posted
I think that kind of friendship might work if both have moved on or it was a mutual break up but if one still has a feeling, then it becomes unfair relationship on both parties. It makes matter complicated, having clean break up is a must in my opinion. A girl at work once told me she is best mate with her ex, and I asked why they broke up, she told me it was silly stuff but that friendship did not last long, they had very weird friendship as she call it. She was dating someone else, and ”a friend with her ex”
What do you think? Does it work?
Rumicrazieluv Member # 12053
posted
quote:Originally posted by sara_uk: I think that kind of friendship might work if both have moved on or it was a mutual break up but if one still has a feeling, then it becomes unfair relationship on both parties. It makes matter complicated, having clean break up is a must in my opinion. A girl at work once told me she is best mate with her ex, and I asked why they broke up, she told me it was silly stuff but that friendship did not last long, they had very weird friendship as she call it. She was dating someone else, and ”a friend with her ex”
What do you think? Does it work?
That's a hard one. I think it depends on the level of commitment you had- If you had children with your ex than it's probably good that you try to get past everything to become buddies for the kid's sake other than that there was a reason why it didnt work out in the first place so what would be the reason to hold on to the relationship and put it down to a "friend" level. On the other hand I have a friend who has done this repeatedly and remains friends with some of her high school ex's and she's been happily married for 18 yrs....
Who knows, I guess it's just personal and depends on the breakup reasons....
Momma Dukes Member # 14252
posted
not for me. when somebody does me wrong my stinger comes up and i spend countless months on revenge.
i made friends kinda with my ex just to keep it cool for my daughter, but i get his ass conststantly behind his back...calls to the IRS, sued him for support...ya know, ways of repaying him the same courtesy he gave me.
Rashaa Member # 15206
posted
deleted. i changed my mind :')
Pestersome Member # 16016
posted
The guy you end up dating is part of your social circle.
Then he becomes your fiancee. You both meet the parents, neighbors, coworkers, bowling team etc., etc.,
At some point you run out of men to date or marry, and you end up making new friends......
Sooner or later you will have to friends with some of your ex' to keep peace among persons close to you and acquainted with you.
Plus is best to be friends first, and friends afterwards.
Its a sign of emotional strength, health and maturity.
Lady Ferret Member # 15263
posted
In the UK I was with my partner for 11 years. We were the best of friends and we doted on each other.
When we went our seperate ways after much consideration we agreed that friendship was a must. We had too much history to walk away and have nothing. We didn't part on bad terms so it seemed the most mature thing to do.
4 years on, we are still the very best of friends. I cannot imagine my life without this man playing a major part in it. We actually met for drinks just before I left and it was fabulous, we could still chat till he sun came up
And before this is over analysed, discussed to death and broken down again, I man and a woman CAN be just friends. I am mature enough as is he to not even consider crossing that line!!! we are adults! We both know that our friendship is important and we do not over do anything silly to compromise and lose that.
desertgirl Member # 12450
posted
That's nice, LF. But what will happen if he has another gf?? Won't she come in between this friendship?? And... does she have to like you?? Or the other way around; What will the thoughts be of your ex when you marry another guy??
Just questions that pop up in my mind... don't have to answer them .
Friendship with an ex?? No, not for me, thanks. I was the first girl in my husby's life, so he has no ex'es. (we were 17 and 18)
There is always jealously lurking around the corner I think. And somehow, it is human.
Lady Ferret Member # 15263
posted
He has a new partner and we all get on great and although he never met any of the guys I went on to date he was the first person I told about the dates.
I did date a guy who did not like the fact my ex was in my life but I told him it was tough... guys are ten a penny, good friends are like gold dust.
I am by nature not a jealous person...
Rashaa Member # 15206
posted
I agree to a greater extent with desertgirl, but have some friends who think like Lady Ferret.
I personally try to keep an open mind and recognize there are some situations where you have to maintain cordial ties...
But what happens when you do move on, and start to share your life with a new person....and what happens if your 'ex' and this new person just don't get on well? Or your ex doesn't even want to 'go there'..and feels that once things have ended khals?
I don't think people should be enemies..but I do think some things naturally fade with time...and when you both have moved on in your lives...if you can both openly still be friends with each other...and your s.o's are cool with that, then great for you. I don't think it is always possible though.
I wanted to say that men are different than women, but my s.o. kept someone like this..he considered her 'like a sister' - when she met me, she was a real b*tch despite my being nice to her, and well their friendship ended by his own hand, as she was not respectful to him or me in the end.....Obviously she could not accept that he had moved on....and sometimes guys are naive to think that women can think like them... and not have a problem with something...
Lady Ferret Member # 15263
posted
When my ex and I split he had the ferrets so we had no choice but to stay good friends. IT was for the love of the ferrets...
Rashaa Member # 15206
posted
quote:Originally posted by Lady Ferret: When my ex and I split he had the ferrets so we had no choice but to stay good friends. IT was for the love of the ferrets...
Exactly LF. you had mutual pets....and a focal point to the friendship...
