyone else to become a legal part of our household. But that's where I stand on the issue. I will not compromise. And anyone trying to advocate for it will find themselves a very small minority amongst the 95% of the women against it. [/QB][/QUOTE]
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