Rashaa Member # 15206
posted
quote:Originally posted by Pestersome: The guy you end up dating is part of your social circle.
Then he becomes your fiancee. You both meet the parents, neighbors, coworkers, bowling team etc., etc.,
At some point you run out of men to date or marry, and you end up making new friends......
Sooner or later you will have to friends with some of your ex' to keep peace among persons close to you and acquainted with you.
Plus is best to be friends first, and friends afterwards.
Its a sign of emotional strength, health and maturity.
that is an ideal and more not a norm i think....as why are they ex's to begin with? ok things may not work out, but r u 'being friends' to keep the peace and not have a psycho ex on ur hands, or is there a genuine friendship there?
and i think that perspectives will be different between east and west [my opinion..]
should be an interesting thread at the end if we can discuss it in a civil manner .
Lady Ferret Member # 15263
posted
quote:Originally posted by Rashaa:
quote:Originally posted by Lady Ferret: When my ex and I split he had the ferrets so we had no choice but to stay good friends. IT was for the love of the ferrets...
Exactly LF. you had mutual pets....and a focal point to the friendship...
I was actually just making light He did have the ferrets and 2 of the 4 dogs but we actually stayed friends as we really do just get on well and like each other
We stayed friends as we never actually 'fell out'. We never argued or split because of a bad reason. We had a fabulous relationship but we wanted different things in life so before it got rocky and our friendship was compromised we mutually agreed to just go our seperate ways. I think if I had lost my partner and my best friend I would have been distraught...
Our promise to each other was we will always be there for each other. I am pretty lucky I guess as he is a true friend.
I guess some people would fall back into a relationship or become jealous but I am on a different continent and that ship has sailed
Pestersome Member # 16016
posted
quote:Originally posted by Rashaa:
quote:Originally posted by Pestersome: The guy you end up dating is part of your social circle.
Then he becomes your fiancee. You both meet the parents, neighbors, coworkers, bowling team etc., etc.,
At some point you run out of men to date or marry, and you end up making new friends......
Sooner or later you will have to friends with some of your ex' to keep peace among persons close to you and acquainted with you.
Plus is best to be friends first, and friends afterwards.
Its a sign of emotional strength, health and maturity.
that is an ideal and more not a norm i think....as why are they ex's to begin with? ok things may not work out, but r u 'being friends' to keep the peace and not have a psycho ex on ur hands, or is there a genuine friendship there?
and i think that perspectives will be different between east and west [my opinion..]
should be an interesting thread at the end if we can discuss it in a civil manner .
Civil manner requires that all parties behave as stable adults.
Anyhow what do you find ideal in my post, how the couple starts dating or how they remain friends afterwards?
I've always found it disguisting how a group of friends take sides in a break up. In a divorce, while not contested in court proceedings, one person in the couple gets to keep the friends and the other is the pariah.
At work a employee just divorced with an ex to grind often finds scapegoat for their fustrations. I've seen CPAs reduce the accounting assistant to tears daily. At first people blame the scapegoat over time it becomes apparent what is really going on, and people don't want to admit to a bias or being wrong.
There was a time that high school/college friends would remain hard and fast friends for life. Breakups and divorces has put an end to that tradition.
But I do see more adults remaining friends after a breakup so that trend may reverse.
sara_uk Member # 11454
posted
I think it always depend on the situation, if like LF, they both agreed on the break up then it would work. I decided to have a friendship with my first ex but that did not last long, we agreed to part forever, I was glad I had no ties with him, as it would have been very painful experience to deal with him ever again.
Ayisha Member # 4713
posted
I am friends with my ex but we were together 21 years and had kids. I make a point of seeing him when im in UK and text him on his birthday....although I forgot this year and just missed it .
Before I moved here he gave me his wishes and said 'if it all turns tits up you have a place here, as friends' which I thought was nice
young at heart Member # 10365
posted
My split was very acrimonious, but stupidly I thought we could over time be civil and be friends. He still can't accept after all this time that it's over and refuses to move on in his life, still blames everyone else for our break up instead of accepting that his bad behaviour was to blame . At least there was no children involved.
Pestersome Member # 16016
posted
Heck the vendor I was working for held back 2 months of paychecks and then declared bankruptacy. I will take months maybe years to get my pay.
Luckily an in house vendor hired me and I have been working the same job different building untill the union hags decide to strike.
During that time my ex paid my cell phone, food and pet supplies during this time. Because I am unable to receive unemployment insurance he has also promised to help when or if I am between jobs.
He has been wonderful during the last several months because he works in the same building with the union hags and understands what I am going through.
We won't marry again but we understand we must work together.
sherribaby Member # 15378
posted
Ayisha - how lovely to read your post. Same for me with my ex for a long time. However, I am still struggling to remain friends with my ex. I think it is important because of the kids, but until he moves on and accepts we are over, friendship is very difficult. I remain hopeful this will happen in the future. I believe when both parties have accepted the relationship as it was is finished, then friendship can again return for both.
posted ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
We actually met for drinks just before I left and it was fabulous, we could still chat till he sun came up ![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
. At least there was no children involved.